I'm just a fool for staying home and having none

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the mate's eldest and grands were going to watch the animals this weekend so I could go to Kentucky. Then the Cousins called and their primary vehicle had broken down so God said nope, not this holiday for the Kentucky trip.

I was ok with that. The Brother Boy's band was playing for a charity poker run Sunday and, having never been on one, I thought that would be fun to do. While the Eldest Girl was busy Friday I ran around shopping and decided to fix the lawn mower problem. I went to the local Sears and picked out a 42" mower deck on a Craftsman lawn tractor. Delivery was extra but that's the breaks. I slapped down the credit card and they loaded it up.

When I got home from shopping they were just rollng it off the ramp. I filled it up with gas and mowed with a properly running mower. I only hit one mole hill and one half a brick someone was kind enough to throw in the yard. It rocks! Next time I am taking the hand saw and hand trimmers with me to move some bushwacking bushes but otherwise it was sweet to just turn the key, mow and be done with it. Then I put the dog food and such away and showered.

I ran around trying to find some live music to listen to that night. I had a hard time locating any but finally went north and made my own at the other cousins bar after visiting with all my favorite bartenders. It was a bust but it kept me busy and that is really the point, after all.

Saturday I spent the morning getting around for the picnic. I decided to take the bike and that meant inventing a food that would transport via bungie cords. I opted for the family favorite, deviled eggs. On the way over I stopped and bought the makings and then went early enough to assemble same on arrival.

The Eldest Nephew and NIL had cleaned and scrubbed the home and the little air conditioner was doing it's best. Boiling the eggs didn't help things but it goes quickly, thank heavens! I enjoyed visiting with just them before the crowds came. It meant I got the best parking spot for the bike, too. When I was finishing up the family had started to arrive.

After giving the Eldest Daughter a good bye hug the Nephew in Law and I scooted off on the bikes for a ride. The heat had been really nasty and getting the wind in my face felt good. We just went to hit a local bendy road or two. I had a destination in mind but half way there thought I was on the wrong road. I took us around a big block and went back to look for the sign and ended up on the same road again - as in, "I was right the first time." *sigh*. We just needed to go a little further down the road.

I got us an ice cream at a place I remembered as great that was just ok and over priced now. We cooled off in the shade while wandering strangers commented on our bikes. Mine is larger and older, his is painted a shade that almost matches it. They assumed his was the big one and they assumed we were a couple and they assumed we had a friend still in the store and I rode on the back and almost anything except the truth. It was cracking me up. And I learned the nephew is shy and doesn't like to talk to strangers....LOL. I hope he gets over it hanging out with me!

We went back to burn marshmallows and bug repellent smoke at a fire for a while. The kids had smores. The little kids went in to watch a movie and crash after a day of romping wildly together. I wandered off a little later and left them to their "non-adult supervised" revels. I hear it got wild. One of the nephews is newly bald...Parrrrr-T!

It was late when I got home. I left the bike out (OMG!) because I was leaving early for the Sunday poker run and decided I was too tired to mess with getting it in and out of the garage twice. The dogs met me quietly and I went in without waking the dog sitters from their movie. I tossed in a load of wash and got my email, got the clothes in the dryer and folded then went to bed for a five hour nap.

When I got up that morning I realized it was going to be a torcher of a day but on the bike I won't ride without a jacket, at least denim, and boots, heavy leather. I just can't. I have picked too much gravel out of too many hides to risk mine. Sure, I never needed it this trip. Not being a prophet I couldn't know that. I scarfed down a coffee, loaded the bike with the kit bag and a clean shirt and rode off into the rising sun.

I rode past the meeting place and went to fill up at the local truck stop so I could leave with a full tank. While I was inside I ran into another of the "up north" cousins, the eldest, working there. She, get this, recognized my voice! Wow. I haven't seen her in almost 25 years. That's some filing system she has! I told her the sis was across the street at the big antiques sale and will try to ge over to see her sometime soon.

It's almost 60 miles to where we were starting and I was going early to be in time for breakfast while it was hot. I paid my cover, bought the t-shirt, the quilt raffle tickets and the 50/50 tickets, kicked in my five bucks for breakfast and was glad I already had filled the bike on the way in. I wouldn't have to stop for gas till it cooled off.

These runs are not cheap. I might have needed to hit the ATM. I finance most of my weekends out of my "emergency savings". I save all my change and spend the green then roll it and stash it away just for things like this and the fair in August. That way the entertainment budget doesn't get in the way of the bill paying budget. I had enough money to play with the big boys.

By noon, when we were scheduled to pull out, the temp was already eight seven degrees and climbing. The bike gave me a little crap all day. It hates the heat, and it doesn't like rain, fussy old thing! I was so embarrassed on my Honda with all the Harley guys snickering at me as the starter ground away. Hand me a paper bag!

I think she needs the carbs syncronized. The mate didn't get to it last year. I will have to ask the other mechanic if he can help me with it. If that doesn't do it I will have to find another way to fix the problem. "You hearing me, BIKE?! Remember lawn mower? Hmmm? Think about it."

For those, like me, who had no idea what a poker run is I will explain. You register, get a game sheet and a map and drive to five places. At every place is a table with cards on it and an offical card verifier. You draw a card, they write it on the game sheet, then, if you are a real biker and not me, you drink two beers, bs with your pals and go on to do it again at four more places. If the host bar and the ending bar don't have cards but just start you off and gather you up again you can go to as many as 7 places all between 20 and 50 miles apart. We drew at the starting bar and the ending bar so we had only 5 to hit.

I only knew the way to the first and the last one. Everywhere else I tagged along with a different group of riders so I didn't get lost. I met a lot of nice people. One group volenteered to let me hang out. One bunch was leaving as I was waiting for ice water at one place that the waitress was a moron. I had been waiting, along with three others, for her to bring our drinks and my water. It teed me off so I left with the next bunch going out the door. That was ok. I got to meet another lady rider and it was fun running the road with her.

Dinner and the Brother Boy's band were at the last place which was only 25 miles from home so I got to really cool off and really relax with the group I landed there with. The three guys hung out but the lady rider disappeared. Two of the men were twins but they were a lot older than me. It was still fun meeting them and they are quite the party people.

We hung out and ate together then they headed north for home. I had a good table for hearing the band. This was the largest room I had seen them in and they sounded really excellent. Usually there is too much PA for the room and they get muddy and you can't hear the vocals over the instruments. Here, they fit and it let them really shine.

I didn't sit with them and I didn't look for anyone to share my space with. I was just tired of looking for friendly eyes that lit up when they saw me. There weren't any, I didn't know anyone there. I was tired of looking for a guy that wasn't drunk or stoned or grumpy looking or only twelve years old. I just listened to the tunes, missed my mate and left alone after not winning anything in the raffles or door prizes.

When I stopped in the almost cool of the evening to get my bike refilled the gas station was like a scene out of a horror movie. June Bug Hatch from Hell! They were flying, dive bombing, crawling, dying on the pavement, squished by cars and just ICK! Everywhere! I rushed that stop and tried to get out of there before one landed on me or got in my helmet.

Monday the mate's Eldest and Big E and I got around and loaded his bike up. I decided he would work on it more if it was at his home. Plus it got it out of the garage. I am holding the paper until he is legal for riding and his grades are good and he has no children and no police record on graduation day. Right in the middle of that the white truck gave up the ghost. Nothing, no click, no grind - nothing.

It was so hot. We put the charger on it and went inside. Once we were all cooled off we went back to start it - nothing. So we jumped it. Bingo! Then we finished loading the bike and they booked for home while it was still running. I don't know why the battery died in the driveway and not at work or on the road for her. It's just a little spooky.

Once they were gone I got the house tidied up for Tuesday Bible study, did some laundry and played the guitar till time for bed. I thought about the Vets, now and then, and about my Veteran, quiet up there in his box on the shelf. I was thankful we have had brave, strong and daring men and women to guard us from harm and said a prayer for them as I drifted off to sleep. God bless them, every one!

Well everybody's going out and having fun

It was a long weekend and took longer to catch up at work than I had planned so we are way behind here. Apologies to all my regulars!

Wednesday night there was a change in plans and the Eldest Daughter was going right to her Grama's to stay. I wanted to make sure she had what she needed and made a late run to take a few things over and greet her as she arrived. She used the coffee grinder but never got to the garden fresh spinach or aspargus as we all kept taking her out to eat. Mom enjoyed it later.

Then Thursday the boss surprised all of us by being pleased that not one order was late and not one bill overdue while he was gone. He bought lunch for the guys and gave us all a half day off on Thursday. I got a Black Forest coo coo clock I had requested instead of the lunch. It's a lovely little wind up that is still losing time, about an minute an hour, because the pendulem is still not perfectly positioned. I really like it.

