Time Passages

I left you hanging with me in Texas, happy with a chance to love again...it was so much fun I never did get back here to tell you what happened next...and I didn't finish up the Tennessee adventures very well, either. I got the important things shared though, so I don't feel too badly..

There are those of you who have been here from the beginning and followed along to other web places and I treasure your friendship...a few have been left here in blogland...I'm sorry for that.

It's time to admit that the writing bug has changed over...I don't feel the need to be here and share all my days anymore. I have moved over to Facebook and find more of the family able to use it and more of my real life friends there.

I won't swear this is the last post, ever, because I don't know what might move me in the future, but I'm hanging this as the last post for the new year and hoping that my writing will be going into books...I have stories to tell and thoughts to share that I want to have a larger audience for than this blog does.

Texas was a joy to me. But the "we" didn't make it...We established that our friendship is solid and true, but we are not meant to be life partners. It was sad and difficult for both of us, but we worked it out between us and didn't over damage our hearts doing so...

My Tennessee friend had a stroke a week after I came home from there and was very injured by it, mentally and physically. He's just now getting himself back together. It's been hard for him and we have had to enjoy our friendship by phone and email since. He still makes me smile and having me and mine in his life has helped him through this time...but we can't be partners, either.

I found no work in TX...4 heart attacks makes it hard to get hired and the ostio arthritis is continuing to affect my mobility. The state of MI decided I qualified for disability so I moved back to the house. The renters hadn't stayed very long before they decided to go elsewhere as a financial measure. The mortgage is still in a mess, but about the first week of December I got news that I qualified for federal SSI and SSD in October. When that all shuffles down, I will have a steady, if small, income and I'm hoping to get this house sold to the next family that needs a place to love in so I can move on and find my new home.

And the search for a companion and lover in my days continues. I don't seem to be able to be happy without it. I know that being in TX with a caring partner was a deep joy to me and it was very hard to give that up. But I will not regret that we didn't make it all the way, I would only regret not trying to enjoy love in my days and share it with another....and we DID do that!

My holidays were almost "normal" this year, in that I didn't spend all of them hoping I wouldn't spoil them for everyone with my grief and missing the mate. I was lucky enough that my texan came home to visit his family and they included me in their fun. And it was fun to have someone beside me again! We know how to be friends together and have fun and we did! There was music and games and good food...

I have been blessed with enough to meet my needs and to share this holiday and I enjoyed giving smiles to others again.

I almost thought I would go back to Texas. I have friends there that I enjoy - but I feel a need to have the situation with the house resolved fully before I can leave again. I don't see a way to stretch the money for just a visit right now. But you never know, it could happen, and there might be a stop in TN along the way...

These years of learning to live as myself again, without my loving and beloved mate have been filled with moving, deep experiences. The depths of feeling I am capable of and the lack of caring due to selfishness I have showed to be parts of me surprised me.

I've learned to care more for others and to value their love for me more highly, but I would still like one more partner for the sunset ride.

Until then, an RV or small camper has been sounding good to me, a home I can take wherever I go...I don't have much "stuff" and will fit in one. But I still don't know what or where I will go next. Life is not always going and doing something somewhere...or being a base for others to launch from...It's loving each other just the way we are and helping each other be the best we can be here from where ever we stand.

So that will be all for now. If something comes up, I may be back to post it, but if you want to follow along in the real world with me, find me on Facebook.

I don't friend up with everyone, but if I know you from here, you are welcomed there...put a note in with your request so I have some idea who you are or which blog was yours....

And thank you all for helping me through one of the hardest times in my life...I'm still here and I don't think anyone believed I could do that. Without the love in my life I would not have made it this far. You have all been part of that.

Hugs, friends!

Comments: 1 Comments:
At 2/1/11 2:17 PM, Blogger Anvilcloud said...

Lost yet another to FB. Ah well. Thanks for the last post and for saying goodbye. See you on the other side. So to speak. :)


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