Turn out the lights, the party's over

they say that all -- good things must end....

My friends are losing the bar. I feel really badly for them. They have been there seven years and the economy just took them out. Leaving your daily routine and changing your day's tempo is so very hard....I know.

There is a party to finish it all off tonight. I'll be there with the music for them one more time and so will the players that have been coming in to entertain with me...but it will be a sad night for so many of them. It's a place that was Cheers for them, everyone knew your name and if they didn't, they welcomed you. We will all miss it.

I'm singing at my nephew's wedding and have been rehersing with his other friend to get our songs together. We have three more weeks to get it right...we're working on it and it's sounding good. Just a matter of finding time.

The truck has new rotors, new slave cylinder in the clutch, new bolts on the anti sway bar and needs two tires to be up for winter....getting them tomorrow. A friend set me up with her mechanic and the team that showed up was the one that helped Jeanette get her house back up. It was good to see them all again. Now I have it up for winter and that is a peaceful feeling.

The leaves are turning. I'm holding on to the green, still, but it's slipping away.

My kids are all doing well and I'm glad for that. Sis and Mom and I got smart and moved bible study to earlier in the day so they don't have to dodge so many deer getting home. Small changes to the days keep coming.

Another friend called and is happy for the first time in a long time. I was glad for them.

I have one girl - daughter of a friend - that is going through a very dark time right now. She is on the prayer lists but her heart is so sore and life is throwing her an awful lot for a teen ager to deal with....and all I can do is hold her in my heart. She has cut her wrists twice in ten days. I think they will have to put her where she can be watched over and I want to see her get the help she needs. I do what I can. It seems pitiful small.

I am going to be doing the hard thing soon. My dog is having trouble even breathing through the night, can't get around good, probably her hips, and isn't able to control her body anymore. Shadow was a combination rescue/gift and I'm going to miss her a lot. But I can't watch her hurt anymore. Tomorrow or Friday she and I are going for a last walk in the woods and I will leave her there with the help of a friend.

I'm trying to keep it in perspective, she's 9 or 10 years old and that's a good time for a large dog....and she's been loved and cared for. I will need to move sometime and it's hard to find a place that will let you have dogs if it's not yours...so it's probably all for the best in the long run. But it will be another change in my days and I don't do so well with changes as I used to.

So there's the good, the bad and the beautiful day in life here. I'm okay. Winter is coming, I'll be back more often.

One is the lonliest number

you will ever chose....But you don't always get to make the choice. It got made for me again last night. And when I got in the truck to drive away that is the song that was playing. Kinda blew me away.

That I was expecting it doesn't make it easier to deal with.

Reject.

That's the word that's haunting me today. I know that how another person has to chose does not make me a bad person, just not the right one for them. And it's better that it happen before ties are made in the real world that take so much work to untangle. I know it's better to sleep alone in peace and safety than to be with someone who is not happy with you.

But I can know all that and still be sad that I didn't make the cut again with someone I'm confused about why I even cared so deeply for them.

It wasn't looks, it wasn't money, it wasn't even a physical attraction - there was just a part of us that touched that isn't visible. And every time it manifested he got freaked out. We can get right in each others hearts...and heads...know the next chord, the next song, the next word...feel the joining between us like a current of electricity...

That is what I loved. The affection and protection he provided and the connection to more than a body gives.....it was so good for me.

And it was so hard for him. I can't be angry. I am only sad.

But I'm up and it's tomorrow. I'll be okay later.

Ridin' solo still.