The story goes; I was three or four and had visited the Great Grands house on a Saturday. Now I had a Grampa and Grama Gee already. This extra set of the same name would have confused me. The GG's had a beautiful German coo coo clock that had the little bird that popped out calling the hours. I was fascinated with it. The next day, at church, I spotted them passing in the aisle and stood up on my pew to holler, "Hi Grampa Coo Coo!" we called them Grampa and Grama Coo Coo forever after and my mom bought herself a new paper bag to wear on Sundays.

When the boss said he was visiting the Black Forest area I asked nicely for a small one, offering to pay for it. He made me a gift of it instead. It's one of the few nice things he has done for me in my eight years here and I really like it a lot.

I used my "get out early free card" to have brunch with the eldest and the Mom on Thursday. We had a nice visit and roughed out her plans for the time she would be here. That evening we met #1Son along with the mate's Eldest Girl, another foster brother and his girl and mom at a locally popular diner way back in the boondocks. The company was great but the dinner left a lot to be desired, mainly service. I hate poor service because I was good at doing that job in my past I really don't like a lazy or poorly trained server. This girl was both.

The food was mostly ok and we did have fun. Afterwards Mom and I went back to Another Brother's place to visit. I never found out till too late to fix it that ED didn't realize who he was. I felt badly about that. He was a good friend and play mate to my kids when they were little.

There were lots of little screw ups like that all weekend. It still was wonderful fun to see all the kids and cousins together. Only one of the Biker Nephews couldn't make it and he was pretty heart broken about it.

Friday ED spent with her friends and her brother and sis in law and the little neice. My #1Son had taken two days off to have time available to spend with his sister. I owe him and his wonderful wife, my daughter in law, a big thank you because the actual time they got together was pretty short but he made his family and himself available for anything. My main man!

I was off Friday and went shopping. Saturday we had a BBQ at Eldest Nephew's home. He and his wife had a great spread laid out and one newly treasured maple tree that shaded us from the 90 degree heat as the little ones played in the wading pool and sprinkler. A big thanks to them for hosting the wild bunch!

There were photos and memories and stories and fun had by all. There was way too much food, as usual, and lots of ants. One of the neice in laws stirred up a whole hill of them and we had to relocate chairs to avoid them. The heat was the only real negative in the whole day. Last weekend I froze my butt off on the bike and this week end it was so hot the bike had trouble running in the high temps. Welcome to Michigan!

There is never enough time to spend with the girl when she is home. We stay in touch well by 'net and phone so I don't worry about her. I just can't hug her enough with her long distance. I enjoyed seeing her and getting to know her again in person. I know we will still be electronic friends anyway but appreciated her taking the time to be with us. So, Thanks, Eldest Daughter! We all love you and miss you in the circle when we party. It was fun.

That's Life!

The girl is coming. I am hoping to get all the kids in one pile at least once this week. (yo, kids!) and I haven't heard back from the guy about the bike yet, either. I don't know what all is going to happen.

The boss gets back today from over seas and so the shop will be in an uproar, too. When he finds out how many bills I paid that he usually just lets ride he may smack me....oh well! I should be so lucky as to get fired in the summer. I always get laid off or let go in the winter when I can't ride or garden. I'm not as lucky as the mate was.

Anyway, just a note to let you all know I will be busy and don't expect to have time to post until Monday. You will all just have to wait with me and see what happens next here. I hope the suspense doesn't permanently damage any of us...LOL! That's Life.

Happy Together

We did almost everything together. Bike, family, chores, events, recreation, and even those fun private things, like showers, were often done together. Two, not one, having fun. I am not having as much fun doing things alone.

Before I left on Saturday I made some calls to see who was planning on going and to try to find someone to ride the mate's bike up. When I could get no one to do it I thought I would do it myself. Big NOT.

I went to where it is parked, loaded it up and headed for the gas station. The furkin (real word) thing is just too far to the handle bars and foot controls and I don't have a way to change them to fit me. I drove it right back, loaded all the stuff on my own bike and headed north in a snit because I am supposed to be able to ride anything. I hate saying "can't".

About five miles west of town I hit the cold front. It was still ok, but we were losing heat fast. I took all the short cuts I knew and booked for the motel. The plan was to check in, shower, go hear a band and crash. The rain started just as I pulled in. Lots of it, cold, wet, dreary rain.

That put the halts to going out because the town I was in didn't even have funtioning cab service, not to mention renting a car on a Saturday night.....I couldn't even go to dinner and I am not into pizza much right now. It totally sucked. So I walked to the closest place in the rain.

But I learned some things. I hate motels, I must have forgotten that over the years. The remote didn't work, there was no channel guide in the room and the phone was blitzy. Then the wireless didn't work so I couldn't get online, either. I was glad I packed a book before the night was over. I had my Soduko Book (thanks, #1Son and DIL) so I could keep my head mostly busy.

I got to watch three musicals, Gene Kelly, Fred Astair and Frank Sinatra, which was fun. The rest of the time things were pretty bleak. I kept thinking about the people I would be seeing tomorrow and most of them I haven't seen since January. Some of them I only see at the Blessing and had missed a few years with the hip and all. Most of them I wanted to see and some I was dreading running into. Without the mate there all the inter-relationships have changed. I just don't know where I stand with some of them and don't know if I want to find out. I learned I think too much when I am alone with no guitar and no 'net.

I need to keep full gloves and clear glasses for night riding on the bike. Now, I'm not totally stupid, I have them. It just happens that I broke a key off in my right saddle bag and can't get it open. So I couldn't get at my rain suit, either, which I also need to keep on the bike. I learned you have to make three stops to buy any one item on a Sunday.

I learned that it's not enough fun going anywhere without the mate to ride in the cold. I should have just stayed home and wussed out. If he had been with me and we were meeting people we would have made an adventure of it, my saddle bag would have worked and I could have gotten my good gloves out and I would have put a bandana over my face and made the best of it. We would have enjoyed notching yet another 'adventure ride' on our belts and it would have been a great story, later.

When I got done with breakfast the next morning I just licked a finger, stuck it in the air, went "BRRRRR!" and headed south. I have enough stories to tell about adventure rides and I have ridden in every weather, including one winter where all I had was a motorcycle. So screw stories! I was now a heat seeking missle. Without him I didn't care to ride any further for not as much fun and just went for the house.

I rode twenty five miles south and stopped for coffee. The waitress and I had a nice long chat while I warmed up. I rode the same distance again and stopped for an early dinner so I wouldn't have to cook. Then it was just twenty more miles home and I was in, dry and warm. I was so chilled I let the critters in and took a nap on the heated mattress pad the mate bought me. The mate's eldest called an hour later and got me up. She was the wunderkind that watched the house for me after spending her day fixing her mom's computer. The girl has brownie points!

I learned this weekend that I like to have a friend to share these things with. That riding solo is lonely and enough so that I even thought about selling the bike part of the way home. If the mate hadn't worked so hard to fit it to me I might have. I don't think I will, at least not till fall and maybe by then my attitude will have changed. I really hope so. I love riding my motorcycle.

I learned again that the music is very important just for me even if I never play in public again. Either making my own or listening to live is a medicine. It keeps me thinking and learning. The other thing I noticed is I do a lot of virtual living. It annoyed me to not be able to get my mail, read my blogs and keep up with all of you for those two days.

Most of what keeps me hanging on here is wanting to see what comes next. Do I get to love again? Do I take a friend with benefits? Do I buy stock in batteries? Do I take over the government? Do I become a highly successful country song writer? Do I wake up in a whore house in Mexico? Do I go to Kentucky? If I do go do I come back? Does the grand get over screaming everytime she sees me? Does the Eldest become independantly wealthy and hire me as her chauffer? Will the #1Son buy his own truck company? Will "Soap" ever come on the reruns again?

Curiousity. I have to stay interested in something, even if it's just "How many bubbles can you float on a pool before the first one pops or falls in half?"(world record - 11 over 6" in size) or there isn't anything holding me down. Like gravity just quits and I fall into the sky.

The good news today is I have had a call on the bike and may not be going to KY if I have to stay for the paperwork. That's not all bad, there is a poker run on Saturday and the band of choice is playing at the finish line and the Eldest Daughter will be her this Thursday to play for a few days. So as long as I don't know what happens next I am ok.

But I hate when I go to have fun and have remedial school of hard knocks instead.

Riding Solo

I rode off on my motorcycle
late Saturday night.
The weather was a little dark
but the temperture was right.
I made it to the motel room,
right before the rain,
and then I started
missing you again.

I was on my way to join our friends
For a Sunday afternoon.
I thought I'd be a little smart,
go half way and get a room.
When the rain started to sting,
and my face was getting numb,
I missed your wide shoulders
and missed your warming love.

