Long distance information give me Memphis Tennessee

Well, here I am. Just me again. Wow.

I had promised the mate a year and a day and I kept that promise as I kept all the others I made to him. We are finito. Done. It's over. The mate is good where he is and I am good where I am. I have kids and pets and family and friends that all need loving, too, and I can not spend my time here sending all my love to his spirit. He is dwelling in perpetual love and peace. I am living in perpetual change and confusion. I have to pay attention here so I don't leave undone what needs doing for those I care for. The hugs, guitar instruction, cleaning, money, helping with whatever - those are my jobs now. My position as head partner and cheerleader for the mate is over. I have to get that in my head tight and let go of the hand of the man that kept me safe and cared for over the time we were together. I have to learn to walk alone. Ride my motorcycle alone. Drive to town alone. Live alone.

I have been learning these things in little bites and bigger bits all year. I don't know but what I needed a year and a day to get over him more than to honor his memory. My man was a vet, my man was a lover, my man could be a fighter, my man was good to all those he came in contact with but most especially my man loved me. I can take it to the bank. I do, sort of.

I am in a big state of Now What? today. I called the boss and my call back has been set back again. He is trying to replace all that I do with a catalog. I hope it works for him. It means I need to start thinking about another job. Michigan requires me to look for work if I have no back to work date. I might find one but I am thinking of starting one from here. We will just have to see what comes up.

The unemployment is good until May. Spring again. I think I can come up with plenty to keep busy and make money by then. I have had everything I need and more and believe that will continue to be my blessing in this life. That includes meaningful work.

I would really like to be in a position to help people. Nothing makes me happier than to get two or three people what they need all from each other. Swapping, figuring, dickering and then one gets their car fixed, one gets a part they need for their car and one loans a garage on future favors. Later they get a car to use when theirs is wrecked from the guy who's car was repaired. It's all good and all they had in common was I knew them and KNEW what they needed.

Maybe there is a grand scheme of things, maybe not, but I think I have figured out why you have to ask.

Self.

If we are to be ourselves, each unique and individual then the grand plan includes us learning what we need. The plan goes on but when you ASK for something a PING goes up on the board and it filters through the system to who ever can fill the need so it gets taken care of. All we have in common may be that we used the same switch board.

The divine love is always trying to prove to us that it is there but we are so thick skulled that even after we see it work time and time again we doubt it. We can't lay hands on it, we can't smell it and the way it works is so amazing no one believes us when we tell them.The only way then is to show us - over and over and over.

I have been working with Jeanette and her kids from a seriously depleted abundance. I gave away all but two sets of towels, all but two sets of sheets per bed, all but a few tiny things of the mates, all the furnishings except what I am actually using. I don't even really have a desk. I type this on a typewriter table in the dining room and in the bedroom are the two small file cabinets with a board over them for the sewing machine. It works for me but left me wondering how their needs would be filled. Many were filled by others, of course, who had what they needed.

Still - when Jeanette stopped over on her way to do laundry, she said she needed a tote for clothes. There was a nice duffle style bag the mate's dad had given him still hanging in the closet because none of the kids needed it. There was also a brand new suitcase on wheels that was never used, tags still on it. We bought three for donating to Katrina and kept one because it fit perfectly in the bike trailer we no longer own....I gave her both of them.

As she was leaving she said she wanted to get a phone to see if they could get service at the house from the pole and I had her wait in the drive way while I ran upstairs to grab the brand new one I bought and was not even using anymore. I had replaced it with an antique one I like that is rotary. It makes me smile. I had what she needed but didn't know it until she asked.

I have told her and the kids that everything I did was for the kindness they showed us and that I would be just fine as long as I filled all the needs that I saw that I could. When I was starting to worry I went a little too overboard I did the numbers and have enough for everything that is due now and still had enough to go out for my Friday dinner and drink again this week.

Wild. The last time I went for my night out I ran into a cousin I never see anymore and he needed to talk. Even my entertainment leads me to help others when I watch for it.

So prayer, meditation, visualzation, whatever you do - is just letting Central know that you have spotted a need. Ping! Keep in touch often.When I see a need I say it. I need a way to provide for myself and enough extra to help others.

"Hello? Central?"