I don't want to get over you

Round two last night. Till midnight we sat on the patio looking at the stars, listening to the really crappy hard rock garage band 3 blocks over and trying to communicate. The first partner had helped fill in the second partner so we could skip some of the pain and get to their view of the eruption. I did my best to put myself in their place. It was full of pain. Ick!

They are both unsure of themselves and lacking in trust with each other, that's hard to rebuild but it was there when they launched this enterprise and I think they can have it again. Thing is that I keep thinking up things that might have helped clear up the murk but couldn't think of at the time. I hate that!

You both recognize where things went wrong, to the second, to the incident and you both still love each other. People rarely can forgive but they can forget. Where were you last year on this day? (no checking on the blog to see!) What were the names of the hurricanes that mashed Florida last year?

Go back to loving each other, be trustworthy and loyal and you will both forget the bad times some day if you put enough good times between you and them.

You have to give up things that please your self sometimes to have the joy of a contented relationship. It's called a sacrifice or compromise.

The mate gave up almost all male only entertainments because I enjoy so many of them and object to being excluded by sex. (fishing, hunting, bowling) I gave up almost all playing gutiar and singing in public because he hates bar crowds and worries I will run off with a muscian. Neither of us regrets this.

He still hits one once in a while and I still go to the odd jam session or kareoke event. We revel in our love and caring and knowing the partner cared enough for us to give up something that can hurt us. The reason we still do these things sometimes is we love each other enough to want the partner to have fun without us - just not every night or even every week.

Do the math! A is fun. B is not fun. C is happy and loved for the rest of your life. It's easy - A- B= C. When you define what a "B" is for you, tell your mate. Then you can work it out together. Don't just stew over it! Don't wait, it just festers. Work it out now!

If X=pain and Y=happy and U + 2=X, U+3=X, U+4=X U+5=X but U+1=Y what have we learned? That you are not happy without the one and no one else equals happiness for U!

And when U and the 1 have created Y treasure it! Notice it! Say thank you for the loving action, bringing me a drink when you go to the kitchen, hugging me when you walk past, taking out the trash so I don't have to get up early and do it, helping with the baby so I can sleep in, keeping the house neat so I can always be comfortable when someone drops in, all the tiny things in a day that mean you love each other.

When you give positive feed back they want to please you again and you want to please them again to get the head pats! You are nicer and nicer to each other and pretty soon your friends start staying away because you are so mushy it makes them feel like they just waded through maple syrup.

Everyone makes mistakes. Not everyone has the guts to try and repair them. It's not easy, it won't be quick or painless, but if you stick to it you can succeed. Loving enough to try IS a good start.

1+1=3 - It's not just sex math, it's relationship math. You are yourself, the partner is themself but the two of you create a new unit called "us". The team, the family.

Sometimes you have to "take one for the family". Your mate has to spend time fixing the car when they are supposed to be with you or you have to work late to make enough extra money to meet the bills. It means the other partner has to deal with being alone, doing extra chores and can leave you both feeling pouty or neglected but is for the good of the family.

So pout childishly and quietly to yourself and try to be glad you have the kind of mate that cares enough to save you money by fixing the car or being at work when they would rather be home with you. Take the guy working on the car a cold beverage and pull up a lawn car to chat while they work. Make a special meal for the worker to show them you appreciate them and ask for a back rub later. We all know where a good back rub leads!

Above all do not worry about what other people think of you, all that is important is that you are happy together. "Mrs. Grundy" has always loved a good soap, even if it's not the truth.

And if you need help, just ask for it. Some one in this loving family will try to see you get what you need. There is no shame in needing a hand.

Be yourselves, be honest with yourself and each other, love each other and all the rest will come in time. I am proof of that. We are proof of that.

NowI have done all I think I can for them I am at the hard part - waiting to see if they pull out out hit the side of the mountain.....grrrr!