in the circle game

Well, I didn't get the kitchen even washed down or stripped. I checked in with the Sis, she is coming to get the trim sorted out in the bedroom today but will be missing for our study group tonight. She will get to see the place almost clean as I finished the pantry, found most of the floor in the kitchen, did two loads of wash (yay!), contact papered the top of the washer and touched up the bathroom and pantry doors. I swept and mopped so the place looks almost like a real house for tonight.

It was quiet as I did "normal" chores and walked through each mostly tidy room putting things up or out on the poor, misused porch. I got a little taste of what it will be like when it's done and the people are doing their own thing again and I will be alone here. It was peaceful and pleasing. Except for the "Where do I put the desk" conumdrum I have things where I want them and they are mellow, interesting and easy feeling. I think it's going to be prime.

I will have plenty of things to do still for awhile. I want to hand stitch a denim/flannel quilt, get the photos framed and on the walls of family, recover the dining room chairs, shorten the table a few inches, color strip and iron the curtains, at least in the dining room, tat, bead and macrame gifts for christmas, try some tatted earrings on ebay and start doing ebay again. I still have websites to update, too.

I won't be sitting around moping. With the Saturday "dinner and a movie" for a few friends at a time and one designated "visiting night " for seeing friends along with the bible study I will stay plenty busy. Add in Lions on Sundays and I will probably be wondering how I found the time to rip the house up and put it together again. And when do I work on my music?

I was pretty tired I guess. I sat down to catch Tim the Toolman on Leno and fell asleep before the next guest. I woke about one thirty, put on the coffee, gave the animals an outside, let them in again and went to bed.

I woke to discover that while we were playing with the electricity that my alarms had reset to midnight. I had plenty of time to check the email and get to work but did reset the alarms. Tonight I am just fixing dinner and cleaning it up, no chores, no painting, just study session. I need the break.

Wednesdy it's on to the kitchen; sorting, boxing, spackling, cleaning; and by Thursday I hope to be painting. I want the downstairs done. With a final run through with the machine and an old fashioned scrub and scrap of the tile floors I should be able to wind it up by Saturday night.

Keep your fingerts crossed fom me. My posts might even go back to the things I am thinking about instead of the ones I am doing.

---

It's Halloween again.

For Janet - I believe in ghost, spirits, souls, haunts - whatever you want to call them. I am offering one of last year's posts as it is my favorite. This year's stories are still too new to share. Boo to all of you! Happy Halloween!

And we go round and round and round

in the circle game of trying to post on blogger. I skipped a few things, like taking biker bobble head dolls to some friends of mine on our way home Saturday and the 220 for the washer throwing off sparks when we went to set it back up and The Kid bravely opening the box to move a wire over that was too close to another before I had the power off to it and The Best Girl touch up painting and contact papering the window in the bath area.

Most of all I forgot to gripe about Blogger! I had a post that said it didn't go through and didn't show on the blog. I reposted it, no go, and again, it not only went but went three times. I tried deleting it, nope, I deleted all three it said I had posted, still there. Finally I got it gone today and reposted, just once.

I have not been able to comment at anyone's blog and have emails saying the same here. So it's not just you, Blogger is on the fritz again. If you want to add something here and can't please just drop me an email, thanks!

You just call out my name

and POOF!, the lights are on!

Saturday the Best Girl showed up bearing pizza for brunch in my favorite flavor. I had a piece with my coffee and then we left for town. I had a list this time. I love taking Best Girl as she knows how to shop and seems to enjoy it.

We hit one store and got everything from the expando foam to the sticky tabs I wanted for hanging small stuff. It took about two hours. The list helped but we kept finding cool stuff. I did get a new light for the ceiling in the kitchen that wasn't on the list and some storage tubs for sorting the attic. I looked atlamp shades but didn't see the size I needed. We found all the trim we needed for the floor in the panty and to build the barnwood bookcase in the living room. (coming soon) I didn't even forget the new caulk gun or the plaster.

I wanted to get some boxes so we stopped by the good will and a grocery store. I found a few books in the good will, two for me and one for the girl but nothing else. The store was almost out of boxes so I grabbed two, jumped in the truck and ran for the house.

I got in a hurry because we'd "been too long at the fair". Just before Tiny Town I got pulled over. He was going the other way but I was speeding, yup. He U-turned, I pulled over and he walked to my window. I had the proof and registration out and I confessed to my crime. I was trying to get home before my floor guy but I was late. For only the second time in my life I got off with a warning! Yay, cause he had me cold. I thanked the nice man and backed out of it. We got home and unloaded the poor truck. I had a 4 x 8' piece of plywood over everything to put cabinet floors in the kitchen. It had to go in the garage, the porch is too full of stuff for even that.

The rest we got in and put away then started doing piddly stuff. Until the floors were down we couldn't go much further. The Kid was supposed to be at the house to lay the floors the rest of the way Sunday. We did lots of the little stuff that puts a house back together. I foamed the gaps in the patio/basement wall and around the air conditioner. Best Girl helped with that and changing out the water filter. Stuff like that.

You might remember that the delivery guys broke my fan upstairs. I got some knocked off the bill for it. The Kid got me a replacement when he picked up the subfloor. I opened it with every intention of assembling it myself. Now I know we all whine about small print on products and medicine but I have never run into it on assembly instructions before. The wiring diagram was pitiful and puny. I would have needed a microscope to read it. Electricity is not my forte' anyway. The Bro2 was going to do it but is not a pro, just a good hand at it. There was still some carpentry for him to help with later.

I made some phone calls to check up on people and decided to see if I could get my friend, Big Buddy, to come do the lights. Wow, he not only said yes but he will do the next day!

I cleared some ideas with the sis and then got to work with Best Girl. The girl started painting trim and I started spackling and threw together some dinner for us. We had gotten some mouse traps she recommended and she set them for me, too. She headed home and I kept on digging down to the counters and the dining room table like I have done everynight since the fiasco began. I hate to wake with nowhere to have my coffee and chores staring at me.

Sunday the girl was there bright and early. The Kid got there around one thirty and we put the Nascar station on as the Lions had a by week. Come to find out Buddy is a Nascar nut, too. It worked to keep them happy and we got a lot done.The Big Buddy was due at 2:30 or three. I wanted the covers off the living room and the tables dusted. The Best Girl did that for me while I measured for the next cut. Things were rolling along.

Big Buddy got there when he said he would. The living room was on display. Last time he had been there was when he and his wife hit us on a Tuesday with a billow of dust floating over very thing. He walked in the door and actually said "Wow! You have really gotten a lot done. This is great!" and made my day. He whizzed through changing out the kitchen light fixture, a four foot flouresent, except for the blown in insulation falling into his face from the attic! I handed him the duct tape and he blocked it off. Yay! Another dirty route sealed.

In the bedroom he installed the new fan after assembling it while he watched the race. It gave him a poke like it did me. He decided it's the switch and will be coming by with a box to fix the problem later this week, bless his heart.

He and The Kid put the new ring on the toilet while the kid put the last of the vinyl down under it. The Best Girl threw the pizza in I had for them but Buddy left and we couldn't meet The Kid's OCD standards so just she and I ate. I think she was a little annoyed at him. Then all of us, with the floors in, got the closet doors on, washer and dryer back up hooked up in the neatly trimmed pantry. We took a break and The Kid picked up my guitar. We started messing around and I got out the amp and mics in the bedroom. The Best Girl was beat and I still think a little put out. She headed for home after asking if we were going to do anything else. I told her no way, get some rest! She had also loaded my truck with computers for the sister's mate to fix and donate out to kids that need them. I have to get them over there tonight.

We dicked around on the guitars and I sang one for him. It was only thirty minutes or so. Then I started showing him how the piano is all numbers and math and he showed me how he figured out how to do the times tables. It was nice to just visit for a minute.

After he left I I got the quarter round on the cabinet to finish it out. I put some contact paper, also a nice but darker marble pattern, on the dryer where the old cat's food bowl sits. Then I did the back walls of the shelf in the cabinet and cut some of the extra flooring to fit the shelf. I was going to do the lid of the washer, too but started staggering. I looked at the clock and realized we had fallen back and I had fallen down on getting to bed at a reasonable hour. I made coffee and called it a night. I was whipped but we were just about down to the kitchen, just some floor trim to get in tonight and we can empty that room out.

This morning I got the last piece of trim on the pantry and spackled the joints so I can do the last touch up in there and the bath when I get home. Just a few spots need a second coat or got smucked when we were moving stuff around.

It's looking like the end of the week will see it all done. If I go wild, the kitchen might even get painted tonight and be done for Halloween like I wanted except for the cabinet repairs and such. I am blessed to have such good friends. The Big Buddy solved another problem for me, too, on the upstairs 20 foot stairwell! Now I'm ready to roll right up there! All rooms done, all stuff sorted, out of here or stored neatly by Thanksgiving! Go Team!

I'll be there

The sis painted the kitchen ceiling yesterday while I was still at work. When I got in from getting special groceries for The Kid it gleamed in over the dull walls like ice on a sunny day. Ew. Now I HAVE to finish, LOL!

