1/28/2006

Leader of the Pack


From the moment I left your side for the last time, Beloved, I knew my life, in that few moments, was irrevocably changed. I did not and still cannot know the depth and breath of that change.

As we go through the photos for your memorial and are prepairing to tuck you away for the last time I realized my loss is more than a friend or a lover or a man. It is the loss of a lifetime companion who was half of my soul and loved me all the ways I am.

There are a thousand million little things; loving actions, words, touches and smiles; that I will miss every day. I will be years exploring the extent of my loss.

Each thing I touch you have repaired or found or bought or loved. Each chore I do that you did last time I know you always did for me out of love. When I heard a car in the driveway and I realized I will never hear your radio blasting louder than the sound of your bike as you fly home after work I also knew I will always listen for it.

Why does this not grieve me? Why can I smile as I write this?

Because in the twenty plus years we have known each other, mate, you have done these thousand million kindnesses and loving actions to show you love me. You never just said the words, Mate, you showed me. Not a day in my life with you has ever been without some loving action, touch or word that made me smile.

Each time I wince a little as burn the trash or feed the animals, struggle to run the snow thrower or to mow the lawn without breaking the belt on the mower that you are no longer here to repair I have to acknowledge that you did this last time for me out of your love for me. To show me I was loved.

When I lay down to sleep alone the bed will only be empty feeling because you filled it so full with warmth and love for me that it was a joyful place to end our day together.

If I start my bike for a ride and then have to turn it off to cry for awhile before I leave it will be because you loved me so much that you made it not only fit me but made sure it ran safely enough for me to ride anywhere alone. I will remember your love is in each nut and bolt. I will wipe my eyes and smile because I am riding on your love still.

As I sort your earthly belongings that you used with so much joy and I touch each thing one more time I will try to remember you used them to show your love for me and others. You no longer need them and I will try to smile because you enjoyed them so well. And you always said you loved my smile.....

I will try to smile, buddy, each time I begin to hurt, to please you. But if I cry a little in self pity because you are no longer here to spoil me with the depth and warmth of your love, forgive me, buddy. I don't mean to forget and be sad when what I have done is find another way you loved me. I will try to cover each pain in my heart with the knowledge that it's just the Mate's love for me showing again.

Thank you for showing me that I am worthy of the love of a man as fine as you. It was your best gift to me. You have spent years loving me and letting me love you with all my soul. I will spend years missing you and rediscovering how many loving things you did for me.

About ten years ago we had the words "ride free" tattooed on your right arm because we both saw it in a dream. It faded slowly away. Now it is not a tattoo, buddy, but a state of being. While I will always miss you, I will not cling to you. I will keep walking the path set for me, Darling and I willingly release you to the one you are destined to follow now.

Good bye, Beloved and Honored and irreplaceable mate of my soul.

Ride Free, Mate - I love you.

   1/26/2006

Till We Meet Again

I tried to post this last night but Blogger would not take it. I am sorry for the delay.

Yesterday was the last day I had the privlege and joy of being married to a man who loved strongly and well, knew the meaning of honor, was patriotic enough to spend eight years defending his country, loved his children, his step children, his grand children, his dog, his cat, his motorcycle and family and friends but still had enough love to give me that my life was completely transformed.

I have often said on here things like go for it, do it NOW, remember to appreciate your loved ones and I have tried to live it. I have only one regret - that he is not still here with all of us that loved him. He knows he was loved, that he was appreciated and that I was one hundred percent his woman. I really am not sure what life will be like without him.

The mate has once again, gone ahead of me to see where the trail is leading, he knows the answers to the mystery of life and death and afterlife that plagues us all. He's going to love exploring the new existance.

I am keeping the home fires burning and wishing he were still here but I can't grudge him the peace of knowing that his jobs here are done and it's time to relax and enjoy.

The blog will continue when I have time. Probably to keep me going it will have to continue. Now I have no one to share the sightings of black swans and big hawks, eagles, monster bucks and little ducks with at home I will share them here.

Below are some quotes from the blogs and some links to a few of the thoughts I have had on the mate. It's not the tribute he deserves but I am a little punchy right now.

Please read of our love and, if you have a lover, cherish them tonight for me. Thank you.

************************************
When the mate and I met up after 14 years of not seeing each other since high school we were not wearing the same bodies we had back then. I had been depressed and lost many pounds, I was the most slender I will ever be and about 30 pounds lighter than high school. He had worked out in the Army, built himself up a weight lifter's bod and then let it slide during the last ten years.

It didn't matter to me. I looked into his hazel eyes and saw the boy I loved inside the man facing me. I didn't need to know anything else about his life to love him. He lost an amazing amount of weight as we courted. It was nice, but it didn't matter.

It took me way too many frogs to find my prince but when I found him I was smart enough to KNOW it was my prince and to work to keep it precious. Same for the mate. He treats me like a queen often enough that I feel treasured by him. I hope he feels the same from the way I treat him.

That's my man and I am his woman. We see the person we love and who loves us, not the bodies containing them. We have a solid, true love.

