Hey it's good to be back home again

Tuesday my friend, Saur, wrote her views on giving and charity. The comments were interesting and I got way too long on mine so am posting it here.

I rarely give to large charities. I think they spend more on overhead than on the needy. I start with charity at home, helping the kids, the sister's kids and the mom or grandmas out. What is extra I give to people I know will use it as I ask, the local family violence shelter is a favorite as they use the money my way - for the kids. The grown ups got into the mess they are in, the kids get dragged along. I hate that. I gave to them for the holidays and I am doing my little girl this year, too. I give what I feel is right, what is done with it is that persons decision. I don't fret the small stuff.

I was on the street and pregnant once. I had a place to sleep but if not for the spare change of strangers I would not have been able to keep it. My husband was a loser and I was too pg to get a job. I spent most of it went to rent and food. The husband took the rest.

Even if they are buying drugs it brings them what they define as happiness. While I don't want to see them strung out I don't want them hungry either. The Homeless Guy has good guidelines on giving to the homeless on his blog.

I will be the first to say that there should be limits to giving. Perhaps what I mean is limits to "bailing out". My second serious relationship and my second husband had one thing in common. Their family; Mom, brother, Dad, sis or whoever, NEVER let the suffer the consequences of their problem spending. If they were short on food, food arrived. Ran out of gas? Gas money cometh. Need new jeans, here pick up a pair. No, don't worry about it, just get some decent clothes. I'll catch you later. The family bailed them out of everything.

This is a bad situation. No, I don't want my kids to sleep in their cars but they have to learn to pay the rent. I have told them, showed them and taught them. If they choose to mis-spend their funds they have to deal with the consequences.

I have helped my kids, most of them, over one hump or other in their lives financially. I will do so in the future. Not one of them takes it for granted that I will always be able to help. I have had to say no some times. They do not expect me to always get them over the problems they have, they do know that if I can help I will in most cases.

I will not give them money for laptops or toys when they need to pay the bills. I will not leave them hungry when the money doesn't stretch but I know they are trying to make ends meet. It's a hard line to walk.

Both of the men I had with loving, caring families would have been better for learning that if the milk is gone you do without until payday.

The people on the streets, for whatever reasons they are there, are in too deep to get themselves back out. Depression, fear, abuse, mental illness, drugs and just plain broke and can't get a job are all made more difficult to escape from when you have no shower, no proper rest, no neat clothes to wear to an interview. Even a temp service has some standards and most homeless people can't meet them without help.

I can do little here to help but what I can do I have and will continue to. For me, keeping kids in school is one way to keep them from ending up on the street because "No one understood me at home and I couldn't live there anymore".

What do you all think?