Smile, when your heart is aching

The mate was a funny guy, it was mentioned in his tributes by the many who knew him. I mentioned in a reply to a comment that I had come across the envelope for my birthday card he gave me this year. What I didn't say was what I received from him.


I have been beating my brains out trying to remember....because the joke he pulled on me blew the gifts right out of my mind. For my 50th birthday the mate gave me a white gold ring with ten channel set diamonds. It's a beauty and I was surprised how much it meant to me. He got the pool room for his 50th.

That year we were flush, this year we were not. Gifts were still numerous between us, but smaller and more practical. He gave me my gifts at a Bible Study night because the mom and sis had brought cards and cake and he didn't want to wait any longer and because he needed an audience.

"Last year," he announced, "I gave you diamonds. That's hard to top but I still wanted to give you something special and that showed how much I loved you." He gave me a big smile, picked up the gift bag from the counter, walked over to where I sat with twinkling eyes and continued, "It wasn't easy, but this year, I got you fur's."

I am looking at the small sized bag and wondering if he fianally carried out his joke about making me a muff from his "trot line" for mice. A mouse muff....ick! It's not a big enough bag for a real fur unless it's just a stole rolled up really small....

He let us all have time enough to speculate what kind of fur would fit in such a small bag then reached into the bag, rustled around to find what he wanted and pulled out a small, tissue wrapped package, looked me right in the eye and said, in a deep south accent, "Dis is fur you, " and handed it to me.

He reached back into the bag and with a flourish worthy of a magician, pulled out a second package and repeated, "Dis is fur you, annnunnd," he put that one in my lap then he lifted out a larger gift, "Dis is fur you!" and popped it into my lap by the second one.

We had been cracking up since the first "fur". By the time he got to the last one we were in full chorus, laughing and smiling. I knew he couldn't have gotten me real furs and I didn't feel a need for them but I loved the "fur" he chose to give me, laugh-fur!

My very favorite thing to do is crack a new book, make a pot of strong coffee and nibble on a box of candy while I read in a comfy chair. There was a dark roast sample pack of coffee, The complete Narnia in one book and a small box of dark chocolates.

The kids send me this combo when nothing else jumps up and bites them for me and I always set aside an hour or two in the evening to indulge it fully. One of the things that is difficult when you are someone who has everything you ever wanted is finding a gift you can enjoy. The mate and I both were in that boat. We didn't need anything material.

So what the mate was going for with this gift was just to show he remembered the day and to give me something I never had enough of, smiles and laughter. I can't think about the way he went into his best southern drawl to get the phrasing to work or the look on his face as he presented me my gifts without at least smiling.

Along with loving me everyday, he made me feel happy and brought laughter to my life. Some of it will always be there for me to draw on in the future. Whether it was by telling me funny jokes or telling me how crazy he was about me, he made me smile at least once a day.

Now I am reaching for the smiles he left me to paste over my face till I can find new ones to wear. Tell someone you love them, compliment someone today, make someone feel good and laugh out loud. It will last so much longer than a gift of material goods or money and costs you nothing.

So, from the mate's emails to me I have one for all of you today.

Hello, and welcome to the mental hospital hotline.......

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 969696969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number and mothers maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 000.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9. If you have short term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to YOU.

If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down & cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.

If you want to speak to a supervisor please press 7734 on a digital calculator and turn it upside down to find out where you can reach them.

Are we smiling now?

PS, I was working on a website for a friend and looked over at the photo I keep by the machine of the mate and felt a big twinge of sad. Then I laughed out loud because in my head I heard, "It only hurts when I think about it" like the mate doing Rodney Dangerfield (said like 'it only hurts when I laugh...) and I realized I had been so into my work I had not hurt till I thought about it.....maybe you had to be here but I thought it was funny.