Six thirty, no Kid. I called his place but no one knew where he was for sure. I finally got hold of him around eight. He got side tracked and wasn't coming. Now I was annoyed and hurt. I took it personal and probably shouldn't have. Then every other sentence was a dig at him about it. Harping. I had harping on a topic. I hated when mom did it when I was a kid and I hate it worse in me. So I worked out an alternate time with him for today and told him I had to go because I was just going to keep harping on it as I was offended but that I would get over it.

In between calls to his place I kept mixing the new paint with white to calm it down and lighten it up. Then some of the pink to give it a little red. Then some brown to richen it. Then more white.... Humbug. I finally got something like coco or chocolate milk that I can live with easier than the pink that the "tan" dried to and just hollered at myself to quit messing with it and get it done! I tried it several times near previous attempts and the cabinet looked like crap.

I took a break and called KMA. We yacked awhile and I agreed to call her back for my next break to share a drink over the phone. We were talking about our sleep problems. I have decided mine is because I no longer have the mate to initiate shut down. I am going to have to set a time and start closing up shop with a half hour for tea or cocoa or TV or reading to get my head off today and out of tomorrow enough to rest now. I was telling her about it and she agreed that could be part of her problem, too. We got off the phone and I got back to painting and got the whole thing done.

I guess I have been remiss in description here. This is a cabinet from the original construction of the house, I think. It is made of oak under all the layers of paint on it. The last color was "country blue" and we just left it when we moved in. It has the double grooves between inch and a half flat board pattern common to old cabinets. At the ceiling are three short doors, about a foot tall, then there are three full size doors with two shelves which top an inset shelf. Under the shelf are three drawers, known here as junk drawers although I have been getting them cleaned out and organized as I go. Below the drawers are three more full sized doors with two shelfs. There is a funky triangle shaped piece to the left with a hinged lid for storage that ends at the bathroom door. The whole thing is eight feet tall and that wide at the bottom, about 5.5 feet across above the storage compartment, now known as the toy box. The grooves are a pain in the butt to cut in and fill, the old paint is a mile thick and getting the new paint to stay on has meant sanding after washing and sanding again for the new color. I love the storage space but hope to never paint it again as long as I am here!

The new colored has dried to a dark kakie or damp driftwood brown. I guess I can live with it. Today I am off to get the floor trim for the pantry and some quarter round for trimming the edges of the cabinet where it joins the wallpaper. I have to paint the floorboards and touch up some of the white I got sloppy on and as soon as The Kid gets the floor glued down I can slap the trim in and have my washer and dryer back.

I got back on the phone with KMA and a cup of coffee with Baily's in it. I love that! We talked some more and then wound up so I could get to bed. I made coffee, swore at the mouse, fat little bugger, that ran across the floor and made me jump then headed for the bed. It was nice to be able to just get in it and not have to rebuild it first.

I think I rested fairly well but I forgot to turn off the alarms so got woken around seven, put the animals out and crashed for another hour and a half.

Now it's get dressed and get to the store on a rainy day for a couple cans of expanding foam, the floor trim and maybe a second rug for the porch so we don't track in so much. I hate having the porch so crowded that I can't even walk through it.

My "What an idiot I am" moment for the day was when I ran to the store around eight to get the mail before they closed. Our regular lady hasn't been there in awhile but I had figured she was vacating or just switched shifts around to break the routine.... She was on her bike last week, coming into a corner where she had the right of way and a car pulled out in front of her. She took out a passenger window with her elbow and went flying. The asshole that hit her left the scene and left her laying there. One of the neighbors spotted her and took her to the hospital before the EMT's or Fire Dept could be notified.

She took a pretty rough landing and is bruised and sore but functioning. At a year older than me she is not so quick to heal anymore and has been off for ten days. I felt so stupid, no one told me.

See, the mate always got the mail as he was home first and liked to do that. Getting the mail was as bad as coming home to nobody somedays, it still is really. I hate getting the mail as it means the mate didn't and then I know he never will again and I will always have to get the mail and I get all depressed, way out of proportion to the cause. I get the mail with my happy face pasted on and tears in my eyes which are watching my feet most of the time. With his birthday and such it has been really rough.

I just never realized how many days I hadn't seen her and I didn't stay long enough to chat and find out she had been hurt. She is my friend, not just the store lady. I feel so useless and really stupid. I haven't figured out what to do about it. It's way to late for a card or anything now that she is hobbling around the store again.

Got any ideas, people?

People are strange

Last night was a little strange. Work was strange, too. It was payday but the boss had a problem with payroll and checks never got there until almost 2:30. The guys were a little tense but I was down right concerned. This guy bounced one check on me and, with things so slow, I got right out the door and down to the bank as soon as it was handed to me. I can't scare up an order any where right now and I don't know why not.

I left early as the fun money is gone and I had to get the deposit in to pay bills with this week. I might need some groceries, too, I don't know. I couldn't hardly keep my eyes open to drive to the bank. I was freaked enough to decide to stop and eat and get some coffee before I went on home. I hit the nice new eatery in Little Town. The nice older woman at the door greeted me with, "Hello, are you by yourself?"

Couldn't help it - I looked over both shoulders and then turned all the way around looking up and down, for tall and short people than answered, "It looks like it to me."

It put her off. I think they are trying to be classy or something. Instead of seating me she asked "Smoking or non smoking?" so I raised my lit and smoking cigarette and she said, pointing, "You can sit anywhere over there or at the bar."

I chose "over there" and a booth, ordered coffee, water and milk on the side then read the menu. I picked pretty quickly, for me, got my order in and started swilling down the java. I may just have needed the food because I felt better after I ate.

I was going to Thinks its a Big City to shop but I went home thinking I might need a nap. But nope, I was awake NOW! It was about six. I got the door frame nailed back up in the pantry and started to do something else when I was over come by how wrong the color on the cabinet itself was. It was supposed to be light tan but dried to a crap pink, almost the color of the frame around this typing area in blogger. I had to get a better color paint!

I called the sis to see what she was doing but she was tired and busy so wasn't up for the ride to town. I took off on my own. I hit a different W store and got all pissy because it's five miles from one and to the other and the stuff I needed was at both ends. I finally just left without half the list because I was too worn out to walk that far.

The new "bed in a bag" I had gotten with the slippery sheets didn't fit the new, extra deep mattress I had so I decided to get bigger sheets and keep the dust ruffle, shams and coverlet but use the sheets upstairs on the new, full size bed. I found a rug for the pantry by the back door and managed to find a sheer that almost matched it for the window in the door there. I got a paint I though would work and headed out the door when the person I asked told me the other stuff on my list was WWAAAYYY over there.

I wanted to run by the nephew's but needed gas and thought I would get smokes as long as I was where they were cheap. My niece in law was the girl behind the counter. That was a surprise. She and the nephew are breaking up but I hadn't heard anything from her in several months. I did think it was strange I saw her on the way to his place.

When I went in to pay she asked me how I was and I slapped my face then told her that was for the first answer and said I was functioning within normal parameters. The first answer was, "Better than you!" There is some stuff going on there I had just learned from the sis when I called her before I left that I can't discuss here, it's not my story.

I will say that when you toss a relationship with a man that loves you, loves your child, pays the bills first and then parties and has never hurt you or even raised a hand to you I gotta wonder what your standards are for a partner. I think it was "boring" being married and taking care of a child for her. I hope she does better next time around. I even have some career ideas for her. I just paid and left last night though as I didn't want to tell her where I was headed.

When I did get there they were all asleep so I just snuck in and left the stuff I brought for him and went on home.

I broke out the new paint and tried it in two spots to see how it looked dry then put the new sheets on the bed and the rubber rug stopper I picked up went under the mattress to keep it from sliding around. That was fun on my own. I folded up the other sheets and pillow cases, dropped them on the steps for the next trip up and got around for bed.

I rested much better last night but was still up and down too much. I think I will have to try the machine this weekend. I have a CPAP but with my allergies I can't always use it.

The Kid is coming tonight to finish the floors and the sis was after the kitchen ceiling with paint today when she called me. One more room, a few finishing touches like recovering the dining room chairs and we are done down stairs. Wow, almost before Halloween! How cool is that?

Then it's the monster hallway and the two upstairs rooms. Then the poor old buried porch and it will all be done before winter really hits. I can see the end of the road and it looks sweet!

Catch you all Monday!

Here in my deep purple dreams

Last night I went home and the Best Girl had cleared the tub of the floor boards and sawdust and such we had been using it for then CLEANED it! All so I could have a bath instead of a PTA. How sweet is that?

The goal was to hang the wallpaper in the pantry/laudry/mud room. We got it. It took two double rolls and part of a third, most of a bucket of paste and a lot of being sillly, but it's done. The paper we are using is left over from the first time we did this ten years ago. It was an expensive, woven cloth/string paper in bleached linen-ish colors. I got it on sale. I really liked it a lot but after ten years of dust and smoke it looked more like a dirt road on a fall day and was nasty with nicotine. I had to vacuum my walls and even that didn't work forever, forget trying to wash it. But there is limited exposure to dirt in that room so I am hoping it makes it ten years again in better shape. The worst problem will be the animal hair as that is also where the dog is fed along with the cat food on the dryer.

BG and I got all the big pieces hung by about nine with a break to eat and I sent her for home to get some sleep. I think she is starting to look a little ragged. She has been here a lot and it's a 25 mile round trip every time. I finished up piecing in over doors and small strips about ten thirty. I dragged in the board I needed for the door frame in that room and got two coats of paint on it while I cleaned up the mess we made with the paste.

