Please release me, let me go

the song says "for I don't love you anymore". Often, in real life, that is not the case. Many times we have turned to our parents or siblings or partners and asked them to let us go - out on our own - working without a net to see what we can do by ourselves.

When your child is on top of the swing set cross bar, a little three or four year old, some of you will go running out to get them down. I pulled down the shade. The child came back in later, all in one piece. I told them about it when they were older. I was proud of both of us.

You will all be able to add examples. Letting someone you care about go out without your back up, protection, guidance - it's hard. You know it's right for them but you want to be there. I call it "time to pull the shade".

A shade is just a piece of material that blocks the view. It lets you still be close in love, ready to respond and always on call but you are not able to see and understand all that is going on with their life. You can only see what they come in and show you.

For all I know my kid took a header off the swing set getting down. They didn't cry or holler and there were no visible bruises so I had to accept that, however the child managed it, they were just fine now. No problem. They showed me a healthy, functioning body and I let it go.

Now I am learning all over again that it is hard to pull that shade down sometimes. You get so into someone's life and want to be there for the rest of the story all the time. You care about them and want to know and understand how they do things. You keep wanting to be right in the thick of it with them. You want to be there if they get in too deep, just to be able to offer a hand if it is needed. You know they are asking you to let go and you love them....

You pull the shade. You hold them up with your spirit. You send them your loving attention. All the story you may ever get is that they are still alive and functioning. It's their life - they can share it with you or not - their call.

I have always been such a get in there and fix it person that sitting back to wait and see what happens next is difficult. I'm curious about the means, not just the end of an event. I care that people don't get hurt or feel like they are alone in the world. I want to fix all the hurts I see. It's part of how I function.

It's not like I don't have a life. I am busy with work and the house and the car is broken down and the bike needs an oil change, a tune up and probably some carb work. I am going tonight to help some kids learn to play guitar at mom's church. (just draw the lolly pop over my head!). Jeanette and mom have been getting me to work and back. The yard gets bigger every time I mow it. The dogs and cat need loving and then there is the ever present laundry.

I have friends to visit, jam session to go to tomorrow and Saturday if I want and the experiment I am going to run on the grape cure for a friend with cancer to keep my head going. I'm living well and loving large!

I'd drop it all in a second flat if someone needed me. My kids, the mom, my friends - the family....

So anyway - I needed to write that. Pulling the shade.