Not always perfect

If you have been stumbling along here, you know my bike has an undiagnosed charging problem and that I have been waiting for some parts for it from the great cousins. The wonderful mate took off yesterday afternoon, in the little red truck, (which is a sacrifice on his part because it was biker weather) to meet the Cousin and pick up some parts for me.

I knew he would be late getting home as it's about 2 hours one way and chatting with the cousins is fun for both of us so he would take the opportunity to get caught up with them. I did ride the bike yesterday. Knowing he wasn't waiting for me I worked late, stopped by the Mom's and interrupted her Weight Haters meeting, drove home at a Sunday Driver pace and counted deer, buzzards, cats, kids and such while enjoying the scenery and the lovely weather.

I let the animals in, fed everyone, made my dinner and extra in case he was hungry when he got in, finished reading a book, walked the flowers and picked the strawberries and spinach, propped up the peas, and noted the feeders needed filling. It was too dark to ride the other bike by then so I sat down with a new book and an old movie. He got home about 10 minutes later.

Now, note - I had a quiet, peaceful evening. Nothing bad had happened.

As he pulled up he honked for me to come and see what he had for me. I got up, slipped on my mocs and trotted out to look. We greeted each other, traffic wasn't too bad, I was fine, bike was ok with headlight fuse pulled - rubbed noses, so to speak.

I swear, we both don't really know how it started but it had something to do with him and the cousin deciding what was wrong with my bike and me disagreeing with the verdict. When he retorically asked who knew the most about motorcycles, I tried to stop myself but threw down, "My Dad!"

So what does he do then? Forgive me, sort of. "What I should say is , "then get HIM to fix it for you" and walk out of here, but I won't."

We go back to huffing and puffing under our breath and unloading the bags and the seat he also brought home for me. Now, the seat that I wanted, an original one, was torn and old, which I expected, and I said I wanted the original pan to put a new seat kit on while he said the foam was fine, I just needed a cover and then I said and then he said...next thing you know I am in the dining room crying my face off and he is in the living room, telling me he's not angry with me on his way by.

Yup, a fight. Man, I HATE that! So does the mate. Especially when we get mean. That's supposed to be against the rules. Stick to the topic, no personal slamming. We couldn't hold hands while we were fighting because we were using them, that broke another rule.

I sat there at the table till the tears dried up and tried to figure out why I would be fighting with the man who has just driven 300 miles to get parts for my bike, backed it into the garage to work on it and sent me off the sexometer scale twice in less than 12 hours loving me!

Well, the day before was Father's Day. I didn't have anyone to call. He did, but didn't much want to as he doesn't have much in common with his Dad. His girl came over and did the things I wish I had done more of while I had my dad and that made me glad for them and sad for me. My sis was busy when I called to commismerate with her and I had no one to talk about Dad with. I stifled it.

Then I count on my fingers and figure out, how wonderful, it's HORMONE TIME again on top of all the rest. I was just getting up to go in and begin apologizing to him when he got up to come out to me. It only takes 10 to 20 minutes for us to chill.

I told him I was sorry, I should not have been mean, he's twice the man my dad was and I think some of it was hormones. He says he's sorry, too and that he already knew it was hormones which starts to tick me off all over again except he is right. Barring extreme life problems and "The Incredible Journey" or "Old Yeller", I never cry except Hormone Week. Then I cry if you don't say you love dinner or other pitiful reasons only another hormone sufferer can understand.

Why did I blog it? Because it's part of being a loving couple. Learning to deal with hurt feelings, to fight more constructively and to admit when you are wrong are all part of the inter-personal skills you need to develop if you want a long term relationship to last.

Why learn these skills? Because no where on this planet are there two people that can be together all the time and NOT have a fight, a bad day at work that follows them home, a hormone hell fit, and even the occasionally "I will NOT back down" attitude just because you are feeling froggy and gotta jump on SOMEBODY and the mate happens to be right there and handy.

You can't have it perfect everyday even when you love each other beyond death and into the next life. If you expect pouts and spats and real fights, you can have tools in place to deal with them and, hopefully, they won't get out of hand and ruin your love.

Just FYI - Here are some of ours.

• No hitting. (Hit either of us and we are OUT of here!)


• Sit on the couch and hold hands while you fight.(It's hard to be really angry with the physical reminder that you love each other and it's hard to swing at someone who is holding your hand)


• If you are upset, tell me NOW when, maybe, I can fix it. (Don't wait till in the car on the way home to say I did a bad thing, I can't fix it then. )


• (HINT: We actually have code words that mean "you are screwing up!!! Stop what you are doing/saying!" so we can correct each other without a scene in public. Don't use way out words, just a pet name that means bad, like "sweetie" that you don't normally use.)


• Never go to bed angry.


• Only fight about one thing at a time. (Note: we broke this rule, too.)


• Nobody sleeps on the couch unless they are sick physically. (sick and tired of it doesn't count.)


• Getting too angry? Call time out. (go to different areas to chill and think)


• Nobody leaves till it is resolved. (You can't fix it if there is no one to patch it up with)


• NO threats to leave. (This is just mean-If you tell me you are leaving, believe me, your stuff will be on the porch and the locks changed before daylight. I will not live like that in our own home.)


• If you do leave, get all your stuff NOW, no do-overs, we will be DONE. (No going home to Mom or out to the bar or to hide at your buddies and expecting to get back in here.)


• No cheap shots. (Oh YA? Well, Mom always liked you best!)


• If you really can't reach an agreement compromise. (If it is his event we do it on his schedule, If it's my event we do it on MY schedule)


• Always go back to back against the kids. (Present a united front. He says spank, she says ground, it's his kid, you BOTH tell kid it's getting spanked and why. DO NOT say "Daddy says so or Mommy says so" or they will play you off against each other like pinballs.)


• And - just one from my aunt. "I may have married the biggest jerk on the planet but nobody is hearing that from me!"


• Don't run your mate down to others. It's sure to cause a fight when it gets back to them.

Even if you break some of the rules start listing in your head the last ten nice things your mate has done for you. It will help you get your perspective back.