I took a reading break and then headed for the shower. It was hot, NON leaking! and needed. I got my jams on and crawled into the new bed with a book. I turned off the light, blocked the numbers on the clock with the book, rolled over on the nice sheets and headed to dream land. I woke freezing. These are some smooth and slippery sheets! The blankets and the top sheet were all sideways and laying on the floor! It was about three I guess. I flipped on the light, reasembled the bed and crawled back in, noting the dog was on her padded rug, as planned.

I did it all over again at five and woke again at six. Never did get to dreamland. I must have been having a rowdy night or something. I am not very rested. Today is payday and I will get sheets that really fit the bed and are not quite so elegant and slippery. I hope to sleep better tonight and these can go on the spare bed upstairs. I have to go to the bank anyway so may as well pick up a few things.

You were all pretty absent on yesterday's comments, readers. I am not neither nuts, all you silent people on the last post! LOL, just saying. So speak your piece. Even if I am wrong and going quietly crazy I won't get mad if you point it out to me.

On the mists of a memory, you wander back to me

I slept in a bed last night. It was a combination of new mattress and old box springs that doesn't quite work as they seem to have thought up a new size but I don't care. Some non-skid liner and I am back in business.

I have to thank The Kid and The Sis. Before I got home they had most of the new linolinium laid, the frames painted on the bedroom windows, and were going to town in the bathroom with the new floor. It is a tricky layout but looks great. There was one three inch triangle by the edge of a door to be patched and one seam to be joined in the bedroom, the rest is all one piece and it all LOOKS like one piece.

Once again I ran to the store then nascar-ed (my new word of the day, drove really fast and felt like I was going in circles, LOL!) for home to get dinner on for the study group and my helpers. I had made up a meatloaf the day before, when I couldn't tell you, and had to wash, knife and wrap in foil potatoes for baking then heat a veggie. First I had to unload the car, put food away, admire the flooring, feed the animals and make me a cup of coffee.

I was cooking for five so it was easy for me. I had the Mom use the new dishes and set the table while I finished up the few dishes I used and washed the knives so we would have them to eat with. (I run a butter knife through each potatoe to make them cook faster and more evenly) I gave the workers a four minute warning, ran to the garage to find bolts for the head board, called to the Shy Girl to go on in the front if it was open, failed to find what I needed and went back in to call them all to the table.

I wondered how it was to only see what was happening on a Tuesday as I greeted Shy Girl. She gets these crowds of people, piles of stuff, clouds of dust and smiles through it all. We even manage to study, most weeks. We must seem pretty crazy to her.

We sat to the table with Sis and The Kid acting up, as per their usual M.O. When my brother died at 12 from trying to beat a truck at an intersection Mom was lost. As she looked for good things to do with his stuff The Kid's family burned out and came to stay with us for awhile. She gave him and his older brother The Boy's clothes. She also became hooked on The Kid, so much so that when he was older and needed a place she filed foster parent papers. Thus, I had a spare brother, actually several over the years and a few sisters that are still in and out sometimes.

The Sis was just a couple years older than the kid and they really hit it off. They both delight in cracking wise and making people wonder if they are nuts or they should call a cop. While I play too, I tend to "drop the anvil" while they are "tickling funny bones". We all enjoy it. I did have to mention that if my hot coffee got spilled The Kid would get hurt. He claimed she started it, as he pushed at her again and I told him I found it easiest just to make him responsible for my coffee and kill him, he could keep her under control. It was a lot funnier if you were there. Mom was after both of them to straighten up and Shy Girl was cracking up and that set them off again. I just ate my dinner and laughed on the inside.

We cleared up, had coffee and then The Kid went to finish up while we studied. Things settled down a little but then we got into why Jesus was groaning about Lazarus and his sisters. The cometary we are using said it was to show he could grieve and hurt like a human. Mom went with that, I said it was frustration, not grief. He knew there was no reason to grieve, even if the guy was dead, and was annoyed that they still didn't trust him to take care of them and do right by them. Even the disciples that he had TOLD that they lagged in town so he could show them the power he had didn't get it. He must have felt like he was better off talking to the donkey.

(Note to self - you don't trust him to take care of and do right by you, either. If you trusted him to do that and then just SHOW people how he takes care of you and do right by them by loving them, doing for them and taking care of them (for him) he covers your bases and has your back. Think on it.)

We got into it about Judas, too. Whether he was a thief or that was someone's opinion of him and he was just a treacherous, greedy guy. It was a good session. We wrapped it up and the Mom admired the bedding and curtains we were throwing up in the bedroom before she left. The Sis busted but to get me in a bed again. I so appreciated it. I have slept too little as it is and to not be quite comfortable has been rough on the old body. I even took a piece of carpet pad and put it under a rug for the black dog, she liked that!

I think, when I can finally run through the place with the machine, clean up all the dust we keep making with sanding and scraping and such, then wash the windows and mirrors again, damp mop the floors and get the stuff off the end tables, that my allergies will be less annoying, too. That was the point of the new flooring, to lose the carpets and get easy wash size rugs to toss around. I am already convinced that there is less dust than before we started of "normal" dust.

So the floor is "relaxing" today and I am scooting home to meet Best Girl and hang wallpaper. I have to get some paste and some correct size bedding, cuss it, I really liked what I had but it will work on the upstairs beds so, oh well! I will just have to pick again.

But this morning, I woke at six and decided I needed the rest so I went back to my new, soft, comfy, bouncy, soft sheeted bed. I dreamed the mate was lying at eye level beside me, on his side facing me with one arm under his ear and sort of up along side his head as I drove toward home down a familiar highway. Now that was a weird scene. It was like he was lying on the bed beside me and I was dreaming I was in the car/truck or whatever. He opened his eyes and I told him how thrilled I was to see him and leaned over to kiss him. I jumped back in surprise! "That was a real kiss!" I told him. I hadn't expected to feel lips and have them respond to mine. I knew he was dead so that was a ghost of him, I might have even realized I was dreaming, I was so shocked.

"I'm really tired from this", he answered me, as his eyes drifted closed. I felt like he meant making himself visible to me. I worry that it was hanging around here to keep an eye on me and he wants a break to get the rest of the way "Home". I am thinking on that, too.

"Just give me one more kiss and then you head home, I'll be there soon" I offered. I didn't want him all worn out and he's cranky when he is tired. He opened his eyes and puckered up and I got another "feels real" kiss from him and then POOF!, he was gone and Iwas driving on down the road alone again and I woke up. But I remembered the dream, the first in weeks I have had recall on. It was the first night in a new bed and I had thought as I climbed in how weird it felt to sleep in it without him.

Call it what you will, after a weekend of no white dog and too much work and a Monday comedy of errors and the constant torn up state of my home it was such a comfort to me to have a few words and two kisses from the mate that I am almost happy today. Dream or no dream - I had a few precious moments believing I was with him. I can't tell you how much that means to me. I keep thinking I am moving forward and doing well with rebuilding a life without him and even just that much of not even real contact truely comforted my sore heart.

I really need to get a live man to hang out with, I might be getting a little strange here. It bothers me that I forgot to ask him about Buck. Geeze!

What am I doing hangin' 'round?

Wow, what a flying weekend! First Buck went on me and then we ripped the house to shreds again.

The Kid and his Kid were supposed to be early on Sunday, I was up at six waiting for them. They got there after ten. We sparred a little over their definition of early and they started ripping out carpet and scrapping off glue. The boy of Kid works well. They left me with clean up and misc. nails to pound in. That meant I wasn't hanging wall paper or painting, darn it. But I got it done.

They were gone by one because we are Lions watchers and they are Nascar nuts. Best Girl and Grand2 were over for the game. We did a little before it started but they knocked off for the kick off and I waved good bye to the Kid and helper. I got to watch parts of the game but I was painting the second coat on the pantry and the window in the bathroom between plays. You can see I left the bag off the dog. I really think they are improving and that a few of those penalties were undeserved. Not to mention the pass interference and holding calls that were NOT made on the other team. Grand2 slept through the game after the first score by the other team.

BG put in Serenity and watched what she missed falling asleep the other night. Grand2 slept through that, too. I watched the end with her. I was getting beat by then. I had been digging out the kitchen and washing rags of their paint so we could use them the next day. We did like one chore and I sent her on her way as she has been killing herself out here with me and had to work in the morning.

When the guys brought the furniture and linolinium on Monday they knocked out a globe on the ceiling fan upstairs and laid the light fixture itself over sideways. Glass everywhere and in the new flip down bed storage area, darn it! I got it knocked off the bill. I sent back the box springs I didn't order, too, and got that money back. I had them look at the area by the door where the edge of the carpet was frayed and they just tucked it back in. It's not sealed under rubber joint cover, so I am not happy yet.

The many times may she be blessed Sis, came over and worked with The Kid about one yesterday. They got the sub floor down, the ceiling in the bedroom done and we got the closet doors figured out so they will work right when we reassemble the room. I fed them grilled ham and cheese and chips and wished I had more for them. The sis had to scoot but The Kid stayed to watch his show before he left for home. I had someone, for a minute, to talk with about the pretend world of TV, tell me the plot while I petted the dog and cat and just sat in my new furniture for about the fourth time. It was nice. He rolled on down the road with another load of stuff and reminded me to keep my feet out of the mud on the floors.

