love for two

Another long comment in reply to this post.

"Don't a lot of relationships lose that sexual spark after a while? ... after getting married or after being together long-term, that they never have sex anymore or that the sex gets boring...that's up there in the top 5 reasons why I'm not too eager to become betrothed... most of those couples stay together...just how important is sex in a relationship?...who hardly ever have sex anymore, maybe sex is not that important to them...how satisfying their relationship can be without an active sexual relationship?"

Look at all the questions! Whew! Most of them are on my list "Things no one ever told me". The rest are on the list of things I didn't understand when I was told. So I will try, but you may not get it. Put it on the list of "Things you will understand when you are older". Trust me, it's true.

Back when a "nympho" was lower than a whore, I was a nympho. I loved sex from my third lover on. With the first one we were both too inexperienced but willing to keep trying till we got it right. We never quite got it. The second one didn't care if I liked sex as long as I did what he wanted me to do, but the third one was the charm. He was a sweet man in BC who liked making women wild in bed and took the time to do it right - every time. Once I learned it could be like that I was a convert and preached hot sexual techniques to all that would listen. A lot of people owe their better sex education to that man!

I am only bringing this up to show that yes, sex was and still is important to me. As you get older and the hormone balance changes you will not be so driven to have sex every night. It won't matter if you are in a long term relationship or still single and willing, it just isn't on the program with a bullet anymore.

When you do marry I think it isn't bored as much as loving and trusting your mate that seems to slow down the frequency of sex. The sex is so much better when you both love each other that it takes more out of you and takes longer to build up the strength for the next round. You drop to once a day, then every other day, then a few more days between sex. What you learn is that your mate is not off seeking sex because you skipped a few days, building trust and increasing your love and respect. This gets reflected in even more intense love making and you have to wait longer to go again.

The couples stay together because of the love and trust they have built with each other. They know their mate will be there, no matter what. They make love when they feel like it and don't worry if a week goes by with no sex because not a DAY has gone by without LOVE.

When things get boring it is a lack of communication. There are plenty of things people want to try to do in bed but have been afraid to try for fear of seeming weird or making themselves vunerable. Share a fantasy or two, implement them, whoo hoo! Build more trust, deepen the love and the boring goes away.

Most bed partners are not mind readers. Over time my mate has picked up on my body cues and I know his well enough that we rarely have to say anything, we just adjust a tad or change to the next step from experience. It feels like mind reading now but we have both had to TALK ABOUT what pleased us and what didn't at one time or another. He finally explained to me how to make him dance to my hand. I had it wrong all these years.

The cure for not so hot sex is communication, at any stage in a relationship. "A little more to the left" is not a critizism, just helpful info. Many people have never read a book on the opposite sex. They make love the way they have taught themselves by experience. Most new lovers won't risk the relationship with their new friend with "suggestions" on satisfying them. That means you get no feed back to refine your actions. You don't learn anything.

Don't be afraid to tell a partner what pleases you or turns you off. Mostly it is just letting your partner honestly know that the timeing is off, or the pre-heat isn't finished or whatever. Don't just lay there and suffer, speak up, gently, and teach them how to love you better. The better it is for you the more satisfying it is for them, and visa-versa, a positive circle of experience.

To enhance any mating, don't take the clothes off so quick, neck till your hot-hot, then use massage to wake up the bodies. When you are really hot the level of connection it higher. Try toys. Explore. Mostly though, you will find the most improved enjoyment comes from better understanding each others bodies and needs.