Sing it loud, sing it long

Sing for you and for me....

I gotta sing more. I worked up some tunes for the band and went to meet them. They are a nice bunch of guys but it didn't mesh for me. I can't hit their keys to do harmony and I can't hit some songs in the key they are recorded in so I change keys...they haven't been. I sent them some photos I took and a piece of the recording I did that night but never heard back from that email...so I guess it didn't work for them either.

Went out Saturday with my friend's to a jam over by The Big City. I got to ride along for a change, not drive and it was fun. Four of us went over together. There were already pickers going at it when we got there, about 6 of them and more waiting in the wings. I settled right in and started enjoying myself. Then my friends, Smiling Girl and her Big Buddy walked in the door...she hadn't seen me so I got to sneak up on her. That was okay until she squeeled her joy in my ear...LOL! I hadn't gotten to sing for them in a very long time and having them in the crowd made a place I'd never been feel like home. It was a great night and we were almost the last to leave. We all got to make plenty of music.

And I've been working on http://www.mibands.com/ as a site to post contacts for the bands that I know are good enough to work anyplace and my friends, besides. It's starting to look like a real website. I need to get the country band page up and see about adding a couple more bands I know to the site...

But I was sitting here with my heart full and my arms empty and went to look back at this blog...at the end of this month it will be five years of notes on my life...the last four the hardest I have have had. And it isn't getting any easier.

I am used to the mate being gone now. It still can bring me tears at unexpected times and the days that were "ours" are still hard to get through. I've tried and failed to find another man to be with...I have friends, but no one to claim me as his special partner. I'm lonely a lot, even though I try to stay busy...and losing my job in August of '08 has left me unemployed long enough that even with the federal extensions, I'm out of benefits before this month is over.

No income. I don't even know how to think about that. I can't seem to decide how to handle it. The house hasn't sold, but the mortgage company called because I sent an interest payment last month. There are still weeks of cold left and I won't be able to meet my obligation to the propane company...I can pay the bills for another while and then I don't know what happens next. Should I throw it all up and walk away or keep trying to sell while I go deeper in debt? Will FIA help?

God has blessed me with enough for all I have needed all this time. But because I can't see how he will do it next, I am becoming worried. Not a lot worried, but concerned that I don't know how I will get by and there is no one that is right here for me to work it out with like I would have once with the mate....I suck at decisive.

What will the next days bring? That's why I'm still here. The posts have become fewer, but I still want to know what happens next and I'm still loving and living. I can't seem to get worried enough to actively be concerned. I feel like things will work out for me - a job will come along or something will break my way...

So stay tuned....Valerie is still riding solo, Miss T. Crane-Neeham is still contemplating life and I am still looking for love and singing...but it might get pretty interesting in the next few weeks. I guess I will have to wait and be surprised because I can't fortell the future all the time.

And for the family and friends reading - I'm sheltered, warm and functional. I have lots of food. Until I can't get tobacco, life is good...as long as I still have coffee and tobacco, my two main addictions, it's all good. So don't freak. I'm still okay for a bit yet before I won't have any good options. And I have options. I just haven't seen the need to take them yet.

Wish me, and all the other unemployed, luck.