The bed for my room is half in the living room AND half upstairs, I have one little dresser left and it's in the dining room, my personal care stuff is all over the counters and the table in the dining room is buried under the "some assembly required" replacement ceiling fan and light. Guitars are hidden out of the way everywhere in the living room. The end tables are buried under stacks of stuff.

Newly sealed seams of gray goo line the nailed edges of the new subfloor The Kid is putting in for me and once last night I had to erase a cat print from one area. We have cut in, cut out, cut up and cut down edges, boards, trim, paint, windows and climbed up and down the step stool. It's a true mad house and I am half nuts with it. I blew the breaker with a terrific POP when I hit both wires from the ceiling with the new cover for the new lamp, trying to size it. I had to go find that in the basement, which was on the same breaker! Flashlight! When I think I still have the kitchen and two rooms upstairs to go I freak, so I am NOT thinking about it. NOT, hear me!

Its a true disaster area and I have to go home to it but maybe tonight we can shove most of it back in the bed room. And it's bible study night. Yay?

Lead me home

Friday, when Best Girl and Grand2 came over, Buck did not even leave his house to greet them. She had to go in and help him off his couch, his legs were not working well and he looked pitiful. After they were inside she could not get him to eat or drink.

I came home, got the report, looked at the dog, looked at the work needing done and left the girl and grand there while I took Buck to the vet for the last time. I had to keep a hand on him for the curves and corners to keep him on the seat again. I told him I knew he was old and tired and I would make sure he didn't have to do winter ever again.

I know I said I do the meds again but the poor dog looked so miserable and then the doc told me it appeared to be liver disease and would not get better or be cured. I had to think hard. Pills could hold him here but he would not be himself on steroids all the time. I weighed him and he was two pounds lighter than the first time ten days ago - even though we had fed him every thing he asked for and more and thought we were getting weight back on him. I had an internal debate with the mate, who I know misses us still and I made my decision.

The doc gave Buck a sleeping dose and it knocked him out quickly. I got down, right in his face after I got his head out of my arm pit, where he always hid from the doc. I talked to him like it was our normal bedtime and the mate was there. I reminded him Dadguy always said goodnight Bucky, I love you and that I would say the same and then we would tell each other we love you and I would say sweet dreams and by the time I got to sweet dreams he was just barely breathing even though the med was just a sleeping dose. I left him there and sent him to be cremated, like his "owner" wished.

I drove home and Shadow was upset that Buck was not with me but I could only tell her, you're the guard dog now, girl. Best Girl and I were whipped. I decided we would make a run to town, pick up some stuff at the store, eat out and then pick up my truck from the repair shop two towns over. She was up for that so we jumped in little red and went.

We talked about Buck being with the mate and how happy they would be to be together again. I was glad the mate had a friend to share the wait with now. Then we got talking about all our animals from the last twenty years and decided the mate had his own animal house up there. He has all his childhood pets, the dog he owned when we first met, his first kitten he brought home to our new place, there are so many, I won't list them all. It amused us and comforted us.

At home again we put away our purchases, got a little painting and spackling done and called it a night. She took the love seat because she crashed watching a movie and I went to bed.

Saturday I had to call around and tell the kids that Buck was dead. The Mom, The Kid and his kid with his wife and three kids showed up. Best Girl and I took a break to visit. I thought The Kid was just here to check out the floors he would be installing for me...nope! Right in the room we were painting in they started tearing up linolinium and such. They got two rooms mostly done before they left. I have to empty my bedroom before they can take the carpet out of there today. And hang wall paper. And paint a door or two. or three. So I will be busy.

I just wanted to say I miss my mate's good dog. He did all his tricks to hand signals I taught him. He came when he was called. He greeted me cheerfully every sad time I came home to no mate - even though he knew pets were few and far between. He loved the kids and the grands and the Mom and the Sis and my friends and never harmed any child or animal. The last thing I said to him was that he was the very best dog the mate ever had, he was my very good dog and he would be with the Dadguy in a few minutes, sweet dreams Bucky.

I am very sad today but I have to get over it because the flooring and last of the furniture comes tomorrow morning. So I am stuffing my tears away with the rest of the tears I don't shed for the mate and getting back to work. Pet your animal friends for me today. I am going to go brush Shadow before I brush on anymore paint.

Remember Me

King William's Bucky - AKC Registered Boxer
August 1995 - October 20th, 2006

In a world where children are injured in wars
and sleep hungry, exposed to the sky;
where dinosaurs roamed and
men walked on the moon;
and almost extinct are the tigers and loons;
where buffalo no longer roam;
but people do, without warm homes;
and few truely believe in God -
what is the loss of one dog?

What is the measure of a soul's worth on our earth?
That it created wealth or left behind wise words?
Or perhaps it's the buildings or medicine it made,
that it planted a tree to leave us some shade?
Maybe it only kneeled and prayed.
I know that if God sits in a haven above
that the worth of a soul is measured by love.
Measured by all the love given and shared,
a dog's soul must shine more brightly up there
than mine ever will, as I am human and thus
only can love those that I learn to trust.

My dog reached to each one that stepped in his path
for pets, or treats - not toys or cash.
Not things to horde and store up, til he had the most.
He wasn't impressed by what you had bought
or your clothes.
He wanted to say he liked you and that
was just affection and attention, for him, a pat
on the head or a game shared by two
brought him a joy that he showed to you.

That's love, you know, simple, pure and true
And it's what we all crave while we're here.
When God's too far away and we are too old,
people say, to run home to mom
or call for our Dad in our fear
The love from our dog might be all that we have
to brace up and live on, for comfort
from our life's woes.
Those who have had none will never know
the hurt that it causes when we must let go
of a friend who has loved us
each day we were here - yet
still you will hear people say
what is the loss of one dog?

---

Old Shep

When I was a lad and old shep was a pup
Over hills and meadows we'd stray.
Just a boy and his dog, we were both full of fun,
We grew up together that way.

I remember the time by the old swimming hole
When I wouldve drowned beyond doubt.
But old shep was right there, to the rescue he came,
He jumped in and helped pull me out.

Well, the years passed and rolled and old shep, he grew old,
His eyes they were fast growing dim.
Then one day the doctor looked at me and said,
i cant do no more for him, jim.

With hands that were tremblin, I picked up my gun,
I aimed it at sheps faithful head.
But I just couldnt do it, I wanted to run,
I wished they would shoot me instead.

Well, he crawled to my side and he looked up at me,
He laid his old head on my knee.
I'd lost the best friend that a boy ever had,
I cried so I scarcely could see.

Well, old shep he is gone where the good doggies go,
No more with old shep will I roam.
But if dogs have a heaven, well theres one thing I know,
Old shep has a wonderful home.

Just to know that you remember me

I did go to town. I went to the four letter word K store first as it was less crowded than the new W store we have in town now. I found a few things I wanted and then looked for someone to give me a price on a neat coffee pot. And looked. All over. No one. I got so pissed I just shoved everything back and left.

I went over to the W place and found really nice dishes cheaper, a real tv stand with casters and a decent coffee pot fifteen bucks less than the ones I saw like it at the four letter word store. I found someone to help me look for a product I couldn't find - TWO somebodies! I was happy.

The bad news was I was late getting home and worried the kids and they called the mom. It was eight when I drove in with my catch. Best Girl and Grand2 helped me unload and then went home.

I unpacked the dishes and the coffee pot, got the clock set on it, nice big red lit numbers I can read from any where in the room! The other pot had black on grey with no back light in it, I hated that. I scraped some more in the pantry, cleared a place to work in the kitchen, had a cup of coffee and called KMA to see how she was doing. She was supposed to work in the yard and seemed a little down so I wanted to touch base with her. I woke her up, darn it! But we talked a long time then so it was ok. I got around and went to bed knowing the coffee would be hot in the morning.

Yesterday was wild. And it promises to be a frenzied weekend. I can't even relieve myself by banging my head on the wall, they are all covered in plaster that will crack or wet paint or new wallpaper. I just go "AAARRRRGGGHHHH! inside a lot!

I got up early, thinking the plumber would be along at nine and I had a few things to get out of his way yet. I made extra coffee in the new pot (a TWELVE cup pot, yay!) so I would have plenty to share. The window man got there first to finish the outsides of the windows. He worked along steady and also renailed the ceiling on the porch for me. As I was writing his check later I was talking about sealing the edges on the trim at the ceiling and he grabbed a caulk gun, shot a bead and used a damp rag to do that for me, too, all the way around. The windows look great inside and out! I was pleased with his clean up, too!

The plumber never called till just after ten. He was on his way. A very nice man who kept going along steady, also, he put in a chunk of new floor in the bathroom, installed a new toilet, fixed the shower control so there is NO MORE DRIPPY, NASTY, NOISY LEAK!, corrected the plumbing on the sink so it sits on it's stand right and I could lose the two by fours under it and the sink won't slide around anymore AND added the lost parts to make the drain plug work right again, then figured out what the kitchen sink needed to keep the pipes connected to the drains right so I can lose the two quart pitcher and sponge that I used to hold them up! He took the old toilet with him, cleaned up his mess and it wasn't near as bad as I thought it would be to get everything working right! Everything! Wow.

