There ain't nothing like the real thing, Baby

Or maybe there is....











What do you expect from a woman dressed like the one on the left? Or from the man on the right? For me, the lady is a spy trying to lay low and the guy is goofy so I expect humor and fun. But the one is a sketch and the other a cartoon...why would I expect anything from 2D objects? Does my mind think they are real? Don't know. I know they are created objects, I still have expectations of them.

Brains are funny things. I don't even begin to understand how they work. And is a brain the same as a mind or is a mind what the brain processes produce? You never say, "There's something on my brain." or, "My mind hurts." Are they two things or one?

I do know that the mind can do funny things. I believe the brain can do way more than we use it for, too. My eldest got a migraine one afternoon when she was about 17. It was not a "get out of school free" headache, she had just gotten home, it was a crying, blinding pain in her head. I had nothing in the house for that kind of pain but I knew she had already taken the OTC stuff we had to no avail.

What to do? CRAP! Think! You're The MOM, you have to fix this! I thought. I had been the victim of a viscious toothache earlier in the month. ....hmmm. Those pills were gone, but the bottle wasn't. I told her to hang on a minute, ran to the bathroom and put a giant vitamin pill into the painkiller bottle, filled a glass with water and raced back to her.

"I have one left of the pain pills from the dentist. This is 100 mg. of ______, and it's very powerful stuff because I am resistant to medication. He based the dose on my weight. You are smaller than I am so I am going to give you half, which may be a little too much for your size. It should kick in pretty quickly, like fifteen minutes. If that doesn't work say, in an hour, you can have the other half." I had been spliting the pill with my pocket knife as I spoke and held out half of it to her.

She lifted her head and winced, snatched the pill, popped it in, took the water and washed it down. I made her a cold rag for her head and sent her back to her dark room to try and rest.

In an hour she was back up and doing homework while I finished making dinner. When she came out of her room I asked her how she felt. "I'm a little woosie from the pill, you know, like, lightheaded and floaty feeling, but it doesn't hurt anymore. That was good stuff!"

"I'm just glad it worked. I hate migranes. Let me know if it comes back and you can take the other half."

And I smiled as I cooked, thanking all the gods and goddesses for the kindness to my child. I had risked having to take Eldest to the doctor later if it hadn't worked but she always stressed out so easily that I was pretty sure that getting her to relax would fix her up. I never told her till years later what I had done. Then she didn't believe me.

Then today I found this article that says expectations can trigger physical healing. It made me wonder what else expectations can do. What do humans expect?

I have always expected my kids to behave in certain ways, to do things I did when I was, perhaps, too young to do them myself then, to be true to themselves and honest with people. I expected them to do chores and help with the house work when the mate and I both worked. Yes, and still do their homework! What a meanie I was!

Then I have watched other families where the 11 yr. old male was only allowed to make cold spread sandwiches and eat them with a glass of water because he wasn't allowed to use the stove or microwave, a knife to cut meat or the bread, or pour from a gallon jug. His parents didn't expect him to be able to do these things.

I have seen kids told they couldn't climb trees or ride bikes out of the yard. I have seen moms doing tons of wash in a home with teen agers because the kids were not allowed to use the washer and dryer......these parents didn't expect anything from their children and I think they got what they expected. Kids that didn't do anything for themselves and expected others to always be there to do it for them.

At least in the first case I know the boy grew up thinking he couldn't do anything complicated or dangerous. He believed he was too clumbsy and stupid. He got past that in time, but it took years to get the confidence in himself to try things, like driving a car, that most kids would have done years sooner.

If you are tall enough to reach the buttons you can run a washing machine or reach a sink to do dishes. When you can depress the brake on the mower you are ready to learn to ride it and mow. If you can reach the handle release on the vaccuume you are ready to clean carpets. When everyone works together to do chores they are done more quickly and that leaves more time to play cards, Nintendo, or watch TV as a family. All, of course, IMHO.

I feel that if you expect your kids to help and expect your kids to learn that they will feel if you believe it, it must be true, so they do help and they do learn. My kids were not allowed to call anyone stupid. We allowed ignorant and they knew what both words meant very young. Ignorance can be fixed by teaching and learning, so it wasn't a bad word. When kids said "Stupid!" they meant too dumb to learn and most kids really are NOT stupid - unless you have told them they are until the believe you.

I have also found that if you expect people to behave in a certain way, they will. I worked a lot of service jobs but I expect to be treated like a human being and with basic courtesy. Even my drunkest customers would say please and thank you and excuse me to me because I expected it. I just can't hear you if you are bellowing, "Hey baby! Bring me a beer!" rudely. New people learned fast because the regular customers would be laughing at them. One of them would take pity on the new guy and say, "Try - Excuse me, Val, may I have another draft?" It always made me smile. Two drinks or eight drinks drunk, my people were polite to me! I expected it.

So for the weekend - have you ever used a placebo yourself or for someone else? Did it work?
and what do you expect from your kids? Do you think your expectations for a relationship affect how it turns out or not?

Jump right in the comments and tell me what you think. I'll see you all on Monday!