When there are clouds in the sky you'll get by

Which you do. But it doesn't hurt to have a little help from your friends. I have now relocated 2 of the 5 I am looking for. They have all wandered through their own trials and tribulations and it's nice to see we have all been surviving.

I have been feeling a little neglected and, yes, hurt by my (read "our") current friends. Maybe I should not be. I could be just too sensitive right now. And I might be expecting too much of people. It just seems like out of all our friends at least one of them would have come by to see me. I have had three or four calls in the last 47 days and all of our friends at the memorial and otherwise have offered the standard, "If you need ANYTHING, call me." But not one has come to see me.

When the mate and I first got together many of his friends thought he was nuts to even want me, much less commit to me. Some of them made us feel like divorce was catching. Twenty years later they had all gotten over it and became my friends, too, I thought.

I never had those problems with my friends. I just told them I was going to marry the guy and could they not see me for awhile because of early relationship jealousy problems. They knew I was still their friend but had to put the mate first and most understandly hugged me good bye. Which is why I have to hunt to find them now...LOL.

I feel like I have an undiagnosed illness. Is it death that is catching or is it being the single half of a former couple I have? I have never treated our friends in a way to make them think I would behave inappropriately with any of them and it makes me feel bad that not even my woman friends have visited me since the memorial service to see how I am or to just have coffee and talk. Or just to play a game of crib.

It's true I have had great family support but you all know that family is different from mates and different from friends your own age. I feel abandoned.

Do they really think that I am so 'strong' that I don't feel a need for comfort or encouragement from them? And I did ask for time to meet with some of them, they won't even email me back...perhaps I am just a reminder of their loss and they can't bear to see me. Seeing them with him not there is hard for me, too. But do I have to lose all of them along with the mate? That will really hurt. It would leave me with no back up team of my own. It would hurt my heart, too, to never see them again.

It's not like I don't understand that coming to the house with the mate not in it anymore isn't difficult, but I do it every day after work. I can't think what to do to make them more comfortable here. I have said I would meet them somewhere else or go to their places. I just don't feel like I can if they don't invite me. And even the ones I have asked haven't invited me.

Do all widows and widowers deal with this? Am I just weird or can one of you shed some light on this topic. It's not really a problem yet, but I could have used a friendly voice several times in the past weeks. I am feeling the lack. I am not indestructable, and I am really not so very strong. I have just had no other option. No one to turn to about the bike, the guns or the furnace or the water heater or the guttering or for comfort and such so I do it myself. I just keep telling me I will be fine or - like mom would say - else!

It would have been nice to be able to consult with someone sometimes. But I feel like I am intruding if I ask them to help me. It might have been nice to get a hug from my friends. I guess I am just feeling like I can't handle it all alone sometimes, it just seems like too much to expect from one sad lady. But I keep doing it so I must be ok.

Right?