All I really wanted to say is that you have all the time from now until you die to be happy. If you know how long that is, cool. I have died twice now and I like to think I enjoy each little pleasure as if it were the best gift at the biggest party I ever had. Be happy and content in your own way and bless you.

http://forwardho.blogspot.com/2005/07/true-love.html

http://forwardho.blogspot.com/2005/03/cloud-9.html

the anniversary http://forwardho.blogspot.com/2005/09/it-had-to-be-you.html

http://forwardho.blogspot.com/2005/06/not-always-perfect.html

http://forwardho.blogspot.com/2005/08/i-dont-want-pickle.html

http://forwardho.blogspot.com/2005/11/hes-largehes-myyyinneehes-large.html

   1/23/2006

and anyone can tell, You don't know me

That is part of the problem. I can't know what you need to feel safe and happy in the big city and you can't know what I need to survive in the country. You people on the coasts in the south need a lot right now but until you tell me what is most important I can only send what I think you might need. The Australian Aborigines mostly need to be left alone on their land. Same with some Congo tribes. If I sent them jeans and t shirts they might do anything but wear them, how am I supposed to know.

Communication, interaction without fear. What if we swapped 2 kids per class a year world wide? 12 -one to sixth graders, 10 - eighth to 12th graders, in every school from other nations, speaking other languages and rotating them every year. In the first 10 years 220 kids from each school in the world would have been exposed to a different culture, language and belief system. They would have friends from all over the world. When they grew up to be our future government and decided to go to war they would be dooming their friends or friends of friends to distruction and maybe death. Would they try to find another way to setttle problems?

When we started populating North America we began where we landed and spread out. There were areas with coasts, harbors and bays then mountains, scrub trees and creeks, flat lands with the soil to grow crops, more mountains, more coasts only warmer, and in each of these areas some of us stayed. And someone else had to go. We bulled over the people that lived here before us and forced them to leave their homes and the land they loved or killed them. If they had been our friends would we have done it differently?

The King in England was ruling the colonies with an eye to sucking them dry of riches. Furs, shiny rocks, gold, whatever could be traded or sold to make a farthing. The problem was his rules didn't fit the situation here. He didn't know us. Being the peons and dregs of society, he didn't care what we thought we needed. He was King, what he said was law.

We fought a war to get shed of him and won - eventually. As we continued to spread out life became more dangerous as we were on our own. Different areas had differing needs and with little law and difficult transportation there was fighting and killing over everything from a certain piece of land to water or trees. We were killing each other.

This was unacceptable. Our women and children were dying, our men were being killed and we needed every able body to hold this land. The men who had been here on the East coast started organizing for government as far back as before the war with England. With no radio or television and newspapers few and dear yet, it was hard to communicate with all of our people. Think about that a little. No mail system either.

But finally, "We the People, in order to form a more perfect union,(unite many diversified people and cultures) establish justice,(protect the rights of all the people) insure domestic tranquility(provide a peaceful nation), provide for the common defense (protect the nation and it's people), Promote the general welfare, (so all people can strive to live comfortably) , and secure the blessings of Liberty to ourselves (keep the nation and it's individual's free of opression) and our posterity (and provide the same for future generations) do ordain and establish this Constitution of the United States of America.

We had the beginning of our current government. It's not a bad plan. Three divisions of men committed to keeping an eye on each other so we didn't get one guy trying to run it all for himself. A body of our own citizens to form an army, arrange to care for the windows and orphans of war and the health and upkeep of our armed forces was planned. They would protect our borders and handle civil unrest. Diplomats to negotiate with other countries for trade and to keep the peace would be part of the government. New laws to protect people from evil do-ers would be put in place. They would be looking at the long view to plan ahead for the needs of future generations and protect the land itself and it's flora and fauna from being overly depleted.
Then the states began forming. Because different areas had different needs the states would be able to make their own laws for their unique populace. Eventually that got us 48 organized populations with their own governmental units. They had to let the federal government handle things that affected every citizen but their laws covered their people and the unique needs they had. The people in the area told the men in government what they thought was important and they began making laws.

So government started out as a good and even well organized idea. We would all chip in to get the big stuff done, and each state's people would chip in to cover their own area's needs. The rest was ours, unlike when the King taxed even the tea we would be drinking, taking most of everyone's income and leaving them little to live on.

But, like all humans with power, the men in the governments got greedy. They became more concerned with the trappings and display of government than with the PURPOSE. They needed fancier places to meet and built themselves a fancy meeting place. They needed the best furniture and finest furnishings so the other nations would see our wealth and style was equal to theirs. Then they needed more money to operate with and keep their families in fancy homes and schools. And more money to travel to other nations and visit. And more money for extra staff to run the office because they were out making laws, campaigning or visiting instead of working out of their offices. It's been all down hill ever since.

What our government is NOT doing, in any party, is addressing the needs of all the humans on all the planet. Our president would not sign the clean air commitment for our country. As if it is ok for the rest of the world to acknowledge that we must all work together to protect the atmosphere and the very air we breathe while Americans will continue to pollute as we please. This means we are no longer the wisest, most caring nation and that we no longer lead the other countries in advances. Now we won't even FOLLOW them into the future, we will be staying behind in our stinky, destroying fumes in the past.

The government is not protecting the citizens, now we must fight for protection from our own government. They are not protecting the environment we live in or the wild areas protected so future generations can have the joy of learning about nature and it's interdependent design for animals, plants and humans.

They are not developing our peoples full potential. Still thinking like feudal lords, their own children are provided the best our education system can offer while the rest of the people make do with what we can teach our children ourselves and the under funded, neglected and increasingly violent public school systems.

