Oh, lucky me, I'm only cryin' once a day

Just because this one is such an oldie I wanted to stick in the rest of this verse so you get the context...
I'm so glad that I'm not like a girl I knew one time.
She lost the one she loved then slowly lost her mind.
She sat around and cried her life away.
Oh, lucky me, I'm only cryin' once a day.

Once a day - all day long - and once a night - from dusk till dawn. The only time - I wish you weren't gone - is once a day every day all day long.

I really wanted a title that reflected my confusion at some of the feelings I'm dealing with but this one just demanded to be the topic today.

I was at work Thursday when I got a weather update in the email. Storm coming. I watched out the window and when it got to looking really nasty I told the boss I had to go pick up the mate's death certificates (true) and took off about three. I went right to the store, got four gallons of drinking water and some other supplies, batteries and such then beat feet for the house. If I am getting stormed in, it's going to be where I know the ropes, not on the side of the road or in some shelter where I have to freak about the animals.

Something about the mate's life, either his army training or his innate sense that the would will screw you if it can, made him the kind of guy that always checked for exits, didn't sit with his back to the door and never put his eggs all in one basket. We have fuel oil heat, electric water heater and propane for the stove. We have wired and wireless phones. We have a full set of camping supplies, propane lantern, kerosene lantern, battery lantern, a little army stove that runs on gasoline, candles, flashlights, extra batteries, the whole nine yards.

The bottom of our freezer has a layer of containers of water. Throw one in the house freezer and one in the fridge area and your food stays cold. As it thaws it's drinking water.

At the bottom of the basement steps is a small and a large bucket stacked next to a shop broom.
With the power off the sump pump stops working and the water rises from two to eight inches depending on how long the power is off. Use the little bucket to fill the big bucket and you have flushing and cleaning water. When the power comes on you use the broom to empty the low spots of water.

Before the power even went off I had the candles located and on safe stands, the batteries in the flash lights, and the old standby portable am/fm by the window with a new battery in it. When it did go off around eleven thirty I just cracked the door on the oven and set it to 200 degrees, then crawled off to bed.

It was chilly in the morning but I got dressed and made a pot of coffee with the old pour through camp pot and checked out the news on the radio. The phones were still working so I even got online to get my email.

Once I called and found out we wern't due to get power back for three days I got the old blanket out and hung it over the living room door then closed off the bedroom and pulled the recliner into the dining room for a bed that night.

The rest of the day went fairly normally; let the dogs out , feed the dogs, let the dogs in, let the cats out, feed the cats, let the cats in, make some toasted bagels, only in the oven , not the toaster; write the bills, write the mate, write thank you's to yet more cards and gifts in the mail; read a book, repeat.

When the battery died on the computer I ran out and plugged it into the converter in the truck and recharged it so I could get on line to play some cards before bed, as is my new habit. The sun went down. I turned on the propane camp lantern for the extra heat as much as the light it gave, played spades in the zone till the battery ran down again then crawled into the recliner, snug under my hand crochet blankets with the dogs on the couch in the next room and a cat on my lap and one on top of the chair back.

Then I cried. I had been dribbling tears all day as each item brought into our home by the mate that let me cook, clean, stay warm, see after dark to read, keep the food cold, make hot food and hot water, flush and maintain our home was brought out to use. The last time we were without power was for four days and we had done it all together.

Last time we used our gear was to go camping in the U.P. this past summer with our friends and the neices and nephews and we had a great time , inspite of the rainy weather that weekend, and the flat tire on the bike trailer.

The last time I slept in the recliner was when I was so sick and lost my voice and I didn't want to keep the mate awake with my coughing. And he tucked me in. Sometimes when he fell asleep watching TV on the couch I couldn't wake him and I would tuck him in.

But I went through that day and the next, talking to people that called or that I called to check on or catch up with and got the job done. All by myself. Just fine, thank you.

It's one of the things that made our love so special. He didn't need me and I didn't need him. We both knew we could get by on our own.

Neither of us was rich so we were not in it for the money. No one would pick us for models, even for bike leathers, so it wasn't our looks, really. I found him the epitomy of male and he swore there was no one more beautiful than me, but it was only true between us, not on the social scale of beauty. While we both had skills the other lacked they could be found in the yellow pages in a pinch and someone hired to handle it. It's also what makes it so hard for me now and would have made it so hard for him to lose me.

For both of us to be happy every day we had to be together. That's all. It may be the best summation of "what true love is" ever written.

Apart, no matter how much fun we were having or what commitments we had, we were not happy in our hearts. But together, no matter what the world threw at us, we were happy and content knowing the partner was there if we needed them. That we were each others number one commitment and would drop the million we had just won and race to the rescue if the other one called. That was what we were all about. He was never second to anything in my life and I was always his number one consideration. And that is team work. Putting the team first.

So if to be happy I had to be with the mate it's only normal that without him I am unhappy. We hate normal.

The wonderful guys out freezing their noses off got us back to full power a day early. At almost midnight Saturday the lights came back on and stayed on. I dropped an email to the kids to let them know the pay per view for wrestling was on and then I started putting the house back the way it was supposed to be.

I restarted the furnace, reset the water heater, took down the blanket over the door, checked the pipes at every faucet for water pressure, then put away all the candles, flashlights, lamps and extra blankets I had gotten out and went to sleep in my own bed. But I was crying again because the mate made sure we had what we needed for all emergencies. He took such good care of me and still did even after he was not with me that I grieved for myself selfishly even though it was just the mate's love for me showing again.