O, Sweet Mystery of Life, how you confound me

Ok, I butchered it, the title line I mean. I get confused though, at life. The last story was about just one of the little weird things I have done - for no apparent reason - that travel into my future and affect me, one way or the other, when I thought it was just a passing fancy or strange urge; Like a craving for something.

You might remember that I made a delivery for the boss a couple weeks ago. I quit doing deliveries years ago because he was not reimbursing me for the gas. This customer was also a friend and he really needed the parts. I OFFERED to make the delivery.

I was meeting the customer at a set of golden arches in a nearby town. When I found a shady spot to park I noticed that there was a guy sitting on the verge in the shade of a tree. His bag of neatly rolled trash showed he had eaten. Rolling a Bugler cigarette by hand showed that his budget was, most likely, limited. His tidy shirt and jeans showed he was careful of his clothes. He wasn't a movie star, but lean, blondish, younger than me but looking old around the eyes. Sad.

Because I had to wait I popped the door on the truck and got my knees in the breeze. I lit a smoke and we greeted each other. Then we got to talking. He told me a lot of his story while we waited. I walked over and joined him. I told him some things. The customer came about twenty minutes later and I got the parts to him. The guy was waiting for his ride so I stayed until they showed up. We talked some more. When I had to go I told him I thought I would like to see him again and he said that would be good. We exchanged phone numbers and I drove off wondering what I was doing.

He lives in the Big City and I live way off in the sticks so I had explained I didn't get up that way much but he could call me if he needed someone to talk to. I would give him a ring if I was up that way. That was it. I went home, thinking I am really strange - meeting men in parking lots and I wondered, if I was going to do that, why I wasn't hanging out at truck stops, too? I didn't had a reason to call him and he didn't call me, I thought. But at work there were a couple hang ups on the messages. We get them from our older customers so I thought nothing of it.

Sunday I got a call back on a bed I had checked on from a local ad. It was still available and just what I wanted AND a very good price. The bad news was that it was in the Big City. We made arrangedments to meet where I would not get lost to do the swap. I got the neighbor kid to help me take the topper off the white truck, put it on again later, haul my scrap pile away - PLUS take away my old bed. They were sleeping on a mattress on the floor. What a deal!

#1Son agreed to meet me to help with loading the bed and to be my back up on the deal. I don't trust many and in the city I trust even fewer. It could have been a set up. It made me feel safer to have him there with me.

I got enough cash to pay for the bed and treat the boy and family to dinner. The swap went well. The bed was very secure in the truck when we were done and I thanked the boy and the guy I got the bed from then wandered off toward home - NOT.

The boy and wife had eaten already. I had not had dinner and was hungry. As soon as I thought, food, a little voice in my head said, "Call parking lot guy". Actually, the voice used his name. If you don't know already, this a weak spot for me - I don't do well with names. I forget them as fast as you say them, even if I am straining to remember them. They just fall out of my head somehow. So the fact that the idea came with a name I hadn't looked up first surprised me.

I talked back to myself. He hasn't called, he might not even want to see me, I hate driving in the city, what if I don't have the number with me and the voice is going, take him to dinner, don't worry about it, you can do it, yes, it's in the notebook in your purse....and I'm like, OK! Let me pull over first, at least! Which I did. I called the number and asked for him but he was outside. I was talking with an older male who just started giving me directions like I should come right over. I explained I didn't know if I should, that I had only met the guy once and he said, 'So come ask him." LOL! Sounded like me talking to me!

What could I do? I went. The worst that could happen is the guy brushed me off. I was in for a whole pound now. I just wrote the rest of the night off to "adventure time" and "God money" and went into Indian time mode. I was part way there when the cell phone rang and it was the guy. He got me the rest of the way there. So I guess he did want to see me.

When I asked him out to dinner on the phone he started to tell me he was broke and I told him I was flush, my treat. By then I was there. He came out to meet me in the driveway. We felt awkward, strangers meeting for the first time awkard. He told me he had called the shop twice but felt uncomfortable leaving messages. I told him that was ok, the boss was used to me doing my business from work because I am there all through business hours. I made a mental note that there had been two hang ups on messages. He was not lying to me to be polite. That was a good thing.

I got out and we started dicussing where we would eat. On a Sunday and a holiday weekend it was iffy. We just drove off pointed at at place that should have food. I almost got a gyro but the Greek place was closed. After finding every place that closed early or was closed for the holiday we ended up at a place across town where I used to eat at when the kids were little. It's just a small place with authentic Mexican food and a good house wine, as I remembered. Their sangriea was excellent. The service was fine. Our talk was ok but a little slow, kind of shy and stilted. I was quiter than usual because I was fighting with an "urge" in my head the whole time. He just doesn't talk much and I think he's a little shy, maybe.

