Oh, what a beautiful morning

Oh, what a beautiful day! It's gray and gloomy again today but it was so nice out yesterday, over sixty in the sun. I spent the morning trying to catch up the blog reading I am behind and then went to begin sorting out the stuff in the attic. The boys pulled it all out for me before they left Sunday and it's strewn all around the walls of the pool room.

We have had a small, decorates itself with lights tree for xmas for several years now. It's too frail to hold the ornaments we used to use. I have boxes of them that haven't seen the branch of an evergreen in years. I will be getting rid of the nonfamily ones and thinning the family ones by passing them on. I will only keep the "specials";ones that were like my gramas had, gifts from the mom over the years, and such. Most of those I hang from green tinsel or swags of pine to display them.

My craft items are scattered through many boxes. Most of the small boxes were candy boxes or tins the mate has brought me over the years. He was sweet that way. I saved them all by using them to put notions and buttons and such in.

I bought some clear storage containers to put the craft supplies I am keeping in so I might even get some beading or crocheting done this year and use them up a little. I have weaving looms, handmade crochet hooks of wood and bone, tatting shuttles and thread and jeans I have saved for years for a quilt top. I may even hand sew a denim and flannel quilt. I found the cotton quilt top I was working on and may even finish that this winter. I might have room for a quilting frame in the living room. If not I have several cheats I can try.

There are button boxes and frames and photos that need to be rematched and repaired and hung, my long lost heavy duty hot glue gun, several pair of sissors and more button box stuff than any one in this age of store bought clothes ever needs. I even found the ironing board holding up larger boxes like a shelf.

Scattered through it all I found cards I have kept over the years. Some from family and a few from the mate. He always got me the nicest cards. Even the funny ones were sentimental, not hurtful. I cried as I read them one more time and ran a finger over the signatures filled with loves and truely and always. He never skimped on telling me he loved me. I even had a few sweetest day ones.

Cards are one of the things I have vowed to pass on in crafts and burn material. Unless there is a note written in them I don't save them anymore. I did buy a paper making kit that may recycle some of them this year.

Of course the phone rang while I was sorting and dumping up there. I missed the call and they didn't leave a message, that annoyed me. I went to let the cat in and realized I had to get outside NOW! What I was doing was hurting and I still needed to do outside chores. It was too beautiful a day to spend inside.

I ran in to open the windows and doors then ran out to get my weed whacker and commenced cleaning up the side bed and the giant weeds in the lialacs. I switched over to my hedge trimmer and trimmed the evergreens back then cut back the mini rose bush and the rassberry canes. Best Girl showed up and helped me finish, ran to the store for me and got started on the patio chairs that I want to paint.

I found out the two cans I thought were black paint for over rust are a clear coat to seal the rust. Well, Darn! We got one coat of black on the top of the seats and tables then went to open the last can only to find it was a deep blue, not black. I got tricked at the store. Again, well, DARN!
It was getting late by then so I went in and we tidied up for Bible Study. Somewhere in there I got two loads of wash done and a blanket washed to give away while Best Girl filled my bird feeders. It was a busy day and I really got a lot done.

Today it's off to town for paint for the lawn chair thing and smokes, cat food, along with a few sundries. I don't need much food, I need someone to eat the food I have because I thought the B1son would be here and he won't be back until Friday. I will be making turkey and dumplings again today and then freezing it for another time. I may also get some more of the sorting and fine tuning upstairs finished.

Bible Study went well last night and the sis and I got her easy way to learn mulitplication worked up with hints from The Kid and myself to work into it. Her way there are only 14 "hard" problems that have to be memorized. Our pattern hints will knock it down to just a few. I hope to get that worked up and posted somewhere so people can start using it.
Bible study was great and we got a lot done. The dinner was dotted with dilemmas and dramas faced by our kids and problem solving for them.

If you read here much you know I am 'agin required by social law gift giving. It just doesn't make sense, when we all have so much, to give each other gifts. One of my nieces was upset last week as her cousins had included her family in drawing names when she told them they couldn't afford it. They do twenty dollar gifts. For their family of five that's one hundred dollars better spent on heating costs this winter. She was at her wits end what to do about it and her mom got it worked out for her but she was shamed that they had to tell people they didn't have the money for gifting.

Why would a loving family put their kids in this position? It hurts them emotionally and finacially. That is bad. There are so many better ways to show love than give a gift from the store that I don't know how the retail joints even stay in business.

We discussed our usual practice of boy girl gifts and found that some people didn't like what they get and some people just can't afford it this year. I would like to see us help some kids that won't have big holidays and some families that won't have trees and such.

Most of us don't need anything material and the ones with needs need funds, not presents. If we fund our kids and help some others we will have less holiday stess, less mess to clean up and more fun spending time together for the holiday. Even if the kids give some gently used toys there are kids out there that will be glad to have them, used or new. That is less mess to clean up, too, which makes life easier.

Even making gifts costs money in yarn or supplies to bake with that some of our people just can't swing this year. What I treasure from the holidays are the fun times we have doing things as a group, even just a poker game or a board game with snacks and kids all over the house is fun and filled with love.

