If you'll just smile.
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. And with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him...what?
(Now, you have probably all seen this before and already know the punch line.
And I have mentioned that I think I have a sense of humor.
I have been told I was mistaken.
So I don't feel badly if you think this isn't funny,
I just wonder why I do.
Oh, man, this is so bad!)
A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
I made it through another day. That's the good news. That's all the good news really. All the rest was just more coping with coming home to nobody, dealing with thinking about the mate all the time from moving his shirt to get your coat to driving his little red truck. Wishing you were with the mate or he was with you and finding out you really have nobody to distract you enough to keep your mind off him.
So you go to work, try to stay busy, go home, feed the animals and in desperation you decide to go to bed at eight thirty so you can at least shut your brain off for a while. But you wake up in the early dawn and the damn pillows and bedding have been reaaranged in the night so that when you open your eyes it looks like the back of the mate's head is just the other side of your pillow. When you reach out to touch it, it's just another pillow with the sheet flipped over it a little. And you get up, go to work........
posted by Valerie - Still Riding Forward @ 7:54 AM
3 comments
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Anna, thank you for commenting.
It's never selfish to say you learned something from me, it's the nicest thing you can say.
Again, if the story of our love and my loss can make just one person treasure the love they have and share it better then it is worth all the tears I write through.
I was just thinking about trying to write more cheerful posts or posts on the news or posts about anything but how hard my days are right now because I felt like a whiner and figured people would be getting disgusted with me.
While I can whine with the best of them, whining is not what I am doing here right now.
The grief of not having my sweet lover here with me is so much a part of my days that it's hard to see through till tomorrow when I may actually find a day I not only don't cry but don't think of him the whole day.
That is just the way it is right now and I don't see anyway to make it change until it changes.
I am seriously trying for happy thoughts and I am counting my blessings, of which I still have many, not the least of which is the joy of his love in my past.
But I miss his voice, his touch, his companionship, and his constant friendship and love so badly right now, every day it a challenge to just get by. Every hour I don't cry is a victory and every smile I find to show someone is a triumph of my determination to continue to express my joy in living over my black saddness of spirit.
Please, just hold your man for me tonight for a while, just because he is there for you.
It makes my sorrow seem to have a purpose. And it truely lightens my heart to think of the extra joy you will find in life if you just remember how short it can be so you never skip a chance to love.
Ok, first off, the pun was AWFUL! HAHA!
My grandfather died in 1992 after my grandparents had been eigth grade sweethearts and married for 49 years. It was very hard on my grandma. She immediately bought a long body pillow and sleeps with it next to her like it's Paw Paw. She says it's the only way she can sleep since she spent so long with somebody in her bed. Maw Maw just turned 90. Of course she still misses Paw Paw, but I thought you'd like to know that she really was able to feel joy in life again after a while. I already put a pillow with Alex's shirt on it when he's away from me, and that's just the best way to sleep :)
Thanks Kira,
After we burned out we slept in a camper topper that was so snug we had to turn at the same time. We got a king size bed because we both are active in our sleep and it was so nice to be able to stretch out again.
I used to start my night, as he did, turned away from each other after the good night kisses and then when I shifted and rolled I would slide my hand under him or he would throw an arm over me and we would sleep most of the night that way.
I had a terrible habit of trying to find him in the night that would end our night with both of us on his side and way too close to the edge.
When I get up in the night I get really cold and used to slide right up and steal all his warmth, he had an amazing night temp!
Now I try to use the sfmachine for my apnea so I don't toss as much or get up as often. On a good night I only miss the good night kisses.
This morning was after a bad night, I was almost on his side and reaching for him when I woke to see the illusion of his head on a pillow.
I just keep trying to get by. I just can't believe no one told me it keeps getting worse before it gets better.
Day 57, still none without tears.
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