If we paint the pantry, touch up the bath, strip out, wash everything, paint the ceiling in the bedroom along with the trim on the doors and windows I can have the vynil floors in Monday! The new mattress and the flip down couch would be delivered, too and all the down stairs but the porch would be done! Ta-furkin-DA! there is the if in there, however. It's a lot to get done and I have another problem. When I called the carpet place today they told me that they can't do the install until the eighth of November! Happens The Kid says he can do it. I guess I will call him tonight and see what he says.

In the middle of the two guys working The Kid showed up to load the big dresser and such to take home with him. I want just a five drawer chest that won't take up much room. He is also taking almost everything I am getting rid of. His son, son's wife and three kids are staying with them while they build a house. The extra dresser and storage space will be welcomed and there are two families to split the stuff between. I liked feeling like I was helping him out.

We got it all loaded in his S10 and my little red. I was following him home as he wanted his son to see little red, they may buy it! I gave them a great deal and will take payments for six weeks on it but let him drive it off Saturday with what they will give me down. If The Kid does the install we can take it off the tab. It works for everyone! If he can do it, if they will deliver, if we get the painting done...and we are back to AAARRRRGGGHHHA! What the hay, I'm going for it!

Buck stopped eating right yesterday and his back end went out from under him again. He is not voiding his bladder right, either. I can't swing many more vet trips. The Best Girl is going out this afternoon to see if she can get him to eat the chicken and oatmeal I made for him. I got a little down him last night, not much. If he eats for her, I skip the vet, if he won't, I will call for a refill on the one med for five more days. If that doesn't work, I will not have him suffering through a long winter, alone and outside and being dead someday when I get home. It's not my happy thought for the day but I have to do something, he is miserable when he is like this and it makes me sad, too.

So say a little prayer for the old dog and add a blessing to all the family helping me out here. I could not have done it without them!

I would be so sweet when all alone I'm dreaming

You would have thought you were dreaming, too, if you watched my friend, KMA, patch, coat and skim the pantry mess, stopping for the excellent dinner, sipping coffee, once I got some made, and cracking wise with the sis all the while. The woman Flies!

I left for work and didn't lock the back door so KMA could get in anytime she got there. Then I realized I had forgotten my smokes and went back, leaving the car running as I didn't need the keys to get in, left the door unlocked again and got to work with no problems.

I got out of work a little early, raced to and through the store for dinner and tore for home. I had to make stuffed pork chops and baked potatoes for my wall fixer! oh, yeah, and for the other four ladies for bible study. But KMA said she loved stuffed pork chops.

I pull in and she is sitting in her car, ticked off as she had to wait 45 minutes for me. ARRGGHH! I left it OPEN! When I get inside something smells good in the oven so I know the sis has been over, worked on house AND made...hmmmm, yup! scalloped potatoes! Then she left and locked the door! Oh well!

KMA got right after the wall and screamed for coffee! I went to put a pot on and the cussed thing wouldn't even turn on! More ARRGH! I poured hot water through it as fast as I could heat it and got the lady her beverage, put away groceries, started the stuffing, got out the pan I needed, and such. The sis got there and we ragged on her about locking out the help. Then I arranged to have a list out for people with what was going on that day so we didn't do it again.

I cooked, they peeled wallpaper, cut tidier edges in the monster holes, I got the saw out, they cut wallboard patches, I cooked some more, Mom got there, I helped her and her scalloped corn in, Sis got out of the way and KMA started taping and filling, the phone rang. It was the window guy wanting to NOT come tomorrow.

That did not sit will with me. I had plumber guy the next day, the sis messing up her day to sit with window guy, a day off work to be with plumber guy and the house close to having the rest of the linolinium laid. We talked, he agreed to come between appointments made AFTER mine and his girl's basketball game. He would return if he was not finished. I was good with that.

We set the table, the Shy Girl got there and I had the food ready just after the second coat. We had Sis's scalloped potatoes, my stuffed pork chops and Mom's corn with store bought cut up fresh fruit. I had a german chocolate cake for dessert and found the friend had been craving one - lucky shot for me! There was, as almost always, ice cream available, too. We even all fit around the square little table. It was a nice meal and everyone got plenty to eat.

Then I was doing dishes, Sis and KMA were wall peeling again and Mom and Shy Girl were handing me dishes. Then Sis, Mom and Shy were studying and I was refilling my friend's coffee and kibitzing while she sped through the nasty mess she was fixing for me. I also ran over and got in some of the study time, I just didn't want KMA to feel ignored.

As per Anvil, my blog buddy, I had thank you cards for them all last night. They showed them around like kids in school. I was touched. We got one break for dessert and then they all started wandering off except for little missy perfection. She's got a thing about doing even a nasty job on an old house right. So she put like five coats of durabond on the things she patched and even touched up the bad spots on the walls. But Mom left her knitting and a CD and the dishes for me! so I bagged them up later to bring her today.

After she left at eleven I moved the table out of the way for the window guy, cleared off sill over the sink for him, too, sanded some on the back room, did the last of the dishes, set up the camp pot to make morning coffee, ran the non-powered sweeper in the living room, got my email, read a bit, wrote the list for the helpers I had promised and went to bed about 2 - then woke at 4 to let the dogs out, and at six to let the dogs out, and at seven to go to work but fell asleep.

The plumber calling to tell me he wasn't coming woke me up again. That wasn't going to wash, I had based the floor guys on the plumber guy and the window guy being done. I got him to reconsider and I was late to work, but he is coming.

I called home and the Sis had everything under control and the window guy was working well. The Best Girl is coming out and I am going to town for new coffee pot I need. Oh, and the new, cheap but smaller, dishes. Come to find out The Kid likes blue stoneware and I have just been looking for an excuse to replace mine, they are too big because that's what the mate liked, and it makes me sad to use them. All the "makes me sad" stuff is out of here, really soon. It's just got to be that way for now.

The latest report from Best Girl is that window guy is boxing the kitchen window and the dining room window is great! One more set of drapes to iron and two rooms all the way done! Yay!

I am off for town. See ya tomorrow!

Remember me at the close of a long long day

I walked in the house last night to the Sis tearing into the pantry/ laundry/ mud room area with zest and zeal that I could not feel after working all day, but her "go team" attitude perked me up enough to pitch in and go for it with her.

Now this little, odd shaped room has paneling we left up when we moved in rather than risk looking under it. It was warped, cut crooked and butt ugly but, with a wash and polish, looked good enough to live with. This time, the two rooms and the bath look so good I can't just leave it again. We opted to pull it off. It's bad. We will not be able to paint it but we will put up print wall paper in a marble effect that should disguise the stuff we can't get perfectly smooth.

There were three layers of wall paper on the top half, a place where it looks like they had real tile up once on two lower walls and the north wall has two massive, crooked and strangely shaped cut outs, one that goes to the pipes in the back of the tub and one that has no purpose I can figure! The idjit that glued the panels on would have done better to write his name over and over with the glue, it was a pitiful job. There is one wall they had kids drawings glued down over the wall paper, they were damaged but there were enticing bits left that were cute.

We were just into the bad stuff when my almost brother, aka, The Kid, showed up with his grand girls, two of them. One a little shorty about 4 and one about nine that really took to me. I don't know if it was the diggery doo or the harmonicas or the castanets, but she had fun. The Kid and the Sis and I sat down to visit for awhile then he got all "I can have that paneling down in two minutes" and I called him on it. "Go! - I'm timing you!"

The room is small so I stayed back and dished ice cream, I had gotten more black cherry for the sis when I got the mail on the way home and she was going to have to share. I got the little ones settled and by the time I had the other two bowls dished they were down to one chunk of board behind the pipes of the washer. It was only about five or ten minutes, if not the two he claimed. I was pleased. I can handle the scraping and plastering and such, light work. He pulled down and busted boards and sis hauled it out to the back porch. I got a dish of my other ice cream and joined them for a short break.

The Kid and I got talking and he likes blue glass, and stoneware, and his kid is building a house, he needs stuff, like dressers and end tables and such. I think he will take it all for me! I have boxes all over the house and it would be so nice to get rid of them all. He packed up the girls after he loaded up my glasses and blue glass and a VCR cabinet and such and headed home. He is a really loving and caring grampa, the oldest girl is in basketball and they played Tiny Town School last night. He drove her over so she wouldn't have to ride the bus and to see her play. Then he took time to stop in and see us. He's alright, for a boy.

I knew I was out of my league with the cut out areas in the laundry room and called my friend, KMA. She is a wall wizard! I told her just how bad it was and ask if she could square it up so we could patch it. She is moving around her schedule, already overloaded with side jobs, to fit us in tonight. One more for dinner and bible study is never a problem. We just all squeeze over.

Tomorrow when I get home the new window will be in, the old one will be boxed and finished out right and the ceiling in the back room will stay up! The sis is going to kibitz with the window guy and Thursday I am staying home with the plumber. So tonight, while I make dinner and KMA and Sis whip on the walls I have to pull the stuff from under the sinks, wash the window and sill in the kitchen and then put back the mess we make before I get to bed. And have dinner on, don't burn it, do dishes and, oh ya, study! LOL! It's gonna be wild, but fun. I love to watch a pro work! And mom will have three of us to give her a hard time and poor Visitor Lady will go nuts to see how we all work together.

