One is the lonliest number

you will ever chose....But you don't always get to make the choice. It got made for me again last night. And when I got in the truck to drive away that is the song that was playing. Kinda blew me away.

That I was expecting it doesn't make it easier to deal with.

Reject.

That's the word that's haunting me today. I know that how another person has to chose does not make me a bad person, just not the right one for them. And it's better that it happen before ties are made in the real world that take so much work to untangle. I know it's better to sleep alone in peace and safety than to be with someone who is not happy with you.

But I can know all that and still be sad that I didn't make the cut again with someone I'm confused about why I even cared so deeply for them.

It wasn't looks, it wasn't money, it wasn't even a physical attraction - there was just a part of us that touched that isn't visible. And every time it manifested he got freaked out. We can get right in each others hearts...and heads...know the next chord, the next song, the next word...feel the joining between us like a current of electricity...

That is what I loved. The affection and protection he provided and the connection to more than a body gives.....it was so good for me.

And it was so hard for him. I can't be angry. I am only sad.

But I'm up and it's tomorrow. I'll be okay later.

Ridin' solo still.