Jan 8 - Love hurts

I used to think I had things pretty rough. In my younger years it seemed like every time I took a step forward an avalanche knocked me three miles back. I couldn't figure out WHY? I thought I was doing the right things and taking the right actions to become more self sufficient but I kept getting knocked to the ground.

Some people can put themselves in another's place well enough to know what they really feel. Some can't. Then there are shared experiences that most people can relate to easily, chicken pox, embarrassment, first dates, learning to ride a bike, things that most kids did and you understand from experience.

So why do bad things happen to you? Someday you are going to meet someone in need of aide, comfort or advice. You will find some experience that may have seemed strange to you at the time, almost exactly fits the situation this person is in. You will have the understanding of where they are emotionally and the advantage of knowing how you solved the problem to help them deal with their current situation.

I call it the "I stepped on a 4" nail." theory of communication. You are talking to someone and they say, "and THEN I stepped on a nail and it went right through my shoe..." If you have ever stepped on a nail your body quivers in remembered pain and you immediately understand what they felt in that situation. You say,"Oh,that really HURTS! I did that! My mom took me right to the ER. What did you do?"

This says you understand and your quest for information (to learn if there is another or better way to deal with the event) encourages further communication on the topic. You both click, grow a little closer because you understand each other a little better and share your ways of dealing with the incident.

If you haven't ever stepped on a nail you say, "Wow, that must have hurt!"It shows them you have no concept and usually the subject changes.

If you can take the pain from a similar experience, apply it to your foot and relate to what they just told you, then you grimace and say,"That must have hurt worse than the time I feel off my bike and my hand came down on apiece of glass! I had to pull it out before I could ride home. What did you do?"

This is putting yourself in their place, comprehending what they feel even though you haven't done the same thing and seeking further information on how the situation was dealt with by them. More communication and a click between you.

If you have never hurt yourself, you CAN NOT truly relate to how the other person felt. Truth. It means you can't help others through the maze of hard life experiences very well. Ergo - the more of life's good and bad you experience the better you can relate to more people and their joys or problems.

You can't help others by remembering just the good things in your life.