The news yesterday said need is up and giving is down this year. Those that have given before in this area are now in need. We have had five factories move out of our area in the last two years. I have been blessed to have a job at all and I am not sure if I still will or not come January. Even if I don't I am better able to help my family and friends right now than I have been in the past.

I am also suggesting you wish your friends a "Merry Christmas" again. Freedom of religion is different than Freedom from religion and the former is what the constitution promises us. If you are not a christian just acknowledge our holiday and move on. I don't celebrate Kwanza, I'm not black. I still don't fault them for wanting to have it on the calendar. It's the same with Passover, I'm not Jewish. Why would I care if they celebrate it? And I love Fat Tuesday!

So there you go, the jumble of things I am thinking about all dumped out for the day. I hope you enjoy yours, I have to go see what mine has to bring. I am hoping a dry day over 55 so I can paint that yard chair set and get it moved on to the back porch and put the tools back in the garage, too. I just have the attic and the back porch to whip and then the websites to catch up and my time will be my own again. Watch me go!

These are a few of my favorite things.

My house is lovely. There are dishes in the sink, but only a few, and the living room is livable, the dining room is tidy, the kitchen mostly efficently arranged and all of it mostly clean.

It's not that I don't have plenty to write about, it's that I have no time to write. We really have been working on the upstairs. I have Grand1 here, his friend, The Wanderer to pick up later and we will go visit the Sis and family for a while.

The nephew, B1son is due back today or tomorrow, too. And I am hoping the cousins, Reb and Rusty will come around soon to see the house and spend a night (hint to Reb) (ok, dropping house on Reb :) ). I need to start getting over to the Mom's and doing some chores for her. I want to visit some of my friends while I am laid off. My littlest sis has had trouble with a knee she had surgury on to the point of being in the hospital again. I want to go visit her. I guess I have a hatchet to bury there, maybe. I have a courtesy aunt that is in a home I want to see. My real aunt is loaded with trouble and I want to visit her and a cousin.

Want want want, must must do, well doo doo I say! I have to get the house down to where I can finish up myself in little bits of time and spend more doing what I want. I might have to start thinking about a way to make a living, too. Something that helps others but pays the bills is what I am contemplating. You never can tell what I might think up.

In the mean time I have been putting together my view of the entire of creation and how we each affect it. I want to post that but it needs a little more thought as I have discovered I am not the only one who thinks it might work the way I see it. As hard as I have struggled to frame the thoughts I have had on it I have to say it was a little daunting to find others have said the same things better than I can. So I will be studying on it some more before I try to express it here.

I am mailing a package to the Eldest Daughter today and to my friend in San Diego. That will be fun to contemplate until they get them.

The bluejays are hogging the feeder right now and a red bellied woodpecker is enjoying the suet. A few sparrows are lining up for a turn when the jays leave. The sun is mostly up but still pushing the red and pink out of the way. I hear a shot down the road where a late hunter is trying to get his deer. It's so quiet here I can hear the battery clock ticking. I love that.

My herbs call me to trim and thin them. The zinnia's need to be pulled and the seeds saved for next year. The morning glory vines need to be hacked down and the evergreens trimmed by the house. I should chainsaw down the bushes in front of the house, too. I want them shorter, they cover the windows and block the way to the front door almost but are so old I hate to take them out and start new ones.

I have been cooped up doing the house for the last of the good "do the yard" weather and I feel badly about that. Yesterday the Grand1 and I went shopping for trim for the hall and small trash bags. We came home with a trim I don't like but will work, some drawing tools for him, some wax paper I decided I needed, a Sudoko electronic game and new throws for the ones I didn't like in the living room. We got most of it at the second hand store. I forgot the trash bags. Now I have a big green blanket to wash and give away to the family we are working with. Sis brought another box of clothes, too, I should run over there.

I want to put "number 10" back on the bed. I have always been so cold at night I could sleep in a heated water bed and still, hours later, wake the mate with my feet if they touched him. He got me a heated mattress pad that solved most of the problem and my heart stent solved the rest of it. I loved it. He set his side to three just to warm the sheet and I set my side to ten, thus, "number 10".

Right after I came around from the surgury and he came in to see me I'm like, "Feel my feet!". He thought I was still druggy so I threw in a glare and said, "No - REALLY - feel my feet!" He looked at me sideways but went to the end of the bed, pulled up the blanket and felt my feet. They were WARM! When he wrapped his big hand around one he looked at me in surprise and said, "WOW! they're WARM!" I smiled at him and said, "Yeah, who woulda thought?"

The heart must have been not working right for years. Once circulation was restored I had heat to my hands and feet again. There is a test they can do for checking circulation and blockages to your heart. They can schedule a stent insertion. You can skip the big heart attack and the damage it does to your heart if you catch this stuff. I always tell my friends that are cold that they should get those tests done. Feet are supposed to be warm.

