Happy birthday to me

The night before my birthday got dark and sad. I really missed my mate. I decided I could sit there and whine or I could find something to do. I decided to go to the bar. I do better when there are other people around. I ate, had a drink and went home. It had helped. The guy running the new bar was down and I cheered him up some. Talk about reverse psychology!

For my birthday I had tried to plan ahead a little. I knew it was going to be hard but I didn't know it would be harder than the mate's birthday was. That one I scheduled the furniture delivery for and kept busy. This one I had too much time to think.

The mate and I often did nothing for each other but extra loving on our personal holidays. We had everything we wanted and extra loving was always welcome. It was so much more than "nothing"! That was out, so I got myself a box of "candy with the map" in dark chocolate to put back a week early to try and trick myself that I got a present from the mate.

I didn't start out doing so well that morning. I was sitting around having a pity party with my coffee and doing great at it when I decided to call Sis and take her to breakfast. She had to do barn chores first but we met at a little diner with good food about an hour later. Getting around and having to go do something got me off my negative track so I was feeling better.

We had a nice breakfast and she wanted to treat so I let her. We were just getting ready to leave when an old friend of my Mom's showed up to have breakfast with her boy. I got the phone number for mom so I could have my brownie points of the day. That was fun.

I had loaned my guitar to my #1Son and discovered I missed it. Sis loaned me hers. We swapped it out from her car to mine and went on our ways. She skipped out on training that day because it was raining and cold. I went back to the house and was just getting ready to visit the Mom when Best Girl with Grands 1 and 2 showed up bearing birthday cake and a card.

This was not pre planned but a very nice surprise. The card Best Girl got me was filled with love from her and I was so touched by it I almost cried. You have to remember this is my step daughter. I am proud to claim her and her sis as mine any day. They are great girls!

I had ice cream and banana bread to offer and we sat down to our treats and chat. They all seem to be doing well, even Grand2, who, the last time I saw him, had a needle stuck in his lip. The piercing thing confuses me. Here is this tuff guy with a pink and white ball stuck on his lip. Weird. Grand1 just missed losing his whole ear trying to expand the hole and getting it infected about two weeks ago. No harm done but why anyone would want to give someone one more place to grab and hold them I don't know!

Grand1 also told me he had two songs learned on the guitar now. I was tickled about that. It's nice to know he will have the music when he needs it. I know I have had to have it. I even bought a cheap fiddle to try and learn a few things on during the holiday. I think I will tune it to the bottom or top of my guitar and then I will know where the notes are, sort of.

After our visit I packed up the left over cake and ice cream and took it to Mom's place to share. She had been to town and gotten me the BIG write on calendar I was wanting. While I will use it for scheduling and birthdays, like always, I intend to write down everyone I have contact with in a day, too. This is to remind me that I am not alone and that I have too had people around. It fills the blank squares in nicely!

I took myself out to dinner and drinks after I left Mom's house. I found out the band was going to be some of three different bands, two of whom I had friends in. It made it a great night and my friend Ms. Borgia I had met there several Fridays ago was there again with her friend The Drunk Guy. We had a good time. I closed out the joint but with my two drink limit there was no danger of cops on the way home being a problem.

The problem was that it was still dark and gloomy on Saturday. No one called. No one came. I decided it was a WTF weekend and cleaned up to go out again. The conglomerate band was really good and I could at least enjoy the music.

Now I am not a bar hound. I usually treat myself to a night out on Friday every other week when I got paid. I just didn't have anyone to invite over and I couldn't stand being home alone and depressed. It's not what I want to do. I am really ok. Most of the time now I only miss the mate first thing in the morning and again at bedtime, not every single minute like I did. As hard as it is to admit it, you get used to them being gone. When it stops feeling like he is just on vacation somewhere I will feel more like I am "over" losing him. That first cup of coffee alone and getting into that empty bed are when I still miss him.

Anyway, I went out. I ran into my cousin Dark, for his dark hair and eyes. His wife left him on New Year's Day. This is an "again" situation. I felt badly for him. He is loving and loyal to this woman even though she has put him through the wringer. There are kids, too. It felt like I was sent to the bar just to talk to him. We had a fairly deep, for the volumn level we had to talk at, conversation and he might even come over some time to visit.

Sunday went fast as I forgot to mention I got a call from the boss telling me to come back to work today. I think I needed that as badly as I needed the time off originally. So I'm back at the old grind, I got the car an appointment to have the heater looked at and I better get going!

See you all tomorrow.