The thing I was fighting was that I had this idea or urge that I was suppose to lend this guy a car and give him some cash, a specific number of dollars, way higher than smokes and coffee. This was not what I would normally do for a total stranger. I have family I wouldn't loan my car! Me and the voice/urge went round and round.

That is my back up car. Many people don't have a car at all, why did I need two? I don't even know this guy, maybe he's junkie and will just sell it for dope! So? If you don't need it anyway what's the problem? What if I need it. Call and get it back. How is he going to feel about this, driving a Stranger's car? Why don't you ASK him? What about not owning anything only using it? Why shouldn't he use it? I could sell it for more money. Do you need the money? How can you use two trucks at once? Well, I had me on that one, I only have one butt to haul around.

But I couldn't make myself do it. I kept fighting it. I'd have to take him to my home to give it to him, what if he is a nut case and goes over the top on me? Rape, murder, thieves, Lions and tigers and bears, oh my! You know he is not, you have talked to him for hours now. What if I'm wrong, I've been tricked before! Trust me, have I ever steered you wrong? Trust YOU! What about the mate? How do you know that wasn't for the best? Maybe he would have been worse off staying there. Oh, ya? I'm worse off! Do you know that for sure? Well, no. Would you like to have to take care of a mindless body the rest of your life? It could have ended like that. Ok, point taken.

But how am I supposed to tell a man I JUST met I want to let him use my wheels and how do I explain it? Tell him about the sissors. I can't do this! Yes, you can. What about the money, that's a lot of money for me!? I still have guttering to get and kids to pay! Don't you always have enough money? Well, I guess so. At least the bills are paid and I have gas money left over most of the time. So what about it? I've got you covered, don't I? This was not working out the way I wanted it to. I was losing an argument that was probably with myself.

The man and I chatted some more over our drinks and then headed out the door as they were closing. As we walked down the street to the truck I told him, "I don't what to offend you by offering you money, but I have to." I handed him a bill, not the amount the "urge" wanted and I said nothing about wheels. I told him I knew what being broke was like and that people in my past had helped me out so I was just passing on some of the kindness. He accepted gracefully the tiny amount I offered and I felt like things would be ok then.

There. I had done my part, hadn't I? Home safe now? Then my mouth opened and I said, "If you would like to come to my place for the holiday, just to get out of Dodge for a while, I have a spare room upstairs. You would be welcome." ACCKKK!

I clamped my mouth shut, I was NOT going to say another word. I unlocked his door and went around to get in my side, noting no one had stolen the bed while we ate. We were on our way before he said, 'Sure, I'd like that.' and next thing I knew I was committed to coming to get him Monday night around seven and doing dinner again. Well, now I was in for it, because if I didn't say something then that would be three and, maybe, a whale if I didn't.

One of the jokes from our bible study is 'Watch out for the whale!' When we get told/urged to do something and don't do it the first time - but it doesn't go away - and we don't want to do it but it is the second time we are being "urged", we are supposed to remember that when Jonah didn't do what he was asked that, instead of sending someone else who was willing, God had a fish swallow him. ICK! So we say "Watch out for the whale!" to each other to encourage us to do whatever weird, strange, hard thing we are feeling like we are supposed to do. I was at this point now. The little bit I had given and the invite home were putting me at a count of "2". It was almost whale time.

I dropped him home and we talked in the driveway a while but I had to get going. I finally left and we planned to talk again soon. I didn't expect it to be on the way home. He rang my cell about 5 miles from home. He just wanted to make sure I got home safe. It gave me a warm, fuzzy in my tummy feeling that he was so thoughtful and that he even cared if I made it home. But I was losing service so we cut it short.

I unloaded the bed after I had run the sweeper and moved a few things. I tossed some bedding on it and the phone rang. It was him again. We talked for about an hour. I had to get some sleep and I had to work the next day. We hung up about two in the morning.

I felt a little better about what I was going to do. Yup, I was going to do it. Me and the urge had reached a compromise of sorts. I would bring him down and try to get him to relax, un-stress and talk. If I got no negative feed back from him I would OFFER to do as I was being "URGED" with a stick to do.

If the dogs didn't like him or the people we met got bad vibes or he got all strange on me, it was a "NO GO, HOUSTON, I have a red light." It's my way of double checking an urge as real. I call it fleecing. You can look up fleece in the bible for the story. AND I would OFFER, but he would have to accept. Maybe there was a way out of it while still TRYING to look like I was willing to do my part. Loopholes, I'm always looking for loopholes even when I know there aren't any.