Everything I do
Seems to leave me missing you.
Everywhere I go
I just wish that I was home.
The joy is gone,
The days too long,
and I am always blue.
I spend all my time these days
sadly missing you

I made it through the lonely night
by trying not to think.
I thought I did pretty good -
I never had a drink.
I had dinner in a place nearby
at a table set for two.
The waitress never knew
how I was missing you.

I walked back to the motel room,
in the dark, through pouring rain.
The chill was dripping down my neck
as I crossed the big four lane.
A neon sign glowed with one word,
All it said was just "Tattoo",
That was enough to make me
start over missing you.

chorus

The morning brought a cold north wind
that blew as cold as ice.
I pack my things that morning
and loaded up the bike.
I spotted just one little spot
of blue sky off toward home.
I decided I was going back,
to missing you, alone.

My face got numb as I rode off
through the biting cold.
My fingers felt like sunlit ice.
I kept warm thinking of home.
Even though I know you're not
waiting there for me
It's where we were together
and where I'd rather be.

chorus

I made it home and parked the bike;
took all my things inside.
I let the dogs and cat come in
then cranked the heat up high.
I saw your hat, still hanging there,
and my bravery was through.
I let go, the tears flowed slow,
and I went back to missing you

I'm ok now, the tears have stopped.
The dogs are back outside.
I feel warm and safe again-
though you're not by my side.
I wish I knew how many days
I can be this blue.
My heart is sore and lonely
and I'm still missing you.

Well they call me the Breeze

Cause I keep rolling down the road.

Ok, I had to know, what's dangerous about rhubarb? Here is the link of the page I thought had the best information. Pretty much, unless you are using the leaves, you are safe eating it anyway you want. http://www.rhubarbinfo.com/rhubarb-poison.html .

With the boss gone I am handling the ordering, accounts payable and billing as well as my usual shipping and sales. Actively selling has been suffering but customer service has been doing fine. It means I have been too busy to blog or even read the blogs so I will be catching up this morning. The coffee is hot, the sun is up but it is still too chilly to go out and do the weed whacking I want to get done or run the roto tiller and put the seeds and bulbs in the ground that I want to plant today. So I get to look for guitar tabs on a few songs, read the blogs and catch up with you all and then get around to do chores before heading out to look for the live music that keeps my weekend functional.

I actually FINALLY bought the capo I have been whining about. That was a blow to the wallet...I used to get these hard rubber rods with a stretchy strap that had holes every inch or so for about five bucks. That was a capo. Now all they have is these strange plastic things you squeeze and clamp over the neck. Not as easy on the old hands as the strap one was but it works with one hand so you pick your poison. The shock was that these crappy plastic things were sixteen to nineteen dollars!

I also got the boom for the mic so I don't whang the guitar into the mic stand while I am playing. I got that on sale for only eighteen dollars. I forgot to look at books, luckily for me, or I would have probably spent too much.

The budget is a little tight due to the equipment purchases but I expect them to pay for themselves someday so I can handle it. I would have been ok but I had to squeeze a little to pay off that loan last week. So I am under budgeted for the month. I have decided to enjoy going to Kentucky with the cousins anyway. If the weather gets better I will take the bike, if the weather doesn't get better I will load up Little Red with all my toys and go anyway. It's just gas and groceries and with the miles I have been putting on going around for tunes on the weekends it should be close to the same.

I am taking my own vehicle so I have the freedom to stay or go at any point that I am not having fun anymore. I learned early in life that walking will get you home but bringing your own wheels gets you there quicker.

Last year at this time we were covering the garden to save the plants and blew off the Blessing of the Bikes in Baldwin that is coming again this weekend. It looks like good riding weather tomorrow and I am considering going halfway tonight and the rest of the way tomorrow. We used to go up to our friends house and spend the night then get breakfast and ride over. I don't think that will work this year.

I am thinking I will take off when it's warmer this afternoon and head that way, hit the band for awhile and then motel it one night and go in the warm of the morning instead of driving from here in the cold freezing crack of dawn. It might be fun and there are thousands of bikes there.

It means I have to wash Old Blue and get her spiffed up. Can't show up with a dirty bike. Uh, unless I take the mate's bike up. DUH! Let's see, over ten thousand bikers, wanna sell a bike...what a dummy! I just spent about six calls figuring out that if it's going up there I have to ride it myself. Ok, so now I have a project and I better get a plan in place. As in-some place to stay. This should be fun.

So, back to Wednesday was busy at work and I came running home to get the lawn mowed before it rained again. Then I had to race over to the friends that were putting it out for me and meet my other friends that will be putting it out for me. The first friend got a new Harley Tuesday and need the garage space back. The second friends have a main road right off their front yard and will be doing the same for me for a week or two. I am blessed in my friends, I should not whine when they don't behave the way I would, they are not me.

The first pair are losing their Dad slowly to old age and desiese. They thought he would go that night. I stayed to visit for awhile to distract them and we had a nice time, considering the circumstances. We got the swap made ok and then I went along home. It was almost ten and I hadn't had dinner yet. It's still hard to cook for one so I have been doing a lot of sandwiches and such. I just restocked the vegetables and soup this week. I am trying to use more fresh food but I can't eat it fast enough and waste too much. I am doing the math on eating out vs. groceries.

Thursday was wild at work but I ducked out early anyway to get those groceries and the animal food I needed before I had to get to town for the jam session. It was short some people but we all had fun anyway. There is one guy around my age that really plays guitar well, we got playing name that tune and I was enjoying that. He would play a riff and I would try to place it. I only missed one or two all night.

I got to do two songs and really had people up dancing this time. We did "Heartaches by the Numbers" and "Oh, Lonesome Me". The keys were still rough but now I have the capo I think I can find better ones. I am a pitiful rythym player and use mostly open chords as my wrist doesn't work the way I want it to for the bar chords. I'm working on it.... Then afterwards we got to play with the piano lady again and I did some real oldies, "Has Anybody Seen My Gal", "Jeepers Creepers" and we tried "Anytime" but didn't quite get it.

The hours were filled and I went home humming and thinking I better get some page protectors to put my cheat sheets into so I can arrange them better. Another project for a rainy day. And I heard two blues songs now that were on CD's of the mate's that I am trying to learn. So I am staying busy, thinking happy thoughts, staying busy, busy, too busy to think, no thinking allowed, when I think too much I cry, when I cry I can't sing and when I can't sing I can't make myself feel better.

Friday I got all the weeks business done at work and printed out a neat report for the boss so he can track it easily then took off early again. I had enough overtime in the last two weeks that I still have overtime on the check this week. That will be nice for the trip south. I made some calls from home looking for the music and headed to the town I was told would have some then there was none. The guy that told me is dyslexic so I went to the next town over, looked up my favorite waitress and found no tunes there, either. I visited a while and then headed for the last stop before home only to find my original Brother Boy and the band working when they expected to be off! Nice surprise and I enjoyed their last two sets.

Then it's back to the house and and the bed and the dogs and the stinking cat. I caught the female spraying in the house and next time I catch her I think she is going to the farm to live. I have had just about enough of coming home to hunt for the cat stink. She's down right rude about it and I am not going to deal with it much longer. I never had a female do that before. I hate to pass her on, she and the mate were buds, but I am not going to have the whole house stunk up like this either. I bleached the stuff off again but I mean really, like I need another cleaning chore to do everyday.. NOT. I'm thinkin on it.

So it's Saturday and I am going to pack up, put food and water out for the dogs, chase the cats out, they have food they can get to in the basement, and go get the mate's bike and ride it north while the sun shines so nicely.

Gotta go look up a motel for the night and figure out where to find breakfast. See ya Monday!

Da do ron ron, Da do ron ron

Tuesday was boring, I worked, I went home, I mowed the neighbor's lawn and part of mine before dark. I made dinner (getting harder to do every night, thinking I will start eating out), did a load of wash and went to bed by eleven for a change.

For your entertainment and mystification I offer the list of recent searches that hit on my blog.

Shall we play "Name that Post?"

what is the purpose of the samaratins for someone with mental health
boyfriend is not welcome
jm bible stories about sharing
little miss back riding ho
joint
that's pretty bold talk comin from a one-eyed fat man
dangers of ruhbarb
chisan pop math
rag bag summertime
ruhbarb going to seed
did don ho die
carol burnette
clemetis bulbs
cleaning corroded riding mower battery

Carol Burnett is on the list almost every week. I think she's the funniest woman ever! Don't get Don Ho at all. The rest mostly make sense except for the little miss....LOL

Ya get down the fiddle and ya get down the bow

Friday got a little complicated. I left early to get to the bank. I had managed to screw that up on Thursday again, because of the jam session. Then I did some math on the way over. With the taxes in I could get the mower or pay off the loan for the funeral. The loan is much interest, the charge card is less interest....almost half as much. That was easy. I paid off the funeral. I also go the Visa cards straightened out. Come to find out they not only close your account but strip your bonus points AND charge you interest for the time it takes THEM to close the account. So I paid the fricking service charge on the previous card, paid off the small amount due on the new one and made the nice lady agree to give me back the points we had on the JOINT card.

