If I get drunk and sing all night long

it's a family tradition. Yup. Only usually I sing sober. I don't drink and drive. Usually. And I wasn't drunk, just happy. And I ate lots of food and I had coffee in the car. But it was a Party!

Friday night disappeared in a fog of sleep. I came home about six, got the email and went to bed. I slept until ten of the clock! Some nap! When I got up I felt that heavy, groggy feeling you get with too much or not enough sleep so I checked online again and then went back to bed. It wasn't any easier getting up early to leave by nine thirty from the sister's place, nine of the a-m here. Ick! But this was the cousins I have been wanting to pow wow with and so I dragged my butt out, showered, dressed, packed the food and the guitar and got rolling down the road.

The day was lovely but hot. The mom met us almost on time and the sis and her mate were ready to roll. They lead most of the way up and I jumped in front for the detail up close. I had been there before. We had a little tire trouble. Seems the sis's car had had the tires rotated but they got loose confused with tight. Once the BIL snugged his bolts back down we were good.

I took them to the closest cousin's home because Mom hadn't seen her in years and I knew they would love some one on one time before the crowds. We hung out and watched the CIL hanging siding. I was paying attention because I have some that needs replaced or something. From the hugs and stories there we continued to the park with photos and people I hadn't seen in 14 years or better. The crowd grew and I knew very few of who was whom's because I just haven't seen them in so long. The Aunt that held these shindig's passed on a few years ago and the last one I got up to was at her place when #1son was 16 or so.

It was good to get caught up with everyone and the old photos had memories for us in them. Those that have gone before, that used to host the parties and gathering, those we have loved and been loved by and those that we miss so badly were all in the pictures and still in out hearts.
You can't pick your family but you can learn to love them the way they are. And if you can't love yours or you lose them you may be able to find another family to love and be loved by. But I have a great family and I know the importance of family in your life. Mine, on both parents sides, cover the range from preachers to snake oil salesmen (A great great uncle!) to out right screw ups or saints and all the possibilities in between. What they all have is heart. Not the kind that gets your blood going around, the kind that cares about others. Other people's kids, other owner's pets, others in need, and each other.

The stories are not mine to tell but I know that if I am really all the way at the bottom, and I can find them to ask for their help, they won't leave me in the cold. Even after 13 years or 20 years of little contact, the connections we had as children together or as young adults together are still solidly hooked into our hearts. My extended family are not even close to perfect. We cover all the bases for vices and bad habits, it just is how people are. Having a bad habit does not make you a bad person. I don't think there is a genuinely mean one in the bunch.

There is in fighting and people that agree to disagree now might have fought it to the death ten years before. Some aren't currently getting along with one or the other. It all works out eventually. But we all know we are the people we are today because of the things that were so hard in our earlier lives and that we got through them because of the family that helped us. We value our people, life, and happiness. I don't think any of us is rich, some of us have more than others, but we don't count the cash, just the love we share.

Saturday there was drinking and singing and story telling and basketball, baseball, volleyball and frisbee. There was another guitar guy there and the sis and I got some lovely harmonies working with him! A couple youngers got loose of the olders and had to be hunted out of the woods, the new driver had to be parked at Mom point, short people had to be watched, all the usual stuff a large group of many ages is going to have to deal with and it was all just living large.

And the food, of course, was in over abundance and beautifully prepared to boot. I love it when there are more desserts than main dishes! It was too hot, not enough shade, nice breeze, lots of talk time and too far to drive, too long to wait for the last one to get there and then over too soon. The day needs more hours for sharing in it.

The core group I went especially to see were mostly there, we lacked two of theirs and two of ours of making a full circle. It's ok. We had a chance to really commune and comfort and love each other on a beautiful day. God bless them all and may we do it again soon.

I found new friends in people I remembered as children and saw their children making connections that would bring them together in 20 years to look at photos from this day and remember those of us that would then be gone or too feeble to go. The bond of love that has been passed on to them will bring love and comfort to them for years and years after we are all gone and that brought me peace in my heart.

Every one of them means something special to me. And some confusion from the past was cleared away that I hope let them know I cared about them always, I am just not strong enough to take a hurt to the heart and I ran from the pain. I was young then and didn't know how else to handle a pain except to get away from it. They had to stay and deal. I wish I had been strong enough to do that, too. I am ashamed I was not. I think they will forgive me. I believe they do.

We all still have things to face yet; illness, death, disasters, angers, hurts, and whatever else life throws our way; but we can handle it as a team if we just work to keep the bond strong.

My team let me drift home with them in the dark and sit on a truly rural porch with fingers too sore to play another note and tell them of my hurt and confusion. I got to share how lost I feel and how I long for the comfort of a partner even though I have no hope of finding another that is as close a match as my mate. And they knew what I felt. Understood and let me see it a different way that made me feel like maybe I can stay here and maybe I can enjoy life really, not just pretend to have fun to not hurt those around me.

The words were there but the hugs were what said it all. All the hugs that said we care, hang on, it will get better. For all the hard things in life, humans cling together to get through them. I don't cling well but I really needed someone stronger to hold me up - even for just a minute was good - because I was so tired of trying to stand alone.

Family. My family. All of them have been propping me up through their own pain. They are all truely priceless, especially my kids and grands that have been right here for everything I needed of them, the Mom and Sis that come every week to cheer me again. They all have problems and the kids miss the Mate as badly as I do. They are the one's that know I do what I think needs doing the way I think it needs done and understand why I have to. They don't think I am strange and different, they KNOW I am - because they are the same way. LOL!

I am proud to be part of that family, the ones I see all the time and the people I only see rarely. However wild we might get, whatever the neighbors say, no matter what the rest of the world would rank them at, I know they are made of the stuff that is what America was built from - plain old grit. They are tougher than braided four penny nails and tougher than I am and I am no slouch. I was amazed at the strength of this group but I could see it was the folded steel forged in fire love that would never quit. The same kind my sisters and I want our kids to learn about that we learned from our elders and peers.

I can't tell you how proud I was to be included and welcomed there. Salute! to family.