Got no money, got no home

Holy Moly Batman! Blogger uploaded a photo!

I was going somewhere else but this is too good a chance to miss. So you get pictures!

This is an oriental fisherman using sand fleas as bait. The day before he caught a halibut. This is Scripps Pier in La Jolla Shores (La Hoya Shores). Kay picked the beach and this was great. We cruised by Bird Rock and the Bay but didn't stop. I did get some nice rocks and shells here.




Next is my 2Tall friend in his front yard. He waters the lawn and the huge rose bushes everyday in the early morning hours before he starts working in the shop on his inlaid wood boxes, chests, coffee tables and such.

One of the surprising things, to me anyway, was that there is a real neighborhood here. 2Tall is on better than just speaking terms with his street mates.

One brought him packing boxes he uses for moving his inlay work to shows, one stopped to talk about his race car, another came over to see if he needed her son to work in the shop on Saturday, as a favor to her, so the boy would be occupied.

The kids run in and out of the house and shop petting cats and asking questions. They all like and respect him. It was a cozy feeling area and nice to visit there.

2Tall's lady, Kay, made my visit even more fun than if I was just playing with my friend in his shop. She is an intelligent, educated and discerning woman with many talents.

She is going to be setting up shows and keeping up mailing lists and the many other chores that go along with being an active artist. She also is just plain fun. She has a biting wit and a caring heart, one of my favorite combinations. With the many talents and skills between them I believe they will become even more well known on the art circuit in the future.

Now I can't get it to take any more photos, darn it! Well, at least I got a few up. When I finish getting the websites all working again I will be able to post more.

Before we leave the vacation behind I just wanted to talk about the homeless people I met. The Starbucks I was hanging at was down in Trolley's End, a little mall type place but all outside. There was a man with a long beard and an eye patch, another with the eye patch and a wooden leg, a teen girl always trying to bum a smoke, but she was under age and I wouldn't give her one, there was a teen boy, a little older than her, I think, that hung out and caged smokes, too.

I saw an article that the St. Vincent De Paul's shelter had had to close down because of lack of funds and it put almost three hundred people back on the steets, some of them pregnant women and the heat was around a hundred both days I was out there. They couldn't afford to run the air all day anymore so they closed up.

I don't have any answers but it made me sad that I couldn't help them more than I did. The one man I did try to talk with was either messing with my head or really out of his, it's a toss up. The girl wouldn't hold still to converse if you wouldn't fork over a smoke. The pirate was too scary looking and the one almost normal appearing man inside the coffee joint was full of paranoid delusions and freaked me out worse than the one that needed a bath and a shave.

I have been there. My first husband wasn't the provider sort, he was a "the world owes me" kind. When I was pregnant with the eldest daughter I was pan handling for food money on street corners. I named my kitten, Allie Cat, after Allie the pizza guy who used to have a "mistake" pizza at least once a night for me to take home so we could eat. I couldn't get work as far along as I was and the man I was married to didn't want to work, he wanted to go to school. It didn't pay well at all..LOL.

We did have a tiny room in a shared house and that kept us from being technically homeless but I wandered on in my future and for almost three years didn't have my own address for mail, just General Delivery in such and such a place. It can be scary out there and you can't get much help, you have to be able to do something. I could always find work, some of them can't work.

I worked at yard work, babysitting and house cleaning from the time I was 12 and when the baby came I went back to work. It wasn't that I couldn't work, it was that I couldn't make much money doing it. Homes take funds. The homeless may have some funds but not enough for a home. I am not usually afraid of them. I guess I am getting old or maybe that one guy was really scary. It just bothered me that I can't fix it.

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The good news is the deal for the domain name is done! I have calls to make tomorrow, starting with the plumber for the septic system, the dentist and the optometrist! Then the fun starts! I can't believe it's real! Yay me!

Who is betting I take some time off work this week? Hmmm? Ha!

If it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have no luck at all

Sometimes life feels like that, even when I am trying to count my blessings, which are many and varied just now.

The flight back was beautiful. I had a window seat straight through on the same plane with an hour and a piece layover in Twin Cities. I love the true topography of the planet miles below me; the expanse of desert slowly being eaten away by homes at its edges; the strange circles of crops instead of the squares and rectangles of home; the hills, the valleys of green; mountains of clouds and clouded mountains as we passed the Rockies. I could see that San Diego were in an old river bed, just like 2tall told me and I wondered if that was a good idea. After the Great Divide it clouded up and I dozed off a little.

My seat mates were an affectionate couple, holding hands for the landing, just back from a trip to Alaska. My uncle just left with his wife for that tour. They were grown ups, though and the conversation was limited. Dannie was more fun. If I wasn't napping I read my book from the swap meet. I also had tasty treats to snack on, a last minute gift from my dear friend. All was right with the world.

Then we hit Twin City airport. One of the stews was going out for a smoke and I thought I had lots of time so I would tag along and avoid the withdrawal I went through on the flight out. Three slideways, 2 escalators, one up and one down and an elevator and we were out! We lit up and chatted about the strike and the news paper stories we had read. Then she GOT ON A BUS and left me standing there! Aw crikey!

I sucked down a second smoke to still the terror in my breast and tremors in my knees. We must have come more than a mile and I had no one to ask for directions back! I had to clear inspection again, too, because I had been outside the safe zone. That meant a full scan because of the steel hip. Oh crap and darn!

I probably screwed up at the first escalator. When I found a human at a kiosk I asked him to tell me which gate to go to and he sent me to the G's. I went over the slide ways following the signs and up another escalator. Only there was no gate G of the number on my ticket. I finally found a human who could read and they told me it was gate C that number. Just go straight across on the slide way.

The clock is ticking in my head, I am winded from hauling the one bag I leave no where (laptop, ID, camera) and trying to hurry. My face is hot and I am dripping with the humidity and the stress. C gates are WAY over there! I will never make it. Nope.

Then this nice old man in a golf cart starts past me. I shout and wave my ticket. He acknowleges me and turns around. I ask if he can help, he says they work for tips, I'm good with that and I hand him my boarding pass. He says, "It's forty five minutes before take off." Great! I have to board a half hour before take off. Then he adds, "It's about a mile over to the gate." as he pulls out and starts really traveling! That little buggy was fast!

I was catching my breath and he was telling me how easy it is to hear the letters C and G wrong, how big the airport is and a lot of other stuff I couldn't hear over my panting. I felt so much better knowing that I was going to make the flight I just sat there and nodded and tried to get settled back down.

I made it back just as they called for the handicapped to load. I wondered if almost in cardiac arrest counted as I tipped the nice man well and sincerely told him thank you. I went to wait my turn to board. The take off was great, the view was nice and then clouds caught up with us. I read some more of my book and chewed my gum to keep my ears working. Everything was back under control.

Then we landed. I had left with just carry ons but I knew I would need a bag for the way back. My new friend, Kay, found me the perfect suitcase at the place she worked for about nine bucks - my kind of price. It was loaded with boxes and dirty clothes for padding. I managed to stagger over to the pick up area and it was almost the last one out. Now, I know it didn't weigh 50 pounds because we scaled it to be sure, but the darn thing was heavy! I got it snagged on the first pass and hooked up the cute little leash it came with. Three of the wheels worked great. That isn't enough to make it tow well though. So I carried it out to the waiting area outside.

Now all I had to do was wait for Jones to show up. Which I did. Almost forty five minutes later I was still waiting and, of course, now I was worried. I tried to call the house and his folk's home. No answer. I wasn't sure what to do. I didn't want to leave and miss them but I wanted to head home. I was on my third smoke when my cell phone rang. It was Jones' step dad. The white truck had broken a tie rod or thrown a ball joint and Jones was walking to his folks place. His mom was out with the van and there was no way to get me. Could I take a cab to their place? I told him I'd call back in a minute to give myself time to think.

This was bad. The truck would have to be towed. (money) and fixed (money) and I would have to hope little red truck was fixed (money), Jones' would be out of a vehicle as I had told him the only thing that would limit his time to have wheels would be if I had to have it. I'd say this qualified and it meant that loaner truck deal was cancelled by the same whatever power that had me set it up in the first place. This was bad.

I said a little prayer and called my son's house. He is usually only home Sunday and Monday but I got lucky. He answered. He came without even a heavy sigh, bless him. While I was waiting I got a second call from Jones himself who had made it safely home. He was supposed to meet us at a very bad corner gas station so I could have the key to get the truck towed. We got me loaded up in the little car and I got out of there.

The #1Son got us to the waiting place and we waited again. I finally gave up and called to find out the parents had gone to bed before Jones could ask for the car keys and he didn't want to wake them up. We got out of the nasty area of town and went to Jones' place. As he gave me the key I realized he really couldn't tell me where he left the truck. He has kind of a mental block for directions that makes my inability to get around without a map look minimal. We squeezed him into the back seat and headed back to the bad side of town.

