Stay awake, don't rest your head

is from Mary Poppins. I got reacquainted with it last night. I went over to visit the grands and #1DIL. #1son is dealing with his father's sudden ill health in a far away state. Our hearts are sore for him so we comforted each other with simple joys and distractions.

I took over some more suet. The squirrels stole the last one, feeder sack and all! I took the wire one this time and hung it from the bottom of the other feeder. They will probably figure it out but it might take longer this time. We all went out to fill the feeder and load the suet cage. It was not just fun then, but when we went to look out the window there was already a sparrow on the feeder. The titmouse came next and then the chickadee landed on the other side. THAT was fun! The grand and I watched awhile and #1DIL made us a healthy supper that was yummy.

We put the movie in during dinner because of time issues. It was getting late. The grandboy was with us most of the time but faded out just after dinner. He woke up once but pretty much just faded back to sleep.

My #1DIL is so wishing to be with her mate right now. It's not only not practical but it's not possible right now. I know they need some major together time. My son's father is dying. He went to do what was needed for his father with his uncle this week. He gets back today.

WARNING: Sudden right turn here...hang on.

My first husband has a cancerous tumor in his brain. We only found out about three weeks ago. His roommate got him to the hospital when he couldn't talk any sense. The tumor is taking his words and memories. "He" is not all the way gone, but going quickly. His "self" is only partly there. He didn't know his son or his brother and their hearts hurt from it.

Last week he started refusing to eat. The doctors think he will die in a week if he doesn't eat. Because he is not fully functional, the decision to force feed or let him continue to avoid food had to be made by my son, daughter and their uncle. They gathered opinions but, in the end, the final, official decision was their very sad and heavy responsibility. Why?

LISTEN UP, PEOPLE!!

NO LIVING WILL. We think we know how the man would choose but we haven't had regular contact with him for years....And so my children have to wonder if they did the right thing for this father the rest of their lives; To decide to let their father die.

No money, no insurance, no will, no preparation. ARE YOU LISTENING?

My beloved son had to decide to let his father die and my also beloved Eldest Girl, will be paying for his cremation.

Neither of them have had much contact with their father. He did some very bad things in their lives that left them with no love for him in their hearts. But even then, he's your dad. Even when he's a loser that hurts people, he's your daddy. And the last thing they get to do for their daddy is let him die and dispose of the remains....

And I can't do a thing for them. Not one thing. My poor kids! I love them so much. I've hurt their hearts in the past, too. But I am so grateful that we have managed to paste back together a relationship, however seamed, stitched and glued it is.

I divorced this man years ago. I can't even stand in for them in this situation because I have no legal reason to do so. I forgave him in the last two years, for being what he was in my life. That amazed me. I hated him so deeply for so long for destroying our hearts I didn't think I could ever find a good reason for him to be in my life.

But I have the man I thought he was in his son. And I have a mind as sharp as his in both my children, without the cruel and selfish spirit that drove me away from him. We formed two people who are leaving the planet a little better for having been here. They are good hearts, my two. That really does let me forgive him for the rest. They have graced my life with love.

My dad did not get his wishes honored. His second wife had the power to keep him here and let them do a lot of crap he would have hated. We girls, that knew he didn't want life support like they had to put him on, but couldn't change it. He had no health care directive, no will.

While I can't change how my dad died and I can't help my kids now - let me help your kids.

Please. Do not force your children to make a decision that can scar their hearts forever.

YOU DO IT.

You don't want to think about it all the time - none of us like to think about dying. But I am asking you to think about it today. Don't make them do it for you later.

Give your family the gift of knowing the decisions are made and plans in place for any event in your life. Take the time you have now, while you function properly, and get it done. Please. (repeat please a hundred times. I know the hurt you are saving your family - give them this gift.)

I did the research. I have the forms for Michigan and most of them will work for any place. I actually have one on file in my med records. I'm updating them and adding a live video today.

DECIDE - how far are you willing to heal to stay here? How handicapped are you willing to be if you are hurt? What treatments will you accept? What are you allergic to? What works for pain meds? What about coma? How long will you veg out to see if you come back?

Get it on paper. But, even better, make a life video stating your wishes. They won't have to decided to let you die or try to save you. YOU decided.

Someone who cares will have to stand by and watch your family, in tears and heartbreak, make the decisions that affect your life and theirs - They won't be able to help them. Even though they know how much it is hurting your family they can't do a thing legally.

NOT. one. thing.

But you can.

For the sad hearts of my children watching a literate, intelligent man become a dying husk, I'm asking you, please - fill out an advanced medical directive. File it with your doctor, in your medical records and at home. Let the family know what it says.

Please make out a will, even if all it says is you leave it all to your mate to do with what they please.

Please, let them know you want to try your hardest to stay and heal or you want to move on to the next level.

But what ever you decide to do - DO SOMETHING TODAY.

Mine slipped on the floor and fell and died.

Mopped your floors today? Taking a shower? Going out in the car? Did you make it down the steps alright?

Please people, this is important. I don't care if you scribble it on a piece of construction paper with a green crayon - get your decisions made and in writing.

The heart you save may be your child's.

*********

Rant over. Here are some links to help you out.

To designate someone to make decisions for you get this durable power of attorney for health care: http://www.michbar.org/elderlaw/pdfs/dpoa_hc.pdf

This is a wonderfully helpful site. Download Your State's Advance Directive: http://www.caringinfo.org/stateaddownload

Get a blank will form here: http://4herway.com/4her/blankwilltomodify.html

It's in web page form but you can copy and paste it to a doc file and change what you need to to make it work for you.

That's all I can do for your kids today.

Will you PLEASE do your part for their hearts?