I may have mentioned that you get a 255.00 death benefit from VA and 300.00 from Social Security (or visa versa). They have still not arrived. I had agreed to pay them directly to the funeral home. It was an easy leap from paying off the loan to deciding to check in with the funeral home and see what the deal was. My very good director, The Woman in Charge, had no news on that front, either. I spent about and hour admiring the changes they had made in layout and such and just yacking. By then I was hungry and it was getting late. I got home about 9 and just stayed in for the night.

I wasn't going to be able to make that work for Saturday, I was too antsy and wound up. I had fronts, weather fronts, I mean. They always make me edgy. About two I had had enough and started packing up to head north. I got out the door about five and started for the cousin's bar. I had a nice dinner there and decided I couldn't compete with Nascar. The cousin wasn't feeling well so I didn't visit but a minute with her. I can't afford to get sick. No insurance now.

I headed back south for a place I had heard was going to have a good band. They must be because I think I got the last "non mud puddle" parking spot. I got a crappy seat under a light that was in my eyes. When people shifted I took a large table AWAY from the in your face lighting and soon had 6 strangers sitting there with me. That was ok, I am out to meet people and distract myself. Aside from the fact that I was on the down hill side of the tower of cans they were constructing I had had a pretty good time with them.

And the BAND! WhooooWE! Blue grass blasters! Mandolin, lap dobro that sounds like a steel guitar, banjo, upright bass and rythym guitar with 5, count em!, 5 vocalists! Nice, if too rare, harmonies, excellent musical abilities and enough "really having a good time making music together" to keep the place cooking til closing time.

Imagine my surprise when the ONE friend that came over in the weeks after the funeral was there just boogin' down with the jams. I haven't seen him in a few weeks and he has different hours than I do but his kindnesses are well remembered. We greeted each other after the dance he was in was over and settled at our own tables.

When break time rolled around I approached the lead singer and dobro guy because they were doing original tunes. I asked if they would listen to two of mine. Surprisingly enough, the lead singer not only listened but asked for a tape to see what they could do with the one I had with me on the computer. I really need to download winzip again. WAV files are huge and I am on dial up. Otherwise I'd upload them for you to hear, too. I don't have a way to record mp3 files and I am still on dial up....LOL. You won't get them anytime soon in the full version.

There is a song I want to promote, now that I think of it again. Bob and Tom won't play it. I think they are secretly Republicans. My friend, Tennessee Traveler, wrote and produced it. If you don't have dial up it's found at http://herway.com/designer/bcs.WMA. It is a great little tune if you don't favor King George the 2nd's policies. Give it a listen. If you do have dial up, it's a long wait for the down load - long wait. I will try to get it in a better format soon.

Sunday the #1Son and family were down bearing gifts, flowers and pizza. We had a really nice visit. The mom and uncle stopped in, too, and I gave her the few things I had for her. I think she was pleased. The grand girl only screeched at me twice, instead of every time I looked at her. She was silly and entertaining. I enjoyed seeing them and finding out what life is like for them lately.

The Eldest Daughter called later that evening. I was surprised that both the other girls were no shows but I guess I am spoiled. They almost always at least call and usually visit. I hope they were having fun with their mother.

Between those events I set up the equipment and recorded my songs to hand off to the blue grass band some time in the future. I was surprised how fussy I was about it at first. Then I just said, screw it, I am not a pro. I got them down well enough you can hear the lyrics and called it good enough. That kept me busy enough that I just had time to do a load of wash and get to bed.

Welcome to Monday, every one!

Singing in the Rain

Well, we were kind of singing in the rain....It was raining outside and very windy last night. I whipped home from work, fed animals and grabbed the guitar then reversed direction and headed for town. I had just enough time to grab a bite at the cafe then get to the jam. Even though I was 20 minutes early most of the players, some of them dressed to the nine's, were settled in their chairs and tuning up or even jamming already.

For your two dollar donation you get at least one chance to sing or play as center stage person, cheap at any price, and for the change you get to listen to others do their bit and it's just fun. I really smiled most of the night because I was just enjoying myself. Who wouldn't? I had two fiddle players and a banjo sitting next to me! There was everything, except a drum, being played. I mean everything! Dojos, kazoos, a 12 string mandolin, dulcimers, an accordian with an excellent player, piano, tub bass, mouth harp, harmonicas and many guitars at all levels of talent. It was just FINE!

I did better on my song than the last time out but still grabbed too low a key and lost it a little at the end. One of those ninja grief strikes that does professional hit and run attacks. But it was still ok. And I played until my fingers hurt, they still do, even just typing, now that I am noticing.

And because almost everyone there is older than me I feel like a kid again. Plus they all know and love the music I am most familiar with. Pig heaven, a warm wallow in a corn field! Too much fun and all that jazz. Then, when it's over, the piano and accordian do old show tunes and I sang till my face hurt. So I went home, still lonely, but knowing I could do it again next week and not be ashamed to walk in the door.

On the way home, through the dark and stormy night, I noticed as car at the intersection of a gravel road with it's turn signal on but not going anywhere. When I got past it I see it's the hazard lights. Hmmmm.....gotta do it. I turned around to go back. It was a lady in a smaller SUV with an over heating problem but only two miles from home. I left her there, with a prayer, because I have BTDT many times. But I felt good because I went back and checked.

So the day sucked but the night rocked! The dogs were good because I left them in out of the weather, the coffee was on for morning, (note to self: check that AUTO is on!) and I checked the email then crashed out.

I over slept a little but made it on time to work. Tonight I am checking to see if there is a jam here in town. It was just too much fun to skip one! If there isn't I have to find another way to fill the night hours. Thinking.

Well, check in Monday and see what I thought up! By, Y'all!

Rainy days and Mondays

It started raining last night and it looks like it's going to continue for the weekend and more. Six days, I heard somewhere, of rain and gloomy skies.
I was just thinking, on the way home last night, that this was our favorite time for riding. The lilac and honeysuckle are out and the fragrance drifts through the warm night air as you scoot down the roads. It makes the whole area seem magical it's so sweet and heavy a scent. Now it's chilly, damp, dark, dreary and dank here. No ride for me Humbug!

I got wild and reset the water heater last night to do some chores and get a shower. Then I played some tunes, read, was online reading and called no one even though I wanted to kind of. It was a quiet night and the dogs liked being in out of the weather. I almost miss the TV noise sometimes.

I am going to have to modify the new feeder for them, they won't stick their heads in to hold the door open while they nibble. I don't think they like the tiny water bowl, either but it refills as they drink ensuring them clean water. I can leave them out a day or two if I can make sure they have food and water but they just aren't cooperating. I think I will take a look at it on Saturday.

The boss is going to Germany and will be gone about ten days. Big party coming soon here! It's not that much more work for me anyway and the stress level is lower than when he is out on the floor trying to tell people how to do what they have already been doing well for weeks..lol. We are all looking forward to it.

I wrote my quit letter this morning. He really ticks me off some times. I have been here eight years in June and he didn't want to give me the P.O. box combo but have me ask for the mail over the counter. For crying out loud, does he think I would steal his mail or what? The mail lady hates to bother to hand over and it's against the rules - I know because she reminds me of that everytime I get the Mom's mail for her.

I decided he that if he didn't even trust me with that then I need a new job, one with insurance. I may have to do that anyway but I was trying not to mess with my routine anymore than I have to right away. There are too many changes in my life right now with out adding new job stress to it.

So I stomp off to the desk mad and tell him I am too angry to discuss it right now. Later he changes his mind and gives me the code with my check. I said fine, then I don't need to give you this, and tore up my two weeks notice. He got all hot then. He says he is just trying to make sure I don't have to do much more than my usual job to make it easy on me. I say you don't trust me I'll go be a truck driver. I don't need the stress. We got past it - again - and are ok now but it made a crappy morning here. I don't play the I quit card unless I am serious about something, he knows that. I don't kid about cutting off my only income.

Even at my age I can get other work and I will have to if I want insurance again. We have none here. It was ok when the mate had me covered but if I am staying on the planet I have to have it in case I blow another artery or break a leg hang gliding this summer. But I can wait a little longer to implement the change. I asked for a raise on the next check yesterday. If he doesn't then I am walking.

Petty, Val, petty, I hear....LOL NOT. The guy had no products and no customers after he fired his last sales guy three days before Christmas with no warning. Of COURSE the guy got another job and took the customers with him. Idjit boss!