The truck was about four blocks from the first place we waited. Jones and I emptied it out while the #1son stood watch. For midnight there was still a lot of partying and roaming going on. It was not a nice place to be. The boy got us out of there and we dropped Jones off at his folks. I gave him some cash for gas for his folks van as I would have no way for him to get to work from the house.

We said good night and left. We scooted over to the boy's house and played "Who will tow my truck?" I called the guys that towed Mom back at Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. They would not go into that area after dark. We had been there twice! EEEK! I set it up for them to tow it the next day, borrowed the boy's car and went home. I got there at one thirty in the morning to let out my dogs and cats who had all been left in. This was backwards from the proper procedure but Jones had expected to be gone about two hours and so I wasn't bent about it.

Boy, were they ever glad to see me! I was just as glad to be back. I got my bags in the house, through the john to my room and went back to freshen up. I discovered the rugs were soaked when they squished as I stepped on them. I flipped on a light. The seat was up. The throne had been vomited in and more and was not holding water the correct amount of water.

There had been a problem before I left but I thought I had fixed it. Obviously not, but to just leave it like that, ew. It was nasty, gross and icky. I ran a rag of bleach over the seat and did what I had to do then went to get the dog's water bucket to flush it instead of risking having that mess overflow. There wasn't even a half inch of water in that bucket. This is VERY bad. I never leave my animals without water EVER. It has to be full for the cats to reach as they won't drink out of their own cute little dishes. Now I was disturbed.

I filled the bucket, slopped enough in the throne to plunge with, refilled the bucket and let the dogs have at it. But my oldest cat beat them to it! This is very bad. He thinks he ranks the dogs but he doesn't take cuts....more later on that.

I plunged and cleared the mess, slathered it with toliet bowl cleaner, picked up the wet rugs to throw in the washer and found another rug and a towel already in there. I tossed them in the dryer and cranked it up, then soaped and started the washer.

I thought, "What the heck!" and went back to the bathroom, saw the tub looked like crap and sprayed it down, too, did the sink for good measure, grabbed the bleach and the mop and hit the floor as well. I did the towel under your feet dance to get back in and scrub everything off. I crossed my fingers, flushed and it went just like down town, no problem. I slid me and the towel back out the door, tossed the rugs into the dryer after folding the two items in it and thought, "Now I need a beverage and a smoke."

I hadn't been in the kitchen yet. There was a sink full of dishes. Well, what the hay, no big whoop. I got a glass of water and found my smokes. I decided a snack might be in order, as I had not eaten all day except trail food, so I turned back to the fridge. There was an empty spot on the floor where my gallon cider jug of pennies should have been.

I looked to the tea cart. There was an empty spot where my green half gallon canning jar with the zinc lid full of pennies should have been.

I went back to my room and turned on the lights. The gladiola vase the mate gave me that was three quarters full of pennies was gone. The "save and roll" coin banks, all three of them were empty. I moved the blue bear we won at the fair in Lake City one fourth of July and saw the small gold glass pig was still there. "Well, you missed one!" I thought to myself. But he cleaned out the little blue bird house where I had the wheats and special pennies saved.

Jones would not know it but I try to think ahead, as hard as that is for me, and I worried he might run short on cash for gas and food so I had stashed some cash at the house. If he would have told me he had a problem I would have told him where the stash was. I checked, he hadn't found the bills I tucked back for him. I checked the bibles, he missed the two dollar bills and such I use as bookmarks, too.

We had talked several times during my visit. He said nothing of being short any of the times we talked until the night before I was heading home. I thought the little stash would do it so I directed him to the fourteen bucks in quarters and didn't mention the rest. That should have gotten us to the airport and home.

I really started looking now. The peach tree schnappes and the last of my mate's peppermint I had filled his flask I got him for Christmas with were empty. All the burbon and whiskey were down to almost the last shot. One had only been three shots down. The only thing left was some vodka that wasn't cracked yet.

I went to the garage. The roll of quarters I keep on my bike was gone. I went back in the house and pulled the little safe down. He missed that, too. So I wasn't totally wiped out of my cash savings, just almost. And, if this deal completes correctly, I won't miss the money.

But everything I cleaned out of the mate's, from his leather jacket to his drawers, had pennies in it. They were added to the vase he gave me on the dresser in my room. The grands and the kids and the neices and nephews had all played with those pennies and added to them everytime they found one. I had been saving them more than ten years. The boys doing the gutter and I had just played poker with some of them less than a month ago. We all wondered how many pennies in a gallon. Now I would never know. I was saving them for the grands, for field trips and books and batteries and shoes and the fairs we would be going to. They were memories and fun for all of us and they were gone.

Come to find out the next day he found his way back to the repair shop and the roll in the little red truck was gone, too. I should have guessed that when I saw both coffee to-gos were home, I had forgotten mine on the way to the airport and it was in the red truck.

I pulled the rugs out of the dryer when it went off and put them down in the nice, clean bathroom.

I took a phone to my room and called Jones. It was a long, tear filled, angry and hurt conversation. Mostly a monolog. He got in, "I didn't want to spoil your vacation.", like coming up with some extra money would be a problem when I have tried to help even without being asked. He also worked in, "I handled it wrong." when I wanted to know why he didn't just ask me if he was short of money and "I was going to tell you but I was embarrassed to in front of your son." when I wanted to know how he thought I wouldn't notice.

I was full flame on and teared out before I was done. I felt so betrayed. I had told him it broke because he stole from me. He got in, "I was going to pay you back." and I laughed in his face. I told him he had cut himself off from the future help I may have been able to have given him by not just asking me for help now. I don't know if he can do the math but it was a bad call.

When I had finished and had time to think I knew I should have remembered that when I loaned him little red I had told him it was his until I needed it and the only way I would take it back was if the white truck broke down. The white truck was broken. I had done what I was supposed to do and now it was between him and whoever was running this circus. It was time to take red back. I told him I would be by for the keys Sunday.

It was three a.m. by now and I thought maybe I could sleep. I let everyone out and in again then crawled into my bed. It was sad prayers I was saying that night.

And the story gets even more complicated. Sunday I called Best Girl and she agreed to follow me up to the #1son's place and bring me back. I poured my coffee, got dressed, rant to the store for milk and breakfast rolls, came back, put some nice, sweet milk in my coffee and sat down to wait for her. I also took photos of the bag of boxes I brought back.

My cat had done a bad thing in the tub because I slept a little late. He is eleven and I am careful of him. I went to clean it up and there was NO moisture to it at all. It was like picking up rock. I called the cat and his fur was not too bad but when I got a pinch of skin he was dry. The poor old guy was dehydrated. No wonder he took cuts in front of the dogs. When I went to town I got him some sardines in oil and tuna to get him going again and I made sure he had water all day.

The synopsis here is we went to the Big City, took #1son, wonderwife, grandgirl and ourselves to lunch, had a nice time and then Best Girl and I went to get my keys. I had brought small gifts back for the step dad and the mom that I have gotten to know over the last weeks. He had been watching for me and when I rang the bell he was blocking me from going in. I told him I needed to see the step dad, he warned me nieces were there, as in, no scenes please. I had already decided it's just stuff and stuff just burns up so I was over my anger at him, though I still hurt from being turned on by a person I thought was a friend. I left the gifts and called for him as I went toward the door. I just held out my hand. He gave up the keys. I couldn't bear to look at him. I left and we went to get little red, I shopped, Best Girl went back to the house and spent the day with me.

At midnight the phone rang as I sat loading photos into the computer. It was Jones' Mom. I had heard they just closed on the house during the time I was gone. She had called to tell me the box was the most lovely one she had ever seen and to thank me for the hundred and fifty dollars I gave them through Jones. They would never have made it through without it.

Now I feel lower than a snakes belly. But he still should have asked. I think. Damn it. Why is this so complicated. I was just trying to be nice to these people and now I am all hurt and then I am ashamed. Why does it make a difference where the money went? Why does it matter, if I would have given him money anyway that it was my penny stash? The drinking is a bad thing. But if he was drinking mine he didn't waste money on it. Or did he?

Now you know why I don't watch soap operas. I live them!

I'm leaving on a jet plane

don't know when I'll be back again.

I never expected to be able to afford to travel much, aside from long weekends, now that I am on my own. It has been such a blessing to visit my friend and make a new friend and see the land of the gold rush.

I am heading for the house now. Jones will meet me at the airport. Good Lord willing and the creek don't rise, I will sleep at home tonight.

We will get all caught up and I will be getting the photos posted next week.

Little surfer girl

lots of them. I hates 'em. I used to roller skate and the little midgets that could go ninty miles an hours and spin, too - I hated them.

Today I got to go to the beach. Kay and 2Tall got chores done and we headed out. There was little parking available but lots of people out there surfing, fishing and swimming. I got over ambitious and when they wanted to walk down to the pier I said sure when I knew I should just say no. I wanted to look for a special shell and rocks and such. I walked. It was a long way.