Anyway, it's time for the heated pad to go back on the bed, especially since the mate, who was a living space heater, is not there. While I still have the circulation I am cheap with the propane. I try to heat where I am, not the whole house.

I still have the mate's pool room to go through and clean and the attic to sort where we stored our stuff we weren't using. That's going to be hard. There is a lot of his up there I have to sort out and live through the memories of. I am not expecting it to be fun. I have to paper the one wall to the upstairs and put the trim up then paint the steps. When those things are done there is the back porch to clear off and paint, the yard chair set to paint and bring in and then it's really done.

I am almost there so I am hoping I can get to some of the want to's on my list soon. I have to figure out what I am doing for the holiday gifting season, too. I think this year I am going back to hand made stuff. Scarves for the boys and earrings for the girls maybe. We'll just have to wait and see.

I fell asleep in my chair last night and slept till five thirty this morning. I have been a little stuffy and coughing. I just realized my gland is sore and tender under my ear again. I guess I have that crummy cold coming back or something.

I have to wake the grand and feed him and then we will go run around. The Wanderer, who stayed here with him early this summer, was hit on his dirt bike by a car a couple months ago. He is just starting to get around again. It slowed him down considerable but he has stayed up with his school work and is doing pretty good. Ya gotta love those young bones!

Thanks to all of you who didn't give up on me while I was not writing. I appreciate all the comments you leave. Hugs to all of you out there and may your day be fun and full of love!

Love makes the world go 'round

I made a pumpkin tart in a tin measuring cup that was my mother's mother's for my granddaughter.

I made pumpkin pies and crusts from the recipe my grandmothers on both sides used.

I made the dressing our family loves from the card in the recipe file box that was my grandmother's before me. My sis had brought bread to me so I would have plenty when she was over on Tuesday. I made it in a large pan with a lid that my mother left here Tuesday. She had brought it over filled with boiled dinner for Sis and I.

I thought of photos of my mate as a teen when I saw the grandson at dinner Thursday. There really is a strong resemblance. I thought of my photographer dad, grandfather, mom's dad, and uncle when I ran through in my head all the family photos I got to thinking of then.

I thought of my dad's mom, who died the year I turned 12, when I stuffed the back side of the bird for dinner. She loved the tailbone fat for her gravy.

My sis-in-law that the mate had the most trouble caring about was in surgery on the 15th. She had a tumor removed that had covered most of her organs. She is doing well and it was not cancer. The whole family, minus Bro1, was at the hospital with her. B1son was there and said they asked about me and talked about the mate as they waited.

Best Girl was here on Wednesday helping me hang wallpaper in the upstairs hall. Monday and Tuesday we had stripped and painted the small upstairs bedroom. The floor took the longest to dry. The nephew and The Kid moved the furniture in and out over the days, The Kid fixed the old plaster walls. KMA re-did them to her standards. It's almost done. One wall to paper and a trim to buy and apply will finish it. The Grand1 is up there now, asleep. So is the cat.

I thought of the mate every time I picked up a tool marked with his initials. Every time I hung something new up that he would have liked and every time one of his family was lovingly helping me around the house.

My #1son and family joined Best Girl and Grand1 with me for the holiday dinner. Grand2, who painted the bathroom, was out with a cousins family for the day and probably will hunt today. Scooter Girl and her two with her mate could not come, they had to work. Eldest Daughter was on the phone with me Tuesday night and anticipating an excellent weekend.

I missed the white dog playing with the grandgirl when I watched her haul a small pillow over and lay on it by the black dog, right in her face, chatting to her and rattling on in tot almost talk. She was close enough to be breathing up the dog's nose. Dog never moved. We were all laughing.

The grandgirl also likes the old tom, Timone, and chased him all over when he was in. She was a fun visitor yesterday.

I stayed up talking with Grand1 until the wee hours. We covered a lot of topics, from friends and school to family and the future. It was interesting and we shared a lot of thoughts.

I watched Best Girl set the table with the new dishes and silver in the freshly painted dining room in front of the new curtains. The Lions game was playing in the background.

I made gravy while Grand1 mashed potatoes with a masher like my dad's mom's masher.

I cut the slices on the bird the way the mate had done for years.

I turned and I saw all the food I had made in the traditions of our family; a beautifully done turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, small corn on the cob, two pumpkin pies, the small tart for the little grandgirl, sage and onion dressing, two pumpkin and one apple pie with cool whip available for later.

I realized how all the love given to me and the skills taught to me by those I loved as a child were passing on to the next gen in the love I showed them and the things I taught them.

I saw the love my family members and the mate's family members have for me as the large and beautiful love it is and a treasure to share with the grands I have and the kids I love. They will take the love we showed them on into their lives in the future.

The future will be filled with love if we fill our people with love and show them how to share it with others.

I am proud of the people I came from and the family that loved me and mine. I am proud of the children we have and the way they have overcome the hurts of growing up with us and love us still. I am proud of the way they care for their children and love them, their friends and others they come in contact with. I am proud of me for staying through the hard part and finding out that losing the daily contact here with the love of the mate let me be more aware of the love others have for me. It gives me more time to spend with others, besides him, who need me and whom I love to help.

