Hints for Single guys

I love comments, I got a minute to review them today. These questions really got me going!

Why do women hold back or go so slow on relationships?
I think men are hard wired to procreate to the point that they can continue on to the next female easier than the female can take a risk on the next hunter/provider not working out. Men are trained from childhood to stifle their more tender emotions. To show pain is unmanly except in the most extreme circumstances. You don't dwell on the pain, you work to forget it quickly. This makes it seem like it is easier for you to go quickly on to the next woman.

Picking a mate for life is not the time to worry about instant physical gratification, either. Your sensitive side, if properly applied to the current problem, will tell you that a women can be frightened of things moving too quickly out of her intelligent control and into emotional hormone roller coaster mode. She may REALLY like you A LOT but can't relax and go with the flow yet.

So is she just a passing fancy or do you really want her forever? Only you know the truth. How much time and effort are you willing to put into having what you see as the correct mate for you? When it seems like you are ready to commit and she isn't yet try this; For perspective think "the rest of my life" and subtract the 60 days or whatever you have known the woman of your dreams. The time invested is tiny compared to the possible payoff!

The math for life applies here. "Is this going to be fun later?" If you lose this woman you can get another and start over. That might be fun. Or is this really THE ONE? If so losing her won't be any fun ever. If this is the case, it's time for a little finesse. Slow and gentle, like you are talking a kitty out of a very tall tree and off a little tiny branch. You have to make sure all the dogs are gone first. A little bowl of milk or a small piece of fragrant bacon would not out of line. You have learned a little about her, what she likes, use it.

Maybe it's not time for going whole hog, all guns blazing, into a heavy relationship for either of you. Being friends really is still an option. Tell her the things you like about her and enjoy doing with her (avoid physical attributes) that make you want to be HER friend and suggest that it might be nice if you had a coffee to talk it over and agree on what is fun for you both and what is not. Just sort of set some limits so you don't step past the boundaries of friendship and offend each other by by mistake.

How about a trip to (something she is interested in?) ? Some of us are going to the (museum, zoo, to see the lipizanner stallions, a play, something she would enjoy...) on the 00th? (at least two weeks ahead so you have time to set it up) Would you like to join us? (make it a mixed group of singles and couples - non-threatening)

Don't just give her carte blanc, set limits for her, too. She will believe you are trying to be a good friend. Like don't call me after 10 pm, I get up early or don't make me your phone call life line on who wants to be a millionaire, I don't know enough trivia and knowing I was on TV would freeze me, I couldn't answer anyway.

Or ok, can we talk on the phone sometimes? I could use a womanly perspective on (dating, cycling, life decisions, curtains for the bedroom). You can call me if you need help with the yard work, painting, a partner to the roller rink, a 4th in bridge, a bowling partner, whatever you feel a MALE friend would ask you to do. Is it ok if we go bike riding? How about shopping? I could use some advice on the gift for my sister. Is dinner out to date-ish?

If she comes right out and says she doesn't want to see you anymore. You will know where you stand, however painful it is and can start looking for a new mate. Or you might marry your best friend, I did.

Why am I able to deal with an ex who messed me up and she can't?

You are two different people, recovery times vary, even for open heart surgery. Men only have to impregnate to complete their mission as they are wired to do. A woman has to pick a man that will not only be fertile but protect her while she is gravid and guard the children as they grow.

Women just can't recover that quickly. They have to figure out what went wrong. If you use your more tender side you will realize she is picking a mate for forever and will take her time rather than be wrong again.

Picking so terribly wrong - even once -severely damages her confidence in her ability to choose correctly and she is very hesitant to try again. She will remain celibate rather than risk being unprotected or even physically mistreated when she is vulnerable in pregnancy. You will have to SHOW her you are better that the other guys and talk her into taking the risk with you by SHOWING you are steady, reliable, funny, responsible and care about HER happiness. It takes time to show these traits.

Or is this just another case of women and men not understanding one another?
See the "I stepped on a 4" nail." theory of communication.

People react to pain differently. In these kind of experiences only you react your way. I fight, maybe it's flight for you - intense wound licking drinking, comfort from your friends....you got over the first one and even if the second one "nails" you again you will survive and be a little more able to relate to others in pain.

A Quick point on History. If you are over 18 you have been down the love road before and had it yanked out from under you. You KNOW it won't kill you to fail.

Don't let one hemorrhoid spoil the joy you can have for the rest of your life. Get over it and move on as soon as you can. But if it's worth waiting for - WAIT - Don't push!