It's wonderful, it's marvelous

Once I wrote on the back of one of my journal notebooks; "If I am ever bored to tears again remind me to thank my lucky stars!"

Sometimes it seems like there are just too many things do and people to talk to, talk with, coordinate with and place you have to be to even take a deep breath, much less think or write.

I am just not here right now. I am so sorry. I really miss my blogging and blog reading. I just can't get to it lately.

I have a post on Chantix that needs to get finished. The highlight is that it makes some people depressed or even suicidal. The good news is I have friends that have caring hearts and I am fine now. It did add to my lack of interest in writing...apologies.

The Saturday before Christmas I went to jam session - I hadn't planned on it but they just draw me. I didn't even have my guitar but I had a great time anyway.

Then I went to KMA's and dragged her out with me to go to see the Eldest Daughter at the #1son's house. That was fun! It was so good to see my girl again. I wish we had had more time together but she had lots of others to see, too. Her boyfriend was with her. He and I didn't get much of a chance to talk. Around our group it is hard to get one on one with anybody. There were great pictures and fun had by all, though. KMA remembered her camera, bless her heart!

Sunday that group and my Best Girl, with her boys joined my Sis and all her crew then threw in Mom and an uncle and KMA and a friend of hers and we had a really big party!

The nephew that hosted did a great job in picking a wife that does a great job hosting. Somehow she was the only one that wasn't in on the planning until two days before! Poor kid! But every thing was good. Even though there were so many of us and many short people it was just fun.

Monday I tied up some odds and ends and spent the day alone. Tuesday was quiet until I learned from my foster brother that he and his woman had nothing for Christmas, not even heat except from a fire place.

I had called to say Merry Christmas. Now I was unhappy. If I had known sooner I could have helped more. He didn't want to ask for help so that is what he got - no help. The rat!

Once I knew I packed up what I had and ran him over what I could that he needed. I beat him, in a sisterly way, for not letting us know the problem. He hasn't had work since October and can't get a job. In Michigan that is the status quo right now.

I called in the troops and Mom and Sis got to him the next day. I think he is feeling a little more cheerful and loved today. He is going to Sis's tomorrow to cut wood with them. We have done what we could and will keep a little better eye on them until he is back at work.

It really took the peace out of my Christmas to know I could have helped and didn't know it was needed. It hurt more to know he didn't ask for what ever reason. I have never told the Kid no unless I really couldn't help. He does know that. He comes when I need him, too.

I don't understand why he didn't say he was in a tight spot. I just don't get it. He says it was pride that he didn't ask for help or call to talk to me. I didn't say what it felt like to me.

I will help if I can. I can't offer unless I know of the need. I feel so badly that there are those that would rather suffer than admit that they are broke or lonely or hurt. I may not be able to fix them all up but what I have I share.

We got them fixed up as best we can and now all of us feel better. We that helped were glad for a chance to show we care about them and those that were hurting don't hurt so badly anymore. They know they are loved and there are people who do care.

I like a happy ending. For Christmas I got to help a friend. That made me happy. It made Christmas what it is supposed to be - sharing our love with each other and remembering who gave us enough to share.

It felt like Jesus smiled on us. I like being able to smile back and say thank you to Him.

I love my truck

So Thursday on my way home from work I see the battery guage is down to half of what it should be. I went home and got the battery charger out then discovered the hood latch was messed up again.

I went up to the store and lucked into two men who were willing to try and get it open for me. They had no luck but I felt better, at least I wasn't imcompetent. They tried everything I had and then some and it still wouldn't open.

This is bad.

I called the shop the next morning and left a message that I would be trying to get in but could they make room inside the shop so I could try to fix the truck? I made it and the boss did make room for me.

We took turns poking things at the hood latch and cable from every direction and failed to open it. We both went back to work. Around four the UPS man took a turn and won. I took notes and think I can do it myself next time if I have to. We got it jury rigged again and for now it is working.

I called my newest foster brother. He came down and diagnosed for me that it wasn't the battery or the cable, it was the alternator. He didn't have the tools he needed to fix it and he is on ten hours a day. But he took the time to give me a hand when I needed one. Now I knew what the problem was I could work on getting it fixed.

I called my best repair guy and he said he could do the alternator on Monday. I counted up my pennies and found I had just the right amount of money to get everything I needed; gas, groceries, dog food and such; and just afford what I thought it might cost to replace the part. Funny, I thought I had too much money and had put it back for savings....

I spent the weekend charging the battery up and using it back down to get chores done. Mostly I stayed home. Then came the snow storm. On Monday as I went out to warm up the poor truck I called the shop to say I was going to try and make it. The repair guy would get the truck from there.