Giving Thanks today for the brain that let me figure out that, from the smallest peek through the binoculars by my grama to the driving lessons from my dad, those who have loved me and that I have loved are not only remembered but part of me and part of the love I pass on to the kids and grands.

Love shared is never wasted. Share your love today. Thank you all for being here to go through this with me. Hugs to you all.

What's the matter now?

Tuesday and Wednesday caught me by surprise with grieving again. It was the night before and opening day of deer season here. We would normally have been laying out the snow suits, camo, guns and such to be ready for an early start. I don't need a whole deer for meat right now so I am not hunting but drooling at the nephews to get my venison. It usually gets me at least a steak or two or some tenderloin.

I hadn't realized the day myself but my heart must have know because I was dark and sad and teary all day. When I finally figured it out I called a friend and talked with her for awhile. It helped and I got on with the house. I have been fine tuning the downstairs as the nephew is sleeping right where I want to paint next. I don't want to fume him out.

I got through opening day by running him around and doing errands. One of them took us to our old hunting spot and that was hard but the kid needed his stuff so I dealt with it. We hauled a tool chest back in the little truck and I took time to hit an estate sale. That was fun, friends of mine were running it. I got the boy a book and just a couple things for the house. I passed up a ton of neat stuff.

Today is Saturday, I am meeting mom for breakfast and perhaps The Kid and Best Girl will join us along with B1son who will ride in with me. Then it's back to work on house. Tomorrow I hope to start the upstairs. Today will be closet, floor final touches and move books on to nice new book shelf the boy built for me yesterday. Well, I helped but he cut the boards for me. Then I have to move pictures around and such. Fussy stuff.

I will try to get something more interesting up soon. Just so busy right now I don't know how I ever went to work.

All you need is love

Have any of you read any of the books by Dr. Wayne Dyer? If so do you have any opinions? Experiences to share?

The mom stopped by yesterday and had coffee. I went to the store and got the mail. That wasn't all but is was the most exciting part of my day. The rest was winterizing things here still. Not really worth blogging about.

I have been working on the spiritual part of my life as that is the only part that can be in any kind of touch with the mate. With the NDE and my own observations of how things are clicking together here I have many thoughts I am mulling over.

The gist of yesterday's mulling is another question to problem solve with. "What is the Loving solution?" This one is a little harder than, "Will this be fun later?" Trying to find a way to resolve a conflict that shows love to all the parties involved, including yourself, takes a little more mental effort and heart effort. I am working on it, or rather, with it, to see what happens.

I'll let you know as it evolves.

Even cowgirls get the blues

There is not much to tell today. It's been gray and rainy all weekend. I have been digging deeply into the stuff around the house and the mate's things kept sneaking up on me. It made it more dismal than it needed to be. I tried to keep moving ahead.

I think a lot of it was thinking of my friend's wife and her dealing with the first days and nights of being alone again. It brought back the confusion and grief I went through and I had a time shaking it off.

I helped get some household stuff together Saturday and delivered to a family of six from my family, friends and my most willing to get rid of it self. It was a trailer, a truck and a couple things in my little truck and I felt very good about it. I like the warm fuzzy feeling of making more than one person happy at a time. I was happy to have the help to get stuff moved out of here and they were happy to have it and my friends and family were happy to help and get rid of some of their stuff. Lots of happy thoughts.

They were nice kids, too and the dad was very interesting as he has one still in school and the one with the kids both living with him right now. He was not out of his mind from four grandkids running around the house yet. He must have might reserves of mental and emotional strength!

That took up most of Saturday. Sunday I puttered a little but I had woken with a sinus headache. I tried to ignore it, I'm a little frustrated with not feeling up to par with the flu and such, but when the nausea started I gave up, took some meds and went back to bed. I slept through the Lions game but have it on good authority that the bag must go back on. Best Girl is not feeling well and didn't come out this weekend. I hope she gets over it quickly, I hate to think of her all icky feeling.

I moved some things and repotted my one plant from the mate's memorial into four new pots. I will try to keep them alive. It did well in the south window of the dining room but I can't put it back there, they are all too large for the table. Light is the big problem here. There are awnings over the windows and while it saves on cooling costs it blocks a lot of light. I would like to take them down in the winter but I can't figure out the mounting arrangement. Probably I can't lift and move them alone either so they just stay there.

The nephew, B1son, called in. He will be over in a couple days to stay and do a few things for me. I am hoping we can get the last storm windows up and the front porch roof sealed. It leaked the other night in the big rain we had. It's never done that before. I think it got walked on when the gutters were going up.

I will be making a nice, traditional dinner for Thanksgiving here and two of the kids and families will be coming. Scooter Girl and her mate have to work so I will have them down on Sunday and as many as can make it again. It will be nice to see them all as we haven't had much time to visit.

I was hoping to get the boards cut for the bookcase but now I may wait until the nephew comes as he is a better trained carpenter than I am. I have to relocate the desk to make it work and I think it is going in the bedroom for now. I found a chest of drawers and it just happens that they match each other in style and color.