If we can get the wash, paint and paper done in the pantry and the finishing touches in the bath when the plumber is done finished by Friday and the bedroom washed, the ceiling and the trim painted and the beds swapped out before Sunday night, I could have the whole downstairs except the notorious back porch done WITH the new floors, next Monday! Then I am taking a day or two to collapse in exaustion before we start on the upstairs. The porch is last as I don't know how far the paint will stretch and I don't care if it's fancied up or not.

---

I cried in my sleep last night. I had gotten up to let the dogs out and in, had a smoke and had gotten chilled. The mate was like sleeping with a furnace. I think his ambient heat index was about a hundred and two degrees. I would crawl back into bed and slide over until my icy aura met his heat wave and then whisper his name until he would half wake up. I would tell him I was cold and he would groan, roll over and I would flip so my back was to him. Then he would gather me up in his arms, throw a leg over me, put the other one behind my legs and draw me next to him under his chin and go back to sleep while I drew all the excess heat from his body.

I went back to bed after the dogs came in and laid down ok, doubled the covers over me and started to drift off when the tears just came. I missed him so badly, and again, for a selfish reason. When I got up today wore the earrings he got me for Christmas, just to have a little more of his love with me today.

See, the love doesn't go away. The man's body is gone but I know we had true love and "I will always come for you" is his line now. My love for him hasn't quit or faded, either. I don't think it ever will. It's just the facts, mam, we love each other. Not past tense, always now. He will always be the only person I loved one hundred percent, not 99 percent or 99.9 but all the way. When I die I would run past even my father and mother to be back with the soul of my mate. ( I would turn around and go back later!)

I love others still, and have loved and do love other men in my life. I can love another man again. It won't be the same love I have for the mate but will be the love I grow with the new partner, between us. It is still love. There would still be trust and acceptance and joy. I still have love to share willingly and with no looking back. I do not want to try to find a man like the mate, I want a different one this time. But I will love again.

But that is for the future. And today I miss my man.

Remember me when the candle lights are gleaming

I forgot where I left off, I have been so rammin' busy here! I think we were at Thursday, or maybe Friday and headed for Saturday.....oh, well!

The Best Girl and Grand2 worked with me till evening on Friday. I knew they had it under control so I ran to town for the pictures at the antique store I wanted. Then I ended up at an estate sale run by friends of mine that knew my Dad from the antique circuit. We hadn't seen each other in a year as I have been staying away from these places, I don't NEED anything!

The bathroom had most of what it needed to start a third coat, the house was tidy and the shopping was done and put away when I got home. I arranged to meet them and treat them to breakfast Saturday morning because I wanted to hit that estate sale on "half off day" and see how much of the stuff I wanted would still be there.

I got up and called them, gave them a time and location, told them I would be making a stop first. I got to the sale, flew through for the four or five things I wanted and jammed on down the road to meet the kids. I sat down, ordered coffee and got my book out as I was a couple minutes early. They didn't show. I know the owner and told her I was worried, could I use the phone, she let me. I called their house and the other place we had discussed meeting. No dice. Crap. She was never late....hmmm.

I was going to the counter to tell them to leave my stuff there, I 'd be back to go and back track them and see what the deal was when I spotted them in the next area over, one I thought was non smoking. I high signed them and they came around the corner with their beverages and menus. It was one of those they came in the front, I came in the back and there is a half wall between us goofs, we were all there on time!

We had a nice breakfast, planned a store stop for some cold pills and bread and I told her I wanted to run home on the highway to check out a place that was supposed to have a desk. It's a little mom and pop antique place. They had lots of primitives and such. I found a shelf I could use for movies and music, another picture I liked, a cane that doubles as a seat I had wished for when my hip was so bad and yes, the exact size and type of desk I wanted. The Best Girl spotted it for me. It was all half off for the end of year close out. I found a gift for the Grandgirl, too! The nice old man even loaded it for us!

We rolled on home with our new treasures and while Grand2 rolled the bathroom another coat, the Best Girl washed off the desk and oiled it. I hung pictures and ironed drapes. She helped be get those placed right and we all took a break. The rest of the day we took it pretty easy. We had been killing ourselves since Thursday and I was half dead. My ear was infected and she had some antibiotic drops for me, my cold won't quit and she got me meds. I let her dose me up, made dinner and sent them on their way. The boy was going hunting in the a.m. and then they were coming out for more work and the Lions game.

I kept chugging along, putting things back and washing dishes until the house was livable again. I got some plaster mixed up and had a go at the bathroom where there used to be an electrical box. Messy. Wait ninty minutes and do it again, a quarter inch at a time. Find more spots to plaster, make more - messy, let dry. I had tea and a late snack before bed.

I slept in til nine Sunday and got back after it. When they got to the house she and I painted the shelf/bookcase after she washed and repaired the base on it, the boy rolled more paint. We wound up for the kick off. I had told the girl the team was going to win this week and got to see it happen! The Lions win a game and the bag is off the dog. It was so good to see them finally pull one out. They have improved this year, markedly, and to keep losing anyway must have been hard for them. I am hoping they will really keep the rush from winning pumping them up for next week.

After the game I finished the buttons on the chair backs, we pulled the covers off the furniture and I changed while they packed up to go home. I had to meet mom and take my white truck in for more repairs. I was using her guy this time and she was bringing me home. We had the living room done and I left the front door unlocked so she could see how nice it is to walk into now.

We had a nice drive through the country with fall fast fading around us. Dry leaves dropped on the road and scampered across in gaggles. The sun was missing but it wasn't raining. I saw six bikes out, motorcycles and was sorry I wasn't behind them.

We got to my house and I took her in the front door. She loved it. She liked my new art I have bought and my old pictures I put out and everything. I made dinner for us and gave her the radio show and vintage music tapes I had picked up for her. I put Groucho Marx in, she put her feet up in the glider with the glider footstool and we laughed at humor from before I was born. It was so fun, I love the Marx Brothers. I got to sit in the nice living room and relax with my feet up on the ottoman for the first time and have a friend enjoy it with me. It was totally worth the work we have all been doing. Nothing in that room hurts my heart. I can relax, really.

So we will keep on doing it. Gotta run! Tonight I touch up the bathroom corners and such then reassemble it, iron the last set of curtains and try to think up something good to eat.

What goes up, must come down

so you can paint. It just never stops. After I got the house all tucked in to suit me and crashed I was up twice with this stupid whatever it is. I have an aching swollen gland behind my ear and that ear is sore and inflamed. Ow. I hate that.

When I got home last night Best Girl had torn the bathroom apart, stuffed it's contents into the bedroom and begun washing the walls and ceiling. She was on a break sitting in the newly assembled living room on a new loveseat and reading with a dog curled up beside her. She said it was so quiet and peaceful that she didn't even turn on the tv or tunes.

I love it that the room is so comfortable for her, and sis and mom and me! Now I have to finish the rest of the down stairs so I can get after the upstairs. She stayed, packed up some dishes I am getting rid of and then took off for home after we hashed out a plan for today that made me so happy I just kept giving her money...LOL!

I hate shopping. I didn't have any fun on Saturday and dreaded the things I knew I still needed eating up hours of my time this weekend when I want to be working on the house. Wow! She LIKES to shop, especially when it's not her money!

The list - 3 of one kind and 2 of another kind of candle, 50 lbs of dog food, a hundred lbs of bird seed, six window panels, one more valance, get the last yard of material we did the chairs in, smokes for me, two curtain rods, some hardware, return the shade with the broken spring and dog chewies. It was three stores, minimum, and probably four. I so didn't want to do it. I gave her the estimated cash and twenty bucks for gas and time. She had it all done before ten today. I totally don't know how I would do this without her.

Not to mention the dog is doing so well with the extra attention that I am trying to figure out how to bribe her for two nights a week of just petting the animals. Today she will fill the bird feeders, the dog water, find the heater for the dogs and set it up in their shed, finish boxing the glass ware and then start painting the bathroom. WOW, again. All this and she is leaving by two thirty today to take her kid to his dad's. (I said to Mom, after I recited all this, "I want a kid like her! --- OH! She IS my kid! Chortle! How did I get so lucky in all my children!" )

When I get home I am fully motivated to iron all the new curtains, put a second coat on the bathroom and clean up the mess again so the house looks ok for if people stop by and see me. I can make dinner, feed the animals, watch the birds feeding while I eat and relax, too.

I have been no slouch, either. I got laundry done, including a load of bedding, which I hate doing, got the rest of the bathroom scrubbed down, grabbed a sandwich and milk, tidied the living room (it's so easy now! straighten the covers on everything, dump ash trays and wipe, run a rag on the end tables - POOF! done.) Why didn't I get more done?

Because I was going to put the five buttons each back in the chair backs we had done by myself. HA! Now I took those backs off. They had ten shank buttons tied in. The nice lady that fixed up the cushions sent these gadgets that look like a cloth covered giant tac on one side with a matching tac head with a hole in it on the other that snaps together. Shove the pointy end into the cushion, through the wicker and snap the cap on it. No big whoop, right?

I gathered my tools and laid a cushion over my knees, found the correct place and started to push the sharp part through - it won't go. REALLY won't go, like with a hammer won't go. OK, I get an awl and drive a hole. I have to take the cushion over to the table and lean in with all my weight to get that hole. I don't know what these are lined with inside but it should be impervious to tears. It was totally he-man straining to pierce it.