Only I got stuck. To get to hard top the shortest route is a u-turn out of the drive way. I was doing just fine but discovered under all that snow it was still ice. I just slid down the angle at the corner in to the drift. Well, it wasn't all bad news. I didn't hit the telephone pole or end up driver's side down in the ditch...

I went back to the house, all of twenty feet further than I would have if I had just left the thing parked, called the shop and told them God said I was taking the day off.

I don't have any vacation time left and it was going to flat the budget to pay for the repair. Now I needed a tow, too. But I was getting a day off I and I needed it. You work with what is given to you and be glad to have it, I guess.

Amen for friends and family. They had kept me going all weekend. Now I called the friendly repair guy - bless his heart and his truck and his helper. They came and got the truck, didn't even make me drive it out, the two kind men did that.

So I had the day to rest and I needed it badly. I will get back to that. The truck was supposed to be back later that day. I rested and treated myself to hot teas, quite reading, prayer and peaceful thoughts.

Jeanette called and needed a favor I could not have done from work. I talked to KMA that night. I talked to Mom about bible study being at her house and an lot of other things that morning when I called so she wouldn't worry when the truck wasn't at the shop. I relaxed as much as I could and had extra time for my family and friends.

Amazingly enough the truck was back before I would have been out of work. I paid what I could of the bill and promised the rest for Friday. They were ok with that. They trust me. When I went out to run the next errand I discovered they had thrown in plowing the driveway for me. I cried.

It was just one kindness too much it seemed and I couldn't even thank the scamp until I saw him next. But I will, you bet. I sent a thankful prayer chasing after them.

I saw the opportunity to run over to my son's place. His aunt had sent a gift and I wanted the family to have it. Now I had the time and a running truck I went for it. Being a kind mother in law, I called and checked first.

He wasn't going to be there because it was time for the trucking son to get back to work. Except his plans got skewed, too. His truck was sitting on the nicest piece of ice I had seen for skating on - if you were only four inches tall....One clear patch under every wheel. He was spinning them when I got there.

I tried to help him see the good in it and lower his frustration level. I got to visit with all of them and as I drove away the tow truck came to get him on his way.

Things just don't work out like we think they will sometimes. Even when we do the best we can they can still be screwed up for the strangest reasons. Part of having a happy life is doing the best you can to have fun with whatever you have to do, I think.

I made it to work Tuesday. The truck is running fine now and I can get in and out of the drive way. I took the time to realize how many caring people it took to get me through just those four days. I have a wonderful support network and I don't know what I would do without them.

Part of that network is you, my reading friends. Part of the fun of life is having someone to tell all about it. I had a few more happy feelings sharing this with you.

May the holiday bring you each the knowing of the love that is around you. It is not always where we expect to find it but the caring hand of even a stranger is love to you in a time of need.

it was almost like a song

I have stayed out of ditches this week. I stayed home one day for the ice storm that went through.

Jeanette moved out more than three weeks ago, she should have her occupancy sticker now. I am so glad for her. Life is still rough for the family. One boy needs back surgury from an accident on the job but the workman's comp is doing it's best to stall everything, it seem. The other is still looking for work. In Michigan that is a challenge. And before she even got moved in she had a stray kid staying there again, bless her heart. So please keep the prayers coming.

I have been alone again. Jeanette had elvish ways of helping out that I miss. Not that chores are heavy here, just I do them all again. But I would come home to dishes done or the bathroom cleaned sometimes and smile. Being on different shifts we didn't see each other much. And it was fun to leave her a treat or do a chore for her, too.

I keep finding out I don't like being by myself. I like solitude as long as I can go back to someone when I have had enough.

I have her dog here still who is too spoiled to stay on a chain now. She left him with me for now. He has been companion to my dog. I don't really care if he goes or stays. He's a good dog.

The cat has been making me cranky because I had to put traps out twice now to do her job for her. I keep feeding her because God keeps feeding me and somedays I feel as useless as a cat that won't catch mice. At least she makes me laugh sometimes.

The kids are all going to be around for the holiday and there is a chance I can see all of my kids at one time for Christmas. I am so looking forward to that.

I put the tree up a week or so ago but instead of decorations this year I just laid the fake evergreen tinsel around and put out the pictures of my family and friends. They are under the tree and on the "mantle" above the bookshelf. It is the real gift we give each other - our love.

That has made me smile to look at every time I turn on the tree lights. The rainbow lights shine on the faces of the ones I love.

I know then I am not alone, I am just by myself right now. Every thing changes, this will too. I live, I love, I am glad to be alive.