The stoner cat came in last night with an open wound on her left rear quarter. I can't tell if it was a grub and she gnawed it out or if it was a bite from a fight but something got a chunk of her. I wanted to flush it with peroxide but couldn't find it (really need to get the bathroom supplies sorted out). I did get the special, cures everything silvadine cream on it. It hurt her to even touch it carefully so I just took aim with a big gob and touched it to her. Enough stayed to make me feel better. I hope enough stayed to make her feel better. It's not nice to look at and even less nice to feel from the inside, I bet.

Today I am starting the upstairs hall ceiling and the trailer is supposed to be returned. I gotta run and get the ladder and paint and such around. Hope you all had great weekends. I will catch up with you tonight on your blogs.

In that lonesome valley

I'm back, still in one piece and only one scary moment with a jeep and a blind spot on my record. Not that there were'nt a lot of scary moments yesterday, just most of them were caused by other people.

I met up with my friends from the GWRRA group at the local truck stop and we headed for the next one to meet another biker that knew the way down as he had been to the visitation. The traffic was probably low to moderate for the area but it was total grid lock for me. I hated it all the way down and back. We had four bikes and one other SUV with us, made good time and only had two or three close calls for the bikes from idiots. That made if a fairly easy ride.

I also had road trip rations and two carafes of coffee with a pint of milk available as I use that in my coffee. About the second stop I made another to-go of beverage, opened the milk and poured it into the cup and went, "Huh?" It poured funny and was yellow.

Hello! Welcome to the holidays. I had grabbed eggnog instead of milk. Well, I'm thrifty and always willing to try something new. I figure this gets reinvented every New Year's Day. It wasn't bad! I drank it off as I went down the road.

Once there I forgot to change my shoes and didn't notice until it was too late to worry about it. I wore my comfy sandles to drive in and carried the heels to use there. I remembered for the dinner. I got a chance to let my friend know I was there. I left a card that went way over the top for content. It used to be blank and I filled three sides trying to say to her and the kids what my heart felt for them.

I knew she had too much to do to spend time with me but I tried to stay close. All I could really do was show her I was still functioning after losing the mate. She and her man had the same kind of love we did and I hoped it would let her believe that if I could do it, so could she.

The funeral was the kind I spent most of my life not going to and I have resolved not to go to one like it again. I mean no offense to my friends but the preacher they had in put me to sleep almost and he spoke about everything except my friend. I want to remember the person and think happy thoughts of them to cheer us up, not hear a pitch for heaven and living the way someone else believes I have to.

I joked he bored me to sleep but the guy behind me nearly to death. We had a young man go down with a sugar problem or heart problem. The police had it under control and brought him right back, but it really upset me to see him on the floor all white and clammy then hear the cop ask for a mask before he would give him CPR. I realize it's for his safety, too, but there is not always time to wait. I was almost out of my chair to start CPR myself when the nice man did start. They got the man right back with us but it was a no pulse, no breathing situation. He did go to the hospital. It darkened an already grey event.

The grave side service was family only but the procession had over a hundred motorcycles to escort them to the cemetary. For a day that was only thirty five degrees in the morning in November that is an amazing turn out. Our guys rode almost 300 miles there and back. I was so proud of all the people that made it on bikes.

The dinner after was catered at a small convention center or restuarant. Have to say I was impressed. I come from a long line of church ladies doing the dinners and families doing potluck. I would have fainted to know the cost. But it's not my call and we had a lovely time remembering our friend the best we could.

When I got home the Best Girl had left one note, she came to do the animals for me in case I stayed down there. There was a second note from The Kid saying he stopped to finish floors. I got the animals in, the truck unloaded and started making calls to let people know I was in and say thank you. It was nice to know I could make an unscheduled run and have the help I needed.

There is more but if I don't finish getting the prices on my friend's site today he's going to cut me off at the neck! Gotta run!

Another one bites the dust

I got a lot done yesterday, even with the trip to town and grocery shopping and voting tossed in. I was not surprised to find that I was in the minority on most issues and offices. I'm used to it.

The kitchen is not totally done but is useable now, that's a great goodness! I have been moving the microwave and toaster and coffee pot to where I could hit a plug in for several days whenever I had to use them. It's nice to have them all located again. I think I have a couple ways to get the files back inside someplace and to lighten the media load, losing a couple more shelves in the process. The desk is still a loss but I am working on it. I just need to redefine what it's purpose is - holding junk or holding up my computer. Hmmmm....ahhh...junk. I don't want junk, just things I use or enjoy so it may go upstairs for the computer there and then my junk I don't use but may need I can store in it out of my way.

It's been interesting for Sis and Mom to see the house get emptier yet look more comfortable to them all the time. Sis is inspired to get rid of some of her extra "I may need it" stuff and Mom is trying to get started on it. I hope she does, I don't want to have to sort all the tons of stuff she has when she goes! Half of it I just sent home with her!

