Don't get around much, anymore

The friend with the sore heart called yesterday. I'm glad to say he seems to be doing better and it looks like he will be getting back together with the woman he loves. It was nice to have some positive news and I was glad to hear him sounding more upbeat.

The friend that was missing is still missing as far as I know...I've had no word from that quarter. It bothers me but there isn't anything I can do for them. So I keep prayers going up and wait.

The #1son got a little time home and will be back again Sunday. His father is still failing and refusing food. They don't know how much longer it will be before he passes but they seem sure it will be soon. #1DIL has been doing double duty with the grand boy teething and the husband hurting and the grand girl twinkling all over everything...I heart that DIL!

C2girl and family will be down with the bike this weekend. I'm antsy to get it. I need to get this lawn work done so I can ride guilt free next week.....It's been raining too much to mow, though so I didn't really put it off so much as I just couldn't do it.

Easy is looking into other jobs and I'm hoping he finds what he wants soon. He's still working but due to repairs to the electrical on the building, was off this week. It's hard for him to sit around so he spent his time checking out other possibilities.

I've been working on a laptop and trying to get it running good enough to get it online. Then I can pass it on to someone who needs one. The last desk top I did I gave to Easy. He is only using it for entertainment but it's so old that that's it's best thing.

I get all lost in the problem solving of a rebuild and forget the stresses in my life. It's good for me. Like a hobby that is also useful. I need that; to feel that being here lightens someone else's load. I'm waiting to see if I can find the right disks to install the drivers the laptop needs before I tear it all the way down. Right now I'm just stripping files off to create some space on the hard drive.

If we can't even keep a family peaceful and loving what hope is there for the world? Why do people continue to hurt each other for no good reason? Is it just to be creating turmoil or show their power to hurt? When you know how much easier life is when you are kind and caring to each other, why be anyway else? Why do we feel the need as a society to have everyone be alike? Where is the joy in our diversity that brings so much innovation to our lives? And what happened to this post?

Sorry, I think I let me out of the box a little there. Daily blah blah is so much less painful to write than the truth of what is in my head and heart, like I used to write here. I want to stay in touch with all of you so I post something, however bland, just to let you know I am here.

I was drawn back to a man who was high in my heart once. He reached out to me and I replied - willingly and gladly. He flashes through my life like a comet with a fiery tail lighting the sky. I lift my heart to his light and he's gone. I see I have misplaced my care again, in one who does not have a care for my feelings and needs.

I'll do it again, and probably again, because that's what I do. I care when one I know has a need and I try to meet it if I can.

But when I repeatedly stand with empty arms and a full heart, alone again, I hang my head and wonder at the blindness of those who say they care for others.

Yes, I want a man in my life again to love, but right now I would settle for a good hug all my own. One I don't have to feel belongs to another woman, a hug just for me, just the way I am because someone saw that I needed it and cared enough to give it.

Easy complained to me once, that I never asked for help. I just did things and he would have given me a hand if he knew. I told him I was used to doing things alone now. But as I thought about it I knew that really it is that I never had to ask.

I was blessed with one who saw my needs and, because he loved me, he filled them. I don't know how to ask anymore because I believe that, if you care, you offer. If you don't care, I can do it myself easier. So I bring the groceries in alone, mow alone, rake alone, build the fire alone.

Having managed to blow through three men now, I'm not asking anymore.I'm waiting for one who fills a need without my asking. One who cares.

Okay, I'm crawling back in my hole now. And real world kids and such, I'm okay. Just lonelier than I have been in a long time today. It will pass. I'll see you all later.

I am gonna be riding soon!!! Happy thought!