I offered to market a product that we built a die for and the customer stiffed us on. That was the year he was being told to file for Chapter 11. I brought in a customer a day for over six months and one every week for the last three years on average. More, really but his slack attitude toward packaging and quality lost a bunch before he wised up. Now my big problem is not having any stock on the shelves and we have 55 products, many that I have helped design and all of which I market for him. I would be a lot nicer to me if I was him.

Now that is over I have had to think about it today. I was actually looking forward to having to use the last of my vacation days and to going to driver's school for a minute there. Getting a reliable animal sitter was my biggest problem. I think I could have done it.

It has been tempting to throw the house on the market for a just better than break even price, sell what I don't need to live and move somewhere warmer in a house just big enough for me. Tennessee is very high on my list of move to's. Colorado is second and Kentucky third. Hot Springs area of Arkansas interests me, too. If I did it right I could check them all out and then decide. The mom votes no but the kids are all grown now and I am still portable at this point. With my smile guy, Moo Cow, moving to NZ I just got to thinking that it isn't all bad fitting into a little RV with a covered trailer for the bike and dogs...

It's mostly just wistful thinking on my part. I am nowhere close to being that versatile right now. It did give me something to think about. That's always good right now - keep the mind to busy to miss the mate today is the goal most days.

I may still follow the Cousins, Rusty and Reb down to KY for the next holiday. It means missing a day to visit with my girl but we are better friends on the phone than in person. My smoking doesn't annoy her and the dogs don't slobber on her that way. I won't know till I find out when they are leaving. Yo, Reb? Friday night or Saturday morning?

If I go I want to take the bike. It will get me out of Dodge and into a place no one knows me and how weird I am right now. Not to mention I can wander the miles of woods there and have a fine time just recreating. Thinking cap is on it.

I will be hitting the jam session tonight and if it goes well I will hit Friday's too. I have picked "Together Again" for one song and then, if they ask for a second one I want to try "Old Flames" or "Oh, Lonesome Me". The third one is a little more upbeat and I need something faster in my list. I do too many slow songs.

I don't know what I am doing with myself on the weekend yet. With all this rain I may have to get by with visiting friends. The one band isn't playing and while I know where another one is I haven't decided if it's worth the drive yet. I guess we get to wait and be surprised.

It's summer now, almost, and many of us are doing yard work, graduations, weddings and family events plus our extra activities. I think it is why the comments slow down here. I know I am having to break up my reading into several times a week instead of every day to keep up with all of you. So I hope to see you Monday. I sure hope I get too busy to blog this weekend! Enjoy yourselves.

So I tucked my hair up under my hat and

I went in to ask them "why"?

"Put your business-like nature aside for the day and focus on your feelings. You may feel a bit protective of your emotions, but realize that much of what you are feeling is best experienced through your expressing it to others. Reach down deep and get in touch with what you truly believe is the heart of the issue. Your thinking process is clear as a whistle today - so enjoy it!"

Wrong again, but that was the horridscope today. I don't put much faith in them but they amused me sometimes. And I am having a problem with my feelings - trying to keep them in perspective. Also defining feelings as apart from hormone surges is difficult this week. I keep having big swings in my hormones while my moods have pretty much settled to a level some where near depressed but not beyond my ability to deal with - yet. It was pretty close this weekend but I made it with the help of my friends and I will keep turning to them for a hand up when I feel too low.

The big conundrum is that I am lonely for the company and touch of a man. Really missing it badly. Enough so that I think of going to the local meat markets and doing just a little "tipsy acting"to lure some poor guy into my greedy clutches.

Go for it! you say? Well, I would but I have this problem, somewhere I developed standards or morals or something. I have to at least think there is mutual like involved to even feel comfortable patting a man's arm in conversation, much less anything more intimate.

Great! Wonderful for me! I have expectations of my behavior that don't let me just lap hop anymore. It might even require me to use - OMG - Ladylike behavior!!! Ok, FINE! Now what?

Well, the second problem I have having is I am not even 39 and holding, I am past 49 and a true "broad". I was never a "narrow" as I am of german/irish background. I was a large boned, strong woman. Now I am just large. While I try to see past the body into the heart of a person most males my age on the prowl are a lot more shallow. We might have a great time jammin all night but they would faint if their friends thought they followed me home. I am not even making the top twenty list right now.

This is not a pity post, team, it's just the facts. The real problem is my contrary nature. I have been losing inchs, not weight, over the last 116 days, because I am exercising more. But I do not want a person who only likes the icing and doesn't even ask what flavor the cake is. I find myself dressing to appear more heavy than I am because I am cranky that the men I meet all seem to want is some little "narrow" spinner without a brain in her head.

These people are my age and still don't get it that the person you are is not the body you wear. Now I will confess to a weakness for voices. I like a deeper tone and lots of reverb. I still won't let a tenor with an interesting idea on the creation of the universe get away from the table until I understand why they think the way they do on that topic. And if they know the word Grok and use it correctly...wow!

Anyway, it all boils down to feeling like the heavy old lady wants a hug partner and none of the old men will even think about it. Then we get the "I refuse to lose weight (i.e., dress, talk, walk, behave in a certain way) just to get a man's attention. I have been this contrary ever since the first time someone told me I couldn't play because I was a girl or that I should wear a dress more often...LOL! Ain't gonna do it to please anyone but me.

Now I am trying to peel some pounds to make life easier around here for a woman alone but I find myself desguising that fact to the world out of plain old stubborn cutting off my nose to spite my face crankiness. Is it just me and I am going over the edge or do other people resent the "socially defined expectations" of dress and size in society and from their peers?

When someone shows me how to climb down out of a tree in a dress and still maintain the social taboo of not showing your undies I will think about getting a dress for everyday wear. Until then it's jeans for me and a pocket-t, a nice, unisex, comfortable, long wearing outfit for regular everyday wear. I can slide into first or bake cookies equally well in them. I am not ready to stick what is left of my legs out to stop traffic and get someone to change my tire. If I am in 'real clothes' I can just change it myself and go home.

Oh yeah, and I think I am just a tad cranky today....LOL. Happy Hormone week!

Where have all the flowers gone?

Under the crab grass, I guess. I got the lawn mowed. As you may have gathered it is a very nice, large yard. I again underestimated the time difference of a 38" cut compared to a 42" cut and was mowing by the headlights before I was done. Once I remembered to take the sunglasses off the work was a little easier. It was still almost dark when I dusted off and filled the nice neighbor's mower with gas then drove it home to it's shed.

I solved another problem last night. The *%(#*&$* picnic table is really too heavy for me to move alone. I managed it last week but I was beat when I got there last night. I hollered for the neighbor kid again, the same one that bought the little mower, and asked with sign language if he wanted it. His Dad, with the big truck, was just pulling out and they pulled right in and we loaded it up. Perfect fit! Problem solved.

I am starting to wonder how many other problems I can solve by just getting rid of stuff. The more I contemplated it the more situations I thought of that would be cured. Take books, for instance; I read. I read as much as possible and a wide range of material. I love reference books. I have them for insects, trees, herbs, history, card games, birds, dogs, cats, fish and more. Why?
I am curious and I want to know now.

What did they invent libraries for anyway if not to clear the books out of my house and give me the space I want for the TV? Except for treasured gifts and heirlooms like the bird books and such I can really cut down there and go to the library once a week. Like many readers I have favorites I read over very often. Those are available at the library, too. So why do I keep all these books? Good Question! With the internet the reference books are basically duplication. Even some of the training books are available there. BeGone Books!

Then there is the plastic monster under the counter in the kitchen. I had a beautiful system for storing plastic containers but we didn't keep it up when we got in a rush. Now I have 3 sections of cupboard filled with assorted lids I can't find to go with the many shaped and sized containers. With just me here now how many do I really need? One for cakes, one for deviled eggs and one for a big salad, that takes care of parties. Then three for single portions and for the rest I can get baggies. They work fine for rassberries and strawberries and such. BeGone Monster!

Bedding. Well, ok, I have to have at least two sets per bed. I only have two beds right now and am considering knocking that down by one and going back to a fold out couch. But how much bedding do I have? 4 sets for the one and 3-5 for the other. Poof! Going out the door. Woman's shelter's can always use good bedding.

Closet space is created by having fewer clothes. We all have to have one little black dress and matching heels and maybe one or two party dresses. But how many jeans can one butt wear in a week? With a little color coordinating I can knock the clothes count down even more. One dressy slacks outfit, two pair of slacks for work, three pair of black jeans and one of blue and I am good to go. I will have to get rid of shirts to get down to 7 in assorted colors. More storage room!