When Sis got here with her trailer of stuff for the family in need we parked it in the garage and she worked on cleaning the oven while I cooked dinner. She got rid of my latest "catch" for me while I arranged the new stand and moved the stuff from the little cupboad and sorted drawers from the pantry. Only one to go and they will have all been knocked down from junk drawers to functioning storage, wow! What a concept! I got rid of a lot of extra spices and cooking stuff and boxed it up for the family. I don't cook like I used to so why stock it all? It lightened my load and helped them out, I hope.

So all the kitchen cupboards are cleaned, relined, reorganized and less full of stuff. As I get going here they will thin out some more as if I am not using something it's going to go. I kept a few things I don't know if I will use or not; the slow cooker, the canner and the very large pot we used for chili for fifty. I kept the camp coffee pot, too, for when the power is out but I could just pour through the regular pot so it may go later. I retired my no stick pans and will be getting a new omelet sized one but not the other sizes I had as I don't need them really.

I am learning that no matter what "they" keep telling you, less is less - less dusting, less fussing, less hunting for stuff because the less you have the easier it is to find it, less house work is good. Less stress from not being able to find things is good. The More comes in after lightening up; more time for having fun, visiting, helping out my friends and family is good.

I still have paint and painting tools and wallpaper tools all over the place but it's getting used up as we go so it's self correcting. I just have to get it all done and I can give that stuff away or junk it, too. So I am trying to keep moving. I am taking a break right now. I rented two movies yesterday, one the Sis stayed and watched with me last night, I think. I don't know because I fell asleep and she was gone when I got up and went to bed and the movie was over. One I will be watching this morning. I decided I just had to take some time to enjoy what I am accomplishing, even though it's not completed yet, before I dig into the attic storage and the upstairs.

Mom joined us for bible study and Sis's mate, the Bro in Law joined us for dinner. It was just a cassarole and vegetable with some cheese, crackers and dip for nibbling on before but they all seemed to enjoy it. There was very little left for my dog to enjoy!

Bro in law had a project to finish so he left. Study went well and we wound up about nine. Sis and I watched the movie. It was nice to just sit down and chat and relax in the nice living room. The movie was entertaining and silly and fun but I just could not stay awake. I made us some cocoa and when mine was done I faded away.

The bad news of the day really caught me one on the chin. We have some friends that drove from near Detroit to the middle of Michigan to be kind to me and honor my mate for his memorial. They are very busy and popular people. I was so touched that they took the time to come. They contributed to my comfort that day from the kindness of their hearts.

The Tall Man spoke that day, some very kind, touching and affectionate words. He also wrote an article in the state newsletter that tied in the mate's leaving before they got to spend more time together and taking time for your family and friends. It was very well done and I was again touched by his discernment and thoughtfulness.

My friend from TRB called to tell me especially that The Tall Man had died. There were no details but his lady would be hurting. I got the details written down, thanked my friend and then sat down to cry. I was sad for his wife and children, his hundreds of friends and jealous that my mate and he would be partying before the day was out. It's getting to where the balance between the ones I love here and the ones I love there is very close. I think the living out number the dead but I will not count it to see, in case I am wrong.

There was no warning on this one, either. Poof! Another one bites the dust. It took me awhile to lay in a plan and get myself under control again. That stole time from being ready for guests later but had to be dealt with. I called The Lady and we talked. I hope to be able to encourage her to hang on here. She and her man loved like the mate and I though, it will be hard for her.

Tomorrow is the funeral. I will be going, hours and miles of city and interstate driving, which I hate, to be with her as we tuck her best friend away. I will be unable to do anything for her except show her that I am still here and functioning inspite of the temptations and distress my grief brought me. She is loved by many and I know she will forge a way through this. I just wish there was a way to make it easier for her.

There really is nothing to do for someone that loses a loved one except let them know that you care and try to give them what they need to deal with it; do their chores, take a meal over, take out the trash, sit and read a book while they do whatever they must, just so they are not alone. It's such a small list of such small things but I was so confused and disorganized and consumed by the paperwork of his death that all these small things were large in my heart when they were done for me, I know they will help anyone else that is grieving.

I dance with death and the requirements of my life keeping me here still again. Send me strength. I will do the best I can for her.

Today I am finishing up the kitchen more and getting laundry done for traveling, setting up dog sitters and a place to stay, if I need it. It's going to get busy. Right now I am going to count my blessings and watch a silly movie in my nice living room before I have to cope with life anymore.

I must have done something good

Friday got wild on me and I just left you all hang, sorry.

Business has been slow but that means I have been busy because I stepped up cold contacts and sales to our regulars. I was the one on the fax when the boss got a notice that made me wonder if he would be able to make payroll this week and who knows about next week.... Thinking. Now, he has already bounced one check on me a couple years back.

I got a savings account at the local bank so I could put a few bucks back for holiday spending. When I cashed the check that was no good I had put just 20.00 in my savings from it. When they bounced it, they took the entire amount of the check out of my savings account! That left me negative a large amount of money and the account only had about sixty bucks in it.