It was beautiful. An undercut bank full of rocks embedded in sandstone shades a pile of large rocks that catch little rocks in their nooks and crannies. The sound of the surf underlies everything. Little pools in the rocks have small sponges and tiny springs travel through the sand to the sea. I'm dead meat and I have to pack to come home tomorrow.

Ride the painted pony, let the spinning wheel turn

is another line from the same song.

I had a relaxing Sunday with 2Tall and Kay. We went out to dinner at a nice place just off the beach and I enjoyed properly cooked crab legs while they had shrimp and fish they liked. The service was scattery but sufficent and the help were nice - helpful, so to speak. Watching the kids play on the beach and the board walk was fun while we sipped our beverages and waited for our meals. The decor was early flea market. They call them swap meets here, but you can't take anything with you to swap!

I know, because for the morning's entertainment 2Tall took me to one down at the stadium. It was pretty much like our flea markets, personal stands of people getting rid of stuff, business stands of vendors who dealt in second hand merchandise and miles of new gadgets, gizmos and whirley gigs for those who think they need them.

I picked up two small "bridge bells"for gifts and a small swiss music box house as a hostess gift. Kay collects many things. I found a book for myself for the flight home. 2Tall got a wood clamp just right for mid range boxes. He had friends there and visited with them while I yearned for my own semi truck to haul the cool stuff on every hand home with me. The eldest daugher is lucky I didn't have one or she would have had a Tiki head of wood for her front yard! LOL! I had to keep reminding myself I couldn't get it all on the plane and pass by some really nice pieces.

Monday I started trying to get things nailed down with my purchaser. Paperwork, meetings, escrow, travel stuff. 2Tall has hauled me around to everything and never complained or asked for compensation. Kay has put up with me sucking up his time when he should be working and still shared ice cream with me every night.

So Monday we had a lunch meeting. The people were an interesting cross section, lawyer, girl friday, owner and tech guy of the company. I enjoyed meeting them and getting to know them a little. They were really all very busy trying to keep it all business while I was trying to make it more personal and winning at it occasionally. The lawyer, I just decided, reminded me of "Carmine Ragousa" from "Lavern and Shirley". Tall, broad chested, black, crispy hair and snappy eyes. Nice voice, too. The owner was sort of like the cop in Blues Brother's 2000 in appearance. I think he could sing, too. Looked like if he liked you he would be very good to you. The young lady was a beauty, I want to say close to "Elaine" from Seinfield but she was much more delicate. Lovely eyes and very vivacious. The tech guy is harder to give you an idea of. Tall, dark blonde, close cut hair, casual dress but full of energy and his eyes are clear and intelligent with an overcast of secrets.

We looked at some papers and made the lawyer start over by changing some of the terms. It was me, I wanted some travel money. I was in hock for everything from transport to the airport and the house funds for the week to eating, wireless access and such here. I wanted to cover the gas used to tote me around here and I needed smokes soon. I was getting too close to broke. I hate to use the credit card if I don't have to.

Once the details were worked out and we all knew what we needed to do we just enjoyed the meal. I listened to the friends, because it was obvious that is what they were, talking about family and events. 2Tall got to plug his boxes and art shows, too. It was ok for a bunch of strangers in a strange place.

I have not been able to get online here with my machine, which was vital as I have to move the same sites I had moved last year. Lots of up and down loading. I even bought a wireless router to try and tap into the cable connection here but the modem is too old, I had to return it. I located two hotspots in the area - Starbucks.

On Tuesday I got up way too early for a vacation and then scarfed down a cup of coffee and got around to have 2Tall take me the mile and a piece to "the office". I got another cup of the good stuff there and got a maple oatmeal scone (oatmeal is good for you, right?) then set up the machine ready to get on line. Not.

I hate XP and it's big nosy brother ways. When I got this machine I spent days reading tips and turning off all the crap in the background that I didn't need on. Seems I turned off the wireless connection scanner. When you life in the rural area I do you don't really need it all the time. Now I couldn't remember how to turn it on.

I dug into control panel, system info and help and I kept coming up with "radio is still disabled, use hardware switch to turn it on". What furking SWITCH!? I had a kind coffee jerk getting me a screwdriver and prepared to remove covers and find it whatever it took when a lovely young black lady interupted and said she thought it was the same problem she had once and it was these two keys - which I promptly pushed and "POOF!" the magic words "wireless network available" popped up!

I had been four hours messing with it and was so grateful to her! She had a newer version of my laptop and we got to know each other quickly. She and her husband had just decided to ride the trolley to the end for an adventure and to market their hand crafted jewelry for the day. I bought a ring to show my gratitude. It was a copper toe ring for a gift.

Finally I was cooking and got to the business of figuring out how to get on line with the wireless server, put my domain in escrow, get the websites uploading and downloading, turn on the new dns servers and all the mess of moving a host domain. It was a major head ache it has been HOT! To smoke I had to be outside. To keep from getting heat stroke and recharge the laptop I had to be inside. Around two I called the house and my kind friend came and got me out of there. I went back at four, and Wednesday morning and that afternoon and for a couple hours today. It has been a hassle for all of us but it got the job done.

Today we signed the papers at the lawyer's office. It's a done deal but until the name is transfered the escrow company holds the fund. It can take a week to clear up. So we wait. But I got the up front I needed to get home and feel like I can square up with my friends that have helped with the house, put me up, taxied me all over and checked on the house and such.

I was homesick by Tuesday. It's too much difference. Trees are wrong, schedule is wrong, weather is wrong, ok, not wrong, just not what I spent the last twenty two years getting used to. I am not the wanderer I used to be and I guess, mate or no mate, there is still no place like home. I will be back there on Saturday night. Yay!

I will catch up with all of you then, I have been having blog withdrawal because I haven't had time to do any reading and almost no writing. See you soon!

I have been overcome by "different-itis", a condition caused by staying in the same place for twenty years. I was homesick by Tuesday and called home a lot. I

What goes up, must come down

spinning wheel, spinning round..

I landed on Saturday. I spotted 2tall from the 2nd level waiting for me at the end of the escalator/stairs. He greeted me with a hug and a fragrent pink rose. We hobbled off to his truck and chatted all the way.

There have been changes in both of us but his are less noticeable as he started losing his hair in his twenties so being thin of covering on top was normal for him. We have both gained weight over the years and move a little slower. It was good to see the heart was still the same.

While there are no real mountains there are some impressive hills. The drive through Really big City and out to the 'burb 2tall calls home took us through some of them. I was too scattered to pay attention well. I only registered it was not Kansas anymore, Toto.

I got to meet his lady later when she got back from doing chores. Kay is a great lady with a wonderful voice, a dry sense of humor, good looking in a classic way and fun to hang with. I have really enjoyed getting to know her.

The little bungalow has a small palm out front backed by a row of assorted, huge, tall rose bushes that are in full bloom right now. It's a nice little home and has a lovely back yard, too.

I have more to tell but have no time to blog right now, moving websites, again. Catch me soon!

Lucy in the sky

no diamonds in the a.m., but the view from the first plane, at 26,000 feet was amazing. The grand canyon and a crater like a HUGE one from the moon all sculpted in snow decorated the area under the plane.

My seats were rough, all middles. My row companions were all do-able. I was one shot down puppy though.

Back at the house Jones got home just as KMA was leaving. He grabbed a nap but it was only an hour or so and he had been running all day for his folks who are getting ready to move. He was dead meat and I was death warmed over but still functioning. I finished one pot of coffee and got the last minute packing done.

I had figured out how to do online confirmation and had printed my boarding passes. I figured that would save some time. The last thing I packed was the machine and I was ready. I grabbed yet another shower and changed into my traveling clothes. It was time to wake Jones. I called up the stairs and got an answer, ran out to load one bag, called up the stairs, got a second answer, took the second bag out and wedged it into the little white truck, ran back inside and called upstairs to see Jones in a chair getting his shoes on. I poured us a couple to go cups of coffee and I was ready.

With all the crap about security I wanted to be plenty early and was a little antsy but with boarding passes in hand I felt like we had the extra time he needed to get some food in him and really wake up so I sat down and started sucking in nicotine. No smoking at the airport, no smoking on the planes, no smoking in parks and on beaches in california. ACK! And who forgot to buy nicotine gum? Crap.

As I sat there looking around for what I might have forgotten I started really seeing my house. It is a grubby little old farm house but has been my refuge from the world for ten years and more. Even with the mate gone it is still my shelter from the storms of the real world. We have never made it a full week away except for the trip to Kentucky we made with Reb and Rusty. We always cut out time away short and headed home because that's where all it right for us. I got maudlin and dripped a few tears while I asked Jones to be good to the critters.