The little tac part won't go straight in. The pin pops off it's mount and lays any which way when you try to shove it through. I finally took the end of a big safety pin, the round part, put it over the pointy end I could feel behind the iron lining and pushed on the pin to get the material to give enough that the tac would go through.

I dicked with this for HOURS and finally got 3 done on each cushion but FORGET putting it through the wicker. I picked out four of the shank buttons that were in them and four of the new tac parts that also have small holes in the cap around the pin part. I found the sewing kit when I was looking for something else in the bedroom. Tonight I will use my beloved carpet and button thread and do the last two top buttons on each back and tie them through the wicker to keep the cushions in place on the chairs. What a furkin joke! A twenty minute job took two and a half hours. So that's why I didn't get as much done as I wanted. But the cushions look brand new!

Tonight we paint the bathroom. I called the plumber and the window guy. I get the one on Wednesday next week and the other on Thursday. If we can get the pantry and bedroom done I can have new vinyl next Friday or Monday and be down to putting things back where they go, framing and putting up pictures, the fun stuff, ya know? Two more weeks of chaos and I may have the down stairs whipped.

The upstairs has a door I can close so it won't make me so crazy while it's torn up. Ya team!

3 o clock in the morning, and it looks

like its going to be another sleepless night.

But Bible study went well. At least the dust wasn't hanging in clouds through the house. The sis stayed and helped me empty the living room and we got the side boards off so the carpet guys could start right up in the morning. I thought they were coming at 8:30. I scheduled it that way to keep me too busy to think.

I got up early after a night of not sleeping. I just couldn't get relaxed or shut my head up. I So I got the place cleaned up and made coffee and let the dogs in and out and listened to the mouse in the cupboard while I cursed the cats. When I did finally try to lay down about three I read an old favorite to try and lose myself in that world's problems and forget the piddly crap in my life.

I rolled out at six thirty. Dogs out, cats in, coffee on, working clothes and ready for the carpet guys. When I got a little frustrated because they were late I called and found out I had the time wrong. Cool. I'm ok now and got a second cup before they showed up, still later than they said - except then I remember I keep all my clocks fast so I am not late...LOL!

Darned if one of them isn't the same guy from ten years ago. And darned if I don't think I got the same carpet again! Wild. They got right to work and I fed the dogs, put them out and left for town. I had a list but wasn't having any luck.

I was mainly headed for the place I bought a chair and some lamps to modify the ones I got to the ones I wanted. I picked up a head board for the bed, too. The poor guy and I did math six ways from Sunday and finally both got the same number. I set up for a delivery that evening and went to the little antique store next door.

I still need a small desk with drawers for me and the laptop and the printer/scanner/copier/fax machine. I saw nothing I liked. I did get the candles (winter power outages), I saw a print I liked and may go get that Friday. I picked up a couple books and then headed back. It was only one p.m. and they were gone. The carpet was in and the furniture was coming - finally.

I cleaned up the worst of the glass they tracked in and put out the few things that were going to be in the room. The sis showed up just after the delivery men left. We started playing arrange the living room and got one section we didn't want to move, then a second. The third area messed with our heads but we just went for it.

The Mom got there and had three of the cushions for the two chairs we painted with her. They were great! But then we had her two cents worth of opinion to add to the fussing. Finally we were just waiting for the last chair and lamps to arrive. Sis left and mom and I went to a Lions Club dinner. That got us a break.

When we got home I called Best Girl and asked for Grand1 to come set up VCR/DVD and TV and the attenna gadgets. We were seated and resting and admiring our handiwork when they got there just ahead of the second delivery.

We peeled the protective cover off the shades and got the lamps assembled while Grand1 got the chords sorted out for the TV. The lamps were all "three ways" and I had just stocked up on bulbs at the hardware that was going out of business. I inched the last chair back and left and right until it was just so, turned on the new lamp and WOW - I have a living room again!

They all liked the new furniture I picked out. We decided I should get the curtain panels for the windows for winter so I have to run up to the store and get them. That will be the last piece of that room. Then I bury it in bedroom furniture so we can wash and paint in there, the bath and the laundry room and have them back to put the vinyl floor in. Crap, more mess. But it looks so good when it's done.

As soon as they left I put covers on the new stuff. I am not going to fight with the animals, I will just pull covers when people are coming. We have always just had cheap, used furniture because we didn't want to worry about it. I am not going to worry and I am not going to put plastic on them , OMG! - but the animals hair is a pain to scrape off everything so I have throws on it all. It's a little more fussy than I am used to being but I really like this stuff and want it to last. The average life of a couch in our home was about two years before we had to recycle it, I won't be getting any more! So old lady covers. (Yes I hate it but yes I really like the new stuff) I just don't want to stress about it.

The Best Girl was beat and the Mom was beat and I was beat but it was done and it looks very cozy and chatty. The TV is on a cart with wheels and shoved out of the way because I hardly use it anyway. I can roll it over and turn it a foot and everyone can see it. The only bad news was they got the door so tight to the carpet I can't get even my plastic runners down so I have a mat next to the door for nasty feet and a mud scraper and a mat on the front porch. It will just have to do. Tonight I will sweep the porch and beat the mats clean.

The covers were on, the dining room was dug back out from the tools and scraps of packing stuff and empty cups and glasses, the dishes were done and I was really tired now. I should have been, no sleep really the night before and worked my butt off. I closed up shop and crashed about midnight. The critters were all in and the nasty cold was outside. It felt pretty snug.

Best Girl called today. The shop laid them off again. She is out working on the bathroom and I have some cash for her. That means the dogs got to go inside and stay warm, which pleased me.

Mom came by with the last cushion and I gave her a check for the cost of them. I have to button the backs on the chairs tonight and those are done. I will be taking some boxes home to pack up the kitchen stuff and get it out, too. We will probably paint the bathroom tonight. I get tired just thinking about it. I really don't want to quit on this though, it's going to be so much easier to care for when I am done. Hit it with the duster, run the vac up the middle, follow with the mop, throw the rugs through the washer and oil the wood. A two hour run and it will all be up. I like that enough to keep working for it.

The nephew called last night. He will be home for two weeks in November and is going to the (really!) Bahamas to work carny down there over the winter. His boss really likes him! What the hay!? He's twenty three, single, and paying his own way, let him party! He is down two sizes in jeans, too, so it's even been good for him.

The Eldest Daughter called and was excited about a new position she will be starting later this month. It's more money and a growing company with people in it she has worked with before that really appreciate her skills.

Scooter Girl called because she knew I would be having a bad day but I missed her and only got the message. That meant she had to listen to her dad's voice on the machine to leave it for me. I think it's time to record a new one. I dropped her an email late last night to thank her for thinking of me.

You can see I have been staying very busy, very. busy.

You have to stay focused on today -
the past will lead you backward.
Your yesterday's have gotten you here
but only today reaches to tomorrow.

Find something to look forward to
each today that you enter
and each tomorrow you make it to
will be a little better.

Those "little better's" will add up
to today's that bring you smiles.
Each of your today's will contain
more laughter and less sorrow.

Hardly thought about him at all. (ok, I lied. I didn't think about him like you don't think about purple dionsaurs after someone tells you not to think about the tune it's a small, small world - all day and all night, but I am ok now, back on track. Forward HO!)

I'll see you in my dreams

Nobody else gives me a thrill

Hi bday is tomorrow and I am concentrating on getting through today....

a day I am not making his favorite cake
or wrapping a gift
or laying out my naughty jamies
or writing a card for him on the computer
or thinking about what happens after
dinner
tv
the naughty jamies

the day is not good and I am very sorry but this is all you get today.

You load 16 tons, waddya get?

antoher day older and bony fingers...Whoops, mixed up my songs there.

The dog is eating and gaining weight and acting like a dog again. Thursday Best Girl and Grand2 went out and while she started mowing, Grand2 had a bowl of soup and fed the dog all the noodles, first one at a time, then more. When they swapped off on the mower she made a tuna sandwich and he ate the tuna and mayo. I don't know if it was the new meds or the loving attention but they got him kick started again. He hasn't stopped since.

We had dinner and he begged for treats. Best Girl took the grand home and came back to spend the night. He woke her to go outside. He slept on her side of the bed. I told her if he does it to me again he is going home with her. I have been boiling chicken (only while I am actually home) and breaking it up to add oatmeal to the broth with a little salt then putting that in his food. My chow lab girl has eaten everything he didn't and probably put on another 10 pounds in the last two weeks. I thought she would blow a gasket but she's kept it all down.

We didn't just sit around and nurse the dog, either. The dining room is done and mostly back together, sans my desk. I still haven't quite figured out what I am going to do about that yet. The side chairs I am keeping got painted and I worked in a trip to town for the material to recover the cushions. We got part of the kitchen move out, I ran out of boxes. I need to pack up glass ware and such I have never used. I got it mostly wiped down.

Friday after work I stopped to see what the hang up is with the new window I am supposed to be getting. Seems like they ordered it through a place I won't even go to anymore because their service and attitude sucks. It's just still not in. I should know something later today.

The sis is off playing cowboys and girls with her mate and another couple in the local wilderness for a few days. Her girl, Cgirl, and family were down. I took a load of heirloom dishware and such over there for her on Saturday night. That freed up more space for the OP's piles. (other people's) I even have some of that packed to ship out soon. Saturday I had both grands and Best Girl to help and we got a ton done.