Instead of raising a nation of heros and survivors they have cut spending to our sports and physical education departments as "unnecessary". Our children are fat, undeveloped victims for anyone to intimidate and attack because they learn no self protection.

If they did have classes in every school for basic defense, the kids don't have the muscles they need to defend themselves. The exceptions are being abandoned to their own resources for places to work out or increase their skills unless they are Olympic quality.

Our school doesn't even have a ball field for the kids to use because they might use it unsupervised after hours and the school would be sued. So now, after school hours, they run unsupervised in the streets, stealing and shooting out steet lights because what else is there for them to do?

Is this planning for the future? Is this providing the best for all of our children? How many geniuses are being lost in the system that insists on driving every peg into a round hole no matter what it's shape? From our example as a nation, a state, a school and parents what are we showing our children?

By allowing futher destruction of our natural areas (even Michigan is considering privatizing their state parks...can we spell c o n d o?), neglecting the physical and mental development of our children, failing to make every effort to find economical alternatives to oil and coal, and continuing to stroll blissfully down the entrenched road of greed and self interest we are dooming our nation to a future with no heros, no geniuses, no ability to take care of it's own.

By not realizing that we own nothing but have a duty to preserve and protect everything for our future gens we have a government of short sighted greedy people. They are so busy making money they can't spend on things they won't be here to enjoy for the sole purpose of having more than the next guy that they don't even see that they have wasted their lives and our world's future.

They have no concept of stewardship only the "More for me" mentality that is keeping our children locked in fat stupidity forever. We will not be the sheep of the future, but the pigs, consuming but not contributing, fouling our home planet when even a dog will not crap where he sleeps, falling futher behind with each under educated generation until Made in America will be a joke. Because everyone knows the Germans and the Chinese make it better and cheaper.

There will be no flying cars made in America. We will have no rocket trips to the moon hotels. There will be no one smart enough to build them and the rest of us won't be able to pass the physical required before lift off.

And who has the power to change our government before it is too late?

Us, we the people.

The links to contact your reps are in the sidebar. Tell Michigan you can't sell state parks because they are held in trust for the future generations. That when even the cemetaries have been moved to build condos on there will be a little piece of the wild land we tamed for them to love and appreciate.

Tell your reps to commit to alternative energy sources. That if an off shore generator can run on wave power for only the cost of building and maintaining it, why are we burning oil instead of having CHEAP electricity? Because a power company may have to go the way of the dinosaurs? Yes it means jobs lost. Educate them and the people will find new jobs, maybe building and maintaining wind energy machines or solar power generators.

Tell your reps you don't want to have to buy your great grands new breathing masks for christmas every year as they out grow the old ones. You want the air cleaned and protected now! Give businesses that use the new superheated chimneys that put out electricity tax breaks to keep them from polluting our air.

Maybe you just want to tell them about the concept of stewardship. It's our government. They can't fix it if they don't know it's broken. I will bet not ONE of you clicks the link, finds your reps and writes to them.

It takes time, it's too much work, I'm nobody, why would they listen to me, I don't have a stamp. Pick an excuse. But don't whine to me when there is not one natural lake left fit to swim in or one river you can eat the fish you catch out of. I won't even say I told you so, I will be long dead and gone by then.

Government - by the people. Planet - one only. Air- limited resource. Oil - limited resource. Point of continuing the race of human? Some days I am not sure there is one.

I don't do politics and I think I am done now. Thank you for reading and thank you so much for the great comments in the previous post.

   1/19/2006

This land is (not) your land, this land is (not) my land

I have been trying to toast this post for better than a month now. I really wanted it to be well done but you are getting is medium well as I want to get back to my regular blogging, like the birthday party, who won the scrabble game and who is the meanest Sorry player. You know, the important stuff.

The last two posts worked together with this one in my head. They are all really about planning for the future. Your perception of time changes as you age. Your ability to plan ahead and what is truely important to you changes as you get older, too.

I am skipping over where did we come from, the holy versions, evolution, archeology and intelligent design because they don't really matter. The recent past does count but you can only go forward from where you are now.

So for my next question....Who owns the world?

Bear with me through the definitions...I hate to have people confused by semantics.

OWNER - he who has dominion of a thing real or personal, corporeal or incorporeal, which he has a right to enjoy and to do with as he pleases, even to spoil or destroy it, as far as the law permits, unless he be prevented by some agreement or covenant which restrains his right.

OWNERSHIP - is the socially supported power to exclusively control and use for one's own purposes, that which is owned.

POSSESSION: the act of having and controlling property.

DOMINION: 1. Sovereign or supreme authority; 2. the power of governing and controlling; independent right of possession, use, and control; .3. That which is governed;

USE: To put into service or apply for a purpose; The permission, privilege, or benefit of using something: "We have the use of this planet."

USER: - a person who uses something

STEWARD: One who manages another's property, finances, or other affairs.

STEWARDSHIP: Planning for and taking the necessary actions over the long term to successfully preserve and protect and increase the value of a resource belonging to another.

HUSAND- 1) a married man, 2) archaic - a manager or steward, as of a household, 3) a prudent and thrifty manager, 4) to manage economically.

HUSBANDRY 1) the cultivation of crops and the breeding and raising of livestock- agriculture 2) the careful manager of resources.