Movies....Now I didn't do it! The mate was the "have to have biggest and best version on day of release" man. I have thinned them down considerably already but I am a rent a movie kid. I go in cycles. Humor, cowboy, musical, and humor rotate by mood. I can rent 10 movies for the price of a new, hot dvd. And no dusting! I do like to have some around for the kids to watch but even then if I know they are coming I can rent one. That gets me back the book shelf the Dad built for the few books I have a need to keep...I'll have to think on it. I'll bet I toss a ton of 'em.

Dustables. Ya gotta have em or the dust gets all over the floors. I have many treasured gifts made or purchased for me by loving family and friends. I don't know if you can pass them on or not but I am going to be getting rid of all the junk I bought me. Shiny things, jewelry I don't wear, jugs I don't use and I think even the canner...why can for one?

This could get serious. I see a garage full of yard sale stuff in my future. Lots of it. I think I even approve of the idea. I am not going as minimal as my one uncle who owns one set of eating utensils but you see where I am going with this.

I don't ever have to struggle to move that blasted picnic table again and a growing family has it now. I have temp tables I can use to replace it and yard chairs and camping chairs and such that I can move by myself. I can even buy a plastic table if I feel the need for one in the yard. I am going to get at least one glider seat, maybe two, for out by the fire pit.

This idea was the basis for getting rid of both mowers. You buy one with a warrenty and they fix it if you break it. No stress. Same with the furnace. While they cost me money they go with the house if I sell it and so add value to it. Net loss on investment=0. Net stress reduction=100% per non-working item. The stress keeps going down as I get stuff out of here.

It's a whole different game, this living alone, and I am just getting into it finally. The first try was a bust. This time I am going to get it right.

I am "thinking outside the house"! The goal? Get this place down to where one person can keep it up alone. Who says I'm Dumb!?

As in, "Agarn, I don't care what they say, you are NOT dumb."
"Thanks Sarge!" Pause
"Wait a minute! Who says I'm dumb!?"

Yes, I loved this show as a kid.

What kind of Fool am I?

I tried to write Sunday but it was a total washout. So we are still at Friday even though I have made it, once again, to Monday.

One note, on Wednesday and Thursday the Daring Dame did NOT visit me. So, like I said, I won't be holding my breath about her again. I hate that we had so much conflict when I wanted so much to help but I can't help but be glad I don't have to deal with the people she has chosen to associate with. I do not want them in my life.

I went flying home Friday, grabbed a fast shower, snatched up the IBM and headed out the door to take it north to a guy who really needed a computer I thought. Things get a little complicated here. I could not find the place we were meeting. The directions were a little confused in my head. When I did find them, the place was closed - like out of business. My new acquaintences were waiting in their car.

Due to a previous committment they were going to have to fly home. They didn't have time to learn to run the laptop that night. I was ok with that and told them so. I also told them that I had arranged to get them a better computer if they could do this on Sunday instead, when I could pick it up.

I had set up a teen with an old laptop and she messed it all up playing in the display. It only runs Win95 but would get online to get email and such for her. I went to fix it and can't remember how to get 95 to load in safe mode. I lucked into it once but by then was just wacking the crap out of the F buttons so I didn't know how I did it...LOL! It's been awhile since I worked with 95... So I told her I would work on it over the weekend.

She just wants to surf and email her pals. I want to give her the slightly better IBM. The guy wants to do Ebay and have a website for a business. I wanted him to have a better machine to work with. I explain all this to them and they seem cool with it. But somehow I have managed to make them upset with me I discover when I call on Sunday to set a time to go up.

I asked for the wife, knowing the guy was working on orders, and when she got on the phone I asked if they would have time to do this today. She says he said he doesn't need a computer now, he has one coming. And she declines to give me some info for the website I was working on for them because "he handles all that" even though I know it was something she could answer.

I wracked my brains going over the conversation from Friday and can find two things I may have screwed up on. I call the computers we pass on for nothing the "charity computers", that may have offended them. Where I just mean we give them away free they may have felt I meant they were a charity case...

And the guy had refered to his size in reference to something to do with cars. I replied that he was a nice guy and that I found him easy on my eyes as he resembled the mate a little. I made a point of telling her, I was just saying and not after her mate but I may have had both feet in my mouth.

Now my stomache hurts. I was just getting to know this couple and they seem like really nice people around my age. I was trying to help them out and would have gotten him on the bay and everything even though they live so far north. But they don't know me very well yet and are not what I call "use to me". I am not sure what the opposite of tactful is but I know most of the time that's me.

People that know me just groan and correct me when I screw up, no hard feeling. People I don't know may get hurt feelings or just be amazed I said that out loud. I have done better with the mate helping me learn to rephrase things but I don't plan ahead on what to say. It just gets said. Most of the time it is the truth as I see/feel it. If I had used any word but charity or just said I don't think you are as big as you think you are I could have been spending more time with them in the future. Now I think I am cut off. And I am not even sure of that as she wasn't really mean but just seemed a little cool toward me. I could have imagined that, too. I tend to be over sensitive about this kind of confused social situation.

I didn't know quite how to handle it so I told her I would call later in the week for the info I needed from him and told her good bye. It's been eating at me most of the weekend now and I had to get it out of my system. The only way I know to handle it is to call tonight and see if he will speak with me. If I get the machine I will state the two ways I think I screwed up and apologize for being so crass...that must be the opposite of tactful. Then I will leave my numbers and see if they call me. I hate that waiting thing, too, but it's the dues you pay when you don't know what you did or how to make it right. It so sucks to lose friends before you can even make them.

I had the guitar with me and went on up to the cousin's place to see if anyone would come out to play. I started at the little bar they own, no one was there so I went over to visit and tuned the guitars the two youngest just got. There were only five strings on them, both high E strings were broken already. Normal for kid guitars.

The boy seemed really into it and I expect he will be making noisy songs in the newer genre soon. The girl had a friend over and wasn't into it at all just then. Once my guitar thawed out I played a few songs for them, showed him the scales and how to tune to the low E string. I think he got most of it. That made it fun for me.

The Cousin is following along here and confessed I am her new soap. I loved that. It's nice to think she knows where I am at and cares enough to read everyday. All of the friends and family that do read here make me smile. I don't have to tell the same story twenty times.

I went back over to the bar and made myself take the guitar in. It was a goodness. I have not played in "public" yet. I am still too raw and new again. But I am working on it. I got it out after awhile and the whole four people there had a good time. I even picked up on a song I don't really know so the bartender could sing it for me. I told him I'd have it for next time. While it was no cake walk, I screwed up and started over and missed chords, I didn't get stage frighty and I didn't get stuck for something to play. Drawing a blank without a cheat list of songs you know is a common problem for entertainers. I have practiced enough to avoid that for a full set, anyway.

I closed them out with one last cup of coffee and drove home. It felt good to make people smile and sing along again, even just four of them. I need lots more work before I take on a full house and a full night of singing. I am getting closer though.

Saturday I visted with a new friend and an old friend and then I finally made it to a music store for a capo. Guess what they were out of. Yup. But I bought a mic stand and two guitar stands and a music stand. I am going to try putting speakers to the kareoke board and see if they work for the mic and then I can just run the guitar thru the amp. It will give me a little more "oomph" than putting them both through one amp. And I am looking for people to play and sing with for fun.

I think I will hit the bank Thursday and come back for the jam session in the local Thinks it's a Big Town this week. It's all accoustic and there can be as many as 30 people making music. I have played alone so long it's hard to do a song the way it was written and this will get me back in the habit of leaving room for instrumentals and proper timing. They play Friday's in the same town I work in so I can catch two a week. I may even meet some player/singers that want to get something going. Ya never can tell what will happen next around here.

I spent the rest of Saturday doing chores because the chapter we used to ride with was invited to burn dogs on Sunday. I got some weeds pulled and cleaned house some. I fretted over the people up north and got antsy about that. I set up the new toys and played a little.

Sunday I started out with my usual bird watching, went to the computer to pull some more lyrics, wrote and answered some emails. The little neighbor lady that worked in the flowers with me stopped in. She is making baby number the second. We looked at the yard and the garden. I picked some asparagus, filled the bird bath and spotted the neighbor mowing.

Then the girl asked me if my husband didn't do some of the yard work and I realized she didn't know he had died. When I explained she got all wound up and gave me hug. I told her to be nice to her mate today for us, like I always do. We walked over so I could talk to the neighbor and she went on home. She was upset and I felt bad. Breeding women always are extra tender hearted.

I worked out with the neighbor that I would mow his lawn for the use of the mower. I will buy the gas for my yard and he the gas for his. As soon as the bike sells I will get one of my own again. So tonight I will be going home to mow and weed whack. And Apolgize. And play my music. For the rest of Sunday I tried to get some more of the stuff out of the bedroom and do laundry.

