I get by with a little help from my friends.

It's just rough here right now. I haven't shaken the cold and Buck and I made another trip to the vet last night. Neither of us is getting any better. It's discouraging.

I have to give out two "Angel Darling" awards. My heros are my Sis and my Best Girl.

Sis came over Tuesday, even though I had cancelled Bible Study, as I was just fumbling the rags up to start washing walls. She brought dinner and cooked while I did dishes and got plates and such around. It was awkward because the table is in the living room and we had to tote everything over there.

I had a hot meal with conversation and that was a really nice treat. I couldn't eat it all but tried to share with the critters a little. Buck still wasn't having any. I gave up and put the dogs out. We cleaned up the few dinner dishes and started washing the ceiling and trim. The sis took the rag and I grabbed the mop and changed out the head. With the nice, new sponge I started on the ceiling. I ran half of it and all the door frame, slopped some over the kitchen trim I want to loosen up to pull and had to sit. She finished her side and half of mine.

We put our toys away and talked til ten. I went right to bed when she left. That means, of course, that I put the coffee on, rinsed out the buckets we used, let the animals in, tried to get Buck to eat, washed up and brushed my teeth and THEN went to bed. I think I rested ok. I woke with the alarm and got off to work after trying to get the dog to eat and failing again.

I have been shoving pills down his throat, trying fresh water, milk, cereal, chicken, rice, anything I could think of to get him to eat. He looks terrible and has lost almost 30 pounds or one third of his weight. The doc thought it might be a UTI and we were giving him an antibiotic for that and a steroid to make him hungry. No go. He ate Saturday, like one chicken thigh and maybe a little more on Sunday when Best Girl was out and then he shut down on me again.

I had enough. I planned to take him in and put him down yesterday. It was not my happy thought but he looks like a skeleton of himself and is not having any fun. I got home, noticed the Sis had been in and painted the dining room, got the chicken out and put it on to simmer and tried again to get him to take some. No go. I tried water, he pulled away from it, I tried milk, he turned his head away and rolled his eyes at me. I gave up and put the other dog out with the cats and took off for the vet's office with him.

He can't hold himself up on the seat and was trying to paw his way up to see out the window. I finally got him to lay down. I still have to hold him on the curves and corners because he couldn't hold his weight. We were both miserable when we got there.

The doc gets us right in, looks him over, says he still has no temp and is showing jaundice in his gums. I'm like, I know, he won't drink, he won't eat and he doesn't go, of course he is jaundiced. But this vet has treated Buck since his first bout with parvo when he was a pup, he doesn't know what is wrong but he wants to try one more treatment for five days. I start tearing up. I cave. His wife hands me a kleenex. I just look at her and I say, I'm sorry, I'm just not for shit without my partner and it all cut loose. I had a hard time getting back under control.

When I got almost straightened out I told the doc, Ok, I'll try, but it's not you who has to pry his mouth open and shove pills in it and watch him stagger across the floor at night. So he gets a reprive. We get our pills and head home.

About half way there I remember the chicken I was warming up. I wonder how low I had the heat and how much water was left. My foot drops on the gas and I pin the dog to the seat in the corners, racing for the house and hoping I beat the fire department. I'm in tears now and it's all the mate's fault! If he was here I would have sent him with the dog and turned off the chicken!

I made it - but not before it left black, charred bones and the sooty remains of the water in the pan, filled the house with smoke and made nasty on the top of stove. And STINK! I never thought about already being sick with fluid in my lungs and went tearing in to get the fire off, the windows open and the fans on. I had to go outside and gag for about five minutes after only getting the fire off and one fan on.

That slowed me down. I know about smoke inhalation and I got a bandana, groped my way to the sink, got it wet and opened the windows while I held it over my face. I still had to go outside to breath again and gag before I got the last windows opened. With the smoke wafting over my head into the last light of the day I sat on the front steps and coughed up flem for a long time. The dog that won't take water is at the mud puddle drinking. I had just run for the house and left him to fend for himself. I call him and put him back in the pen.

I went out back and was going to sit on the yard swing that hangs from our big tree and I thought, "nope, it'll just drop to the ground under me, it's that kind of day" and wandered back to the steps.

After about a half hour more I went inside and started cleaning up the mess. The pan was a total loss and I thought the stove top was, too, but the new cleaner I am using worked great. I used it like a paste cleaner and it took all the gummy char off. I called the dogs in and forced Buck to take the new pills then put them back out.

By now I am emotionally and physically exausted, just staring at walls beat, ya know. I grabbed a can of chicken soup I hadn't fed to the dog and made a bowl for myself. I managed to get a glass of milk and a box of crackers to the table in the living room without any more disaters and turned on the TV while I ate. I even found a show I could stand to watch. I never just watch TV, I read, but I was too zoned out to concentrate.

When I got done I went to bring the dogs in for the night and only the black came in. I called and cajoled and begged and Buck wouldn't get up. I put Shadow back out and told her to keep him warm and left them out for the night. It was too much. I got the cats fed and out while I made coffee for morning and crawled between the sheets.

This morning I called and they both came in but Buck still won't eat. I told him I paid for the damn pills and he is going to take them, get the wooden spoon, pry his face open and dump them down the back of his throat then hold him and rub his neck till he swallows. I got half a cup of coffee and had to get ready to go. I put fresh water and food out in the pen for them and left.

I am loggy and beat today, sitting at my desk and explaining, in my head, to the mate why, even though he's dead, it's still his fault I'm in such a pickle and so frazzled. I need help. I will never get through the house before the winter at this rate, what with trips to the vet and dosing the dog and being sick. He was always there to pick up the slack when I went down. It's what we did for each other. And the shop is slow, they look to me for sales, there are none, no one needs anything right now, so I feel like I am doing a crappy job there. Whine and piss and moan.

Then the phone rings, it's Best Girl and she needs money because she is laid off for two days. I tell her "Pack a bag!" and I'll get the rest of the wall paper tonight. She says the sis is at the house already. I call out there, she is putting a second coat on the ceiling and coming back this evening to help with the wall paper. I hang up and break into tears at my desk. I have extra hands now and I can maybe deal with this. Then Best Girl calls back, she got the dog to take some tuna and mayo.

May God Bless both my unlikely angels for their kindness and their caring hearts. And thanks for sending them to me. You don't think he sent them? Ok, the Best Girl just happened to get two days lay off after working six tens for three weeks. Right.

Unlikely Angel is what I always call myself when I bail someone out. I don't look much like any angel you ever saw but I can get you home when you break down in the rain and such. You might pick my sis for an angel but Best Girl and I would never make the first cut. I have met a lot of unlikely angels in my life.

The carpet is going in next Wednesday. It's the mate's bday and I took it off. For our anniversary we started hanging wallpaper and for his bday I'm getting the carpet in and maybe enough of the furniture to sit and feel comfortable while we stuff the bedrom into the living room to paint in there. Maybe it's going to be ok after all.