Sorry I am not here for you all more often right now. Real life has my attention. But I know I will be back some time more regular. For now, God bless you all for me, I love you. Thank you for reading.

PS - don't forget our soldiers this year.

Slip sliding away

Checking the next day I saw there is a wrinkle in the road there. You don't notice one small bump on our roads, they are full of bumps and potholes. You get used to them being there.

What had changed was the conditions I was driving in. Same road for nine and a half years, no problem there before. The bump must have grown a little at a time and now the road was all ice.
You couldn't really see the bump under the ice - but it was there. An every day tiny bounce to the truck that had become unnoticed by it's repetition. It didn't register as a possible danger, just another bump in the road.

Under that ice, unseen and unexpected, it can launch you even as small as it is, into a flying dance. Now I know it is there I am careful how I hit it when it is icy.

I didn't see it as a problem worth filing in my head that the bump on the flat stretch was bouncing me more as I passed it each day. I never even noticed it until it threw me for a loop.

I think little things in every day life are like that, too. You don't really even notice the little bumps until they get so big they end up sending you off the road.

We do better not to ignore them thinking they will change or go away. The trick is to see them before they ice over and become a serious problem.

I can't help it if am annoying or angering someone if I don't know what I do is bothering them.

"I can't fix it if I don't know it's broke."

People tell us things they think are true and if we act on their words, believing them, we find we have made mistakes sometimes. Not because we acted wrongly intentionally but because we didn't know the truth. We can only act on what we think we know, like I thought I knew my road was smooth.

When someone you respect and trust tells you something you tend to believe them. Sometimes what they have told you is wrong but you may have acted as if it were truth. This can cause problems in life, too.

All you can do when people go away without saying what you did to is wonder why they are not your friend any more and go on without them.

You may do the same things to the next one you meet. Maybe the things you do will be accepted by them. Maybe not. Maybe the next one will tell you what you do that annoys them and you can learn to do better. Maybe not.

But you never get a chance to change unless someone is honest enough with you to say there is a problem. You can't help a friend if you are not as honest as you can be with them.

Are you really a friend if you are not completely honest? Yes, I think so. Humans aren't always honest, even with themselves. Trying to walk with no dishonesty in your life is hard. Expecting others to do what you can't is not loving and understanding. It is holding others to a standard you can't meet yourself. There is no mercy in that.

Can't an apology be accepted in truth and doesn't the healing begin with wanting it to be healed between you? I think trust can mend and grow. Why should we lose a friend because they prove they're human? That is when we learn to forgive and our understanding grows.

By watching for the little bumps and bringing them to each other we keep the ice from growing over them and throwing us in a ditch we can't get out of with a tow from a friend.

Dashing through the snow

I was just congratulating myself on being a good driver in the snow, I was just a few blocks from work. All the big hills and bridges were behind me. I hadn't missed a stop or a corner. I had the easy part of the drive left.

I was on a straight, flat stretch, feeling sassy, hit a slick spot, knew right then I had too light a back end, and away I went; a over t, and backwards, then side ways across the road.

I put in the clutch and let her slide until I hit grass then touched the wheel and the brake to send her off the road before we got to the telephone pole.

I landed wrong way around in the corn field but I was feeling back under control, still right side up, and the truck and I were both ok. I tried to rock her a little. Nope. I quit.

I was sitting there, laughing at myself and being glad I had landed so well when I saw another truck hit the same spot and start sliding right at me.

I stopped finding it amusing. At least I knew it was the road and not my driving. I held my breath until he got his big truck straightened out and didn't come down to join me. He missed me.

I had the cell. I was ok, just stuck. No one was at the shop that could tow me out so I set up a ride. I tried rocking her again, rather than just sit there bored, and got going a little. The corn was too slick for much traction and the ground was just wet, not really frozen. Then it seemed I was getting up a little speed so I aimed up the bank. It was just too slick with no weight. I sat.

A nice boy who had been out hunting turned around and broke out the tow strap. As we were getting ready to try it my friend from the shop showed up and stopped traffic for us. The nice boy eased me right up the hill. I thanked him and wished him hunting luck. We shook hands good bye and I went on to work. He went back the way he came.

Life is like that sometimes. Cruising along, feeling good and then the surprise - whack! You just get that thing under control and another one comes right at you. Then someone sees your plight and cares enough to turn around and come back to give a hand.

It wasn't that unusual in this weather to have that happen. We get by taking care of each other. It just made me think of all of you and I wanted to tell you that.

I called the nearest place for help but all of you ran through my mind. I might have called any of you for help and I just wanted to say thank you for being my friend. Call on me anytime!