It was a time of confidences

The "anonamus commentorus" struck again. I have again deleted them. It's almost a shame to erase such long and heartfelt labor as those words represent. If they would only start their own blog they wouldn't have to bother us.

I know what it is like when the flow of words starts and you have to write until they cease. Then begins the labor of switching them around until they tell the story in order and make sense. I haven't had that happen enough lately.

I try to keep this the journal of my days. The Bro-in-law was by again this Monday very early in the morning. He didn't have to skip the coffee this time to work on the septic system, it's still working. He did dump some mouse traps for me and laugh at me. I gave a little shriek when I turned to answer a question and he had the poor, dead thing still in my view. I really don't do mice well at all, alive or dead.

We had a good talk and the coffee was just right, the companionship to starting my day was welcomed. He got a call and had to go as I needed to leave for work. Timing was perfect.

My north country friend who has been dealing with a back injury is doing better. He came down on Friday night for dinner, half brought by him and supplimented then baked by me. He also brought a hugh hunk of home made, by himself, chocolate pecan fudge. Candy! It was yum+!
We played cards and visited until dark and time for both of us to let the dogs out.

Mom and I have conspired on dinner tonight for bible study. I don't know who will all be there, that's part of the fun, seeing who shows up. I am looking forward to it.

I do hope you all had an excellent holiday. Last year I took the time to bake with Jeanette and gift our friends with it. I didn't even boil eggs this year. I am not sure why. I will think on it.

But it was peaceful and quiet and the robins, red winged black birds and starlings are back. It may be snowing again today but I know warm is coming!

North to Alaska

Just a note to say hello, ya'll. It's been a bit of a rough week. Sometimes I get just running free and then that wall of reality hits. My head is sore this month.

I was looking around for a way to get a new bike. I was sure it was spring. Robins, dead skunks, starlings and cranes all around told me so. And the willows are yellow and there are crocus and daffodiles busting out.

Last night we got snow again and it just landed on me like rocks. I shouldn't be surprised. I have lived here most of my life. I remember the year my #1son was born it snowed on April 2nd, the day we were going home. I had gone to the hospital wearing a spring shift. Weleft in our snow suits. It's the first thing we had to buy him.

I decided to skip the jam session today. I have to keep the gas for work. I don't like it, but there it is. I'm being all responsible about things. Do you ever get tired of being the grown up?

Today I can't even go sledding or make a snow angel, it's just too cold to play outside and I am all pouty inside about it.

It's going to warm up soon, again. I'm just waiting it out, this long, cold spell of wanting to play and too cold to play yet.

Spring is coming and boy - am I ready for it!

Easter Sunday is coming tomorrow and I didn't have anyone to make baskets for. Last year I did them for my friends but this year they are all covered. They are back to work or have what they need to do their own. I'll make one for me and let that be enough. It seems strange though, not to do something for others tomorrow, no dinner to make or eggs to hide.

I'm getting used to it. I don't think I will ever like it. I can only wait until something breaks for me and it changes. I am even thinking about renting out the upstairs to help with the bills and have a companion around again. I have put it off. I thought I might just sell the whole house and take a room somewhere instead.

The market in houses in Michigan is ripe for someone with money to buy up half the state. Everyone is leaving to find jobs elsewhere and the places are going for chicken feed. I think it means I wait to sell, but I can still run a bit of a boarding house. It might even be fun with the right people here. I might even find some that like to play cards of an evening or enjoy gardening.

So the changes here continue and I try to go with the flow. I wait to see what happens next. When something does, I'll tell you!

Know when to hold em

Monday night my Mom and newest foster brother came over after work. I was fixing up a computer for him and she came along for the visit. I spent a lot of time cleaning up the drive while they were there.

He wanted me to play cards with him but I wanted him to have the machine for him and his daughter. So it would be fun later for me I asked him to let the card game go until I could finish what I was doing. I got it done and it's his now. I felt good giving it.

The quandary of finishing another time and making him wait for the machine or the card game had bothered me. I called it the way I saw it. With a computer he and the daughter can send emails to stay in touch. The card game was to distract him from his thoughts. Mom and I could talk while I worked. I asked him wait for the card game...

Then he whupped my butt at cribbage. That was fun for him. I had the fun of giving a gift of time and caring, he had the fun of winning, fair and square. We all got what we needed, we just had to accommodate each other on the timing.

