you're afraid it's all been wasted time

A friend got angry with me today. I got angry today at someone else. Two days ago I was worried about another friend. There was nothing wrong. It was how I saw it that upset me.

I keep coming back to how my thoughts shape my days. Lately it seems my thoughts have been incorrect. So my days are off, too. Stop thinking?

Two days of sitting awake and concerned for one who did NOT have a problem. Trying to do a favor for a friend that only made them angry at me in the long run. Running home to get out of the heat and finding the dryer AND the air running tripped my triggers. I was tired from the heat and it all broke loose.

I stated my opinion of one who runs the dryer when it's 93 degrees outside and then leaves the air on, went to my room, slammed the door and went to bed.

Where all this confused and convoluted information is reaching to is to how I (we) think ourselves into situations. How our thoughts shape our emotions. How the only thing wrong with a day may be how we see it.

I thought someone I knew was in big trouble. I had a tangible reason to think so. BUT - the tangible didn't go with that person. And the same item belonging to another person had a totally different interpretation. No worries...or, not many.

But to try and figure out a way to approach what I saw was the problem with the first person, I was up all night pondering.

Point? I could have gone to bed, nothing would have changed but I would have been fresh the next day to consider things more clearly. But I couldn't sleep because I cared so much I had to figure out something to try to help them before my mind would let me rest.

The friend who was angry at me sees things a different way than I do. I understand why he feels he has a reason to be upset. I see he is upset. It made me cry that he was upset with me. There is no point in discussing it. He's going to see it his way and anything I say to explain another way to see it will be rejected. So I cried. I'm over the hurt and I'm not angry at him. I'm just sorry I can't show him he didn't need to be angry. But that's done and I won't lose any sleep over it.

The one I got angry at, Easy, can't help what he did. He just doesn't think like other people. He's going to be going back to Arkansas next week. It's hot there. It's where he's from. So what if the air is on and dryer running? For him, it's normal. For me, too much heat hits me like a rock. He didn't think about that. It's how he is. I should have skipped losing my temper and just taken a cold shower.

Shoulda coulda and the other words that go in there, are all for looking behind you. How do we learn to get a grip on our minds and see what IS instead of racing through a line of assumtions, concepts and guesses to crash into faulty conclusions?

It's getting to where the less I know, the happier I am because I don't know anything to upset me or hurt me.

Just for a minute today I had a "how come I bust my butt trying to encourage and help others and all I get is an over heated house on the hottest day of the year and everyone mad at me" pitty party. And it did only last a minute.

Because when I asked myself that I knew - Every one of those situations I got into because I cared about someone. As long as I can't change that I care about others I'm going to sit up nights thinking of ways to help and deal with others who don't always relate well to the world....

If showing I care is what I have to give up to have a good day, then I guess I'm doomed.

Yup, some of the thoughts were wrong - but they could have been right. I was ready with some solid ideas to help. In the course of my research I learned something that another needed to know and passed it on.

Easy probably has hurt feelings I will have to apologize to tomorrow, but I will. And he will understand I was too hot before I got home - it was 93 out today. But he had a place to stay until he made it though his court case on his back wages because I cared. I think he will forgive me.

I don't know how to shape my thoughts to be always right, or always positive and I don't always know when they should be shared or if I should be quiet. I can't always keep my temper or be calm and peace filled, no matter how many mantras I say.

But I always care. I can live with that.

Make happy your soul with that old STEEL GUITAR RAG

Uncle Don was 16 or 17 and hanging out with my Dad making music when I first remember him. It was a family joke that it didn't matter what time Mom made dinner, he'd be at the door.
He had dark brown hair and laughing eyes and large (to me) hands with long fingers. He laughed easily and often.

He and Dad used to just sit and jam at each other with their guitars for what seemed like hours back then. The music would get faster and the licks longer and the sneers and smiles bigger.... I'd just watch them and listen.

Uncle Don would furrow up his brow and squinch down his eyes and stick his tongue out the corner of his mouth when he was really working it. Then he'd glance up at Dad and flash the biggest smile and just dare him to top that lick! Dad would hang his mouth open, like he had to get more wind, and cut one right back at him!

They'd knock back a few beers most nights. Sometimes, a few too many....I remember we were watching the olympic gymnists one night when they came in. The man on TV flipped himself upright from laying flat on the floor...he just put his hands behind his shoulders on each side of his head, brought his feet up, dropped his feet and pushed with his hands at the same time and - ta da! - He was standing up again.

Dad and Uncle Don decided they could do that! We sat there on the couch and watched those two guys lay down on the floor and start doing what the guy on TV did.

Well, almost.

They flopped all over. They had boots on and the noise was horrendous when their feet hit the floor. They would get allllll most up and fall back and crack their heads on the floor. They would almost make it and windmill their arms but over they'd go the wrong way. They ended up on their butts and landed flat on their backs.

Finally, trying to make us think they were just doing it to make us laugh, they really did flop around like fish. We all were screaming with laughter. They never did get all the way up.

I went to see Uncle Don and Aunt Sharon on and off over the years. I got to watch him play on stage at the Driftway one night. Never could do that as a kid. Dad didn't take us to the bars when he played.

I arranged for him and Dad to be at my house in Belding once, as a surprise for them both. They didn't talk much but the smiles were the same. So were the 'tudes. The strings on my guitar and Dad's stayed warm for three days.

When I wanted to buy a house we went to Uncle Don once we found one. He got us a good deal and I still live there.

Now Uncle Don is jamming with Dad and the rest of the amazing band they must have up there. I can almost hear the music.

My heart is torn for the family. I have lost my father, step father, and husband in the last several years....I know how hard this will be for them.

As an aside: I was at jam session Saturday afternoon. One of the guys started playing steel guitar rag. I picked up on it first and then the rest of them got with it. When we got done I told him it was one Dad almost always played. Dad and Don played it the day they were at my house, doing what I call challenge style, taking turns on the leads....as far as I know that's the last time they played together.

I found out later that Saturday afternoon is when Don passed on...and I was playing Steel Guitar Rag with friends....now that's timing.

If you are local and need the info for the services contact me through the email.

One for the road

No, sir, I don't mean maybe...

The post below is the babies from the rookery, or, more properly the heronry and the mini them grands. While the baby birds are growing faster, the humans are funnier.


I have to wait a week or so before going back to see the herons but I got some info online about them and now I know they won't probably fly for a week or two yet. But they taking turns practicing in the nest. This was a very windy day and they did not lift or let go their support, but they exersised their wings nicely for me.

Next week I'm gonna be watching the dog for the #1DIL, son and family so they can all be some place besides the home stead for a few days. The #1DIL's mom is taking her and the kids on a mini vacation. I heart the woman!

The memorial for my first husband went well Saturday. I met again some I had know only as children, now adults getting by the best they can in life. It was a small gathering but reestablished the connections for a family that was scattered. It was good.

Gotta scoot. Decided another one of my sites is over due for updating....

Yes Sir, that's my Baby!