I got so depressed working in the bedroom that I couldn't even talk to me. My face hurt from the crying I was doing and my head hurt from the questions I couldn't answer. Who gets this? Do I keep it, retire it or burn it or donate it? I try to think what the mate would want me to do with his stuff but in the long run, it is his stuff and I feel inadaquate to the task. I had another pile of things that were his grama's and will have to go to the girls, a pile on the other side of the bed that I am getting rid of and a pile on the dresser of Now What do I do with These?

I finally threw up my hands, grabbed a cold rag for my eyes and started trying to call someone to talk to me. I kept getting machines I couldn't talk to. I ended up with people on the bottom of my list to bother, the ones I don't want to disturb. Because it was so beautiful out I should have been riding and the friends on the top of the list were probably on the roads. I ended up with the nice mate of Tennesee Traveler. Turns out she is a counselor for Hospice. She really tried to talk to me but she was going into "pro" mode. I managed to get coherent and she said she would have my friend call me when he got back.

Then I got on line again and there was an email asking me to call my friend KMA. So I got off line and rang her up. We talked awhile, too, and I was almost under control again. I had gone back into the destructed bedroom and was making progress, of a sort, when the phone rang and it was Traveler. He and I talked about an hour and he did help me feel better. He just reminds me of things I already know to be true and reinforces the positive side of me. That is a very short sentence that describes a very great amount of help. I am blessed in my friends and family.

Some times you just want your peers, not family. I don't mean the family to think I can't talk to them but I think what I really wanted was someone to hold me while I cried it out and only peers can do that or you feel like a little kid running home with a boo boo. I really have been keeping as busy as I can. And most of the time I am ok. These things have to be moved out though and it tears through the bandage on my heart everytime I have to deal with them. It has to get done so it can't hurt me any more on a daily basis. So I do it, but I hate it.

The chapter never showed up so I guess I have chili dogs for supper tonight and then roast some marshmallows. It might even be fun.

Now it's Monday and day 114 of the new life. I have to say I am getting off to a rocky start. But at least I am starting. I have set some goals. Get four hours of music up, find some people to play with and get rid of anything I don't need to use every day or that is not for emergencies with the sub goal of getting down to one truck load. Mini projects are - recover seats on dining room set, weed whack the fence line and the dog pen and keep moving stuff out of here.

If I am so stupid I can't talk to others I will just hole up until I can do better. I don't need to watch others better than me make music, I need to make my own music better. And I will ride when ever I can so I don't forget why we had the bikes - it was to get us away from all this so we could enjoy being alive. Maybe after I mow I will ride tonight.

Put another nickle in

in that nickleodeon....LOL

I'm cheaper than a nickle, I just sing and play for free. And I have been turning more and more to the music to keep my head on straight. After bible study last night the sis and I were checking out an amp she bought and I showed her the kareoke tape. We had fun with "Boots", it was our little brother's favorite song. He used to make us nuts with singing it. And my second sis had a pair of those classic white half boots that used to set him off everytime she wore them.

It rained yesterday but today is warm and sunny so I will get the roto out and turn some dirt tonight. That should keep me busy for a while. I am only sorry it was so foggy and damp this morning that I couldn't take the bike.

While I was at work the mate's Eldest was having the wiring in her dash catch fire and burn up her car that they just put a water pump on the night before...poor kid! She called me, still standing there watching the fire department help her old man load it on a trailer.

She was still shook up but wanted to know if she could borrow a truck. Of course. I love that. The mate never told any of the kids no if we had the means to help. I am just glad I had decided to keep them both legal for six months and see which way the wind blew then. If I get the garages cleaned up right I might even be able to get them in out of the weather.

So with the mom and sis on the way, the girl coming for the truck and working late I came flying into the house, started a load of wash and cranked up the oven for heat. It was just a little chilly in the house. I decided to bake some potatoes to justifiy having the oven on and before the five pounds I bought got spoiled and then I thought, hmmmm. I really like potatoe skins, and I like twice bakes and I like american fries and I like refried mashes.... I baked and boiled up the whole bags. Tonight I will carve them up into onesies and store them for the week. all I have to do is add meat and a veggie or cheese and eggs or what ever and I have easy dinners. I heart me!

We studied late and woke Wednesday to the news that a favorite Aunt had died in the night. She had been in the hospital and was doing ok, as far as comfort goes, but they were discharging her the next day to go home and wait for her end. She tricked them and left ahead of schedule.

I spent that evening with the cousins. I have always liked them even though they are not socially acceptable, at least the boys in the family aren't. The girls were older than me and I didn't know them as well. I spoke with my Uncle and left my number for him to call along with some no cook, eat now type foods that I favored in the busy day's of no real appetite but must eat after the mate died.

The boys were pretty torn up. I drove around with the Elder Boy and visited friends of his and family for a few hours before we went to the Younger's house where we jammed a little on his guitars and then got a bit to eat before I took Elder Cousin home.

My Aunt and Uncle have been through a lot of living and all of it together. Where we had 20 years they have more than 50. I can't find the words to say how I hurt for my Uncle. All I can do I did. My numbers are on the fridge for calling anytime and maybe we will do dinner in a few weeks when the first rush is over.

All either of us can do is try to enjoy the days as best we can until we are back with the ones we love. IMHO, the system sucks. True love ought to get you a by, like going in the same train wreck or plane crash so there isn't one left behind.

Today I rode the bike to work and it was beautiful out. Perfect. I saw pheasents, buzzards, rabbits and none close enough to hurt me. But on the ride home two great big white cranes went over the road pretty low and in front of me. When I was done admiring them I had to pull the bike off the mailbox it was aimed at and muscle it back into the road.

I cussed myself out for almost wreaking a perfectly good bike over a couple of dumb ol' birds. But they were beautiful in the light of the late afternoon and I would probably look again...I am not sure what kind they were but I thought they were swans until I saw their long legs trailing them. Then I bummed because I didn't have the mate to tell it to when I got home.

But there is a busy weekend coming up so I have to get things together for it. I better get going.

Thank God and Greyhound, you're gone!

And - Boy oh Boy - do I mean it! We got as far as Sunday and I want to get the rest of this caught up.

This was going to be the big day. I would solve the mower problem with the pro I had coming over and I would be rid of the gypsies! The coffee was nice and hot, too, because I remembered to make it ahead myself this time.

It didn't start out as well as I would have liked. The dogs were going off every five minutes because the gypsies were loading cars and driving across the yard with them. I finally let them in but they STILL barked and so I decided it was after ten am, they were going out.

I could tell the gypsies wanted me to be unhappy because they were doing everything they could to set the dogs off; wander over by the pen and back for no apparent reason; toss stuff toward the pen and go pick it up again, just picky little crap. It worked, I was annoyed.

Finally all but the Teen were gone, the dogs stopped barking and I got to watch my birds feed in peace. Then I got dressed and pulled the mower out for the pro when he would arrive. I went back in and did some sorting of files to fill the time till he would get there. And the boys were coming for another garage load, too.

Files. Paper things. Two thick ones of the mate's things. A high school theme from English class that got him kicked out of same. Cards and letters from kids, postcards from friends, his military records all to be stored or destroyed or given away to his kids. Then I was looking for my capo again and opened another cabinet to find a whole box of photos that had to be gone through. I did those, too. And the last flag rag he wore, his hunting hat, and other little personal momentoes were all boxed up with them. Things I can't let go of yet but that I can't toss, either.

Now I was depressed again. Then I spotted the neighbor to the south mowing his yard on the house he is fixing up. Hmmmm. Don't ask, ya don't get. I tossed the piles on the table and I walked over. I waited for him to notice me then explained my situation. This nice man I have only talked with two or three times gave me the key to the shed and let me use his "only used twice" new mower. I got almost half of it done and looked up to see the pro and a lady rider friend standing by the patio.

We were just past getting tea and water for them and starting on the mower when the boys got there and started taking stuff from the garage. No sign of the return of the gypsies, just as well, no parking available for them if they did come back right then.

The pro did what he could but didn't fix the mower right. The girl rider and myself visited and I promised to come get her for a ride sometime soon. But I was going to solve the problem with the mower - one way or the other.

All morning I had watched the neighbors push mowing their yard while I rode my borrowed machine. It happened that the young man was walking by as we decided we could do no more. (My pro was just a friend with some experience, not a real pro). I hollered at the kid and asked if he wanted to buy a mower, they are always working on stuff over there. He strolled up and asked how much. He knew we couldn't get it running and he knew it ran before so when I said ten bucks, that's what I paid for it, he went back to the house and got his money. Problem solved. Now I have NO mowers that don't work right for me!

The pro and the girl rider left shortly after, the boys were almost done loading the garage junk and it was about 3 pm. It started to drizzle. I mowed until I thought it was too wet to keep on and then parked the nice mower neatly in it's shed with a promise to get it out right after work tomorrow. I locked up and walked home.

