Storms Never Last, do they, Baby

Bad times all pass with the wind. It's just a little windy here today. I hope it means the bad times are passing. But the song says nothing about standing in the wind while it is blowing gale force.

I am signing off the mate's bike today and, once again, have gotten surprised at the depth of my emotions in relation to an object that has meaning to me only because of who owned it. I called in and begged off work. While I am maintaining an even appearing, tear free facade at this time I am afraid of crumbling unexpectedly so have avoided the possibility of coming apart at the office by not going. As for keeping it together as I turn over the keys to the new owner, who knows?

I was going to mow yesterday but it was too nice out. I had a bartender tell me her Sundays are slow and lonely so come on in and bring the guitar. I wanted to take the bike for a ride. Anything but chores. I ended up in the red truck with the guitar and went to two places and played. I called it practicing and it really was. I took all my cheat sheets and worked out the keys to the tunes, transposed the chords where I had to and worked till I got each song at least in my head partly. I also started a song list.

I played enough that my fingers are tender and it was enjoyed enough I am not afraid to go back to either place. That's good enough for me. Plus I got one song really right and that felt SO GOOD! Now I remember why I have to work at this. When it's all right it makes me smile in my soul and when it's not it makes me cringe and blush. I hate cringing!

So I am going out to try and get the yard mowed today while I wait for the appointed time to arrive. I will probably pick up on a couple other chores today also. It seems a shame to waste a nice day on chores but I need to do something common and everyday like to keep the day mundane as much as possible. It's going to get too wild later.

I took tomorrow off, too, so I can recover at my own pace. I have to deal with only one bike ever being in the garage, never following those tail lights again, and all the rest of the no mate issues this is bringing to the top of my heart. I have to stay in control.

Sometimes I just want to torch the place and all the stuff in it so no one ever lives here again and it sends the smoke of our love to the skies. Plus I don't have to sort it all out that way....LOL! It's not practical, and I won't do it, but I wonder sometimes, when I am in the grip of my emotions and not in control of my actions a hundred percent, what I might do. Until I get past the pit trap I don't know how I will react.

So I have a 24 hour safety net and if this is the one that sends me edgeward I have time to indulge myself with whatever seems appropriate; tears, rage, silent shock, whatever. Then I will get on with making this place easy to care for by myself and as comfy as it can be with just me here.

I came up with a goal of getting all my personal belongings into the bedroom with me. That would make the rest of the house easier to clean and keep up. I think it's do-able. My desk is the biggest mess I have to clear out and part of that is because it is just not a very good desk. The rest of the place I will thin out again and then try to get organized as I replace and clean and paint and repair it all.

Cora (http://maydensvoyage.blogspot.com) was tagged (http://macme.blogspot.com) and given a letter. She had to come up with 10 words starting with that letter and tell what each word meant to her. (This is supposed to be a tool for getting to know someone better.) Her letter was "L" and she had an interesting post. (http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=21103988&postID=114830899733781749) She offered to give a letter to anyone who wanted to play along. I asked, and got the letter "M". That will be tomorrow folks. See you then.