When I went to protest that the BOSS wrote the check on his account and they should not have debited mine they had no good explaination, just, "That's how we do it". I was HOT. The boss made good on the check, the bank put my numbers back where they should have been and I closed that account NOW! Not going to do business with a cold bunch like that, nope.

That all flashed in my head and I went to the boss to ask him flat out if he could cover payroll. He said yes, but I want to be first to the bank this week. Then he said, "Funny you should ask, I am going to have to lay you off. It's been bothering me for a couple days now."

I knew he was stressed, cranky and avoiding me but I am most happy at work when he keeps his nose out of my office and lets me do my job my way, so that was no stress for me. He was all worried I be freaked out but I was ready! "Cool!", I quipped, "You know this means I am leaving early today!" We talked it all out and I packed up early, called the Mom and invited her to dinner then took off for the house about three or so.

I would have time to get the house done right now without exausting myself every night after work. I could go help the sis to repay some of what she had done for me and even visit the Best Girl one night, maybe. I was ready for the time off!!! Yay Boss!

When I got home I made a quick ham and potato soup for us and it turned out really well. We enjoyed dinner and a yack then Mom had to get going. I had the Best Girl coming out later just to visit. We were discussing the mouse trapping and current traps and future traps and such, then my friend, KMA, popped in to see how I was coming on the house.

I was pleased to show her that we had the room she repaired the wall in mostly done and done well. For as rough as it looked with multiple layers of antique wall paper and such we had turned it out very nicely.

As I set her up with fresh coffee a mouse strolled across the kitchen, giving me the heebee jeebeeies! We were back on the topic of traps and fears of spiders aned snakes and mice and such then. I learned KMA is not afraid of mice, as Best Girl is not either. Best Girl hates spiders. I don't mind spiders but am terrified of mice and rats and bats. I don't know that KMA is afraid of anything.

Best Girl and KMA determined to kill the two bold little mice that kept wandering out from the oven. I threaded, loaded and set a trap, we put it on the counter. KMA got the broom and turned off the kitchen light, for ambiance she said, then lurked with said broom lined up and raised like a ball bat while BG and I crack jokes.

There was almost no wait for action the first time, we didn't even have to be quiet or sit in the dark in the dining area. The mouse stuck his head out, KMA froze in position. He danced out to the trap, sniffed and freaked me out because he was ugly and pointed my way, dived back under the griddle on the stove, sent the smaller mouse out to scout, that one went back quickly. Then the first one walked right up to the trap and started licking the peanut butter off the threads.

KMA Swung! Bang! Right into the bulkhead over the breakfast counter! Mouse walks back to stove and creeps under the griddle. We all laugh but KMA is serious. "Got any tape?"

I fix her up with duct tape and she puts four pieces around the trap sticky side up. "Now I can get him, that will slow him down!" she gloated.

We waited and it was less than ten minutes later she had to raise broom again. It was a replay of the first event except this time she came down on the range hood hard enough to bend it out of shape. It bent right back but we were all laughing so hard it took her a minute to fix it.

Finally, the fourth time, the littlest mouse was trying to unstick his feet and she whammed the broom down again. I saw the tape and trap stuck to it as it swung toward me and screamed at her, "NO! Swing it the other way! Get it away from me!"

She just told me there was no mouse, it got away, look, no mouse but I had warned her I was really afraid of them and made no apology for screeching at her.

Best Girl had to get home and left us after that. KMA gave it up for the night but she must have at least given them a head ache as we didn't see them again that evening. She reset the tape and trap before she left.

I got up in the morning and saw the tape was there and the trap was there but the PB was all gone. I had to call and tell her! It was so funny. All of the skills and education we had and the mouse got away with the bait.

Before they came I was just pitching stuff like the shoe polish at them to scare them off. I was no more effective than they were. Saturday Best Girl brought me the best traps I knew of and I set them all by myself. I got one poor mouse on the stove. He was mean enough to not die right away and then bleed all over the top of the stove. I had to get him out of there and clean it up before it made me sick so I pushed him into a trash bag with a long handled set of tongs from the grill and took him outside. I got the other under the sink and BG took care of him when she got there.

So Saturday started with dead mice and continued with the BG, Bro2 and Wife coming out to replace the floor in the cabinets under the sink where it used to leak. The plumber fixed the leaks but not the floors in the kitchen, just in the bathroom. BG and I were taping off to paint and moving things out of the way when Bro2 and Wife got there.

BG took a break to eat, she brought her own treats, for cryin' out loud. I would have fed her! The Bro2 team brought donuts, BG brought muffins and lunch stuff. We had all kinds of food available and none of us was hungry but BG, darn it.

As fast as Bro2 got the floors fixed I lined them with pieces of the left over vinyl flooring over the new plywood. He did a beautiful job and whipped it right out. His Wife helped me finish taping off the kitchen while we took breaks to look at those 3-D pictures you have to unfocus your eyes to see. It was fun. They were gone about three or so. Then BG and I got after the painting.