When he was awake enough to drive we headed out. I gave the dog her meds and his treat then told them to be good while I was gone. I took little red and he drove the white truck as we had to drop the red one off for her major go over next week on the way. It was about six fifteen in the for crying out loud morning. I had the "I been up too long" sweaties coming on and was goofy from being too tired. I remembered to put the note for the mechanics in the the truck and jumped into the white truck with Jones.

Well, jumped may be too agile a term. It was drizzling out and I had the luggage on my lap and under my arm. It was more like I crammed myself into the seat of the white truck. I tried to keep talking to help my driver stay awake. I had my water but left the coffee in the other truck, darn it. We went for the freeway and flew toward my date with the planes.

As we arrived my friend told me everything would be covered and to not worry. That is was time for Val to have some fun and not come home without it. We pulled up to the doors and I gave him an awkard half hug over my bags, I crawled out, set up the luggage and called a farewell as I locked and closed the door. He honked good by, I waved and watched my last link with home drive off in the predawn dusk. I was on my own again.

I found my airline alright and got directions to my gate. The boarding passes were pronounced fine and I went off to face the security gate. It was a long walk. Everywhere was a long walk. I got miles of exercise Saturday.

I expected things to be crazy but there was NO ONE there. Just four inspectors, one of whom was female. I had to open the bags, put the laptop in a tray, set the shoes and my travel id bag on the conveyor belt then go through the detector. I had warned them about the hip. I set the alarm off. Then I went with the nice girl and got the wand run over my body. First she sat me down and did legs and feet, then I stood and she did the rest of me. I passed.

I got my sandles back, picked up my bag, repacked the laptop and closed up all the zippers. I was done. It was only seven forty five. I had an hour and a half to kill before I boarded. I wandered off and found the gate on the ticket then went back and got a coffee and a roll at a bandit stand. I read my book and then went back to wait.

It occurred strange to me that they had all these big windows and great views of the plane area then set up all the chairs so you couldn't see out them. Very awkward and annoying. I took a window seat and started dozing off. I would jerk awake, check the clock and fall out again. Finally, at fifteen minutes to my flight I went to ask someone why the plane was not there. They changed the gate! ACK!

I raced down the way to the new area to become the last one in line for boarding. Finding my seat was easy, I had checked the seat map and was aware of where I had to go. Once I sat down, one row behind first class and the middle seat of three, and after putting the luggage overhead, I made enough small talk to feel comfortable with my row buddies. Jason, on the window, was headed for Phoenix and had been ill. He really wanted to get home and go to bed. On my left was the forgetable seat mate, and I have forgotten them already. Then I settled back and waited for my favorite part - take off.

I love the feel of the speed as the plane hot rods down the runway, gains more speed and then you feel that first lift, you leave the ground and it's all uphill from there.

I got to look past the boy in the window seat to see the clouds building mountains and vallys below us. Then the body shut down. I slept until my ears popped for the landing.

The next stop was Minneapolis and the airport is way big. I have to say I love the slide walks but as I wasn't sure the last one would go to my gate I walked it. I was getting sore and achy from walking so far in my "off level" sandels but I got there. There was no time for lally gagging, they only made us wait about ten minutes before they started loading.

I was in the middle of the plane and the middle seat this time. I had Zeke, young boy in the window seat, and Dannie, a younger girl on the asile seat. Zeke slept. Dannie and I had a nice time getting accquainted. She was a very interesting and thoughtful conversation companion. I really enjoyed her.

When we left Minneapolis is when the clouds were so spectacular. There were gray rivers and mountains and canyons of all shades of white and gray. I kept sneaking peeks past Zeke and describing them to Dannie. We got our free beverages and trail mix, I bought a snack box. I had to. The smoke monster was strong in me. I was losing contact with the force and going over to the dark side. The snacks helped get me through another hour.

Then Dannie dropped off to sleep and it really got bad. I rang for a stew. She was a big, pretty red head with her vivid hair done in a "Katherine Hepburn" roll back style in front and long in back. Lovely girl. Not very helpful, however, since she had to tell me they had no nicotine gum available. Oh geeze!

So I leaned my seat back and tried to sleep. I succeeded and survived. I came awake crying out as my ears would NOT pop on the descent. They HURT! We got down and I disembarked, keeping Dannie in front of me and letting her mom know I had her covered. We finally got out, she went off with her family and I went off to see if I would know my friend, 2Tall anymore.

People can't meet you at the gates anymore, they have to wait by the luggage carousol. I was on a second level and it was all glass walls. As I lugged the luggage I watched and did spot him watching for me below. I waved and he saw me so I trotted along, at peace, knowing my friend was there to help me meet this new state and help me with the new rules and ways of doing things I would have to learn. It was one-ish here in the Golden State. I had landed.

Just another town along the road

Hey all!

I can't sleep, of course, as its after four am and I have to be on the road at six. I just made the coffee so I can stay with the program.

I ran to town after work to get some new sandals, mine are "well broken in". I can't wear my shoes because they have gel inserts, two on the left and one on the right, to level my leg up. No gels of any kind are allowed on the flights now, or any other liquids. No patcholi oil either. I can't even stock up when I am there as I couldn't bring it home...poop!

I never did find sandals but I bought a sleeveless top for the coast, some nylons and a new, six gigabyte USB drive. Yay me! This time I am not losing my files, even if some nasty snatches my machine. It's all backed up and will be at the house. Who says I'm dumb?!

Pretty much all I am taking is one change of clothes, three pair of stockings, a jammie, a brush, tooth brush and comb. Then there is the ID, the cash, the credit card, the steel hip card, the phone book, the laptop and camera. Add the cell phone and charger and I am getting it all in one carry on. Not bad. OH, two books and a movie in case I get a wild hair and think I will be bored enough to watch one.

I got all that around after I got home from the store and then called my friend, KMA to see if she was still on to go hear the band tonight. Then my sis called. I am so stupid. I was trying to hurry and forgot I had invited her to go with us and the conversation is garbled in my head but I hope I didn't screw up and make her think she couldn't come! I was half way there when I realized she may have been checking to see when we were leaving.

So SIS! If I did mess up I am really sorry. If it's any consolation, the music was well performed and the musicians were excellent but the tunes were nothing I even knew. They were all strange rock, not classic but more current stuff. I don't even know the names of the songs or the bands that do them. KMA and I had a decent dinner and it was fun to visit with our band buddy but I would have been happier with a little more stuff I was familiar with.

We headed out about midnight so I could get home to run the file back ups. I got them done, KMA, about ten minutes ago. I don't have the whole hard drive but my personal stuff and websites are on there. Now it just sits here and waits for the next time I need to back up.

Jones got here about twenty minutes after KMA left. He is helping get his parents packed to move. He is upstairs napping and I am going to roll him out in about an hour and fifteen minutes. I can sleep on the plane, or the next plane, or when I get to 2Tall's place.

I need another cup of coffee and it's done now. I just wanted to tell you all "Bye" before I ram off for the half day of travel. The weather is dreary and drizzly but I don't think it's bad enough to stop the flights.

Next time you hear from me it will be from the other side of the Mississippi. Enjoy your weekend, all!

There'll be a hot time in the old town tonight

Now, let's see, where was I?

Oh ya! Friday. That's a long time ago. Let's go back further, I have some confessing to do.

About a month ago I got an email with an offer to buy a domain name I own. I have had many offers for that particular domain and just typed my usual "This domain is not for sale" and hit send. It was only note worthy in that it was for a larger sum than the usual offers. I really didn't want to go to the effort of moving all my sites again and I thought I was getting by fairly well.

A week later I received a second email from the same person and the offer had been doubled. I didn't reply, I didn't delete it and I did give it some thought. So let's leave that here - thinking.

Friday I had to get to the bank and I went home first and jumped on the bike. She hadn't been out in awhile and it was such a beautiful day I would have felt criminal leaving her in the garage. I stopped and visited a friend a minute, thinking he might go for a scoot with me. His bike was down. Poor guy! He was leaving on a trip out west and the ignition went out on him. I commiserated with him awhile and then left to go hear my friend's band. About half way there my bike stalled. I copped out and headed for the house. No live entertainment for me. But it was a nice ride and I was sorry to park her.

Saturday I was trying to get myself around and mow the lawn. I had some online chores to do and got them out of the way and was almost out the door when Jones called, or I called him, I forget. This is the new nic for the man who is driving the little red truck right now. He really is a "slow walking, slow talking, long, lean, lanky" guy, lol and the nic fits.

So now, let's leave Saturday at the phone call. The second offer on the website had been rambling around the back of my head.

When I got the new furnace we went from fuel oil to propane. It was WOW to fill that tank once, $454.60 worth of WOW. That is more than double what we paid normally. The fuel oil I had left they pumped out the other day and paid me what I paid them for it, not what they are now charging for it. I almost broke even. But heat is going to be costly. Gas is wild. When I got done paying bills this month instead of having a bunch of money in the bank I was just about zeroed.

