I keep crying for my baby

but another day is gone. And I am glad it went.

It was bound to happen sometime. I knew it was coming and I didn't like it but I couldn't duck it. You just have to deal with it. You feel it in the air, you hear it but you can't predict it.

I was all loaded with mulch and ready to head for the house yesterday when the white truck decided not to start. Not even a click. Not even power for the radio or the light under the hood.

The truck had done this a week or two ago to the mate's Eldest Daughter right in our driveway. I got her jump started and when we spoke later I thought she said they had put a new battery in it and had no problem since. So I had not given it a thought. I haven't even moved the tools back into it from the red truck.

But there I sat. Cell phone going dead, charger in the other truck and no power. I managed to make a call to the mate's eldest but there was no car there. I squeeked out a second call for reinforcements from the bro in law to her but the phone died in the middle of it so I didn't know if she heard me or not.

I was sure she would get someone to come help me so I sat. A long time. The storms moved in over the sunshine, the wind picked up, the sky got darker and no one came. I ran out of water in my jug but had plenty for production apparently because the tears came again. I had almost made it two days without crying but there I was again, with the slow trickles etching paths in the dust on my face as I waited for a solution to appear like a genie. I don't know where my head went but it wasn't working.

Oh, my Mate! You would have been here within a half hour of the first call and ready to tow me or fix me up. I missed the solid safety of having you as my partner in the worst way. Just the absence, the nothing, the negative of your always dependable presence in my life left me helpless in my grief. After knowing you were always ready to be the hero for me the lack was breaking my heart all over again and I hurt so deeply with your death that I could not even think. I just stood there by the truck trying to watch for a familiar face to be hunting for me through the tears I could not control. Like a lost child, I didn't know what to do.

Even in my misery I am not a total moron. I had the hood up and the jumper cables ready but no one stopped. In my almost home town not one car pulled up to see if I needed help. Not one farmer, red neck, blue or white collar person, not one housewife even looked at me as they drove by. I was ashamed to be in a town so fearful and self centered that they would not help a person with car trouble, even in broad daylight.

I finally got the pity party stuffed back inside and stopped crying. Then I engaged the brain and had a think. It looked like the back up team was not going to make it. I have handled way worse break downs with no sweat. I had just been spoiled and wasn't used to having to bail my own butt out anymore. Then the first team being permanently out of the line up just whacked me in the heart. I could take care of this myself, it's just a damn car problem.

I walked back to the store and arranged for them to sell me and install for me (as I had no tools with me) a battery that was precharged. When we took the other one out the post with the hot cable on it fell right out of the body of the battery. That explained why it wasn't charging. I called the girl and let her know everything was under control. She said a rescue went out but couldn't find me. I felt badly about that. I am still a little leery of trusting the white truck as it stalled at the first two corners when I let the RPMs drop to an idle. After that it did just fine and the guage showed it was putting out ok. I'm still watching it though.

I made it home, parked and went in. The boys are gone but the nephew was there. I chatted with him a minute and then changed. I forgot to mention the pre-storm damp heat that had me almost dripping. I needed to wash up and change.

We made dinner, just sandwiches again, and talked. I had never thought to try and call him because he just got there yesterday and I didn't know when he would be around. I made light of the break down. I didn't put out any mulch or the dirt bags I brought home. It was raining again. I just read my book, watched my birds, got the email...tried not to think or get upset with the kid there. They all hurt badly enough without me dumping on them.

The furnace man called and he is back down to where I can almost afford him if I skip the central air. That worked great. I got an update from my sis, too, on the friend she was trying to help the other night and I think they will be ok. Praying for them. Then I took my book and went to lay down. It was early, only midnight, for a change. I actually went right to sleep I think. No dreams, no tears, just sleep. I really needed that.

I am finally getting caught up with all of you this week, blog buddies. I hope you all enjoy the upcoming holiday. I don't think I am doing anything but yard work and maybe a swim or a fishing expedition one day. I find myself losing interest in going out, even for the music. I guess it will pass. And I really still have a ton of stuff to do here so it's good to be getting it done. We always did spend a lot of time working on the house and the yard.

Tonight I will be sorting tools into four piles, one for each truck, the ones off the bike and the ones that go in the house. I will not be stuck without them again. Do you have your "Fix a Flat" in the car?! LOL!