That's what friends do for each other; Work it out together so all get what they need. No stress, no fuss, no anger, just a discussion on the timing and the resources available, no harm to any heart. He waited for the card came, we are teaching Mom, she waited for the lesson, I got my "chore" done. I waited for my fun. In between we all got to talk with each other. We all had fun.

Tuesday night I headed home for bible study and we had one of those nights that seems all messed up. There were only three of us, Mom, Sis and me. Mom thought it was her night to cook, so did Is. There was food enough for twenty and no one came that needed it. We shared it out after to give away or use ourselves. Waste is bad, in our view.

The "study" was a little more fellowship and teaching and encouraging than reading. It gave me heart and joy to see again that suffering through a wrong against you can be made right in Him.

I think I want to share a bit of it. My Sis is dyslexic. In school she was labeled stupid and treated cruelly by a teacher. Back then they didn't know the word that meant your mind saw letters and numbers wrong. That teacher called her stupid in front of her classmates, often.

Then came math. And multiplication. The numbers never looked the same as they do to us. She could not learn the problems, they made no sense to her.

She went on to be a teacher in a parochial school. She had had such a problem learning that she was very gentle with the teaching. When it came time for multiplication she taught it to them the way that she had figured out for herself.

About thirty children learned an easy way to do "the times table" that leaves only 13 hard problems that have to be memorized. When you can knock a hundred problems down to only 13 you have done a good thing. I pointed out to her last night, as we went over it again, that if she had not been just what she is she would not have seen her solution.

Those thirty children are grown and teaching their children - with JOY! - that multiplying isn't hard anymore. And all the others we have helped with her way of seeing it will go on to show others. It will change the way math is for so many, all because the numbers looked wrong to her.

Once again I got to see that what may be a bad time in your life can be turned to a good time for others down the road a piece. One of the gifts of getting old is being able to see that the small difference you thought you made for yourself has become a big difference for others.

We were going over this for a friend of mine who needed math help. I wanted more than the "9's trick" to give her and couldn't remember it all. So another will be helped, too, because my sister had a crap time learning to read and do math in school.

She knows she is not stupid now, but we have our doubts about a teacher who could not see the willing intelligence behind the inability to see words and numbers as she did. Bless her heart. Even her meaness has been a blessing in the long run. I know Sis forgives her, I do too, and that is hard for me to do with anyone who messes with my sisters!

Then Wednesday was back. For me that is set aside for a night of study and prayer. I would like to do it with others. I haven't been led to them yet. I do it alone. I had thoughts about the day at work, five hang up calls that day. I always wonder who it is and why they are so present somedays and not others. We have an antique phone system that won't let us *69.

One or two I get from the computers that check to see if I'm answering the phone. That doesn't bother me. The ones where someone waits just long enough to hear my voice and then, with a slight pause, hang up - those intrigue me. Is it someone wanting to know I'm ok or someone that wants to talk to me but can't get the words out? I add them to the Wednesday list and hope someday I will find out.

After the "non meeting" I called my friend in the south of the state. She and I try to do that weekly. We both live alone and get lonely for some one to talk to of an evening. We don't always agree on things but we have lively conversations. It was fun. I was tired and went to bed early.

Every other Thursday is payday. I get out a little early and hit the bank. While I am in town I visit friends or meet them for coffee at the pub where I have friends workng. It can be a small but fun party. Tonight I have a stop to make and then may call a friend or two and see if they want to do coffee. Hard to say what happens until I actually get there. The Thursday it isn't payday I may go to the jam in Big City and play. That is fun, when I get there. Gas has been tight enough I have been skipping it.

Friday is the short day at work. I usually get out around two. I haven't gotten 40 hours in a single week this year. The budget has been tight at work and at home. I'm getting by okay, but I mentioned a raise to the boss again. He's having a little stress with a big project coming up. But at least we are working still and it looks like we are going to be for awhile yet.

On Friday's I visit with family and friends in the Big City near by before I get my groceries and head for home again. I do laundry and put stuff away, then, if I feel like it, I can go out. But I have opted to stay home this winter alot. The budget is thin for entertainment. I read or write or whatever and don't have to worry about getting stuck in the snow.

Then I am back to Saturday and my treasured friends at jam session. I love to go to this. I have made it every other week and the odd week I try to have friends over or go visit.

Sunday is for study and prayer. I have been waiting to follow along to church. So far, no one is leading. I learn in my heart and hope to find the perfect place for me to be, soon. Til then I wait.