GUARDIAN 1) one legally responsible for the care and management of a person or property. 2) one whom regulates and protects

TRUSTEE: An individual who holds or manages assets for the benefit of another.

CONSERVATOR : One that conserves real property or preserves a human from injury, violation, or infraction; a protector

SENTINEL: A person or special body of persons assigned to provide protection or keep watch over other people or their belongings.

GOVERNMENT: a ruling body to unify, preserver, protect and advance a population and collectively seek the means to meet the common goals and needs of the populace.

Now, back to the question "Who owns the world?" That is a pretty big question. Let's make it a little more personal; Do I own my home? Do American's own the United States? Can I even own the computer I type on?

Ownership is a term defined by the society we live in. It is not real. It is only an idea, belief or a concept. I believe it is a false concept.

I live in a house, inside a village, inside a township, inside a county, contained by a penninsula that is a state in a nation, on a continent with another country and another nation comprised of provinces, with many other people. I am a "home owner" and the land I "own" has legal "limits and boundaries" established by a certified survey, but do I really own it?

I say, "No!"

Why not? you ask. Because the one criteria no human can meet is: having dominion..."even to spoil or destroy it". Both dominion and possion imply control and the ability to protect what you have. I can not protect my property or my loved ones from "nature" (God). I cannot keep "nature" from wiping me and "my" house and family right off the map. There is not one human created item, building or business that we truely "have control over". Ultimately our illusion of ownership is shattered by the planet's forces.

The other reason I can't own anything is because I am going to die. Once I die I can't maintain "exclusively control and use for one's own purposes" over anything. If it isn't mine forever, it's not really mine. And we are all going to die someday. While I may "have the use of "the yard now, in thirty years or so someone else will say they "own" it. But they will be wrong. Because we all die. The dead cannot "own, possess, control or have dominion over" anything.

If I don't own anything then what is my relationship to "my" land and possessions? I believe I am it's current user. I have the use of it for now and how I use it is up to me.

By viewing our "belongings and property" through the warped glass of ownership we make decisions based on our short term needs and not on the needs of those coming after us. The long view might take more time or resources than we want to invest, but planning only for the short term can lessen their value or actually let them erode away leaving the future users with nothing of value.

If I take the long view, I am it's Steward. If am a good steward, I will be planning for and taking the necessary actions over the long term to successfully preserve and protect and increase the value of this home that will belong to another. When I am gone someone in the future will have a nice house and lovely yard for them and their children to enjoy. If I am a lousy steward I will just use the place into the ground and someone else has to clean up the mess, dispose of it and build again.

If our ultimate purpose is to protect and expand the race of humans we need to take off the blinders of ownership and pull up the binoculars of stewardship to plan for all humans in the next gens to have a planet they can still use. All humans everywhere on this planet under the age of ten are our future, the future of humanity. It is our responsibility to act as guardians and trustees for the next generation and to help plan for at least the next seven generations.

American's are using "America" now, Russians are using "Russia" and so on around the world through the blinders of ownership. I feel that if more people were aware that we can own nothing and the species only survive through cooperation throughout the world, leaders working together for the future good of the race might make faster progress in using all of the planet's many resources to improve life around the globe, for all the children.

The rain will fall, flowers grow, grains ripen at harvest time, the wind will still stir white caps on the waves and the sun and moon still decorate the skies if we all shared what each area has the most of and treated it like the priceless resource for everyone that it is. Not Communisim, not Democracy, or any other political animal. A universal accounting and trade system that prices bamboo shoots and rice and wheat in the same measurement with oil, gold and pinapple so each area can recieve credit for it's resources and trade for what it does not have fairly.

In an organizational context, stewardship refers to management's responsibility to properly utilize and develop the talents of the members. Stewardship is operationalized as time, talent and transport of what others need, not just the produce or product itself. In this way many of us can be of use organizing and expiditing the proper disbursment of the world's many resources and earn our way also.

Environmental quality is the shared responsibility of all those whose actions affect the environment. Individuals, companies, communities, and government organizations must all work toward better environmental performance so that the planet will sustain the future generations. This is a staggering privilege and responsibility. Many of us could stay busy for eons in that effort.

What matters is not how much we possess, but how we use what we are entrusted with. Entrusted with, not what we own.

So I use my laptop and when I die I hope I have taken good enough care of it that the next user enjoys it as much as I did. And when I order a new window I get one with a good guaruntee that will last a long time. When I put in a new flower bed or tree I plan for how much it will grow in 50 years. Will it be in the way of the swing set area? Will it block too much sun from the garden?

I have too much stuff. I have been thinning it out over a year now and it is still too much. I will keep passing it on to those who burn out and those who flooded out till I have just what I need and no more. I have enjoyed using many of "my things" but it's time for someone else to enjoy them. And everything I get rid of is one less thing to dust, store away, fix when I break it or take care of so my live gets simpler.

All that I have that is mine is me - my actions here, my influence with my family for their betterment and education - their memories of me when I am gone and my pride or shame in myself when I go to the next level. That is mine. My stories, my songs, those are mine. And I share them with others, too.

This may have one more post yet. We will have to see how I feel when I re read it. Thanks for bearing with me while I work these things out in my head.

   1/11/2006

I did it my way

And the last post, which was supposed to be about teaching children to make good decisions but was also about why we should try to make better decisions ourselves, leads to this one. I wandered out into blogland...