I went right past the gypsy camper that was still there and back to sorting and deciding what to do with paper remainders. I made a sandwich and read for dinner. They still are not back and the RV is still there.

Now I am getting cranky enough to wonder if anything after midnight could be considered trespassing...So I go back to sorting stuff and come across the kareoke machine the mate got me. We used it for a PA at chaper events but it didn't have the player, just the board and speakers. I think they are out in the garage now. But there IS another microphone and a VCR kareoke tape...

I got to goofing around with it. I can't hook it into the amp and the TV is pretty big for me to try to get in back of to see if it has the hook ups I need. So I just throw the tape in and hook the mic to the amp. There are only two songs I even know on this tape and, yes, they are the LAST two. "Son of a Preacher Man" and (easy stomach!) "These's Boots Are made for Walking". I didn't do too badly on Boots, the other needs work..LOL!

Then I got the guitar out and plugged it in, rigged a mic stand with two wire coat hangers and the ceiling fan and worked a little blues. After awhile I noticed it was very dark out and that the dogs hadn't gone off yet. I put my toys away and go check on the gypsy camp.

Still there. I can't believe the RV was still there! It's Sunday night and ten of the clock. Now I am hot. I went out the back door and unplugged the power. I see the Teen going for the car. I guess she made a call. POOF! They were here ten minutes later.

They had to move the RV in the dark, after eleven pm, by the headlights of their car. From what I have observed they do EVERYTHING after dark; have strange people over, move out, bring the f*%*^&* boyfriend in I didn't want around, etc.. It was their choice on how to spend their time, not mine and I will not be guilted on this. If the mate had a grave he'd be rolling in it just because I let them stay at all and by now he would have made my life miserable because he hated his privacy infringed on. So I live and learn, again.

And I suppose the note they left on the door (even though they KNEW I was home) that says they were sorry it was so late (on Sunday) getting the RV out was because they were out borrowing money so they could pay in advance at the RV park was supposed to make me feel guilty that they had to borrow money to move. Nope. These people had three weeks of income with no outgo except their eating and gas - theoretically. I know some of the the money went for "other" consumables. I can't find any way to feel sorry for them. The note also said they would be back at 10 am for the refridgerator. Monday. When I am at work. Now I am pissed.

But things do work out and I should learn not to stress. Our power went out very early Monday, before my alarms could go off. The phone finally woke me at (guess) ten! I looked and there they were, pissing off the dogs by short cutting through the yard with a truck backed up to the fridge. By the time I got off the phone with Mom and called the shop they were gone.

I made a pot of coffee the old fashioned way, got dressed and drove into work. I had plenty to catch up with so I was too busy to think all day. On the way home I called the BB's machine and left him the dream I had and told him he is important to me.

I spent last night finishing the lawn before it rains again. It took awhile. The gypsies left boards lay where they had used them to level the dish and the fridge and where the dog had torn apart the wood pile by the fire pit. I picked it all up and was just glad they were gone.

I washed off the mower where the dust and drizzle had spotted it up and pulled the grass off the top of the deck. Then I moved the picnic table by myself and mowed that. I took the nice toy home and locked it up. The yard is far from right but the mowing is done. Now the weeds in the gardens look terrible.

Lucky for me it's raining tonight. I can let them go till tomorrow. Now we are all caught up. Yay.

Don't worry, Be Happy!

Right. and I HATE that song, just FYI...LOL!

Yay, it was only Friday and I was not at work. Part of the reason the cousins and I were up so late was because we sorted guns and ammo for better than an hour I think. But Cousin Rusty got me all squared away on what I could and could not shoot in which firearm so I didn't blow myself up if I went out target shooting. And I found yet another rifle in the closet, a .22 with a scope. I hurt when I realized what it was.

We bought it just after the fire for plinking possoms and such. I had used it to make an incredible shot at an abhored English Sparrow and discovered it's not in me to pick which bird lives and which does not. My "if I won't eat it, I don't shoot it" rule was birthed that day. I guess I will probably sell it as I am not squirrel or rabbit hunting anymore and don't think I will be target shooting with it but it's a shame as it was the first gun we replaced together after all his burned up in the fire. We had a lot of fun with it back then because we lived where we could just set up targets and shoot anytime.

A lot of the things I am getting rid of are like that. We shared them. We normally took turns on many things; Nintendo's, guns, cars, jackets, helmets, and even motorcycles. I often rode his "hand me down" bikes when he upgraded. It's hard to let some things go because they have fun memories attached. I am letting them go because, A) I still have the memories and B) I have to lighten my load here.

I used to carry everything I owned when I traveled. While I am not planning on paring it that close to the bone again, I would still like to be able to list it all on one sheet of paper and get it in one small u-haul and have most of it small enough when broken down that one old lady can carry it. Major yard sale coming soon.

We all slept in on Friday and I made two pots of coffee for us. Cousin Rebel was up first, no surprise, she is the one who was usually up and cheerful with the mate when they visited. Cousin Rusty and I are the Indian time layabouts who start our days muzzy and slow. We finished digging out the things I wanted to send with them and went to town for breakfast.

They headed north and I headed to the new TSC for an airfilter for the mower. I ended up with a new dog feeder/waterer, animal food and dog chewies. I love grand openings! I went back to the house with every intention of mowing the lawn but the stupid thing still would not work. This totally annoyed me.

I went inside and called the last guy I thought could fix it and set up a Sunday visit with him then put it out of my mind. One thing being totally broke in my first marriage taught me was that I couldn't fix problems after five pm so I quit worrying about them at five and left it till nine the next day. It may have saved my sanity. So once I have done what I can about something I don't sweat it.

Friday night I showered and headed for the newest location where the band was playing. I took the laptop to share my song with a friend and something I wanted the Brother Boy to have if he wanted it. Turns out he didn't think he would use it so I will pass it on to the next person.

The lead singer's family was there in spades and ready to party. Even his little old Mom who must have been in her 70's got up and danced. The friend was not interested in hangin out either, so it was a strange night. I still had fun with the family and the music and it beat sitting home smacking my head on the walls.

The BB really looked rough and told me he had a headache for three days when I asked. Without being able to approach him too closely I did the only other thing I could think of and prayed about his head ache and his health.

I really like this guy, always have, but he was never easy to know. He's very private and very non-verbal. That's ok with me, I'm used to him. Throw in depressed and unhealthy though and I have been worried. Then add foot in mouth Val with depression of her own that can blind her to others needs right now who talks all the time and you have a weird friendship that involves a lot of backing away to give him room and then stepping back in to try to comfort and distract while some nights he is friendly and some he is running away for privacy. It's got me whipped, I don't know what to do for either of us.

That night I had a very specific dream about him. It is pretty normal for me to have full color, detailed dreams. It's not normal to remember them well. I won't put it here, but it gave me an insight into his hurt and I have tried to use it to do better.

I got home to find the gypsy RV still there. I knew it would be even though Friday was their last day of the three weeks I agreed to let them stay. Leave early? HA!

So Saturday's view out the back window remained the same as I made my morning coffee. I had about one cup down me when the gypsy mom stopped in to return a dish I had sent chicken over in and acted all surprised when I asked how plans were going for being out by Sunday. These people take the whole cake for screwing with you. She says DD never told her they had to be out by Sunday. I state that Friday was the end of the three weeks they had asked for and that she was there when I discussed it with her mate. "Uh....yeah," I get for a reply.

She says she has to call the husband and let him know about this. I say we already talked about it on Wednesday. Apparently they think I am just going to let them continue to suck up resources without inputting anything of value. I don't think so. Nope, and No! She returns to say they will be out by Sunday night. Two days longer than I planned on but the night before the camp area they want to be in opens for business.

I am supposed to feel cruel when she tells me that because I won't give them another 24 hours. Nope. You are so out of here!

I did chores around the house and played the guitar then got around to head back north to hear the band. Tonight the BB is better, no headache, no puffy, pale face and greets me nicely. I was supposed to meet the lead guy to show him some of the sites I do. He wants one for his guitar repair and lessons business. He is not there yet and I ordered a sandwich when I realized I had not eaten yet.

The family is back and the nice waitress from the night before has the evening off. She and her friend sat with me at the family table. One sister is back from Marti Gras and is handing out beads for all and another brought in cake for a bday or something. It was another night of hight party for the family.

With the dream in the back of my head and knowing the BB feels better I am watching kind of close to see what happens next. The BB fluffs some notes, misses some breaks and totally ended a song wrong during the evening so I can see he is off his track. He is too good to do that kind of stuff. Later in the evening he sings a song I really like but don't do, "Angel Flying to Close to the Ground". I totally get it and don't know how he does it without falling apart. Then I know my dream was right on. I had not been able to tell him about it because it's not for public comsumption. I wish I had though.

I trundled on home through the deer and the coons and the possums and went right to bed.