We watched the Lions Sunday, me and the Best Girl. Mom stopped over just before the game to get the cushions and fabric for the chairs we are recovering. She was going to make the new covers for me. I still haven't knocked the cold all the way out but I'm doing some better. I told her though that I was burnt out Sunday and we were just going to watch the game. I was too beat to whale on the house.

I kept dozing off. Just as well. I took the bag off the dog last week because I saw a real team really trying to win. It went back on yesterday. I was so disappointed by their lack of coordination. They did play as a team but somewhere in the last quarter they got their signals crossed or something. It was pitful. I will say though that they are show major improvements in their play. They really are staying with it until the whistle blows. They have also really cut down on penalties this year. I have hopes they may win one soon.

When she left I got after the stuff only I can do, sorting and rearranging cupboards and cleaning up our messes. I had it pretty whipped by bed time. I got the dogs to take their meds, let them out and back in and called it a night.

This morning I heated up the food I made them, added it to some fresh regular dog food and they both ate just fine. I put Buck's "coat" on, the little horse cover the Sis modified for him last winter, and he went right outside.

Mom stopped by the shop. She took the cushions to a reupholsterer. GRRRRRR! I can't let her pay for it but I really just wanted the memory of her doing my chairs. Now I have more money going out that was not budgeted but I am not going to sweat it. It goes under crap happens and you just blow it off, glad the Mom is happy about it.

I want to empty the living room tonight and yank up the carpet so I can mop the floor before the new goes down. That should shoot tonight in the arm but I should be cool for the bible study Tuesday without as much confusion.

I pulled in one good order today at work. No credit for it, of course, but we got it anyway. I felt better. I hope to have another tomorrow.

So starts a new week of adventures in redecorating. Oh crap! I was supposed to call the plumber!

I get by with a little help from my friends.

It's just rough here right now. I haven't shaken the cold and Buck and I made another trip to the vet last night. Neither of us is getting any better. It's discouraging.

I have to give out two "Angel Darling" awards. My heros are my Sis and my Best Girl.

Sis came over Tuesday, even though I had cancelled Bible Study, as I was just fumbling the rags up to start washing walls. She brought dinner and cooked while I did dishes and got plates and such around. It was awkward because the table is in the living room and we had to tote everything over there.

I had a hot meal with conversation and that was a really nice treat. I couldn't eat it all but tried to share with the critters a little. Buck still wasn't having any. I gave up and put the dogs out. We cleaned up the few dinner dishes and started washing the ceiling and trim. The sis took the rag and I grabbed the mop and changed out the head. With the nice, new sponge I started on the ceiling. I ran half of it and all the door frame, slopped some over the kitchen trim I want to loosen up to pull and had to sit. She finished her side and half of mine.

We put our toys away and talked til ten. I went right to bed when she left. That means, of course, that I put the coffee on, rinsed out the buckets we used, let the animals in, tried to get Buck to eat, washed up and brushed my teeth and THEN went to bed. I think I rested ok. I woke with the alarm and got off to work after trying to get the dog to eat and failing again.

I have been shoving pills down his throat, trying fresh water, milk, cereal, chicken, rice, anything I could think of to get him to eat. He looks terrible and has lost almost 30 pounds or one third of his weight. The doc thought it might be a UTI and we were giving him an antibiotic for that and a steroid to make him hungry. No go. He ate Saturday, like one chicken thigh and maybe a little more on Sunday when Best Girl was out and then he shut down on me again.

I had enough. I planned to take him in and put him down yesterday. It was not my happy thought but he looks like a skeleton of himself and is not having any fun. I got home, noticed the Sis had been in and painted the dining room, got the chicken out and put it on to simmer and tried again to get him to take some. No go. I tried water, he pulled away from it, I tried milk, he turned his head away and rolled his eyes at me. I gave up and put the other dog out with the cats and took off for the vet's office with him.

He can't hold himself up on the seat and was trying to paw his way up to see out the window. I finally got him to lay down. I still have to hold him on the curves and corners because he couldn't hold his weight. We were both miserable when we got there.

The doc gets us right in, looks him over, says he still has no temp and is showing jaundice in his gums. I'm like, I know, he won't drink, he won't eat and he doesn't go, of course he is jaundiced. But this vet has treated Buck since his first bout with parvo when he was a pup, he doesn't know what is wrong but he wants to try one more treatment for five days. I start tearing up. I cave. His wife hands me a kleenex. I just look at her and I say, I'm sorry, I'm just not for shit without my partner and it all cut loose. I had a hard time getting back under control.

When I got almost straightened out I told the doc, Ok, I'll try, but it's not you who has to pry his mouth open and shove pills in it and watch him stagger across the floor at night. So he gets a reprive. We get our pills and head home.

About half way there I remember the chicken I was warming up. I wonder how low I had the heat and how much water was left. My foot drops on the gas and I pin the dog to the seat in the corners, racing for the house and hoping I beat the fire department. I'm in tears now and it's all the mate's fault! If he was here I would have sent him with the dog and turned off the chicken!

I made it - but not before it left black, charred bones and the sooty remains of the water in the pan, filled the house with smoke and made nasty on the top of stove. And STINK! I never thought about already being sick with fluid in my lungs and went tearing in to get the fire off, the windows open and the fans on. I had to go outside and gag for about five minutes after only getting the fire off and one fan on.

That slowed me down. I know about smoke inhalation and I got a bandana, groped my way to the sink, got it wet and opened the windows while I held it over my face. I still had to go outside to breath again and gag before I got the last windows opened. With the smoke wafting over my head into the last light of the day I sat on the front steps and coughed up flem for a long time. The dog that won't take water is at the mud puddle drinking. I had just run for the house and left him to fend for himself. I call him and put him back in the pen.

I went out back and was going to sit on the yard swing that hangs from our big tree and I thought, "nope, it'll just drop to the ground under me, it's that kind of day" and wandered back to the steps.

After about a half hour more I went inside and started cleaning up the mess. The pan was a total loss and I thought the stove top was, too, but the new cleaner I am using worked great. I used it like a paste cleaner and it took all the gummy char off. I called the dogs in and forced Buck to take the new pills then put them back out.

By now I am emotionally and physically exausted, just staring at walls beat, ya know. I grabbed a can of chicken soup I hadn't fed to the dog and made a bowl for myself. I managed to get a glass of milk and a box of crackers to the table in the living room without any more disaters and turned on the TV while I ate. I even found a show I could stand to watch. I never just watch TV, I read, but I was too zoned out to concentrate.

When I got done I went to bring the dogs in for the night and only the black came in. I called and cajoled and begged and Buck wouldn't get up. I put Shadow back out and told her to keep him warm and left them out for the night. It was too much. I got the cats fed and out while I made coffee for morning and crawled between the sheets.

This morning I called and they both came in but Buck still won't eat. I told him I paid for the damn pills and he is going to take them, get the wooden spoon, pry his face open and dump them down the back of his throat then hold him and rub his neck till he swallows. I got half a cup of coffee and had to get ready to go. I put fresh water and food out in the pen for them and left.

I am loggy and beat today, sitting at my desk and explaining, in my head, to the mate why, even though he's dead, it's still his fault I'm in such a pickle and so frazzled. I need help. I will never get through the house before the winter at this rate, what with trips to the vet and dosing the dog and being sick. He was always there to pick up the slack when I went down. It's what we did for each other. And the shop is slow, they look to me for sales, there are none, no one needs anything right now, so I feel like I am doing a crappy job there. Whine and piss and moan.

Then the phone rings, it's Best Girl and she needs money because she is laid off for two days. I tell her "Pack a bag!" and I'll get the rest of the wall paper tonight. She says the sis is at the house already. I call out there, she is putting a second coat on the ceiling and coming back this evening to help with the wall paper. I hang up and break into tears at my desk. I have extra hands now and I can maybe deal with this. Then Best Girl calls back, she got the dog to take some tuna and mayo.

May God Bless both my unlikely angels for their kindness and their caring hearts. And thanks for sending them to me. You don't think he sent them? Ok, the Best Girl just happened to get two days lay off after working six tens for three weeks. Right.

Unlikely Angel is what I always call myself when I bail someone out. I don't look much like any angel you ever saw but I can get you home when you break down in the rain and such. You might pick my sis for an angel but Best Girl and I would never make the first cut. I have met a lot of unlikely angels in my life.

The carpet is going in next Wednesday. It's the mate's bday and I took it off. For our anniversary we started hanging wallpaper and for his bday I'm getting the carpet in and maybe enough of the furniture to sit and feel comfortable while we stuff the bedrom into the living room to paint in there. Maybe it's going to be ok after all.

I been down so GD long that it looks like up to me

I'm sorry about the lack of posts. I'm sick with my annual cold/flu/bronchitis/pneumonia/pleuresy or whatever the crap it is. I still have most of my voice today but it's going fast. The Boss even sent me home early yesterday, an almost unheard of action.

But I got some meds at the store when I got the mail and crawled into bed and slept till seven. Then I fed the dogs, the cat and gave them their meds and took some more of my own and went back to bed.

Buck is still not eating right. Timone is better but now expects a can of food at meals. The stoner cat left a dead mouse outside the back door. I am not getting the ceiling and the trim washed in the dining room and I am too tired to care.

See ya all when I feel better.