Running through the fire

It's the fourth bday without him. It has hit me hard. I have tried to love on here but have failed to connect in that permanent way with another man....

Having had love, knowing that the trust and joy is real, I have no real choice but to continue to seek it again.

But Sunday is going to be empty again this year.

If I could live backwards, I would - but I can't.

I can only know that if one love was real that all love can be real...

But this weekend I just wish.....I'm tired of failing.

He was my success...and I was his. I miss it.

With the dogs gone this building is an empty shell I inhabit for lack of a way to shed it.

I really need a hug.