On the mists of a memory, you wander back to me

I slept in a bed last night. It was a combination of new mattress and old box springs that doesn't quite work as they seem to have thought up a new size but I don't care. Some non-skid liner and I am back in business.

I have to thank The Kid and The Sis. Before I got home they had most of the new linolinium laid, the frames painted on the bedroom windows, and were going to town in the bathroom with the new floor. It is a tricky layout but looks great. There was one three inch triangle by the edge of a door to be patched and one seam to be joined in the bedroom, the rest is all one piece and it all LOOKS like one piece.

Once again I ran to the store then nascar-ed (my new word of the day, drove really fast and felt like I was going in circles, LOL!) for home to get dinner on for the study group and my helpers. I had made up a meatloaf the day before, when I couldn't tell you, and had to wash, knife and wrap in foil potatoes for baking then heat a veggie. First I had to unload the car, put food away, admire the flooring, feed the animals and make me a cup of coffee.

I was cooking for five so it was easy for me. I had the Mom use the new dishes and set the table while I finished up the few dishes I used and washed the knives so we would have them to eat with. (I run a butter knife through each potatoe to make them cook faster and more evenly) I gave the workers a four minute warning, ran to the garage to find bolts for the head board, called to the Shy Girl to go on in the front if it was open, failed to find what I needed and went back in to call them all to the table.

I wondered how it was to only see what was happening on a Tuesday as I greeted Shy Girl. She gets these crowds of people, piles of stuff, clouds of dust and smiles through it all. We even manage to study, most weeks. We must seem pretty crazy to her.

We sat to the table with Sis and The Kid acting up, as per their usual M.O. When my brother died at 12 from trying to beat a truck at an intersection Mom was lost. As she looked for good things to do with his stuff The Kid's family burned out and came to stay with us for awhile. She gave him and his older brother The Boy's clothes. She also became hooked on The Kid, so much so that when he was older and needed a place she filed foster parent papers. Thus, I had a spare brother, actually several over the years and a few sisters that are still in and out sometimes.

The Sis was just a couple years older than the kid and they really hit it off. They both delight in cracking wise and making people wonder if they are nuts or they should call a cop. While I play too, I tend to "drop the anvil" while they are "tickling funny bones". We all enjoy it. I did have to mention that if my hot coffee got spilled The Kid would get hurt. He claimed she started it, as he pushed at her again and I told him I found it easiest just to make him responsible for my coffee and kill him, he could keep her under control. It was a lot funnier if you were there. Mom was after both of them to straighten up and Shy Girl was cracking up and that set them off again. I just ate my dinner and laughed on the inside.

We cleared up, had coffee and then The Kid went to finish up while we studied. Things settled down a little but then we got into why Jesus was groaning about Lazarus and his sisters. The cometary we are using said it was to show he could grieve and hurt like a human. Mom went with that, I said it was frustration, not grief. He knew there was no reason to grieve, even if the guy was dead, and was annoyed that they still didn't trust him to take care of them and do right by them. Even the disciples that he had TOLD that they lagged in town so he could show them the power he had didn't get it. He must have felt like he was better off talking to the donkey.

(Note to self - you don't trust him to take care of and do right by you, either. If you trusted him to do that and then just SHOW people how he takes care of you and do right by them by loving them, doing for them and taking care of them (for him) he covers your bases and has your back. Think on it.)

We got into it about Judas, too. Whether he was a thief or that was someone's opinion of him and he was just a treacherous, greedy guy. It was a good session. We wrapped it up and the Mom admired the bedding and curtains we were throwing up in the bedroom before she left. The Sis busted but to get me in a bed again. I so appreciated it. I have slept too little as it is and to not be quite comfortable has been rough on the old body. I even took a piece of carpet pad and put it under a rug for the black dog, she liked that!

I think, when I can finally run through the place with the machine, clean up all the dust we keep making with sanding and scraping and such, then wash the windows and mirrors again, damp mop the floors and get the stuff off the end tables, that my allergies will be less annoying, too. That was the point of the new flooring, to lose the carpets and get easy wash size rugs to toss around. I am already convinced that there is less dust than before we started of "normal" dust.

So the floor is "relaxing" today and I am scooting home to meet Best Girl and hang wallpaper. I have to get some paste and some correct size bedding, cuss it, I really liked what I had but it will work on the upstairs beds so, oh well! I will just have to pick again.

But this morning, I woke at six and decided I needed the rest so I went back to my new, soft, comfy, bouncy, soft sheeted bed. I dreamed the mate was lying at eye level beside me, on his side facing me with one arm under his ear and sort of up along side his head as I drove toward home down a familiar highway. Now that was a weird scene. It was like he was lying on the bed beside me and I was dreaming I was in the car/truck or whatever. He opened his eyes and I told him how thrilled I was to see him and leaned over to kiss him. I jumped back in surprise! "That was a real kiss!" I told him. I hadn't expected to feel lips and have them respond to mine. I knew he was dead so that was a ghost of him, I might have even realized I was dreaming, I was so shocked.

"I'm really tired from this", he answered me, as his eyes drifted closed. I felt like he meant making himself visible to me. I worry that it was hanging around here to keep an eye on me and he wants a break to get the rest of the way "Home". I am thinking on that, too.

"Just give me one more kiss and then you head home, I'll be there soon" I offered. I didn't want him all worn out and he's cranky when he is tired. He opened his eyes and puckered up and I got another "feels real" kiss from him and then POOF!, he was gone and Iwas driving on down the road alone again and I woke up. But I remembered the dream, the first in weeks I have had recall on. It was the first night in a new bed and I had thought as I climbed in how weird it felt to sleep in it without him.

Call it what you will, after a weekend of no white dog and too much work and a Monday comedy of errors and the constant torn up state of my home it was such a comfort to me to have a few words and two kisses from the mate that I am almost happy today. Dream or no dream - I had a few precious moments believing I was with him. I can't tell you how much that means to me. I keep thinking I am moving forward and doing well with rebuilding a life without him and even just that much of not even real contact truely comforted my sore heart.

I really need to get a live man to hang out with, I might be getting a little strange here. It bothers me that I forgot to ask him about Buck. Geeze!