Down on the corner

Rowdy in the streets.

My dog hates fireworks. We go through this every year. I have been worried a little because it has been so dry. My yard lies there brown and crunchy and the sparks fly all over. It's been ok and I love to see the sparklers in the dark but I have found Jeanette's dog has been right on my feet all week. He doesn't like them either.

I let them in and try to let them as close as I can stand in this heat and with the tone of my voice I comfort them as much as I can. I wish I could do more. But I won't spoil the kids fun for them because the dogs are afraid.

People have been bringing parts of me back to myself that I left laying behind me when I took up with the mate. I had them under control for a long time and now I don't have to anymore. I almost forgot that I was always the "Go for it!" kid.

I always stuck my neck out. I took care of others. I love a challenge. I speak my mind, that I have always had, but I have tried to learn to be more gentle with it.

People seem to be bothered that there is joy in my days already. Even the mate and I lived for the fun in life. We took care of what had to be and then did what we wanted to together.

Do it now, I have said here often. I say it again. For those who walk here with me I want to add..

Yes, I really love him. Love always lives on.Yes, I believe he lives. Yes, he still loves me, but he doesn't walk this earth now. I do.

I do and I love it here. I love my kids and family and friends and I love my dogs and cat. That is what I brought to him and that was what he wanted. My love. My loving ways with every day I live.

I only lived to get to him because I got sent back. The heartbreaks and shame I walked through left me wanting out. But I lived through the hurts and have turned my ways to one who walks me safe through here.

If the bad loves in my life didn't stop me from trying to love again, why would a good love? I have the way of it now, in my heart and hands and mind. How to take care of a friend, see his needs, help him reach them, pull as a team and get by.

I know that love is the best way to walk here with one special man. How could I waste such beautiful summer days looking back instead of being right here and enjoying living them now?

I can't . This blog is called "Forward Ho!", like move out the wagons because forward is the only way to see what comes next. Do it now, go for it, never miss a chance to have fun, learn something new and never miss a chance to love.

It's my love I put in what I do here and I still have lots of it to share. I have to do what I do best and just keep moving on. I walk with smiles and enjoy the little things that delight me. I just don't have one to turn to now and say, 'Did you see that?"

But I have friends and family so I share my days with them and when I see the chance for love for me I am not ever going to let it by. I have lived through all the hurts and all the joy I had. I can stand to screw it up again, but I can't stand not to try.

So there you go, I'm still here once in awhile but I am moving on. Walking one way an looking another always trips me up. I still have every memory and some of them still sting sometimes, but not because I have them only because I am not doing anything as fun as that right now.

I want to always share my love. That always takes two. While I wait for someone who wants the love I have to share I am not going to let it take the fun out of my walk.

So to society and your social emotions and expectations I say as I have said before - Screw you - I gave him a year and a day and now I am moving on. It's time for me to go out and play again.

He didn't break my heart, he didn't beat me, he didn't leave me for another. He loved me and I know I will catch him later and who ever I love here he will still love me just the way I am.

Of all the things we got right - first last and always, we were friends. Friends always want the best for each other, they are glad to see the other have what they need. I can bank on that.

No hurt, no foul that I love still, no guilt will I carry. I'm going on my way to see what is next and he is going on his.

That is the base I can use to build the next relationship. Of course I have to try again. I know how good true love is.

I walk with a light heart knowing one that is for me will come and be just the one I needed to walk with here all of my days and I will give him all my love and respect and joy. I have wanted just that one thing all my life. I want it again.