So I did some research, decided the offer was legit and contacted the person to tell them I would accept their offer. They sent an intent to deal and I signed and faxed it back.

Another break. This weekend is the Midnight ride. We have gone almost every year of the last twenty. The mate's best friend hosts us all at the cabin. He didn't tell me he would rather not have our first meeting since losing the mate be in front of all our friends and that it would be hard to have me there. I knew that. Everything I have tried to do this year that we "always" did as gone sour on me. This, even with all my friends there, would probably not be an exception. But I wanted to go, badly. But he hasn't come to fix my bike and it is not running well. Crap.

It happens that the person I am dealing with wants to do business in person. Next week Monday. I have to fly out this weekend to be there. I have vacation available. Now I needed dog and house sitters. The grands and friends are all going back to school that week. My sis is helping her Cboy2 build a house. My Mom has gone to Florida. Whoops! and Darn! And still no confirmation on the flight that the purchaser is covering. I hope. If this is not a pipe dream.

I get dizzy just trying to tell this so I hope you are all still following along ok. We are going back to the Saturday phone call. I have tried to be a friend to this man that was tossed in my path. If you think I am nuts because I say "God told me to", oh well. We have talked about once a week and I have been to dinner with him twice. He's a nice guy in a heck of a mess.

I still wanted to go hear the band that night. I asked him if he would like to join me and he accepted. Then the little "ding" went off in my head and I explained my problem with the animals. I asked him, if I left him the gas and grocery money I would have left the nephew, if he would stay at the house with the critters. He said he would!

Oh wow, again. I hadn't thought of that and it was such a nice way for things to work out! He gets some space from the situation he is in, I get someone I trust to watch the place and the animal aready like him. I CAN go!

Break again. Guess where the person does business and wants me to go? You will never guess! San Diego! Like, twelve miles from my friend 2Tall Terry and his wonderful boxes! With a week off and a paid round trip ticket! ACK! Do you believe THAT?

Is this or is this not a convoluted, multiple person, amazing blessing? I won't be going on the Midnight Ride but I will be busy with other friends and not hurting the ones here and I can't feel badly that I can't go because I will be on the coast.

I have so needed to get a break from here but the money was too tight and I worry about the animals and the house - Not now!

I have been doing the math on getting by on one check and seeing it get thinner and thinner - Not.

I have a friend who was just told he can no longer work and needs a heart transplant. He is so broke and I couldn't help - NOT!

My amp that runs the electric guitar and my mics has a short I thought I would have to live with - NOT.

OH - Teeth and glasses OH goody!

I couldn't finish getting the house done inside - NOT!

I haven't been able to help Jones the way I felt it should be done - NOT!

I needed to get both trucks in for winter tune-ups, oil changes, a muffler and brakes for little red and a topper for the white one, the neighbor kids were using mine for target practice, then tires for both and insurance is coming due...NO PROBLEM!

I may be broke again by the first of the year but I will worry about that then. For right now I can only count my many and almost unbelievable blessings.

Then - back at Saturday night - we went to hear the band. We had a fast food dinner and a few drinks at the bar. Jones asked me to dance. I probably haven't danced since 1989 at a friend's wedding except for one slow dance recently. I did ok for an old chunky lady with a bad hip. He stayed over in the spare room and Sunday, after we had omlettes (he made) and coffee (I made), he helped me with the yard until he had to leave and meet some visiting family.

I blew out the drive way that night to get all the grass clippings and dirt off it, it's probably what set my allergies off. Monday I woke with a nasty sinus headache so I called in sick. The medicine finally kicked in after a nap of about 3 hours and I went to watch the footings poured for the nephew's new home. The wonderful cousins that did my basement and garage were doing it and I mostly went to visit with them. It was fun and I had never seen it done before so it was educational. I was feeling a little guilty about the kindness they showed me doing my place and I bought the whole crew lunch.

While I was in town I got keys and strings for the little guitar, too. Only they were the wrong kind of keys. It calls for a do-over, darn it. I stopped by the man's place that was going to replace them for me and he was pretty negative about them so I will get different ones.

Tuesday at work I told the boss the whole thing and got my week off and some slack in this week and the week following for file moving. I studied up on what I can and can't take with me and I am getting it all on board with me. I am not taking much, just the computer and the clothes on my back. I will get what I need there and leave most of it behind rather than deal with the restrictions on travel right now.

I feel like I got hit hard by the Fairy Godmother! There will be a party when I get back! OH yes, there will! I just wish the mate were here to share it all with me.

here, in my deep purple dreams

A year ago, one year, 12 months, 365 days, and 215 posts ago the mate was getting my motorcycle ready for the Midnight Ride with the help of BigE, aka Grand1. It was such a gift of love to tear the beast down and get her back up in one day.

Last night at bible study I was trying to explain something about being a couple so long to the sister. Some how we got on relationships and how they change you whether you realize it or not. She pointed out that when she and her husband first started out that the proportion of her life that she had NOT known him was much larger than the time she had known him and that now those percentages were reversed. I had my mate for almost half my life, if I throw in the dating and the years we were little kids together. That means only a quarter of my life was screwed up and more than half has been good. I like the numbers!

I was explaining that I am not the me I was before the mate or during the mate and the me after the mate is really a LOT of the mate, himself. We pick up patterns of behavior, lose displeasing habits and work to learn what makes our mate desire us more in a relationship. It's just the way life goes when you are 24/7 with one person.

Adding the "music me" back into the "mate me" is reviving something I was not for many years. Living without the mate is also forcing me to salvage a part of me I had put away, the "me do" I used to be. With a partner so talented and smart I left a lot of things to him that I would have had to study and practice on to get good at. Now I am having to go back to my "less feminine" ways and change my own water filter, fix my own flat tires, get a step stool and reach down my own dishes from the high cupboards, repair my own fence, and drive me everywhere I go, even if I would rather nap or read a book or talk with someone on the drive.

The "music me" I gave up entirely to please the mate. His "bowling me" went the same path. The part of me that was a night owl learned to be able to get up before ten because the mate was an early bird. While I still don't jump for joy on rising at six in the OMG morning, I can do it. His "couch and remote" me was gone for many years. The last few, while I was not able to get out and do, it emerged from hibernation again.

We adapt. The things we choose to do to make life easy and to have a happy mate are part of the process of caring about others and less about ourselves that all true "grown ups" have to learn. It takes gentle comunication and true commitment to put your needs and desires behind you and learn to fill those of another person because you WANT to, not because you have to.

I am transmuting into an altogether different woman than I have ever been before. A lot of me is still 'tuned' to the mate, although I am slowly recongnizing these things and leaving them behind me, with him. Part of me is very glad to have the music back. Part of me hates having to work on the lawn mower again but it's recipricol side is glad to see I can still change a tire or a spark plug. I still don't do mice and I hate that but - oh, well!

When I am fully redeveloped I will still be "part the mate". His way of handling things, habits, mannerisims, sayings and such will go into the future with me. I learned them from him but they are "me" now. Our private jokes, the cues I knew so well and other things will be lost from lack of use and pass out of my daily behavior.

I would not take the "pre-mate me" back if you paid me. She was louder, rough and very capable of taking care of herself but she had given up on being able to care for others because it took so much just to make sure she had what she needed. And it hurt too much when they let her down. I'm almost tactful, sometimes, now and I know that it makes a man feel good to help his woman out. I don't have to do everything for myself and deprive a friend or partner that good feeling they get when they are appreciated. And I don't expect to get through life without being disappointed anymore. People are human. They make mistakes that hurt others.

I'm more thoughtful, more aware of others needs, more willing to help them. I am trying new things. The mate didn't dance, ergo, I didn't dance. But I danced last Saturday night. It was an old rock toe tapper, not a slow dance. I did ok. I haven't made anything in a while. I bought some gem stone beads to make earrings with last week.

I'm feeling a little better for seeing that the good part of my mate's self has become a part of my self, too. I will always have that part of him with me. It has become me. Now "the new me" will be built on the 'us' me. I can handle that. I liked who I was with the mate. I want to still like who I am without him. The trustworthy, loyal, loving and caring part of me that was smart and funny and loved being alive all was created with him. I want to be her, too.

There is a lot going on this week and I will catch you all up on the weekend and the plans I am in the middle of soon. Right now, I have to scoot.

Blog Food Expo - Fruit Salad and Fruit Punch

Jen and Melanie are having a Blog Food Expo. I am republishing my favorite summer receipe to participate. (days late, very sorry to say)

I am always looking for the easy way out of getting around for these summer gatherings. Everyone makes so much good food, I wanted to be relaxed and ready to visit, not ragged from cooking all morning. Here's an "even single males can make it" fruit salad I love to take to gatherings. It also makes about 3 lieters of zinging punch so you get 2fers.

It takes longer to shop for it than it does to make and can be made the night before.