The rest of the day is family. I call or visit them or they may come see me. I get my stuff around for work the next day and get to bed a little early.

It's just a little life in a little village but it's peaceful and love filled. I have most of what I think I need and enough over to share with those that need it.

How nice.

AAARRRRGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

I think I'm about due for a blast to get rid of the rut I have so carefully maintained. I kept it going because it worked. I was legal, safe and secure. The fun has gone out of it with no one to share it with. I don't need ruts in my road, I need road to ride!

I'm waiting to see what presents itself for possibilities. I am open to them all right now.

SPRING is coming!!!! If it doesn't get here soon I think I really will get crazy! This is SO not me! I have got to get out and LIVE!

Even our rut wasn't this deep! I got to get outta Dodge and go have some FUN! I'm looking for it.

Taking ideas in the comments!

See me, feel me, touch me, heal me

A little more than a week since the last post. Sorry all. LOL! If there are any of you left out there!

I am updating one website and building another, I think, soon. I have had the fun of setting up two new computers for work, too. It hits one of my buttons. WHY can't a company, with 600 program writers, write a program correctly and then leave it alone! Every thing from XP to the accounting program had to download updates, with XP being the worst and the computer company itself being massively second place. Don't even mention the AV program!

I spent long, lovely hours at a local cafe. I ran into friends and grabbed hugs while I downed coffee and waited for 52 meg program updates. The winner was, I believe, 89 meg. That's not a patch - that's a rewrite, for crying out loud! Can't you just include a disk with the machine or program that has the latest updates on it?

There, I feel better now! But it is nice that we are both able to work so much more quickly with our stuff. The boss upgraded from a system with 32 meg of ram to a gig. No, I am not exagerating, yes I know what meg and gig are. He was that out of date. Really!

My pal up north hurt his back again. That ended him up in the hospital. They got the pain to stop and then tested him until they got it to start again. He is hoping to get home today. The last time I saw him he was getting impatient with healing so slowly. He was a little fiesty. On the phone he sounded kinda whipped last night but I think he is missing home. I don't know. I couldn't see what he said. I had to guess from his voice.

My friend in Town had his surgury for his back last Friday. It's been a rough week for him but there is starting to be some improvement and lessening of the pain. He and the wife are both looking more cheerful. She looks a little tired. Then I dumped a load of frustration on her, too. She kept smiling for me, bless her heart!

Jeanette hasn't been around much but I talked to her on the phone the other day. She has been sick again and missed work three days. Her boy that hurt his back is going to be able to get the operation he needs, he got the paperwork done. There is still a law suit going to happen to get the place to pay for it. The situation is one that is unsafe, still, for others and it needs to be corrected.

Jam on Saturday was great. My friends were glad to see me and I was tickled with the offered hugs of greeting. My friend from when I was small showed up again. I was glad to help him out by showing the lovely coins he hand cuts to my other friends there. I shared bday cake with the upright bass player and his family. There was lots of joking and fun. The music lifts my heart.

Later, one of the men there told me some things he had heard about my friend and his wife. He was trying to warn me that there were problems in their way of living that might affect others. I could see by his eyes he meant that he didn't want to see me get hurt. He couldn't know I already knew all he told me, I just chose to help anyway.

We talked apart for a moment and when he apologized for sort of sticking his nose in, I told him, with a smile in my eyes, that I would never be offended by one who was trying to protect me because they cared. He saw the truth of my words and we parted with no harm done to our friendship. I knew he cared. He knew I understood what he was saying. We saw it iwth more than our eyes.

I spent some time visiting in Town and met a new friend at my old friend's place. It's always a little funny when you met a younger person that just hits it off with you like an old friend. It's always fun, though, and I was glad to have it happen again in my life. We went for coffee to talk and get better accquainted.

This young man is the age of my youngest daughter but has a yen to play guitar and sing. He writes his own music and he is a talented artist in drawings. We might have been raised in the same family, we got that friendly that fast. I'm looking forward to teaching him some stuff on the guitiars. I think we might even sing well together, if I can get him on a mic.

The nephew, B1son, is back in town from leaving with the carnival over a year and a half ago. We didn't get much time to talk but he looks good and seems to be pointed in the right direction again. That was a comfort to me. His joy in greeting me was real. He said of all the things of home he missed that he missed me the most. He learned his daddy's and his uncle's ways with words. I enjoy them as he offered them. His eyes translated for him. He really meant he loves me. His hug told me more than his words.

