6/25/2010

I know when day is done

that a new world comes at dawn....

Gotta keep looking up. Things around here are speeding up on me. New friends made and lost, old friends rediscovered, music to make, places to go...it's all starting to spiral down to change...

Again.

I know that where I go is where I am needed to be. I just don't know yet where I'm going.

Today was the last unemployment check.

I have internet for two months, phone for one, enough for the first forebearance payment to the mortgage company and a month's utilities. I've made all the calls I can think of to make to find help for keeping the house long enough for it to sell, it's been listed for a few weeks now...if it doesn't sell or rent, life is going to get very interesting....

It is a beautiful day out and I think I'm gonna mow the lawn later.

Then I have to make some decisions.

Stay or Go. Try to meet my obligations or walk with what I have saved? Yard Sale? No question there, just gotta try to pick a weekend....

I've been here the longest of any place in my life. I used to be used to change. One year I moved nine times...with kids. I can do this. It's time.

It's time to see what else life has to offer, to not be tied to animals and property, to be free to write. I can keep the computer and cell running off the truck, if I can keep gas in the truck...

It's a little overwhelming and a lot to deal with...life has been so good for me here. I have had all that I needed and enough to share so long that I'm a little afraid of going back to the "your welcome" side of life. But I have been there before, too...

What's next is always strange to ask...anymore it meant what will come to me that I can help with....right now I'm looking up and reaching for a direction...and something to fill the gap in the finances....but the book said, "don't take money, an extra cloke or food, just go do what I told you." It's not like there isn't enough to go around...there is...

Living what you believe can be more challange than you think. I guess I'm going to see if I am up to it. I believe I will be provided for in some way, a job, perhaps, or just pennies from heaven...I have to wait and see.

I always think, when things get hard, maybe I won't make it much longer and it won't matter. I've had three heart attacks now.

I'm not having the next one from stress....

I didn't have much of a Plan A, and I don't have a Plan B at all....I know it will work out as needed to put me where I am needed..

But I'm going to be tumbling with the tumble weeds for awhile, if I live long enough.

And as I am still here, I think I'll go mow the lawn....

Comments: 3 Comments:
At 26/6/10 6:58 AM, Blogger Anvilcloud said...

I really feel badly that you're having such a tough time of it. You are handling it as well as possible, but it must be very hard for you. Hugs.

 
At 26/6/10 11:51 AM, Blogger Valerie - Still Riding said...

Actually, I'm still waiting for something to happen to point me the right way...

But I'm gonna prep by getting rid of stuff I can't carry by myself.

Thinking yard sale weekend after next. Next weekend kids are getting stuff out of here they want.

 
At 21/7/10 7:16 AM, Blogger Jezzy said...

Fingers crossed for you, Valerie.

 

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