2 cans each:
mixed fruit
peach slices
pineapple chunks
mandarin oranges
1 8 oz. jar marachino cherries
1 # of assorted precut melon balls
1 pint fresh strawberries
1 bag of coconut
1 bag chopped walnuts
1 box rasins
1 large pkg Cool Whip
1- 2 leiter bottle of Squirt ( 7up or Sprite)

Get out the biggest pan or bowl you own. Find a one gallon cooler jug or pitcher.
Open all the canned fruit and drain the juice into a 1 gallon pitcher. All of it, (DON'T drink the cherry juice, you'll spoil the punch!)

Put the canned fruit and cherries in the large bowl.
Add half the bag of nuts, half the box of raisins and stir gently to blend.
Add the Cool Whip and blend gently till fruit is covered.
Sprinkle a good layer of coconut on top.
Rinse the strawberries, put around the edge of the bowl. green side up.
Pour the left over coconut on a paper plate, roll a few of the melon balls in it. Scatter around the center. Use the plain melon balls to fill in the blanks. Isn't that PRETTY!

Add the soda/pop to the juice in the gallon pitcher or jug for a great punch.
Cover salad with plastic wrap and put it all in the fridge for tomorrow.

To get really fancy - take a plastic bowl that is smaller than the mouth of the pitcher or half a soda bottle and add a dribble of the cherry juice, 7 cherries cut in half and 7 pineapple chunks, add water to fill to a half an inch below the edge and freeze over night for a fancy giant ice cube in the punch.

Throw away all the cans, the paper plate, fruit containers and the jar, rinse your spoon and the cool whip bowl, eat the left over walnuts, coconut and raisins like trail mix, wipe off the counter and you are all done!

The way you do the things you do

The Mom's car wasn't done yesterday. The Sis and her mate ran off on a mini vacation. We cancelled Bible Study and that left me with nothing to do. Well, ok, that is a lie. It left me with nothing I wanted to do. I still have some gardening to get done before fall and really need to get after it. I might later. Or tomorrow. Maybe.

That's kind of how it's been this week. Kind of blah, who cares, naw, that doesn't sound like fun, maybe later. Wishy Washy. Hormones or something, I guess.

But I have the little red guitar to play with. After I did chores and ate I pulled it out and started tuning it. I knew it wasn't staying in pitch well. When I couldn't figure it out I decided to run it over to a friend's place and see what he said. After playing with it, like I knew he would just because it's little and cute, he recomended another guy in town take a look at it. What the hay. Why not? Right?

Except the other guy was in high school with me. He was 4 years older than me so I didn't know him real well. He was in THE band that was the coolest and he and his brothers all had Beatle hair cuts before anyone else. He is a whiz on lead guitar and I am still stumbling with my plain old rhythm and chords. I don't think we have said more than 5 sentences to each other in my whole life and it was almost ten of the clock at night.

I was always tongue tied around those boys. Intimidated. And he didn't talk much. My family went out on their family's pontoon once and my little sister walked right off into the water. Totally scared all the adults. But guess what? At four she could dog paddle so she didn't drownd but, amazingly enough, she could swim underwater like a fish! We were freaking out, man!

And I dreamed about this guy about a year ago. He was working somewhere that had something to do with water/dams/boats and my mom and I went there. We spoke a while then he and I started singing harmonies. I was supposed to meet him and more people some place so I was walking across the town where I grew up lugging my guitar case. That's all I remember...I didn't write it down like I should have. And he doesn't sing, he just plays guitar.

I would never in a million years put him on a list of people I would be visiting. But what the hay and away I went. I found the place. He has a lovely home and a truck, a little older than mine but the same style, for sale. I walked up and rang the bell in the not dark, it was a beautiful almost full moon last night. I told him my other friend sent me and then showed him the little guitar. He invited me in, got my name right out of the four he could guess from, asked about my Dad and we sat in the living area where his tools were laid out on the end table.

It was an all cream colored home and non smoking. I didn't touch anything! As he fiddled with parts of the guitar I had no education on and fussed with it I learned that he has a sooothing speaking voice, that they used to take their amps to my Uncle to repair, that his brother is still around and married twice with five kids, that he is popular with said neices and nephews in that they got him a guinea pig because they though he needed a pet and he calls it "Buddy". He is an avid Ebayer, laid off, a die designer and builder and enjoys performing still. They are playing over on the coast this weekend.

I had messages from our mutual friend. We talked about school a little and all the time his really long fingers were fussing with the little red guitar. He says if I just get the keys he will change them for me so I will run out and get them this week sometime. Then little red and I can play!

He got a phone call and that tied him up a while just as I was thinking I had better get on the road. It was getting later all the time. I waited though. I hate to make my polites with hand signs. He was gracious and courteous and I went from too tense to move to almost relaxed as we visited. It was another lesson in judging on appearances for me.

This man is small, almost delicate in build, but with a strong musculature binding his bones together. He looks a little like Humphry Bogart. I think I could break him in half if I sneezed. I feel like a huge, smelly cow next to him. But that was my perception, not anything he did to make me feel that way.

I always thought he was stuck up but I think he was just quiet. When he does speak it is knowledgeably. He owned a music store for a short time while I was out traveling. He has played in public since he was about 14 I guess. I would be too afraid of looking like an idiot to play in front of him or OMG, with him playing some leads.

Inspite of all my mixed feelings about this experience it was good. I learned we have a few things in common and that he can not only speak but be funny. When I take little red back to get her new keys I will try to tell him some of this. He had a brain and it worked. I didn't know that about him either.

So, once again, let me stress - get acquainted with those you are in contact with. Those neighbors may be able to whup the pants off you at your favorite game or have talents you can enjoy with them. Just say a friendly hello and see what happens. I really do this a lot but still have times like this when I am taken by surprise again.

I drove home in the moon light. One night last year when the moon was supposed to look huge, as it was so close to us on rising, I got the mate interested and we drove out to see the moon rise in the little red truck. We drove and drove because we got started a little early. He took me four towns over to a Dairy Store because he knew I loved coffee ice cream and had been craving it. They didn't have any but he got us some treats there and then told me what he was up to. We had to beat feet to get back to good viewing country then, before the moon came up. We drove along, eating our ice cream and chatting and finally spotted it peeking over the trees in the fields. It was almost one in the morning when we got home. It was a neat and fun thing to do.

Driving home alone last night I was so glad we were the kind of people to walk into a storm, view the sky, see the auroras, stop to pick flowers and maybe wade in a lake together. We wasted some of our time, all humans do, but not as often as we made it count for us or others. I know that I am more aware of what I am doing to help my people get what they need to be happy now from the way we were to each other, from the way he was to me.

I got home and the dogs were wagging tails at the gate to be let in with me. The cats lined up at the door by my feet. They were all glad I was home. They missed me while I was gone.

I'm not here to forget you

I'm here to recall, things we used to say and do.

I did get out this weekend. Rebel was passing by Saturday and stopped to say howdy. I got a wild hair, packed up and followed her home. Rustrider took a header on his Wing the day before so it was going to be a stay home weekend as he was sore and bruised up. The bike is ok and he will be. Two of the kids were gone and the third one was glued to his computer. That just left the dog they have to keep them moving and the dogs I had to be cared for. Best Girl came over and spent the night with mine on short notice, bless her heart, so I was free to roam.

The mate and I used to get down there about once a year. They would come up more often as we are the country mice and they are city mice with country yearnings. We were always glad to hang out with them.

We shot down the roads in her fancy van and had a great time talking and commenting on things we saw. There was a big hawk that must have just stooped to his prey trying to get back off the ground in one field and some fancy cars on the road caught our eye. Must have been a show because Rusty and I saw more on the way home later. Reb and I stopped for chow and so I could grab a smoke or ten, (non smoking vehicle, I forgot how rough that is for me). I bought and she tipped and we jumped back on the road.

When we got to the house everyone was into online gaming. I won't name it here but I decided to load the trial copy and play along. Here is a pet peeve for you - you spend good money on a program, load it up and the first thing it wants to do is a 5 hour download! ack! I SO hate that. It happened with one of my anti virus programs, too. I never have been able to use the furkin rip off thing. Yes, I know the world thinks dial up is an antique but it's all we have unless I want to pay for satelite hook up. Rust and Reb have a DSL and router but it was STILL a five hour download. So- NEVERmind!

They just let me take turns playing on their machines and Reb built a new character to run along with mine and keep me alive. We slayed monsters and hauled loot for hours. Next thing I know it's three a.m. and time for them to crash...LOL! Me, too. Poor Reb, she made my bed up downstairs and I reminded her I didn't have my anti clautrophobia charm with me. I slept on the couch. It was just dandy.

We rolled out the next morning to enjoy our coffee and then go out to Sunday breakfast with Reb's brother, another computer guy. He took a whack at trying to get the download going more quickly but also failed. I opted to uninstal the whole mess and give it up. A relaxed good time was had by all at our meal.