What is my ultimate purpose in life? Google it if you want to. There were some interesting ideas on this question. I can't say any of them were wrong or earth shattering, either, but they got me thinking again.

What IS our ultimate purpose in life? To preserve and advance the race. To aid the race in surviving. To protect and educate the young of our race to their best abilities so that they may, in turn, preserve and advance the race.

From the man who invented the club to the woman who concieved of matched furs, every human has added to the knowledge and skills of the next generation of humans. Back then if you showed them how to find food and water, use the club and how to preserve the furs, they were educated. At a young age they were ready to take a mate, breed and educate their young.

Then came fire and flint and knives and bolo's and slings and spears, planted seed, cooked, smoked and preserved food, more complicated clothing, sewing, trapping .....

You can see where I am going with this. Each thing we have learned that is good or to be avoided must be taught to the next gen. Every machine we run, needs someone that understands it to keep it running. Every minute of every day there is more knowledge and that means each generation has more to learn to survive.

Every time some one has died without passing on his knowledge of a skill or a poison bearing plant, that knowledge is lost. It has to be discovered all over again. And there is so much to know that no one person can master the knowledge of everything.

Then we came up with specialization. One family always makes wine and trades for the rest of the things they need. The family that has horses trains and sells them to the baker for bread. The computer guy fixes a machine with a glitch for a tray of home baked cookies. Swiss watches, German wood carving, Japanese porceline, African gold and diamonds, Tennessee Whiskey, just a few examples of specializations.

I can't run a phone line or set up a satillite tracking program in machine language. I can crochet a lovely doily, not a very tradeable item....I can skin and gut a deer, fish and clean same and cook both. I should be able to trade for work on my car and such.

So now, each child, instead of having to learn everything the race knows, needs only to learn PART of what the race knows. There are some things every child must learn to keep the race progressing. But younger and younger children are beginning to specialize in their studies. Music, technology, engineering, law, and such have become the wine, horses and baking of our past. You have to choose wisely or risk not being able to trade your skill and learning for sustanence in the future. We have all heard of "starving artists". Art is advanced when the economy is stable and leaves room for "extravagances" or non-nessesities.

More skills and knowledge are being lost every day but we can't afford to have babies with brains much bigger or birth will become a form of Russian Roulette for our women. I believe this is where books became important. It preserved not just the knowledge of how to survive but of the more extravagant knowledge people accumulated.

Our purpose is to preserve the race. Above and beyond the drive to procreate, survival and the basic knowledge of livingk I believe that teaching our children how to get along with others is becoming a required survival tool. Tolerance, diplomacy, and acceptance of those different from us is more important now to the suvival of the race of humans than it may have been when the only way to go see someone was to walk or even ride a horse.

As our world became smaller because of advances in transportation we came in contact with people of color, of different life styles and beliefs. Conflicts began because we were not able to communicate well or deal with our differences diplomatically. Fear of the stranger was a survival trait that we must now teach out of our children and replace with curiousity and tolerance. We have only begun to work on this recently so we still have wars based on differences we should be able to accept and live with.

Greed is another trait that used to be a useful survival trait. More food meant more to trade for other things for the family. This was good. When it goes beyond providing for the needs of one extended family it becomes a useless greed. It is no longer aiding the family or the race's survival but creating envy in others and causing more wars. You had too much land, we did not have enough - poof! - land wars. We are in fossil fuel wars that we will eventually see were foolish and a waste of resources because advances are even now being made in using the energy that surrounds us that will make these wars seem inconceivable to future generations.

And the competition to make sure that each sector of the race can blow up every other sector with dirty bombs that ruin the earth itself for use by any of us or the animals we share it with is the scariest learning of all.

Our goal should be to teach the children that every person holds, will learn or discover part of the knowledge we need to survive as a race. That they should treasure each person for their contribution to preserving that knowledge. However small you may feel your contribution is, some unique thing in each of us adds to the knowledge the race needs to survive. That is why we are each special and irreplaceable.

So what is my ultimate purpose in existing? To teach the children.

Lead them to the science of energy, the study of diplomacy and the art of learning.
To instill curiousity so they continue to learn as they grow.
To teach them why health and fitness are important and how it can be fun.
To learn to know others different from them without fear.
To show them that to live their lives with joy, love, friends and family in peace and having enough is good.
To share with those in need.
To teach them to heal the earth of the hurts we have inflicted on her.
To inspire them to search for new planets and ways to terra form the ones we have to be useful for raising food or housing brave humans.
To show them that destruction is the province of nature and construction should be the work of the race.
To teach them to believe that we must all work together if the race is to survive with a planet that will sustain us.

What only I can teach is my contribution to the race. If only I can do a thing it is up to me to teach it to another or to write a book that shows another how to do it. What only I can create, what is unique with me, that is what I must preserve for the race. It may not be important now but it may save the world in the future.

We must not enforce the herd mentality in our schools. Let each person go their own way to fully develop themselves in the direction they feel is important without hinderence. Most important is to teach them that differences really are just skin deep, we are all humans on this planet together. And if each of us holds part of the knowledge then all of us have value to the whole race.

If ONLY you can tell that story, create that invention, show a way for two strangers to become cooperating friends, build the machine that turns ground grain into any type of food, (come on replicator!) grow a better strawberry, stop a fight, resolve a conflict, invent a game that can be played by two people who speak different languages, then you have a duty to preserve it for the betterment of the race.

