Pick yourself up, dust yourself off

and start all over again. It seems like that sometimes. Like I have to keep getting knocked down by the strenght of my feelings of saddness and grief just when I think I have it back under control. I feel like I have to keep grabbing for my bootstraps and pulling myself back together over and over. I feel too alone in a world of people together and don't have the mate here anymore to pick me up and help me dust off. I am grateful to have the supportive family and newly dug up old friends to turn to.

After I ripped the gypsies a new one and they got their shit straight Monday, I played the guitar, it was screwed up somehow and needs fixed, so I gave that up and went to bed. The hormone season stuck me that night. (Tuesday, early am, FMI.) So yes, I raged at them during the full surge of my PMS/menopause. Tough. No regrets. It's fixed now.

When I got home Tuesday night the place was quiet, no car there, so they were gone. I got the roast beast out and heated it, set up lettuce leaves and tomato slices, condiments and etc. for dinner with the Sister, Mom and Cousin Kay before bible study. Kay was running late but Mom and Sis got there almost on the dot, for them.

We had just started eating when the dogs go off and the bgf, DD, the Mom and the short person of the gypsies come in the back door. I bit my tongue and introduced them. Now I had told DD that I was mopping because Tuesday was Bible Study...She forgot, of course. They were going to invite me to eat with them. I told them thanks, maybe another time. Mom got to meet Shorty and they left. I prayed for patience under my irritated breath. I hate eating in front of people and I hate hot food cold. I hate everything this week it seems and I hate THAT! It's not my normal attitude at all.

We had finished up King David's tales in Samuel 1 and 2. Because of the things I had tried to share from my NDE we were going to study John next, in the New Testament. We didn't make it through 8 verses in two hours. To read about the near death experience it's these three posts: 1, 2, 3 .

Normally I leave this stuff off the blog, it's not my job to tell anyone how to believe or to believe at all in gods, hell, fairies, or an afterlife. I have to work that out for myself. But someone asked me to try to write down what we talked about so he could read it later. I am putting it here on Good Friday. You are welcome to skip it if it bothers you.

They left and I tried to figure out the problem with the guitars, now they are both acting up. I gave up and worked my songs accapella then called it a night about eleven.

Yesterday I left work early to get to the bank before they closed. I went home and got the bike first so it was a hustle to make it on time. There was a message to call a friend of mine. She invited me to dinner for tonight (Fri.) I was trying to figure out how to cram in getting groceries, smokes, dinner and going to hear the band again. I said yes, anyway, because I could blow off chores and just do dinner and the band if I had to. I got old blue out and she started right up. It was beautiful out and I didn't get wet. I still made the bank on time, then I raced home to feed the animals and change vehicles.

I had a dinner date with the mate's nephew and his girl at their new home. He is just so proud of himself right now. This is the boy that got to skip the last month of classes in automotive repair. He got a job with one of the biggest car dealers in the area. It starts at a low rate of pay and is doing oil changes to start. But if he is advanced according to his abilities he will be moving up soon, I predict. He likes the work, they have their own place now and they are happy. I was loving listening to him because he sounded so positive and upbeat.

The kid has had it rough and he is doing this on his own with a little help from his Dad for tools. I love watching the self confidence develop in him. His girl works in security and they are close enough to working the same shift that there is part of everyday for them to be together. The white boxer female they got from us at Christmas is doing well and a great little guard dog/entertainer. It was a fun time.

We had a nice dinner and visited after for awhile. They are back in BFE on a nasty dirt drive and winter worn gravel roads. I wanted to leave while it was light out and was glad I brought the little 4WD. He loves the place because he has a shed for his tools and it is the last place on the drive so working on cars at home won't cause trouble with the neighbors.

I got home about nine and was just too tired to care. I got the laundry started, skipped the music and pouted at the guitars. I broke out my collection of mysteries and read for awhile then went to bed. No big whoop, but no stress from the gypsies, either. I had a little trouble this week making myself go right home but made a call to a friend and talked myself through it.

It's just been really busy and my head is spitting out songs and what if's on the spiritual level faster than I can write them down. A couple of them are even good, I think. What isn't getting posted here is the conversations in my head that seem to be running 24/7 right now. I am still pretty blue but I made it through another week. That gives me hope for making it through the next one.

When I realized this morning that today was Good Friday I decided I am only working part of the day. I had two calls to return and one order to take care of and the phone has only rung once
in three hours. I think I will hit the boss for a full day paid for working me a holiday. LOL.