Back at the house I felt badly because Reb got a headache. Rusty had been using his magic hang me upside down machine to work on his back and was feeling better. He got the cute little electric guitar out that belongs to Rebgirl and she said I could borrow. Oh boy! I have been wanting to play with it ever since I met it. Wait till you see the photo!.

After a few hours of gaming I packed up and he and I headed for the house. We only had one chore on the list, their girl, who had stayed with me the weekend the red truck was loaned out, was missing a pair of tennies. Rust dropped me off and, after a stretch and a good bye hug, rolled right on down the road. I had messages to answer, one to the mom and one to the Best Girl to let her know I was back safe so I had the phone tied up. Silly me.

As I sat at the machine desk, setting baby back up at home, I hear a whistle outside and here comes Rusty again! I knew what it was for before he got into the house and started up the stairs to search for the shoes. We never did find them. He got back on the road and I got back to feeding animals and unpacking.

I enjoyed being out of the house for a little while. The coffee and companionship were a balm to my lonely self. I want to send a big THANK YOU to Rebel and Rusty and Reb1son for putting up with my bad habit and making space for me in their lives this weekend. Just having them to talk to made it a better weekend than the last one. I so appreciate it and will get down there on my own sometime soon.

Work was busy yesterday and the Car is still at the shop. Mom and I might be able to get it today yet. She is supposed to let me know.

After work I had to get animal food and some groceries. I stopped by the junk store but didn't find any books I wanted to read. I am re-reading EE Doc Smith's Lensman series right now. I took myself out for a cheap dinner before I shopped so I wouldn't have to cook.

I hate getting groceries. The mate always helped unload and put away. Doing it while poking through to see what treats I had bought for him was fun for both of us. I hate passing his favorites in the stores and I hate doing chores alone. So, no, I wasn't in a good mood when I got home. At least the escape artist stupid dog was in the pen this time.

I unloaded the food then took the trash out to burn. I grabbed a paper bag to but in the "burn" trash can from the stash of extra bags. The gift bag the mate used to give me "furs" this year fell out and hit the floor near my feet. I walked away from it into the pantry where he fell and burst into hysterics. He worked so hard to make that stupid joke that was supposed to be funny and it was such a nice evening, I hated to cry when I remembered it. I should smile at the least.

I have been blue for a week or so, but not real bad. It wasn't a real surprise when I once again paid my dues for having such a true love in my life. I got it back together and went to the phone. I called the mate's best friend and, OMG, he answered the phone for the first time in more than six months. I can't explain how good it was just to hear his voice.

We have been friends since high school when he was "the guy with the car" and we all rode around together. If you were hanging with one of them you had to accept the other one. He and the mate were closer than brothers. I know how hard the shock of losing his friend has hit him - the only difference between he and I in the mate's heart was that he is a him and I was a she. I was there every day with the mate. They could only get together when schedules worked out over the years but their bond was never weakened by time.

We talked for a little while and he is going to help sort out the garage and work on my bike for me sometime before the year ends. He even offered to pick up parts I may need. He was waiting on a call from his wife who was traveling so we cut it shorter than I would have liked but it was hard for him to talk to me, I know. If the mate wasn't with me he was with him. For either of us to deal with the other without the cream in the cookie was not easy for either of us.

I am so glad that he took the time to speak with me. It eased my heart in a way no other friend can do for me. I hope I eased his some, too. I don't know if he will be able to let me join them in the annual camp out at the cabin. I don't know if he will be able to ride with me behind him and his family. I am the reminder that his friend is not there. Seeing just him and not the mate and him is a bald reminder that the mate is gone for me, too.

There are still a few things I want to pass on to him and a few things it would make my life easier if he would do for me. I think it would ease us both to grieve together once and then I may have to let him go. I don't know if he can take the pain of my presence without his friend. That thought makes me very unhappy but I am not here to cause pain to my friends and if the only solution is to let them go, I will. I just need a chance to share some memories with him that no one else can do with me and I will step out of his and his families lives.

If he will go over the bike with me once I will find another mechanic to keep it right. This makes me very sad but I will not fault him or his if they choose not to hang with me. The mate was the glue that held that friendship together. We all know that.

But damn it was good to hear from him - it was NORMAL. Usually by this time in the year we would have been on four or five good rides with them and spent at least one night up there. I hate riding alone all the time and I miss seeing my friends. It's like the mate went and everyone else went with him. Feeling like that has doubled my loss.

Rusty and Reb, 2Tall and Traveler, T and J, and Jen have stuck by me. My family and the blessed nephews and neices and grands have been here for me. There are others that are still thinking of themselves as my friends but they have not been here yet. I don't know why I think they should know how hard it is for me to get out, how lacking in motivation I am right now, but they have not walked this road yet. How can they know?

Inspite of the grief catching me by the short hairs again, one wish was granted and I have touched base with my friend I miss so badly. I will enjoy him and his while I can.

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For my wine tasting pals, Moo, Kira and the others: A new invention.

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, we love you

Well, not the car, but the Mom. Poor Lady! She got her car back and today took off for the Big City to get her fancy shoes for her feet. All was well and then it quit on her on the way home. Different car, same story but not so close to home. She ended up with her car at an untried repair shop reccommended by the tow driver who, we find out later, owns the place. LOL! All I have to say is he better be right and they will do a great job at a fair price or I will REALLY be calling names here!

So, about twenty minutes before time to leave I get the call to run rescue again. No sweat. I finish the last customer request, shut it down and get out the door right on time. It's about thirty minutes to the place and it's not one I know so I am poking along with my blinker on at rush hour, ticking off eight cars and at least one blogger, I bet! Found it, got there, got the Mom, head for the house, get ten miles out or so, stop for gas, get a fresh jug of water, ready to roll on again and, bless her heart, the Mom says she left her wallet at the repair shop.

WELL! That put a hole in my balloon! But I have had to retrace my steps so many times for things I sat down for 'just a sec' that I don't even sigh. I just ask if she has their number because the tow guy can meet us there. She does, she called before she told me, LOL!

BACK we go. The nice men are sitting there with the wallet on the counter. I thank them nicely and haul it back to the truck with me, hand it to the Mom and laugh because I just remembered they invented a thing that beeps when the two halves get too far apart, like for your laptop or keys.....or WALLET! I told her I was getting her one when I explained why I was laughing.

I finally got her home and then got me home. The house is cleaner all the time. I let the dogs and cats in, fed us all, read a little of my book then went out and tried to bury the crab grass in the garden with the roto tiller. It worked, sort of. But it looked SO good a couple weeks ago and it looks so sorry now. I just hate it. Wait till I get the B1son back here! He's gonna be pulling weeds and transplanting strawberries for a week! He's the one that mowed with the vent toward the garden right after uncle and I got it all sweet and hand pulled one day.

Grew a brain today. I have been letting the neighbors use my mower. Silly me. I asked them yesterday if they would mow my lawn for using the mower. Yes! So I go get more gas tomorrow and, after I run the edges of everything the way I want it, I just cut the neighbor loose and haul ice tea! Now that's how you mow the lawn, LOL!

So Mom has no car again but I got the be the hero. The mate would have picked her up on the bike just to one up me and get extra brownie points but HA! this time I get them!

Weekend, no plans but was hoping to go north. Waiting, along with the rest of you, to see what it brings. Enjoy yours and love the one you're with!

O Chitty, U Chitty, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Mom loves her repaired air in her car and uncle says his is running great, too. My friends at Hull's Auto Repair really did a good job by us. I had to wait awhile for the test drive to be over to pay the boss before Mom and Uncle got there but it was worth it. I like surprising people. It seems like just when I get worried about being broke something turns up. I am even thinking about doing Ebay seriously again. I still have a few things I want to list there, I just can't seem to get interested in it right now.

So the car trauma is resolved and Mom is leaving the fifteenth for her annual, OMG why didn't I go in the winter, trip to Florida. The cousin that has been stayin with her is going back to college down there and Mom will be riding down with her then visiting my other sister older than Cee, Vee. She should get to see the neice, Vgirl, too, as well as her friend. I think she is going to sell the RV she has parked down there this trip. She hasn't really used it so I think she should.

The animals and I spent the evening napping by the air conditioner again last night. I made a salad and a sandwich then went for a nap. Got the email, checked the blogs and went back to bed. The new bed hasn't worked out like I had hoped. While it takes up less room I keep thinking I am going to fall out of it. I keep waking up with my feet hanging off the end and I'm not all that tall! I guess I will move it upstairs and then get me a queen mattress so I have a little more space in the bed and less in the room.

I got two more boxes of stuff out of here this weekend. More going all the time. The place looks cleaner and emptier and stranger to me every time I go home. If I keep it up one of these nights I'm going to think I am at the wrong house and leave again! LOL.

