Remember me at the close of a long long day

I walked in the house last night to the Sis tearing into the pantry/ laundry/ mud room area with zest and zeal that I could not feel after working all day, but her "go team" attitude perked me up enough to pitch in and go for it with her.

Now this little, odd shaped room has paneling we left up when we moved in rather than risk looking under it. It was warped, cut crooked and butt ugly but, with a wash and polish, looked good enough to live with. This time, the two rooms and the bath look so good I can't just leave it again. We opted to pull it off. It's bad. We will not be able to paint it but we will put up print wall paper in a marble effect that should disguise the stuff we can't get perfectly smooth.

There were three layers of wall paper on the top half, a place where it looks like they had real tile up once on two lower walls and the north wall has two massive, crooked and strangely shaped cut outs, one that goes to the pipes in the back of the tub and one that has no purpose I can figure! The idjit that glued the panels on would have done better to write his name over and over with the glue, it was a pitiful job. There is one wall they had kids drawings glued down over the wall paper, they were damaged but there were enticing bits left that were cute.

We were just into the bad stuff when my almost brother, aka, The Kid, showed up with his grand girls, two of them. One a little shorty about 4 and one about nine that really took to me. I don't know if it was the diggery doo or the harmonicas or the castanets, but she had fun. The Kid and the Sis and I sat down to visit for awhile then he got all "I can have that paneling down in two minutes" and I called him on it. "Go! - I'm timing you!"

The room is small so I stayed back and dished ice cream, I had gotten more black cherry for the sis when I got the mail on the way home and she was going to have to share. I got the little ones settled and by the time I had the other two bowls dished they were down to one chunk of board behind the pipes of the washer. It was only about five or ten minutes, if not the two he claimed. I was pleased. I can handle the scraping and plastering and such, light work. He pulled down and busted boards and sis hauled it out to the back porch. I got a dish of my other ice cream and joined them for a short break.

The Kid and I got talking and he likes blue glass, and stoneware, and his kid is building a house, he needs stuff, like dressers and end tables and such. I think he will take it all for me! I have boxes all over the house and it would be so nice to get rid of them all. He packed up the girls after he loaded up my glasses and blue glass and a VCR cabinet and such and headed home. He is a really loving and caring grampa, the oldest girl is in basketball and they played Tiny Town School last night. He drove her over so she wouldn't have to ride the bus and to see her play. Then he took time to stop in and see us. He's alright, for a boy.

I knew I was out of my league with the cut out areas in the laundry room and called my friend, KMA. She is a wall wizard! I told her just how bad it was and ask if she could square it up so we could patch it. She is moving around her schedule, already overloaded with side jobs, to fit us in tonight. One more for dinner and bible study is never a problem. We just all squeeze over.

Tomorrow when I get home the new window will be in, the old one will be boxed and finished out right and the ceiling in the back room will stay up! The sis is going to kibitz with the window guy and Thursday I am staying home with the plumber. So tonight, while I make dinner and KMA and Sis whip on the walls I have to pull the stuff from under the sinks, wash the window and sill in the kitchen and then put back the mess we make before I get to bed. And have dinner on, don't burn it, do dishes and, oh ya, study! LOL! It's gonna be wild, but fun. I love to watch a pro work! And mom will have three of us to give her a hard time and poor Visitor Lady will go nuts to see how we all work together.

If we can get the wash, paint and paper done in the pantry and the finishing touches in the bath when the plumber is done finished by Friday and the bedroom washed, the ceiling and the trim painted and the beds swapped out before Sunday night, I could have the whole downstairs except the notorious back porch done WITH the new floors, next Monday! Then I am taking a day or two to collapse in exaustion before we start on the upstairs. The porch is last as I don't know how far the paint will stretch and I don't care if it's fancied up or not.

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I cried in my sleep last night. I had gotten up to let the dogs out and in, had a smoke and had gotten chilled. The mate was like sleeping with a furnace. I think his ambient heat index was about a hundred and two degrees. I would crawl back into bed and slide over until my icy aura met his heat wave and then whisper his name until he would half wake up. I would tell him I was cold and he would groan, roll over and I would flip so my back was to him. Then he would gather me up in his arms, throw a leg over me, put the other one behind my legs and draw me next to him under his chin and go back to sleep while I drew all the excess heat from his body.

I went back to bed after the dogs came in and laid down ok, doubled the covers over me and started to drift off when the tears just came. I missed him so badly, and again, for a selfish reason. When I got up today wore the earrings he got me for Christmas, just to have a little more of his love with me today.

See, the love doesn't go away. The man's body is gone but I know we had true love and "I will always come for you" is his line now. My love for him hasn't quit or faded, either. I don't think it ever will. It's just the facts, mam, we love each other. Not past tense, always now. He will always be the only person I loved one hundred percent, not 99 percent or 99.9 but all the way. When I die I would run past even my father and mother to be back with the soul of my mate. ( I would turn around and go back later!)

I love others still, and have loved and do love other men in my life. I can love another man again. It won't be the same love I have for the mate but will be the love I grow with the new partner, between us. It is still love. There would still be trust and acceptance and joy. I still have love to share willingly and with no looking back. I do not want to try to find a man like the mate, I want a different one this time. But I will love again.

But that is for the future. And today I miss my man.