My friend that was so gloomy is doing better now. I think I have some things to give him to fix up his new apartment. I am hoping he can use them, then I don't have to dust them! His attitude is much better now. There is still sadness, but it is normal, not the heavy dark stuff. I was glad to see him joking and smiling over coffee at the pub.

I cooked last week for bible study. We had a nice spread and a great time. It seems like we mostly do have fun. It's kind of like digging in the dirt for shiny rocks. It seems all dusty and musty but when you get a little water on it and rub off the confusion, there are gems for everyone there. We like finding them.

Sis is doing ok. Mom was a little tired. Shy Girl is starting to out grow her name, she laughs and jokes with us now. The Man was tired and said so but told us he looks forward to Tuesday nights and dragged himself out anyway to enjoy the home cooked food and fun that goes with our learning. We were all so glad that he is doing better. He knew that, he saw it in our smiles.

It's funny how the verses we study seem to be fitting to each life they touch, even though there are lots of us. We all get something different from them and then compare what we see. It can get a little dizzy to keep it all straight, the different ways to see the meanings behind the words.

One of the books I read recently stressed, from a teacher to a student, "the symbol is not the thing." The thing can be hidden by the symbol.

Letters and even spoken words are just symbols for the essence of the thoughts and feelings I try to share. The symbol is not the thing. If my body is a symbol for "alive and self aware", the self that knows it lives is what I want you to know and understand when we meet.

All my friends that I have written of were people I spent time with this week. I got to know the self of each of them better for the direct connection with them. We see with more than our eyes and we speak with more than words. It's not the same with the phone or email. It's just better in person.

They got to know more of me. We connected. We interacted. We laughed, we cried, we whined, we griped, we smiled, we touched hands or hugged and knew just what we meant by what we said. No misunderstandings between us, we knew what we meant or asked to have it clarified until we got it.

Go out and visit a friend today. Tell them Deby sent you. There is no more important thing you can do than love and encourage each other, in person.

All the talk in the world doesn't say as much as a smiled shared between two people looking each other in the eyes.

A time for every purpose under heaven

There has been a lot going on in the lives of my friends and family lately. It's been keeping me moving. Yesterday seemed like it was running on some kind of perfect timing that I don't usually create in my life. I was just in time for several people and it was good to be able to help.

I got some items printed for Mom and friends that I had been struggling with. They were finally done and I was just finishing up when my nice neighbor lady dropped in. We had coffee and talked a while. She and her man had been on a cruise. She looked rested and happy. It was fun to visit with her. She headed home.

I got around to leave and picked up something from the Sis to take to a friend who needed it. She ran it out to the hard top for me so I didn't have to try her road. My uncle was there with her. I didn't stay to visit with them but ran on my way. I dropped in to the jam session for a bit, got a lift from the music and companionship and then left to finish my errand.

I got there just in time to be useful. I hung with them until it seemed they were all settled in and ok with family to cover them. I left there to meet the Rotten Kid in the next town south and arrived early enough to grab another cup of coffee and breathe a minute. When he showed up the news was better this week and it looks like there might be light at the end of the tunnel. He finally got a job. I was so glad for him.

We had a pretty good talk and then I headed back to the house. I let the animals in and fed them and settled down for the night. I thought about going out but I just didn't seem to feel like it. I dug out an old book to read of sci fi shorts. It was, what I call, lurking for me. I was just "reading for pleasure", but found a thought in it.

I read a story about a man who agreed to write a book for the money, not for the love of writing. He felt it was a mistake to do it that way but he did it anyway. Man got to the planets because of that book, in the story.

He wasn't a man of action, he was a writer. He contemplates - "Yet people of my sort had their uses. Maybe they didn't always originate the ideas; maybe they didn't always believe in them. But they kept them alive by circulation, until at last the seeds took root...........

We make a pattern better than we know. Keep on with it. "

I thought my writing friends might like to think about that. I did. These little blogs we write carry tiny capsuals of history. They may have just one line each that will speak to another heart someday and comfort it as that person finds out that someone else felt the way they do.

What seeds we leave in out little lives and writings will grow beyond our knowing. We make a bigger pattern than the small part of life we see, it goes into a future beyond us.

Keep on with it. I'm reading.