The mate is never out of my thoughts, still. My friend 2Tall had a great show in Washington and came home very happy about it. He met a woman who had just lost her mate and wanted my blog link for her. I guess I put this paragraph in for her. The mate is still the first person I want to consult with over anything I am doing or thinking of doing, still the one I greet in the morning and say 'sweet dreams' to at night. I have moved the photos to the bedroom because I can't bear to have him become just a photo in an old picture frame to me. It has already happened with dad and I know it will come with the mate but, by forcing myself to recall him instead of look at pictures, I hope to keep him real to me a little longer.

I no longer believe I am crazy but I do believe there is a drop in the joy and quality of my daily life that I don't know if it can ever be corrected. So many things I have tried to do "for fun" have just been killing time instead this year. It seems like it should be fun to ride a poker run, go to the fair, visit the kids, have the grands over but it all just accents the great gaping hole at my side. The place the mate would be riding, standing, sitting-

How can I ever expect to find a partner that makes me happy just being in the same house with them? It's not realistic. How do I reconcile the need for a functioning and willing body with the need for a partner and friend? How do I refuse to let the memories of the best friend I ever had influence my next friendship? No answers, just lonliness, yearning and confusion. But this is so far from where I was in February that I have to see I am progressing, just more quickly and much slower than I would like. I would like to already have solved the physical lack here but I don't want to leave the mate behind me any sooner than I have to. He was all I had and all I needed and all I ever wanted.

I still don't know how to move all the way on down the road, one part of me is always reaching bahind me to try and hold on to what we had. But it's not crazy, it's just another measure of the love we had for each other. I am moving on, I see that I am going forward and looking to the unknowable future. If there was a real time machine, I would be already gone, though.

Forward Ho!

She's the little old lady from Pasadena

and she is always on the go....My mom I mean. Her car has needed the air fixed for awhile now and she finally got it done. Her brother, my uncle, loaned her his car while hers was in for repairs. He's a nice guy.

Mom has more miles under her belt than some truck drivers. She almost always had a one hour commute to work for most of her life. It was combo driving, town and freeway in the city. She won't ask someone to help her out half the time because she is so used to doing for herself.

Monday night she called to borrow something. I offered to run it down but she insisted on picking it up. I was just getting real clothes on to visit with her (too hot for clothes, was running around in a light pj) when my phone rang. It was that fake automated operator wanting to know if I would take a collect call from Mom. I thought it said to accept press any key, so I did. Must have been my ears or I hit the wrong "any key", because it hung up after telling me it would be ninty five cents a minute.

My head does the mental math. Collect from hospital, gas station or cell phone? Hmmm...it's been about twenty minutes since she called me and said she was leaving, not enough time for hospital really, but she wasn't feeling well - what the heck. I call the hospital to double check and she isn't there. It was too long for her to be at the gas station so that makes it cell phone and a break down. I finished dressing and scooted out the door.

After checking to make sure I have my tow strap and tie downs and tools I headed down the road, lickity split. It was really hot Monday and she would be on the side of the road with no air. I pulled up just as she hung up a strange couple's cell phone from trying to call me and said, "I can't answer that because I'm here already!" We all laughed.

I gave the car the once over, I had my hand in it and she tried to start it, scared the crap out of me! I hollered, "Don't DO that!" and she jumped like I had stabbed her. I said, 'Sounded just like Dad, didn't I?" and she stated, "You didn't have to scream!" I apologized but told her I really couldn't help it, my hand was in there. We hate when that happens.

It wouldn't start still. I thought it might be the water pump as the engine seemed really hot but still had fluid. Whatever, we called the tow truck for Uncle's car and I took her home, with the item she needed to borrow that I had been smart enough to bring along. After I called and cleared it with my pal, I trotted back out to meet the tow driver and sent the car to my friend's car repair service to be checked out.

The drive home was quiet and peaceful. I wanted my bike but it really was still too hot for me to go riding so I got by with leaving the window down and the tunes cranked and hurrying a litttle to get back to the air conditioner.

The uncle came to return Mom's repaired car on Tuesday but now his was broken. After some consulting she sent her car with him and I picked her up last night for our Bible Study. We had a visitor the sister brought. She was a girl about 15/16 over visiting from Wisconsin. She is a horse nut and Cee is keeping her a couple weeks. It was fun to visit with her.

I had a yellow rose for the mom. She really liked it. Yellow is her favorite color. When she asked me what it was for I told her it was because she wouldn't enjoy it as much at her funeral, LOL. That made her laugh. None of us wants flowers when we are too gone to enjoy them!

We worked through our sandwiches and salads with the usual family matters and then started on John 8. We didn't get very far. There was a lot to discuss in that chapter. When the evening ended, just before ten, Mom loaded up and I took her home. We forgot the posy, darn it, so it's here waiting for me to run it over there later.

In the mean time, back at the repair place, they figured out it was the timing belt. It would have gone out on the Uncle in the Really Big City on his way home. We were all glad that didn't happen to him. It should be done today. I will have to run by there after work with mom and pick it up.

It's still hot here today but it could be worse. Bro1 was in El Paso yesterday and made the news when he got tired of waiting (over 3 hours) because they wouldn't let cars through the flood waters on hwy. ten. He snuck into line behind a little four wheel drive to take his chances. He said the water was over his hood but he made it through ok. His boss, on the cell phone with him says, 'Are you the little grey car? You're on the news!" Some station had live coverage going on and his timing put him right in the middle of it. Those related to the mate men anyway! What a bunch! I was just glad to know he was ok. I had called when I read the news about the rains.

Still blistering hot here. Thinking about leaving early. Looking forward to a cold front from the north country to cut us back to the sixties tonight! Oh, come on, cold front! It won't last long but even a day or two of regular temps will be welcome.

In the shade of the old apple tree

or anything else, for that matter. I wasn't going to say it, I hate being like everyone else, but it is HOT here. Day two of over 100+ on the heat index. I just tried to suggest the boss let the guys go early. He says all they have to do is ask and make up the hours on Friday. He doesn't want to be the one to suggest it, apparently. That would be showing consideration for his employees or something else he doesn't want to set a precedent for. The cheap furkin idiot won't even buy them gatorade or anything, saying plain water is good enough to work around the powder coating oven and the welders. I get so hot! I guess I will haul my hot old butt over and get it for us myself. I like the grape ok.

I didn't really do anything this weekend. The week had been busy, with fair and the Hank Jr. concert and all, but even in the high eighties I wilt so I stayed home and in the air. I got some of the stacks I have been avoiding sorted out and stored or removed, next is file drawers to see if I can cut down from 4 to two cabinets.

The nephews, C1son and C2boy were over Sunday to help with the gutters that need finished and I traded C2boy a half helmet for his extra help. The weather turned nasty enough that I made them stay and play some TX hold 'em while we waited for the worst of it to pass. It seems they neglected to tell me we were out of rivets, too. It was a nice visit but we didn't get the gutters up.

The nephew is in the north country with the carnival and loving it, he says. I always enjoyed working the fairs. He told me today he has lost inches, two new notches in his belt and six pounds in the two weeks he has been there. His recruiter was pleased to hear that. He says he ran today, too and it was easier than he thought it would be after neglecting it for a week. I keep hoping the kid will get into the Army soon, so he is in training in the fall, not the summer or winter. It's nasty with rain in the fall but not normally too hot or cold to be outside.

Last night, once I survived the drive with no air in the truck that baked in the sun all day, I mopped and cleaned the kitchen for bible study tonight. The old farm house was pretty nice at 74 inside compared to the real world. I had cold sandwiches for supper. Tonight is will be egg salad, I guess. Maybe some fruit if I feel like stopping at the store. It was really bothering me that I had nothing better to do than house work. Even if the mate was here, though, I think we would have been huddled in front of the air watching movies. It's just the weather.

The animals were all glad to see me last night, too. They came right in with no problems, even the stoner cat. We all just hung out and they laid on the cool tile in the kitchen while I fussed with treats and meds and such. The chow/lab has a flea allergy that takes predisone to control. I give her the pills in peanut butter and, of course, the boxer thinks he has to have some, then Timone, who thinks he is as good or better than any dog, has to have a bite, too. If it's not cat nip the stoner cat could care less. I gave them all fresh, cold water and let them stay in all night except when they told me they had to do their business.

Even after dark it was too hot to really do anything outside. I thought about rototilling the garden but it was really too hot still so I guess I just have to watch the weeds grow. The nephew, B1son, didn't know to mow away from the garden and planted a lot of crab grass into my newly turned dirt last time he mowed. I'm not mad, just discouraged. It's kind of like the time the mate and Best girl pulled all the thistle out from under my flowering crab apple tree not knowing it was poppies...LOL! You just move on and plant more flowers or move on and weed again. It's not worth hurting their feelings about.

So it's been slow here but I have gotten a lot done in the house. I hope you are all staying cool and having fun. I'll catch up later. Blogger still won't take pictures and I still have trouble with the comments getting eaten.