We got two coats on everything before she left and I kept going on cleaning the outsides of the cabinets with the scrub brush until the paint was dry enough to put the trim and floor boards back up. I got all but five cabs done and most of the paint off the floor with the putty knife. I mopped and scrubbed for hours. About one a.m. I called it a night and headed for bed.

Sunday I had a family reunion/bday party at two. I finished washing cupboards except the small one high over the stove and made scalloped potatoes to take to the party between cleaning and rearranging. When the potatoes went in I jumped in the shower, dressed, added the cheese, left the lid off and let that brown while I got our table service around.

The Mom, #1Son, Best DIL and grand girl and Best Girl all made it. Scooter Girl had to work. Sis and her mate were there. The Dad's brother, my uncle, had a 60th bday and his MIL was 90. They both looked good and we had a better time because there was a TV with the Lions game on and they not only played like a team and kept the fouls down, they WON! Way to go Lions! The bag stays off the dog!

It was good to see everyone and I went home to whale on the kitchen some more. All the bottom cupboards still had to be emptied, washed, relined and sorted out. I got rid of a lot of stuff. I continued that all day Monday with some help from the Sis. By the end of the day I only needed to swap out cabinets and re-mop the floor. And that is where is rests.

I got everything washed, arranged and replaced in easy reach of an old lady. It's looking good. I took out another mouse last night. I think that is about eight, now, in a week and good riddance!

Today I am off to get the cabinet I want from the shop for the microwave, vote, get back, swap the cabs around, mop, wipe down counters and be ready for bible study.

In here somewhere The Kid was contacted to finish off his projects sometime in the next couple days, the Eldest Daughter called and is doing ok but was terribly sick from food poisoning last week and I am waiting to hear from the Nephew that should show up to spend a week anytime now, not to mention be just in time to help with the upstairs!

I also have people coming, I hope, early this evening to haul away more stuff; A family of six with nothing I am trying to help out. They are getting my extra towels and pots and pans unless BG and The Kid take them first.

So I will be around tomorrow to see you all and hear how your weekends went. Stay safe!

Somewhere in my wicked and miserable past

Weird couple of days here. Sis couldn't get in the house. Used her key, but I had left door open, and then, at the pantry door, couldn't budge it...new paint, ya know. I told her it's always stuck and I just kick it. Yesterday her schedule didn't let her get over after all. I have gotten a few fussy things done but last night went to get mail, home, fed animals, made dinner, ate and crashed in chair till after midnight. Got up, put coffee on and went to bed. Only think I got done was trash and move some stuff to access back porch better.

I was just zoned out all day. Couldn't stay awake at work hardly and don't know why. I am guessing it's a depression thing. I have supressed the depression in most parts of my life but it sneaks around the locks and catches me sometimes. I think the sleeping thing is part of it.

I refuse to be miserable all the time. If the mate had made me feel this bad I would have had flowers and candy and special dinners and hot you-know-what until he made me smile again. He wants me smiling. He liked my smile. It's why the house has to be my house, my way, not "our" house anymore. It's why I still go to work every day. I used to do it because I loved him and he liked that extra money. Now I do it because I have to take care of me and I like having the bills paid. Still, with all I try to do for myself, it's not the same as when someone you love does it for you and I still get really lonely for him. So I guess I just have to keep at it.

Some times my shoulders slump and my smile fades and my eyes clench tight and I just ache. Mostly though I am doing pretty good here. The house continues to improve, the bills are paid, the extra company from the helpers really brings joy to my days, Shadow is getting over her solo status and enjoying being the only dog, the stoner cat is a basement cat now and can't mess up my new home and the old cat, Timone will be getting his own steps to the top of the dryer to reach his food soon. The new windows cut the drafts, the new from the bottom up flooring is easy to dust off and sweep and I am still getting rid of stuff.

The #1Son has been two weeks with no smokes, I am so proud of him! The Best Girl continues to amaze me with her constant willingness to help here, the Eldest Daughter is really satisfied with her life right now and Scooter Girl is doing better all the time.

Back just around Christmas last year I was lucky enough to notice we had everything we wanted and it was all paid for and running, the family and kids and friends were all ok and we were still deeply in love and both content with our lives. I mentioned it to the mate and he and I spent several days very aware of our blessings.

He and Buck have gone on ahead of me but all the other blessings are pretty much back in place now. Aside from one nephew with a divorce coming up we are all pretty good here, the bills are paid and the house, with it's new furnace, water heater, windows and lights, is better than ever. While I am down to one vehicle it is running well. I am warm and snug and loved still.

I think I will just skip the fact that I have no one to share it with because I am ok by myself but it is like skipping the bridge over the river somedays. It just doesn't work well.

I am hoping to get back on track tonight. I got a lot of sleep, I feel better today and I have just the kitchen to paint, the tile floor to scrub and then the fun stuff, doing the walls and such to get the downstairs done. I am even looking forward to the upstairs now that I know I can whip the two story ceiling in the stairwell. It's going to be good.

So thanks for hanging with me here. You make me a lot less lonely that I have you all to talk to.