To share that knowledge that is unique to us in a way that will preserve it for the future should be the goal of each of us. Write down your best soup receipe, write the book, record the song, diagram the machine, sketch the idea, paint the concept of that building, grow that flower. Some of us are only here to inspire the rest of you to be sensible and get on with your lives. None of what I have put here is really unique to me. Others may have said it better. Perhaps just putting it where you would think about it was my contribution. What willl be yours?

   1/06/2006

Teach, your children well..


Now that's not as easy as it sounds. You can't just follow them around every minute keeping them out of trouble. A, B, C's, and counting to 100 are not too hard to teach. Giving them the skills to live safely in a dangerous world is a little more tricky. How do we teach that?

I believe most of us draw upon our experiences and past to help guide our own kids through the pot holes and bushwackers of the planet. Using stories and examples we try to teach them to make judgement calls on good, bad, safe, unsafe, I can handle it and Need Adult help. Most of us have learned these things from our family and peer group.

But the future is a hard concept for people to grasp. It is even harder for kids. Next Christmas is too far away to worry about now. It will be "Forever" before it gets here again. Next Friday is about as far as they can see. Even young adults can only see to next month usually; as in next month's rent, next month's concert. The older you get the easier it is to see ahead to next year and next generation.

Kids have to be able to grasp the future to plan ahead for good grades next quarter or being ready to compete in an event so practicing today is important. Young adults have to see ahead to realize how their actions today will affect their tomorrow in two, ten, or 20 years. How to get kids to see how today affects the rest of their tomorrows.? This is a real stumper!

I got a glimpse today of how to help them learn to do this. Just a little idea based on "Will this be fun later?" It's another "ask yourself this" question. "Do I want to tell my kids this story?"

From the time you are 9 or 10 till you are in your late 20's you are creating the stories of how you dealt with being a kid and growing up. You have (had) rules you don't like that your parents set. You do certain things to fit in better at school. Your first experiences with the opposite sex and actual sex happen. What you do about drinking, smoking and drugs. How well you did in school. What you did when a pet died. How you met your mate. Driving a car the first time. Your first year in college. These are all experiences that lead to teaching stories for your kids to learn from in their lives.

However you deal with these kind of events, and others you encounter, you are creating the stories you have to tell YOUR children.

So now, pretend you are grown up and your kid wants to do something you feel they shouldn't yet. You are the parent.... "Do I want to tell my kids this story?"

Do you want to say, "I really wanted to fit in with the cool kids, too. I started having sex with Boy Coolest. Then I was invited to all the cool kids houses and parties and I had a group to hang out with in school. When I got pregnant he dropped me and none of them ever talked to me again. So, no, you are not going to Fred's if his folks are not home."

"When my parents told me I couldn't go to the Insert Band Here Concert I got mad and ran away. I went to New York, where the band was based, so I could meet them. While I was there I was (mugged, drugged, forced into theft or prostitution) till I could get away from those people. Then I hitchhiked to California where it was warm all year and panhandled on street corners till I got a job working in a recycling center by lying about my age. So, yes, you can go to the concert with Jill and Don....AND ME! I will be going with you."

Maybe the story you want to tell is about finding your perfect mate. "This pretty girl got drunk on 17 tequilia's one night then danced or made out with every guy in the bar. She said I was the best kisser and we got married 2 days later." or for a really romantic story, "I went to a party at college and everyone got high on E. Your mom came to me two months later and said she was pregnant so we got married. So stay off drugs and stay away from frat parties."

How about, " When I first learned to drive I liked to drive really fast. Partly because I was always late I felt I had to be a fast driver. One day I came around a curve and smashed into a little old lady pulling out of her driveway and killed her. No, you can not take the car until you are 17 and have had no tickets or accidents."

Here is a great one..."I was at a party where I didn't even know anyone. People were just telling everyone where there was a party. When I got there everyone was stoned and this one biker started chasing his chick around the house with a butcher knife screaming he would kill her. This put 2 people into bad trips and they started screaming and freakin' out. Then one girl with sugar problems drank some wine on top of some LSD and started having a diabetic sizeure in the other room. Someone called 911 and the ambulances with 3 cars of cops came. Five people went to the hospital and the bikers went to jail. The next day so did the owner of the house and some others. Because there were minors there and the girl died the owner went to prison and he wasn't even at home that night, it was his kid's party. That is why, if there are no adults home, you will not be going to Shelly's party!"

We all want to tell our kids these kind of stories - Right? I don't think so. But can you as a parent, and a former kid, justify playing the hypocrite and NOT telling your kids the places you made mistakes as a young person? Will you be able to pull off pretending to have been perfect all your life? Do you have siblings or a parent still alive? You know they will tell your kids stories about you.

If I had thought, "Will this be fun later? and Do I want to tell my kids this story?" there are times in my life I might have made my decisions a little differently. I might have done more to stop my friends from doing stupid stuff. My friends might have done things differently.

Did I want to explain to my kids the reason I would always come get them if they were too drunk to drive without punishing them? No. At a party one time my friend didn't stop some of her friends from leaving when they were too Drunk to drive. The girl that lived through the accident she and her friends caused - that killed 4 classmates and one person in the other car - still has the imprint of a steering wheel on her chest. Telling them that my friend not only never held another party but never WENT to another party till she was almost 30 is so sad. I wanted them to understand how strongly I felt that they NEVER drink and drive.

