It's only words

The weekend was good. I got out to jam with some folks interested in getting a country band together. When we got done sweating in the garage I had a pig roast to hit for a friend. Both events were good people, good fun and, at the roast, good food. I didn't know very many people at either event but met new ones. I listened to them talk.

Sunday night I got word from the Sis that we had lost a relative. I called in Monday to go to the funeral but discovered I had the wrong date. I called back in to say I would just do the visitations. I met a lot of cousins and only really knew three people there. I sat quietly, mostly, listening to them talk.

I was surprised at what I heard this weekend and Monday. I guess I really haven't gotten out in the real world much in the last twenty years. At the jam we talked music. That was ok. One person speculated on another person's decision on working together but it was gently done.

At the pig roast my table companions were mostly older, single males. There was one married couple with us but they didn't add much to the conversation. All the men talked about was lying to, getting rid of or dodging women that they professed to having no feelings for except that they were having sex with them.

On Monday the converstion was about our relative, a little, but most people there didn't know her well and that faded out quickly. For the rest of the time I was sitting there several of them were talking about a couple that apparently had several legal, ethical, relationship and employment problems. Nothing was skipped and no one said, "or so I have heard". It was hung out as the facts and it was not pretty.

The talk was all so negative. I said nothing at the visitation. I just left the group that was airing that couples private problems. At the pig roast I evenutally told the men that they were making me wonder why I would look for a partner again. I hated to think all the men I might meet would feel so negative about woman.

When we have a situation in the group I run with the goal is to help problem solve, not tear down. Friendships and relationships are encouraged and treasured. No one is left to hang unless they request being left alone. We want to help where we can, and we pray where we can't. We try to find the best way to get each other over the humps of life, not just knock people for the mistakes they make. We all screw up.

I really didn't know how to handle all the negative comments I heard this weekend. When I could I advocated for the "missing person". When I couldn't do that I just stayed quiet or left the conversatation.

I went to visit some friends between the visitations and it was mentioned that they had heard from a mutual friend. I was told he said he was stuck at home because of the rains. When I got home I called to see if he needed anything, like food or whatever, hauled in. That is what we do for our friends and family.

How do we get that back into the everyday life of the people around us that are all so hurt or in such messes that they can't see daylight? The bitter hearts, jealous thoughtlessness, the hurts and the pain I saw this weekend hurt me because I can't fix them.

I can only do it by helping one person and one problem at a time as they are brought to me. I just got reminded that is the only way I can help. I can't fix the world. I don't know it well enough anymore to even begin to know how to fix it.