Did I want to tell them that the reason I stressed using condoms and birth control was that I had the clap at 15? Uh.......NO! Did I want to tell them if I had used protection I would not have been pregnant before I was 17? No way!

But I didn't want them to be trapped by mistakes I could help them avoid. (It also would mean eldest would not be here and I would not trade her back for all the shame of teen pregnacy and misery I had with the first husband) So I told them that story, too.

Did I want to tell them WHY I know it is absolutely required that there be an adult or someone over 21 to stay straight and sober at EVERY party? No, I copped out on that one and just told them that accidents happen and neighbors complain so someone has to be able to deal with cops and paramedics! Must have a party monitor!

There are a few stories I don't want to tell ANYONE! I'm sure you have them, too. But just maybe, if kids can pretend they are the grown ups with kids who want to sneak Dad's gun out to the garage to play with they might work through to the obvious answers themselves and leave the gun alone. You don't want to tell anyone ever that you shot your brother over who is going to shoot the gun first. Like my classmate did when they fought over it. And he loved his brother.

So when you are deciding to do something, "Is this going to be fun later?" is first and then after you decide what you are going to do, think about what might happen next and ask, "Will this be a story I want to tell my kids?"

Here is another story. A girl was taking care of horses one winter night. The water tank was frozen. It would be a lot of work to chop it out and refill it. The tank near the house was open. She decided it would be more fun to take each horse down to the open tank to drink. It would have been a lot of work to put saddles and bridles on the horses, then take them off again. She decided it would be easier to ride them bare back with just halters on than to walk and lead them or saddle and ride them...She was right, for some of the horses. They were thirsty and went right to the tank and then they were cold and went right back to the barn, no problem. Her little welsh pony was frisky that day and didn't want to mind her, didn't want to be ridden and didn't care if he got to the water right away.

With only a halter on him she had no way to really "steer" him. He tried to sweep her off by running under the laundry lines. She was going to slide off and jump back on , holding on to his mane like an indian. When she slid off her legs hit the clothes line post and broke, one above and one below the knee. She dropped to the ground and the horse ran off, got his drink and went back to the barn.

This girl was there alone at the farm, it was 40 feet to the house and 12 steps up the porch, a door to get open and when she got inside the phone was on the wall. She carried herself on her arms the whole way. Then the lady on the party line thought she was playing a prank. She finally got help. She was in a body cast for months. Why? because she was being lazy. Which is normal for most of us faced with any chore.

A little "Will this be fun later?" and "What if one of them runs off? I have to catch them alone." would have at least had her hook lead ropes on the horses. And "Do I want to tell my kids this story?" where she thinks how stupid is will sound to say, "I didn't even clip a lead to them" followed by "and there was no one else there", might have helped her convince herself to do things the safe way instead of the "fastest" way. We didn't have these two questions when I was a kid. And my sis made a dumb decision. My eldest used to ride on her shoulders while she walked around the yard like a stiff legged mummy in her cast.

Learning to make your own decisions is the biggest part of growing up. While this insight is too late for me and my grown children, I am hoping to instill it in the next gen BEFORE they start making the stories they will have to share with their children. These are not world saving questions. They may not keep kids out of all the trouble in life. Still, I might help one person get past one bad decision safely. So I had to post this thought.

   1/02/2006

Let there be Peace on Earth

but maybe it doesn't begin with me today.

ice dayI have avoided the "Happy Holidays", "Merry Christmas" debate as something that people are just getting stupid about. Now that we are past the worst of the conflict this year I want to put in my nickle's worth.

Holiday is a contraction of "holy day"- which is a religious event or feast day;the x in christmas represents the cross; Christmas is a contraction of "Christ's mass" or HOLY DAY. So happy one or merry the other, it's basically the same thing. If non belivers really feel better avoiding the word Christ, I can deal with that. I don't know half the time if I am a believer or still a seeker, myself.

What ever I am, I will not bend over backwards or any other way to avoid offending a Buddist, Muslim or American Indian with MY celebrations. Sam Hain or Halloween, May Day or Corn Planting Feast, they are religious celebrations. Some I believe in or can tolerate and some that leave me so confused....but I will defend your right to celebrate your holy days any way you wish. So please don't tell me I can't enjoy mine.

No one says "Happy Sam Hain" where I am from. If they believe in it they are usually wiccans. Now, last I knew, wiccans didn't want a bunch of other religion's believers to even know where they were celebrating for fear of harrassment. They should be free to have a holiday without stress but that's not the way it is here in the old us of a yet. Witches, warlocks and wizards are not socially accepted. Halloween, however, is accepted by most of the people in the area I live in. We don't hide it, we don't have to worry about non believers retaliating against us, we just have our parties and trick or treat and go home.

Believers in Christ founded this country. There is no state mandated religion. Protestants, Catholics, Baptist, Fundamentalist, and Methodist all believe in some form of Christ and/or God. They all do it differently enough that, to me, anyway, they seem like different religions - as different as Mormons or Buddists or Jews. I don't celebrate Passover either. I do not object to it being on the calendar as a holy day. It's just not my holiday.

So if all the corporate types out there want to go to Happy Holidays will it apply to Easter, Passover, Kwanza and other non christian days, too? Fine - then we will never know which holiday we are celebrating!

For me, it's "Merry Christmas", Happy Easter, Happy Kwanza, Joyful Passover, Happy Birthday, as a way to tell them all apart. I am saddened to think that a Jew would care enough about how my holy days are referred to in public to stop shopping where "Merry Christmas" is wished as a greeting. Should I stop buying bagels because the store where I buy them may greet me with "enjoy Fat Tuesday"?

So just stop being foolish. Let everyone enjoy their holy days, greet them with a wish that they have a merry or happy whateverholydayitis today and worry about changing something important, like federal overspending or homelessness.

The whole point of this country is supposed to be tolerence of others different than we are. Many of our immigrants are from highly intolerant cultures and this seems to be difficult for them to understand. They come here and expect us to give up our rights to believe and worship publically as we please while allowing them to retain their right to live their beliefs.

You don't condone others beliefs by allowing them to practice them - you show them that, in America, we all have the right to live our life the way we feel is right.

So if you agree not to bug me about the nativity down the street I won't bug you about the way you dress or the funny star on your walls. If you can't share the love at least spread some tolerence next year.

biker chickBy the way, The 12th day of the first month is a holiday, now celebrated from sunset on the first following Friday through sunrise the first following Sunday to accomodate proper practice of all the rituals involved. We call it, "Another Year You Are Not Dead Day".

To become an offical member you must stop doing anything useful to survival at sunset on Friday. By 9:00 p.m. you must seek out an establishment with recordable Kareoke or a helpful band, piano player or accordianist and take your own recorder or video recorder.

Before 10:00 p.m. you must have at least 3 drinks of your favorite alchoholic beverage and one order of mixed hordeorves that includes potato skins. Eat all of them but ONE potato skin! This step is very important as the potato skins serve to remind us that we could be laying flat on our back with our guts ripped out filled with cold bacon bits, bitter cheese and sour cream instead of being alive and kicking.

You have until 11:00 p.m. to drink at least one more beverage for the courage to stand up and sing in front of people. While recording your performance for posterity - and to prove you have participated in the rituals - you must hold the last potato skin in one hand and a glass of your beverage in the other while you belt out your favorite tune.

After recording your ditty you are free to eat, drink and be merry till you are ready to go home and crash. Upon arising Saturday morning you must consume one 8 oz. glass of orange juice with a scoop of ice cream in it, one large breadfast roll of your choice (Mine is a carmel pecan sticky bun or a carmel/maple iced cinnamon roll) and one hair of the dog. We have two dogs so I have plenty of dog hairs. Let me know if you need one for this part of the rituals.

The purpose of this part of the ritual is to establish the fact that you are indeed alive and celebrating that life by having forbidden foods for breakfast and that all humans are just fancy mammals, taller than dogs but not nessesarily smarter that any other mammal on the planet.

We are not locked into these particular foods. You may have cake and ice cream, hot cocoa, strawberry milk, pancakes with ice cream and chocolate syrup, ice cream rolled in fruity cereal, ice cream popsicles, peeps on ice cream, dark chocolate candy blended in ice cream or anything else your mom wouldn't let you eat for breakfast. The only MUST is you MUST include ice cream as one ingredient. I like a big cup of strong coffee with a small scoop of vanilla ice cream and a shot of chocolate syrup. I call it a 'Mocha Melt'.

After you finish breakfast you pile the dishes around the sink and go get ready for the day. Leave your jammies in a pile on the floor. If you shower toss your towel over the edge of the tub. This is a holy day, you do not do dishes, clean house or do laundry. You are celebrating being alive another year!

Once you are dressed think of the friend you have seen the least this year and go visit them, taking a small gift of candy or cookies, nothing healthy (like a fruit basket) is allowed. Visit an hour or two then go to the next neglected friends place and take them to lunch at the DQ. After lunch think of a third friend and take them to dinner at a pizza place. After dinner you must return to the place you sang by 9:00 p.m. and have at least one drink with all the new friends you made last night but may have forgotten about. Sing if you wish but it is not required.

The rest of the evening is up to the fates. Stay and sing and play or go home and watch funny movies. No drama, no blood and guts. You are celebrating being alive another year! It's joyful occasion and you know life is a funny thing - it's there one minute and gone the next. Humor is the only appropriate way to celebrate something as funny as life.

When you get up on Sunday, while the holy days are now over, you may take up to four hours to have coffee/whatever, eat breakfast and watch the sun cross the sky. After that you have to clean up the mess you left the day before.

The reason we leave the messes from our ritual breakfast and getting ready to go out and visiting is so that the next day we can be reminded of how much we enjoyed life and being alive for the holiday. It also works to remind you that you should only have just so much fun or you will have a week of no fun cleaning up the mess. While life is to be appreciated and celebrated you still have to take care of the chores it entails.

You only have to do this once a year on the first weekend after the 12th of January to stay an accredited member. All recordings and videos should uploaded and the link emailed with the subject Greater Organization of Drunken Singers Alive (GODSalive) at forherself@hotmail.com. Include your chosen believer's name and email address. You will recieve your membership certificate (suitable for framing) and member card by email.

So Merry Another Year You Are Not Dead Day! Stay alive! Sing! Enjoy Life! (then clean up the mess...LOL)

And let's see who is offended by THIS holy day!